A Death Note Carol
by Moonphase
Summary: On the eve before L's impending demise, Light receives a strange nocturnal visit from the last person he ever expected to see again. This visit may change life forever not just for Light, but all those around him.
1. Prologue: Darkness Falls

Summary: The night before L tests the 'Thirteen Day Rule', Light Yagami is visited by three spirits; Past, Present and Future all of whom are desperate to show him to error of his ways. Can they convince Light that Kira is wrong? Will Light change?

The plan was set.

Rem knew the danger Misa was in. Therefore Rem would be obedient.

The task force would never go against him.

By tomorrow afternoon, both Watari and L would be dead. And Light's New World Order could finally begin its progression with no serious obstacles.

Granted, he would have to deal with that fool Misa, but in return for Rem's cooperation, that annoying thorn in his side was worth dealing with in return for the death of his Adversary; his Loki; his Eurynomous; his Satan; his O' Yamma.

Light smirked as he went over the final details of his flawless plan.

The 'Great L', the 'three top detectives in the world', would fall at his feet. How Light would savour that moment! How he craved the destruction of the blasphemous, gluttonous, _ugly _demon.

Wrapping the duvet around his body, Light snuggled down in his bed for a good night's sleep.

At some point, the room became very cold.

Light, deep in slumber, began to inadvertently shiver. His breath could be seen in small, white puffs. His arms wrapped around his chest and his knees drew upwards. His teeth began to chatter, and his skin eventually began to discolour; a purple-blue tinge appeared on his lips as if he had been gently kissed by Death.

It was then that Light woke.

He frowned, understanding immediately that something was wrong: he was awake at night and it was unnaturally cold, despite the time of year. Whereas a normal person would still be groggy and confused, Light was instantly aware and focused. He slowly sat up and looked about him. A thin layer of ice had begun to creep across the floor and walls. His eyes, seeking out its origin, followed to where it was most concentrated. Sure enough, his gaze steadied on his bedroom door, which glistened in the darkness due to the thick frost covering it.

His frown deepened as he glanced to the window. Outside, the skies were heavy with clouds, hinting at an impending heavy downpour tonight or tomorrow. However, there was no ice outside or entering his room through what would have been the more logical source.

'_I must be dreaming,' __he _thought, calming instantly. Stepping out of bed, he suppressed a shudder as his feet touched the floor, making the boards creak lightly. As he made one small step towards his door, arm raised to touch the handle, a voice echoed out.

"Liiiigght-Kuun..."

It was a soft, feminine voice, which would have been pleasant had it not been disconnected to a visible body and drawling his name in such a sinister manner. A shiver crawled up his spine, making him stand even straighter. Momentarily, his breath halted before he let out a shuddering exhale.

"I must keep calm," he ordered himself. "I do _not _get afraid." His throat called out for water, suddenly feeling dry and constricted, but he refused to swallow. Light would not allow even a disconnected voice to see him in any visible distress. Steeling himself, he continued to walk to the door.

A breeze whipped around his person, flickering out his satin, auburn locks. It would have looked romantic, if not at such an inappropriate time and place. What disturbed Light more than the _indoor _breeze, which was bizarre enough, was that he could hear whispers and mutters that sounded like a mixture of children and hushed adult voices. The voices threaded their way through the air, which billowed through his night clothes. It ruffled his hair and caressed his skin. He reluctantly gulped, hating this nightmare, for what else could this all be, for daring to make God Himself feel vulnerable and unnerved!

Arriving at the door, he studied it for a moment.

The atmosphere was... ominous.

Every fibre of Light's being screamed at him that something dark, something quintessentially wrong, was on the other side. Light never acted on his emotions, on what the common folk called 'gut-feeling'. He had learned as a child that knowledge and the _endless pursuit _of knowledge equalled power. Power belonged to the strong. Power meant he had never cried that the bogey man was in his closet or under his bed. Power meant he knew that monsters only existed in films and storybooks. Power meant he could control the opinions of those around him, twisting reality to suit his needs, wants and desires. Light could not remember when his 'animal instincts' ceased to have any effect on him or his actions; it was a memory that never needed remembering. But now, in this nightmare, his feelings came down upon him with the force of a crashing wave on a black, storm-cursed ocean.

"No, knowledge is power," he intoned to himself. "I will not be defeated by a silly, cliché-ridden dream. It is but a door. My door. My door, in my dream, in my mind. I will find out what is on the other side. I will find it and _kill _it for its insolence against me."

Determined, he gripped the door handle and let out a humiliating bark of a scream as it burned his hand. Seething, he looked at his wounded appendage but was surprised to see that it seemed in good health.

Well, it was all a dream.

He glared at the door as if it were his greatest enemy.

_L..._

He pulled his sleeve over his hand and slowly opened it. Steam hissed around his covered hand, as if he were the Devil touching holy water. "I am no Demon," he muttered bitterly whilst swinging the door open with the same reckless abandon with which he wrote in his beloved Death Note. Apart from a pale green mist drifting lazily across the floor, the hallway seemed ordinary and empty.

He followed the familiar path down the hall until he reached the stairs. Light could not understand how the recognisable hallway of his family home could suddenly seem so foreboding. He glanced up at the various family photos on the wall; his family, and himself, in another time all grinned down upon him. His family's smiles seemed so vacuous, yet it was his own that disturbed – no – _frightened _him. His photograph doppelganger grinned down at him as if they shared a dark, ugly secret. A secret that Photo-Light knew Real-Light enjoyed as much as he. It was a perverted, deranged grin.

Again, Light looked away and tried to get a hold of himself. '_I do not look like that_,' he thought whilst consciously trying to control his quickening breath. '_I am handsome. I am charming. My smile wins people's hearts and trust_.'

He tried to smirk to himself, but his facial muscles seemed frozen; if his brain was not in shock, then his body certainly seemed to be.

He reached the top of the stairs; he could not see the last step below as it was shrouded in a shadow so thick it could have been physical. Like black, inky darkness that could reach out and grab him! He shook his head to remove the stupid thoughts. _'I must continue. It's only a dream after all.'_

But even as he thought these rationalising words, he began to doubt this was a dream. Despite the obvious, dare he admit, supernatural strangeness, everything seemed real. His body was solid. He truly felt everything he came in contact with. Was that sadistic fool L messing with his mind again? Or trying to? Setting up another elaborate scheme to terrify him into submission? For if so, L should know by now that Light would never be tamed. As one can never catch the rays of light in one's hands, Light was born to shine out and touch everything, illuminating the world, making it more beautiful, safer, and revealing it in all its glory to the ones who could not see.

However, if this was L's doing, what could he possibly gain by giving Light hypothermia and a bit of a scare?

No, perhaps this was not his enemy's doing.

Perhaps this was indeed a dream and he was sleepwalking in reality, hence the feeling that this was actually happening to his physical self. '_Hm.'_ He would need to check that when he woke tomorrow. He could not behave differently than normal if he hoped to stay safe from the Task Force's suspicions.

As he slowly inched his way down this seemingly never-ending hallway, his body felt chilled to the bone and every hair stood on end. Little did Light know that all of what he was feeling was the same as what thousands of children around the world were also experiencing at that same moment. Woken from their nightmares, they snuck into their parents' room, looking for solace in the warm parental bed which would remind them of the Real World, where, as long as you were loved, your guardians would protect you from any nightmare. Unfortunately for Light, being an adult and, supposedly in a dream, he was not going towards solace, but to the Tormentor.

Gripping the banister more tightly than he cared to accept or acknowledge, Light began his descent down the stairs. He panicked slightly as the soft green light emitted by the hallway mist dissipated and he was shrouded in the suffocating darkness. His descent paused momentarily as he balanced out his breathing in order to prevent any whimpers being released. However, as he began to steady himself, a vermillion glow began to shine from the left, where the sitting room was. It was as if the monster of this dream was waiting for Light whilst residing by a well-lit fireplace.

Only the Yagami family did not have a fireplace.

Turning his head round the corner, Light peeked into the sitting room like a child peeking early on Christmas morning. The only difference was it was with more suspicion and fear than hope and longing.


	2. Ten Minutes to Midnight

What did Light see on that dark night, filled with a childlike dread he had never before experienced in all his youth?

As he stared, a disbelieving frown on his face, a strange prickling sensation spread across his skin, as if each little hair was being burned by short bolts of electricity.

Sitting on the family settee, hunched in a manner more grotesque than L's – _L..._ – was a pitiable, hideous creature that vaguely resembled a man. Light began to shake involuntarily through fear and anger. Light liked everything to have its place, and so anything that slipped out of its designated arena, or if there was any blurring of boundaries, it simply _sickened _the boy. Observing this humanoid gargoyle sitting in _his _sitting room on _his _settee, as if it were not a terrible monstrosity, forced venomous bile to rise in Light's throat.

During his appalled musings, this Mockery of Humanity had been staring balefully at the wall, its thoughts evidently elsewhere. But now, it slowly turned its head toward Light.

Light stepped back.

He recognised... He recognised the Thing!

The Thing was a man Light once knew; a man whose fate had been so tied to Light's whims and yet had never known it – he had been so fully a pathetic pawn in Light's game. So pathetic in fact that Light had hardly thought of him, neither when he was alive or dead.

Kyosuke Higuchi's face was inexplicably bandaged, and heavy chains that looked like they would be at home in a gothic medieval torture chamber were tightly wrapped around his rag-clad body. His mahogany jagged hair limply covered his peeling scalp; his sideburns seemed to be thinning. There was no escaping the fact that this... man... this... Thing... was a corpse. His skin was white, not lily and pure like L's –_L..._– but clammy and cold. One of Higuchi's eyes was covered by the off-white bandages, and Light's confounded 'gut-feelings' were screaming that the eye was gone – remove the bandage and an eye socket would be there with nothing inside it, except maybe maggo–

Light gagged a little. No, he would _not _think such things.

Higuchi's animated corpse grinned that same carnivorous grin he had when he was alive and Kira.

"Come," he croaked, as if his voice box could not quite work anymore.

Despite his misgivings, Light was surprised to find himself entering the room instead of clinging to the door frame like a frightened child.

'_It's because I am a god – no, because I AM God,' _he thought, gritting his teeth in determination as he moved closer to the grinning atrocity. _'I am never afraid. Everything fears me, and worships me! That is the price of being wise and of being God.'_

"Not quite," said Higuchi, making Light freeze. Grin fading to a knowing smile, Higuchi tapped his head, with what Light now realised was his only arm because the other was completely gone. "I can read your thoughts, Light-Kun." The smile was gone now. "You doomed me. You doomed me to this... this reality." He looked down at himself then back at Light. "You are the Devil, tempting me with something no human should have." He sighed as Light found his voice.

"Do not blame me for your predicament." Light's voice rang out strong and calm; he was proud of himself. "I am sure you had the rules of using the Death Note explained to you the same as Misa and myself."

"But I was your pawn, wasn't I?" spat Higuchi. "At least you had the chance of realising your... hah... _dream_. But me? I was doomed from the start." Higuchi wriggled his shoulders, as if trying to calm himself down. His face suddenly became melancholy. One thing Light never understood was how people's facial expressions could change so rapidly, that people could tell the whole world what they were feeling. It seemed so impractical, even improper.

Higuchi cackled without humour. "You should have been a Victorian, Light-Kun, with your conservative manners and middle-class dreams. But, despite everything, I have come to help you. I know; you are sceptic of me! I would be too, if I were you. But, you see, I am doomed. My time, miserable as it is, is nearly up, and I have this last bit of breath, this last bit of autonomy, to do _something_." He looked at Light wonderingly. "And you know what I decided to do as my last act? I had an epiphany, Light-Kun – a revelation. I decided to do something I had never done or considered doing before, something completely out of character, I mean, why not? I have decided to do something selfless. And giving a warning and some advice to the one who I blame for being in the state that I am, is that not selflessness on a biblical scale?"

He sat back, looking reflectively at Light.

"No one, Light-Kun, _no one _deserves the fate that we, the victims of the Death Note's power, receive as punishment."

Light scowled. This dream just kept getting worse! The very idea that Higuchi, the lowliest of all the Kiras in terms of morality – even Misa was Kira out of her love for her parents and himself - would be acting as a martyr on Light's behalf was galling.

Losing all fear in his anger, Light walked to the opposite side of the room and leaned on the wall, glowering at the Thing that was once Higuchi.

"So what, oh wise one, have you come to warn me of?" Light had decided that if he had to condescend to talk to Higuchi, it would be with sarcasm and malice, for what more did a petty murderer like Higuchi deserve?

"Tomorrow," began Higuchi, ignoring Light's tone, "you will commit the final act of rebellion against The Current Order of Things, and will officially begin your attempt to usurp God." Higuchi leaned forward, as if letting Light in on some secret. "They take some pity on you, Light-Kun. They know that your motives, at one stage, were pure. However, the sins you are committing are too great. Tonight they will allow you some reflection, and if you are still too arrogant and avaricious and continue your plans of death and mayhem, you will suffer my fate."

Higuchi stood, looking intimidating, a demonic, fanatical glow in his single eye emphasised by the red hue of the room. "You will be visited tonight by three spirits." He raised three partially bandaged fingers as he stalked closer to Light, who began to push himself back against the wall in a futile bid to create more space between them. "They are Past, Present and Future, and they will take you on an amazing journey. The first to arrive will be at midnight exactly."

Light tossed his head to the side in derision – such a stupid ide–

"Take heed, young Yagami!" cried Higuchi, his guttural voice made commanding through its urgency.

_'It's because he knows something I do not,' _thought Light as he tried not to cower. He noted vaguely that the room's colour had faded to a more phenicious tone. _'He has experienced something I have yet to...'_

"Take heed," continued Higuchi. "_I _laughed and scoffed, and thought myself too clever and too powerful." Higuchi's face was now right next to Light's. They could have kissed had Higuchi leaned any closer. Light could see the man's face was crumbling as he spoke, the horror of which was the only thing able to distract him from Higuchi's rank death breath. "There is always," Higuchi warned, "_always _something better and smarter than you somewhere, and arrogance will blind you to it." Higuchi looked mournfully at his hand as it began to crumble into pieces.

"My time has come." He looked desperately at Light. "There is no second chance for me! Redemption is not a right, it is a gift. And I disregarded it! Fool! Damned fool! Do not make the same error!"

Higuchi raised his face to the heavens and let out a scream of absolute horror. It was the scream of someone who would forever burn, forever freeze, forever starve, forever slave, forever die, forever be lost and forever be forgotten. It was the Scream of the Damned.

Higuchi crumbled into ash.

The ash crumbled into dust.

And the dust merely faded from existence.

Light stood breathing heavily; the ethereal erubescent lighting was gone – Light was alone in his sitting room, the main lights on. Their yellow indifference flooding the area gave no indication of the bizarre sequence that had just played itself in front of the boy.

He heard the howling of the wind; the eternal hum of running electricity; the soft snores of the blissfully unaware Yagamis – for once Light envied their ignorance. The ticking of the clock called his attention to the time.

It was ten minutes to midnight.


	3. Past Arrives

Light stood for a few moments before calmly walking into the kitchen and pouring himself a cool glass of water. He leaned on the kitchen sink and gulped it down.

"It must be all the stress," he reasoned. "I had some kind of waking nightmare."

As he concentrated on slowing his heartbeat, he listened to the howls of the wind. He could not believe how badly his mind had let him down; that he should be experiencing night terrors! He brushed his hands over his fevered face. It was humiliating. No matter that no one else would ever know, Light knew, and he was the most important person to himself.

He looked out the window situated above the sink. Aside from the distant balls of Christmas lights a few families had put up in their homes, the landscape was in total darkness. He focused on his reflection. It had been made slightly murky and distorted through night's black touch.

"You certainly are a worthy opponent, L." He said to his reflection; his dark half. "No," he sniggered, "rather you were a worthy opponent. The fact that you have God concerned and anxious," he cocked his head, a mad look in his eye which he did not recognise as possessing, "well done, L. Well do-"

Suddenly the sitting room's old oak Grandfather clock chimed out.

DING! DING!

Lights heart leapt into his throat. Spinning around he faced the sitting room door.

DING! DING!

Loud and ominous, unforgiving Time counted down his fate.

Light coughed, as if choking on fear. His rationality left his soul, vanishing like steam, such as it was.

DING! DING!

Light was afraid, afraid!

DING! DING!

And Time waited for no one.

DING! DING!

Despite being God, he did not plan on meeting demons! Were the lazy and stupid Shinigami he dealt with not enough?

DING!

DING!

The last chime reverberated throughout the house.

He had never noticed how loud the clock was before. How did the Yagami's sleep through it?

Breathing heavily, Light began to look around manically. Where was it? This new horror? No doubt waiting to leap out at him!

Grasping a butcher knife from out of the drawer, crouched low like a native hunter in the jungle, Light stalked through the kitchen, entrance hall and kitchen.

Everything was...ordinary.

No mist, no voices, no ethereal lights.

He stood upright, his relief matched only by embarrassment.

How could he have been so scared?

He laughed breathlessly.

"Back to bed Light." He muttered. He went back to the kitchen and picked up his glass, planning on taking it to bed with him. He closed his hand around the cool beaker, feeling its solidity and consequently feeling back in reality himself. With an almost a genuine smile, one Light had owned once upon a time, he looked up into the window.

A pale hand smashed against the window pane.

He leapt back, his hair rising and his eyes widening once more.

The hand curled. It belonged to a slim female. God, he hated women. The nails of the hand scratched down the glass before slamming against it again, demanding to be let inside.

Light shook his head. No, he was not going to play this game anymore!

Keeping his head down, he marched resolutely out of the kitchen and headed upstairs.

"Liiight-Kuun..."

There was that voice again, so pretty and so inviting. Well, Light had never been enchanted by any woman, nor did he plan to and this Being was no exception.

"LiiIIIGHT...Kuuuun..."

The voice seemed to multiply and grow louder and more insistent, like the autumn wind through the branches of a tree; light and gentle one moment, demanding and forceful the next.

Storming into his bedroom, Light immediately slipped and fell painfully to the floor, the glass he had been carrying smashed into pieces. Ice, rather than water, sprayed out from inside it, Light noticed. The ice from earlier was still present in his bedroom.

He scowled and began to get to his feet when something, with a loud BANG, slammed against his window. His eyes shot up; the curtains were closed, shutting whatever was out there out of sight. However, with a **BANG**, it hit the window so hard that the curtains flew inwards from the force. The window began to rattle in the wooden panes. Looking around, Light saw the books on his shelf begin to shake and fall to the floor. The floorboards began to rise; putting his hand over them he realised that cold air was blowing up through the cracks.

It was as if Nature was trying to get into the house. Again, it was blurring the boundaries and Light felt queasy at the very notion.

He would have to open the window. Giving this thing what it wanted would be better than this unnatural travesty.

Slipping and sliding in the most undignified manner, Light ran to the window and ripped open the curtains. Instantly the violence in the room halted. Light gaped.

Floating outside his window was...an angel?

No, it was too small...

A fairy?

But it had no wings.

The creature smiled at him. A light, wholesome glow surrounded its small body. Light began to realise that it was some form of human toddler, or more specifically, a little girl. Her face had an innocence within it that reminded Light of that fool Matsuda. She wore a single white dress. Ebony curls complimented her equally dark eyes. Still smiling with rose bud lips, the cherub child blinked at him patiently.

With a marked expression of bland indifference, as Light was not one to swoon idiotically over pretty children especially ones that could glow and float, he opened the window. With a flash of miracle white light, the spirit-child disappeared. He frowned. Then he noticed a light behind him; he turned to find the spirit-child floating in his room. It smiled at him once more.

"So, you are the Spirit of Past?"

"I am." The melodic voice that answered belonged to an adult female, though this was a more humanised version of what he'd heard earlier. Light also noted that the spirit had not moved its lips. He knew it had been the spirit that answered but the voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

His eyes scanned its minute body with displeasure.

"Do not underestimate me, Yagami-Kun," hummed the ghost child. "Take my hand; I have to take you now, for my time is short."

"What if I do not?" Light challenged, hardly intimidated by the small female.

"Then Higuchi's fate will be yours as well."

He sighed and leaned forward to grasp the small hand. Suddenly the room felt as if it were spinning and the child's glow shone brighter all around them. Light squeezed his eyes shut, wind beginning to make them sore.

His body rose from the floor as he felt it become physically lighter.

The spinning became faster. Unable to withhold his curiosity, Light opened his eyes slightly to squint at what was around him. Though the twisting light around them was technically white, Light could see the occasional flashes of red, blue, pink and other rainbow colours.

Around them were whispers and noises similar to what he had heard in his bedroom. At one point he heard a child's laughter to his right, whilst simultaneously hearing the distraught sob of another to his left.

Whilst not as frightening as the experiences he had endured earlier, Light certainly felt uneasy. He realised that it wasn't exactly time itself they were travelling through, as if time were an impersonal entity, but rather they were journeying through the human consciousness of all mankind. It was through memories that they travelled, and so every cry, every yell of pain, every gasp of joy was completely real and human and personal. For someone like Light, who had such issues with emotions, being enveloped in their physical form was alarming.

Eventually, to his relief, the sensations began to grind to a halt.

"Open your eyes, Yagami-kun and see your history."

Opening his eyes, he saw that they were outside his family home. Sparkling new snow was heavy on the ground and the light grey skies alerted him to the fact that it was early morning. The front door of their home opened and out ran a young Sayu and Light, Light being around twelve years old.

Wrapped up to stave off the cold, and kissed and coddled by their mother, the siblings waved goodbye and headed off to school. Light and Past followed after them unseen.

Poor Sayu, compared to Light she was so plain. Her straight, black hair and dark almond eyes made her a typical Japanese girl; she was distinctly average. Adult Light could see all the appreciative glances his younger counterpart received from others in the street as he strolled down it like he owned the place. Adult Light smirked; he had always been destined to rule. He was like Alexander the Great or Augustus Caesar- living proof that Greatness is born.

"So Big Brother," Sayu was yapping away while struggling to keep up with her brothers' strides, "please help me with my homework tonight?"

"Of course, Sayu," he smiled indulgently at her.

"Erm, I know I'm annoying Big Brother; I wish I was as clever as you."

Young Light turned to her, "You are clever Sayu; you just need more confidence."

'_Wow,'_ thought Older Light, _'I was a great actor even then.'_

She beamed with pleasure before the two parted at the entrance of their school. Light went to follow after his younger self, but realised the spirit of past was not with him. He turned to her, confusion on his face.

"We follow your sister," she instructed.

Light was flabbergasted; of what use or interest was Sayu?

* * *

**AN- Hello, I would like to take this opportunity to give a big, heart-felt THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed. It was really nice to come home and see some messages. And they have all been so kind and encouraging, which is especially good as I am new to ff writing in general.**

**I feel very lucky :)**

**I worry about how short my chapters are. I could have continued this one but I thought this was good place to leave it.**

**Hopefully, chapter 4 should be quite a decent size. It's all about Sayu next time; does anyone else feel that poor girl didn't get enough love? She, like Matsuda, was a very beautiful person that I think Light spent too much time condescending to realise how kind-hearted they were and how lucky he was to know them. But I digress...**

**I improved the first two chapters which had a few spelling and grammar errors, sorry! Hopefully now they will read a bit more 4 should be up pretty soon.**

**Update- As always, many thanks to my beta :)**

**TTFN**


	4. The Trials of an uninteresting Yagami

**This chappie is dedicated to Sashocirrione who has kindly reviewed every chapter and offered me great advice!!! I'm sincerely grateful :)**

**WARNINGS!!! Child suffering. Severe bullying/ cutting.**

* * *

Light was interested to note that at first Sayu skipped happily through the school gates but then as soon as Younger Light would not have been able to see her, Sayu's entire demeanour changed. Her shoulders slumped and her head became bowed; she looked like the Patron Saint of Humility.

She cut a lonely figure her obnoxious pink coat and woolly hat, complete with dark hair pulled into pig-tails walking in the almost colourless landscape.

It was as if she had entered The Void.

All that was used to decorate the sight was some trees either side of the path she walked. Whilst dead and bare, their bark a pale grey-brown, a few fairy lights had been precariously wrapped around the branches, in a poor attempt of holiday cheer. Regardless of these efforts, the trees were foreboding, all of them towering over the little girl, their long branches stretched out monstrously reminded Light of story book pictures where the witch or the monster loomed and leered over the small child they were going to capture and eat.

"What is wrong with her?" He asked the Spirit of Past, but she did not respond. She did not need to as Sayu visibly cringed at the sight of a gang of approaching girls.

All of them had nasty smug expression except for one girl leading them; her face was the very epitome of malice. The girls crowded around Sayu, all of them were tall and so they could all look down distastefully at her, like a mimic of the trees, glowering at Sayu as if she was something disgusting. Such was the difference in size that they must have been older than she; some of them may have even been teenagers.

"What," spat the leader, "did I tell you about coming to school with him?"

"H-he's my brother!" Stammered Sayu, "I have to walk with him because mum makes me, I can't suddenly stop."

Light winced as Sayu was suddenly punched in her stomach, making her fall to her knees, her face distorted in pain.

"Don't lie you bitch!" The leader swore venomously. Light could not believe a young girl could be so vicious. The other girls began to snigger as the leader grabbed Sayu's pig tails and hauled her up whilst commanding, "off your ass when I'm speaking to you! You know the rules! No girls walk with Yagami-Kun, especially **ugly** girls! You don't have the right to share the same air as him!"

Sayu began to shiver, making one of the lackey girls sneer, "eww," the lackey groaned, "stop snivelling! God, you're such a child."

The girls halted as they began to hear the laughter of more school students reaching the main gates. Her chest heaving with the exertion of anger, the leader dragged Sayu away from the group, making Sayu lose all control and burst into tears. The group of girls cheered and giggled waving goodbye to their victim.

Sayu was dragged round the back of the janitors small wooden hut where no one would see them. The girl slammed the smaller female against the wall. "Make Light notice me!" She hissed, desperation evident despite the sinister snarl. Light flinched at the personal manner in which she used his name without any suffix.

"I try!" Wept Sayu. "I talk about you to him but," Sayu paused and looked away as if embarrassed. "But he doesn't really listen to me."

"You're his sister!"

Sayu shrugged despondantly.

The girl turned her face towards the school where Light attended and evidently letting her guard down for in that moment she looked like she might cry. Sayu noticed it and, a look of genuine concern in her eyes, crawled to her tormentor.

"Please don't be sad." The brunette girl begged. "Light is very much in his own world. Mama says that he's so clever that his mind lives in the heavens, not on Earth, with us." She looked a little sad again. "That's why Light is so hard to catch any attention from. But you are super pretty..."

Indeed the girl in question was physically attractive, being both tall, slender and fair, an ideal girl in their community. "I'm in all the same classes as him," the girl muttered through clenched teeth. "I always talk to him but he doesn't even know my name!"

Suddenly Light had a series of flashbacks. That girl had been in the same classes as him for years. He remembered her only as someone who was mildly annoying but another pawn in the sea of adoring faces. She had always laughed at his wit, cooed over his beauty and awed over his intelligence. She had asked him out, no, she had asked him out several times! All the times he could recall in his head meant that she must have propositioned him at least twice every year in middle school. She had been an annoyance, certainly, but nothing too bothersome, just a cog in the wheel of the society of idiots he dealt with everyday. He still could not recall her name. To think, that minor annoyance to him had been the bane of his sister's life.

Meanwhile, said Bane of Sayu frowned as if deep in thought:

"He _must_ have noticed me," she said, more to herself than anyone. She rounded back onto Sayu. "It's you, you little simpering piece of scum! You must have bad-mouthed about me to him! There is no other explanation!" She suddenly became calm. "You know what this means Sayu." She spoke ominously and slowly, almost as if she felt bad for the 'simpering piece of scum.' "You have to be punished."

"I swear, I swear!" Cried Sayu, her crystal tears falling once more, each glistening drop reflecting the brightness of the snow. She looked quite beautiful. Her pleas where cut off by a sharp slap around her face.

Light flinched; that slap must have stung the perpetrators hand as much as it did Sayu's small, chubby face.

"Do as you are told."

Sayu nodded dully and, to Lights extreme horror, pulled down her school skirt and woollen tights. The girl looked her up and down, measuring her up. "You're so ugly," was her conclusion. "No, not ugly. That would at least make you unique or individual."

_L_

"No, you're just plain." She continued her vitriol. "What's it like Sayu, getting up every day seeing Light in all his glory and then seeing you in the mirror?"

Whilst she had been speaking she was searching in her satchel. Finally with a smile she bought out a small, thin box. It was metal, but painted pink with blue bows on it/. It was one of those inexplicable feminine things that girls loved to have. Light always assumed they kept make up or shiny things in them. This girl did have a shiny thing in it, but it wasn't particularly cutesy.

Sayu shuddered as the girl bought out one of the blades and handed it to her. "You know what to do, Sayu."

Sayu looked at the blade and shivered but not from the cold.

"I'll make it worse," sighed her tormentor nonchalantly, looking as if she were already bored. She lifted her sleeve, reavealing criss cross network of barely healed slashes. "I suffer, you suffer."

Adult Light stepped forward analysing Sayu's chubby, pale legs, numerous pink and white scars were barely visible on them.

He began to shake with anger, his murderous Kira expression morphing onto his face. He turned to the bully; this pretty girl was torturing Sayu, all because he rejected her! How long had Sayu endured this bullying? She had never mentioned a thing! She had always seemed so happy, like a silly puppy...

With a shaking hand, Sayu sliced the blade thinly over one of her thighs. The blood immediately began to pour, the crimson substance striking against the pale skin and white, innocent snow.

Sayu looked up at her questioningly.

"Again," said the cruel girl. "Yes, it must be hard, being nothing. I bet your parents were so disappointed after having you. Light lit up there world, all of our world! And then there's Sayu. Even your name is plain and boring.

Sayu...

What does it even mean?

Stop now."

She looked at the three slashes Sayu had made. "Very good," answered the girl like a school mistress. "You did well obeying me. But, if Light ignores me tomorrow, I'll give you the ultimate punishment anyway." She put on a fake voice of concern. "' Mr Yagami, I think Sayu is hurting herself! Maybe she is jealose of Light-Kun!'" She stopped pretending and smirked at the small child she'd just humiliated. "They'd lock you up in the looney bin!"

The school bell rang out and the bully silently left.

Sayu was left alone, bleeding and weeping, in the whiteness.

The sounds of greetings and laughter by children slowly faded in the background.

After a few moments of controlled heavy breathing that halted her tears, Sayu brushed her hands over her face. Light was disturbed to recognise the look on it; it was an expression only adults (should) have; it was the look of impending defeat met with grim determination; it was the look of 'sucking it up.'

Crouching slightly Sayu swung her back pack off her back and reached inside, grabbing some bandages and plasters.

Again, Light flashed back. He remembered his mother putting the plasters in Sayu's bag.

"Sayu is so clumsy!"

"I know mama! I'm so sorry," Sayu had been laughing. _Laughing_. "Sorry for making you wait, big brother, I won't be long!"

Watching the same laughing girl now inexpertly wrapping the wounds, Light turned angrily to Past.

"Why did she not simply tell anyone?"

As Past looked at him with the same blank expression as L

_L_

He noticed she was now taller, standing, her curly black hair reaching her shoulders. She had grown and now looked like a seven year old. A very beautiful seven year old with a face wise beyond its years. Had Light been asked half an hour beforehand, he would have said that adult like wisdom in her face was the sign that she was a Spirit, not a girl child. However, seeing Sayu, one of the silliest and vapid (though likeable) girls he had ever known with that look, he now had to re-calculate his feelings on the scope, power and depths of feminine emotions.

However, he bypassed mentioning the spirits change, Sayu being foremost in his mind.

"Sayu has her reasons, Yagami-kun."

"What? What could be worse than making someone cut themselves?" He looked at Sayu, who was now pulling up her tights and straightening out her skirt, his face bitter. "Always a victim..."

"Are you angry with the bully or Sayu-Chan?" Questioned the spirit, but Light did not answer.

The victim in question now gave a small smile, that now Light recognised as fake and walked stiffly towards school. It was a tall grey building that looked black in the glory of the yet unmarried snow. Ugly and modern, it was nothing more than a giant concrete rectangle dumped on the flat and ordered land.

Flakes began to dance down from the uniform grey sky. Sayu looked up and smiled a genuine smile; such a childish pleasure.

The footsteps on the pathway alerted both Yagami's that Sayu was behind her peers. It was too painful to run, but Sayu quickened her pace as much as she could to reach her home room.

"You're late Yagami-San!" Barked the teacher as Sayu opened the door, breathlessly apologising.

"Sayu," sighed her teacher in a long suffering manner. "You will never match your brother's achievements with this attitude. I know the snow is very _pretty_, but you mustn't let pretty things distract you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes I promise."

Light bit his tongue in frustration; this condescending teacher had no idea! Unfortunately Light had to deal, like his sister, with a full day of Sayu being repeatedly patronised. The teachers repeatedly compared her to Light making it evident that Sayu had been thrown in Lights long shadow. How could she compete to someone so clever, so good and so attractive? She was just a normal school girl!

The students were not much better. Aside from a small group of friends similar to herself and so unhelpful in fending off the legion of bullies, all the students mocked and took advantage of her. As if her being kind made her gullible and her being forgiving made her stupid!

She was made to get lunch for an intimidating group of boys.

She was forced to give away her own lunch money to another boy who was threatening to attack Light, who had bested him the day before at a game of tennis (like the girl before, Light barely remembered this boy, he had been such a non-entity.)

Lights fan club from the middle and lower middle schools both interrogated Sayu about her brother and what Sayu had told him of them. Suddenly Light understood Sayu's insistent chatter on what 'Sakura-chan or Rika-San' or whatever other female, had been doing that day and what these girls opinions on anything were. These idiot fan girls had turned Sayu, his little sister, into their own walking, talking personalised ad.

That lunchtime, due to her incompetance at dealing with bullies, Sayu had dined on a fine meal of nothing before being commandeered by another gaggle of girls.

"Listen, we need a clip of Light-Kun's hair!" Squealed one of the fan girls with an obscene enthusiasm that was reminiscent of Misa. Light was sure she was as old as fourteen, she was definitely older than his younger counterpart in this time period.

For the first time that day, Sayu frowned. "I-I cannot do that..."

"Just get us a lock." Demanded the fan, she looked at the other starry-eyed girls. "It'll belong to me though, because I'm the leader."

The girls began to groan in complaint;

_'It was not fair, Light Kun belonged to everyone!'_

"Light won't let me near his hair," Sayu insisted, ignoring their noise.

"Then cut it while he sleeps."

Sayu looked appalled, but hid it quickly (but not quickly enough for Light not to notice. He wondered if this was what his facial expressions were like to L;

_L_

well made but not fast enough for him to know they were false.)

"I won't cut my brothers hair," stated Sayu. Light blinked in surprise at her forwardness. During this day, he had gotten the impression that she was a push over; a weakling.

However, the fans seemed less surprised, just angry at her insolence.

"We'll make you pay if you don't do as you are told Sayu, know your place!!"

Sayu shook her head resolutely, her knees in-turned and her body shaking a little. The bell rang, break was over. The girls shoved her, "after school, we're going to make you suffer!"

As she sadly made her way back to class, Light sighed heavily, his head lowered exactly the same was as Sayu's, as he turned to Past. "Alright Spirit, I understand," he emphasised. "Sayu suffered because of people jealous of me. But I don't understand, am I meant to feel bad? I feel sorry for her, but I can't help what I did not know. If she had told me, I could have prevented all of this. I love my family." He finished.

Past merely nodded before walking inside after Sayu. He grimaced. He was sick of this day already!

Sayu was in her maths class. Light leaned over and looked at her work. It was all neat and correct! "But she's terrible at maths," he thought. "Had she been lying all this time, the same way she had with being bullied?"

The class had been silently working, but then the teacher spoke up. "Alright class, you know what to do, swap and check each others work, then work together on the answers you individually got wrong."

Lights stomach tightened and by the look on her face, so had Sayu's.

He could here sniggering of the other school children.

Suddenly, Light felt the ground slip underneath him. A bright light flashed and suddenly he was in the air once more, over looking the school grounds. Time must have leapt forward to the end of the school day, for he could see Sayu's small figure running. She was being chased by the pack of girls.

Younger Light would still be studying at school, as he did extra courses. Sayu was stuck fending for herself.

She ran like her life depended on it. Light was appalled to see none of the adults on the street try and help her, though it was clear what was happening.

That was until Sayu fell into a boy. He was older than her, a teenager. Light instantly recognised him as that fool Matsuda.

"I'm so sorry!" Cried Sayu, looking behind her in fear of the approaching mob.

"Ah- oh, erm, no, no, its alright!" Stammered Matsuda uselessly. "Are you in tro-?"

But Sayu's fear over took her usual politeness and she ran away. Matsuda watched her until the gang of girls caught up. He stood in their way.

"Stop! Now I s-suggest you all go home..."

They glared at him. Light was embarrassed to relate to Matsuda's obvious fear; these girls were scary!

Why did he always attract such weird people?

_L_

Or rather, violent people?

"We do not need to see this," the Spirit finally spoke.

"Wait, I want to see how Matsuda does. He saved Sayu."

"Matsuda get beaten up. Its a pretty sad thing to watch. Sayu gets home because they are too busy beating him."

"Ah," Light figured that as Matsuda had saved his sister, he'd do him the honour of not watching him get attacked by a gaggle of hormonal teenage girls.

Again the area seemed to spin and churn, as if time were being distorted. A sudden feeling of nausea over took his senses and a second later they were in Light's room. Younger Light was sitting at his desk reading up on Stalin. Outside was snowy and dark.

"Is this still the same day?" asked Light. Past merely nodded. She had grown again. This time she looked like she was on the cusp of adolescence, her dress had changed from white to a pale pink. Light still did not enquire into her transformation; he figured that it was to do with the 'short amount of time' she mentioned happening. The older she got, the closer they got to the end of this travel down history.

There was a polite knock on the bedroom door.

Younger Light held in an annoyed sigh at being interrupted. "What is it?" He called cheerfully, his tone inconsistent with his face.

"Big brother," called Sayu's breathy, whiny voice. "Can you help me with my maths please?"

"Of course," Younger Light rolled his eyes. "Come in Sayu."

Light could already predict what was happening or hat was about to happen. He watched glumly as Younger Light carefully told Sayu what Older Light now knew she already could do.

He watched as Sayu left the room smiling and happy.

He watched her in the hallway, smile gone.

He watched her in the bedroom as she opened her maths book on the last few pages.

On them, in various handwriting was:

UGLY BITCH SHRIMP MONSTER NIT-FACE SHORTY DIRTY STUPID FREAK

and in big, bold letters:

**WASTED**

"She tried to tell me," he murmured, more to himself than the spirit. "Always asking for help with maths. God I just thought she was..."

(Stupid?)

"And then asking for plasters...How was I supposed to know?" He turned to the spirit.

"Thank you for alerting Past." He almost smiled at her incredulous look. "I mean it. I'm going to take good care of Sayu when I return to my normal time."

"No, you won't," the dreamy adult voice returned. He looked at the Spirit in shock.

"I love my family! Sayu has proven loyal I-"

" Sayu is always the one that receives punishment for your sins. Did you ever wonder how you were so blessed? The world is always in balance For everyone blessed there is another who is cursed. Sayu has been very strong all her life. A long suffering strength you have never needed to posses, but I swear one day she will have your punishment and it will break her. Break her irretrievably."

"I'll make sure that will not happen!"

Past looked at him. "Because you are God, right?"

Shifting a little uncomfortably, Light affirmed her assumption. She smiled indulgently. "Enough of your childhood; lets move on, shall we?"

* * *

**AN- Should I make this an M rating? I'm thinking of the swear words and what not, let me know if you think I should. Poor Sayu, she's like The Foolish Traveller. Sorry if the language is not as good in this one. It's hard to make school eerie :/**

**I always wondered why Light thought he was the only one who could act. **

**As for the metal thing the bully had, its a thing girls have to put their tampons and what-not in. Just in case anyone did not know.**

**Also, I tried researching Sayu's name. I could not find its meaning, which made me very sad.**


	5. Bonus Chapter

**CHAPTER FOUR HAS BEEN FIXED. I sincerely apologise for all the mistakes!!**

**Meanwhile, here is a bonus chappie, the tale of the Foolish Traveller.**

**First of all, the Foolish Traveller story I mentioned in the last authors note is actually a fairytale made famous in Fruits Basket. I actually remember hearing this story from my teacher as a little girl, so I imagine its one of those stories that exists in every culture. I'm going off memory so it'll probably be a hybrid of Furuba's version and the one I was told. **

**It is basically how I was (attempting) to portray Sayu. **

**Have a read and decide, do you feel sorry for the traveller or for the ones he helped that did not understand his kindness?**

Once upon a time, there was a foolish traveler on a journey.

He was fooled by everyone he met because everywhere he went, people made up all kinds of sad stories to tell him, and the traveler fell for every one of them.

He gave away his money to a woman claiming her son was ill and needed medicine.

He gave his jewelry to a couple who could not afford to get married.

He gave all his food away to a family who claimed they were starving.

He gave all his fine clothes to an impoverished old man who claimed he was dying of cold.

Everything he ever owned was cheated away from him.

However, the foolish traveler was always glad to help, for every one of the swindlers and liars, he would smile and say, "I wish you happiness."

By now the traveler was naked, and for decency's sake he decided to leave the main road and travel through the dense forest, where no one could see him.

In the woods he met some wolves who cried that they were starving, so he gave them his arms.

Some Dark Fairies told him they needed his hair as thread to make winter clothes; lest they freeze. So he gave them his hair.

A She-Bear came and said she needed food for her cubs so he gave her his legs.

The Goblins came and pleaded for food, so he allowed them to have his body.

Again, every time the traveller was used, he simply smiled and said, "I wish you happiness."

Now all that the traveler had left was his head. But still the creatures wanted more. Eventually he'd even given his eyes away to the last of the goblin.

As the last goblin was eating the traveler's eyes, he turned and said "thank you, traveler. In return, I leave you this present."

The traveler couldn't see what the gift was but he was so happy he began to weep tears of happiness.

"Thank you," he cried, "this is the first present anyone ever gave me. I'm so happy. Thank you." Then, the traveler died, with a smile on his face.

But the gift that the Goblin left him was a mere slip of paper, the word 'fool' written upon it.

And that's…the end of the story.

**Just remember, he did these deeds, because that how he wanted to live his life.**


	6. Luka

The teenage self-proclaimed God and spirit Ghost-Child of Past stood side by side in a new lands busy high street. It was freezing, colder than what it had been in Lights bedroom. Sleet fell from a cerulean sky, disrupted by grey clouds, that could not give birth to sleets more beauteous and gentle cousin snow, because of the lowness of temperature.

He could tell by the houses surrounding them that this was Europe. Judging by the Byzantine architecture of the distant churches, Light concluded that it was Eastern Europe, most likely Russia. The land seemed impoverished, peeking into the window of a butchers, Light saw that a few measly slabs of meat were on sale. A few old man looked ruminatively at them as if trying to decide which out of the sorry lot were worth them parting with their money. In the dirty streets the people's heads were low, the atmosphere was bitter and resentful. The land was almost completely silent, broken only by the youthful babble of young boys.

Turning around, Light saw two young men and a child all walking towards he and the Spirit of Past. As they came closer, he could see that they were brothers, all of them had large grey eyes and ebony hair clashing shockingly with white almost translucent skin. One of the boys was carrying a large paper of bag of what seemed to contain various canned goods. A lump was caught in Light's throat as saw the other, slightly taller brother carrying the child. The child looked like a small panda, gripping tightly to his sibling, large grey eyes surrounded by long jet-black lashes. The rest of his face was hidden by a large scarf, and a big woolly hat.

"He was always ugly," Light breathed, his words sounding empty and said out of rote. "Pale, ugly, big eyes…" He trailed off, staring as the boys walked passed him unseeingly.

"You sound like Sayu's old bully," observed Past, her voice devoid of disdain. Light snapped out of reverie and glowered at her.

"We follow the boys."

"I thought we were checking **my** past, not everyone else's!"

"We thought you had already spent too much of your life focusing on yourself, Yagami-Kun. Besides, have you not yet worked out that all humanity is connected? L's past is your past…"

"L barely looked older than a toddler! What could thee be to lear-" Light began to argue, but then he realised. This could be used to his advantage; in particular, learning L's name. Granted the lan with Rem was all set, but it always paid to have a back up plan, especially when L wa concerned.

Shutting his mouth abruptly, Ligh followed the brothers silently.

The boys entered a part of the neighbourhood that looked particularly ghetto. Many different races were here, it was evident sometimes by skin colour and dress, but mostly by the range of different accents and languages.

Which reminded Light;

"How can I understand anything? I don't know any eastern European languages."

"I have altered reality enough so that you will hear their Siberian in your own tongue." So, they were in Siberia. Light knew that L was in his early to mid twenties, so doing rough calculations, they were now in somewhere between the late eighties to early nineties.

This meant there the boys, namely L, were living in or just after Stalin's reign in the Cold War Period. "Well, that explains the apathy of the people and the lack of material goods," he thought to himself as the brothers entered a small apartment, and were met with a dramatic wailing.

Two men dressed in police uniforms left the building, they and the boys glancing at each other. Light noted that whilst the tallest boy smiled slightly and shyly, the second tallest scowled in barely hidden hostility. L did what he always did as an adult, he stared impassively.

In a drab sitting room on a small couch big enough for two sat a woman causing the wailing sounds. She had the beauty of an autumn leaf; her looks held a fine, delicate grasp of the glorious bloom she once had.

Thick mascara lines streamed down a thin face, running over her painted crimson lips.

"Why do they do that?" Thought Light. "Why do they plaster themselves with make-up, when they are pretty enough already. Do they not realise how whoreish they appear?"

She wore a thin vest inadequately covered by a moth eaten shroud. She wore thin-material trousers, revealing her slender body structure. She was darker skinned than her boys, but they had inherited her pitch black, southern European, almost Mediterranean hair.

"Mama!" Cried the second oldest boy, lowering the bag of goods onto the wooden floor. "What is it? What did they do?"

"Mio figilo!" She wept, grasping her son's hands. "Papa, papa is gone!"

"He's been gone since last night!" Scoffed the oldest boy, still holding L who was looking at the scene questioningly. "What were the police here for? Did he get drunk and do something stupid, **again**?"

"Stop bad mouthing papa!" Screamed the second boy, all commadarie between the youths disappearing. Tears were in the boys eyes and his voice was breaking. "He loves us! He fought for our country!"

Their, (Italian, Light concluded) mother wailed again.

"Non, mes enfants! Ne se battant pas! Papà, papa…papa è morto!"

(ight rolled his eyes. So was she French or Italian? He paid little attention to the drama in front of him. L would be too young to rember this, sounlike Sayu's plight, he did not see any point to it.

All three boys stared at her in horror. Even L looked affected, he let out a small whine.

"Luka, Luka!" Called their mother, holding her hands out to L. Struggling, he wriggled out of his brothers arms into his mothers embrace.

_Luka?_

"How did he die?" Breathed the oldest son, the second born seemed to be in too much shock.

"He triec to breach the Wall!" Replied the mother in a heavy accent. "He tried to get out of here! He was caught by the guards, but began screaming about how he hated our country and leaders. They shot him. He is gone, he is gone." She wept and rocked her youngest child, who looked shell shocked and distressed.

As if his legs had given away the second son fell to the floor, "those dogs," he wept. "Those government dogs!"

Dropping L…Luka…to the side, she ran to her fallen boy and held him.

"Non, non, never say such things. I will not lose another."

She motioned for her other two sons to join her on the ground. The four of them hugged.

Past turned to Light.

"Lets skip forwards, there is nothing more to see here."


	7. Broken Innocence

**WARNINGS: Child abuse/suffering and off-screen rape.**

* * *

As the surroundings span round them, Light noticed they were now black and not a glowing white.

"It is because," began Past, without him even asking, his eyes and mouth tightly closed during the confusing spin, "we are in L's history stream. And L's history is dark and heavy."

They arrived back at the apartment. Things looked even more desolate. The colour scheme was nothing but washed out khaki green and urine yellow. The low lighting emphasised is dankness. The floor, whilst it had been bare before, was now unhygienically dirty and dusty. The whole place was in a state of disgusting decay.

A little boy, L, who must have been by now around seven years old, was sitting desolately outside a bedroom. His body was alarmingly thin, his lips were white and his eye sockets were hollow; he was clearly malnourished. The signs of insomnia were beginning to show on the bottom of his lids also. His clothes were practically rags, his long white shirt hung off his shoulders and covered his dirty grey shorts. Light noticed with some interest that L was wearing thick, nobbly socks.

Gasps and cries could be heard inside the bedroom. Light felt sickened. They were the sounds of sex.

Why was L just sitting there in this decidedly adult environment?

The boy took a very small toy fire truck out of his pocket and pushed it along the ground. Unlike a normal child the game held no enthusiasm. The door opened and a fat man buckling up his belt stepped out. He patted L like a dog before leaving. L made no move to tidy his ruffled hair. It seemed that the child had no sense left of self-esteem or pride.

Light wasn't certain whether to feel smug to know that once L had given up in something, or to feel pity; he was, after all, a _child_ in this instance.

Just as he was wondering what he would have been like in such a situation, L's mother stepped out of her room shakily, lighting a thin cigarette in her mouth. Her eyes were reddened and her body even more spindly and delicate than before. A nightgown hung loosely at her shoulders; the epitome of degraded decadence.

A thin nervous man stood in the doorway of their pitiful department, he and the fat fellow offering each other swift nods as they passed. He entered on her beckoning and stared at L for just a moment before entering the room with her.

Light shifted, he was uncomfortable with the gaze the man had fixed on L. It had been more than vague interest, more like, an intrigue, a hidden desire to _know_…

Light shuddered.

After a few moments of muffled speaking, the bedroom door re-opened and L's mother stepped out. He looked up at her. Settling down at his level she held him close.

"Mama loves you," she drawled, she must have been drunk, or worse. "Perdonare mama." She kissed him all over his head and face. "Per favore mi ami ancora dop questo!" She sighed and held him closer, speaking in her strange mix of languages. L did not react, he hung limp in her arms like a gothic rag doll. "It is that we are so hungry, my darling, mon ange!"

Light felt sickened suddenly.

The nervous looking man stood in the doorway, watching the affectionate display. He was breathing heavily through the mouth as though exceedingly anxious or, sicekeningly, excited. Lifting L, she handed him over to the man, who took the boy in his arms reverently. L visibly stiffened but did not fight.

Light turned to Past, "enough! I'm not watching this." She looked steadily at him. "I know what's going to happen," he complained. "I do not need to see this. You spared Matsuda being hit by some girls, I don't want to see a child…" The word 'violated' stuck in his throat.

"Even though he is your enemy?" She questioned.

"Of course!" He barked back, disgusted.

"But what do you care that injustice happens to those who stand in the way of your Godship?"

"Of course I care!" He was angry but mostly disturbed. Whatever spell was being used to send him to the past was still showing him what Past meant for him to see. So despite being in the hallway, Light knew that right at that moment that L's thin frame was still in the mans arms and was being carried over to the messily made up bed, still sullied by the last unholy encounter between the mother and her client. Yelling at Past helped him not see the pervert stepping over needles and broken bottles, revealing how low the family, in particular, mother, had fallen.

"I am God!" He screamed, recognising that he was becoming hysterical.

L was being lowered onto the bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling, his body tensed and straight like a toy soldier.

"I am justice!!" Light shut his eyes, but could still see.

_L_

"When I get back to my time, I'll kill this man!"

_Oh God, someone please help him..._

"I'll find out who he is and kill him for this abuse!"

_L, L!_

"But L is against you." Replid Past unpreturbed.

"God is above that, I will still meet out justice for him."

"Like you did for Ray Penbar and Naomi Misora?"

Light faltered.

L's torture in the bedroom faded. Past had given him a reprieve from that only to send his world spinning with this new assualt on his concious.

"How you repaid their goodness," the spirit continued, growing a little older before his very eyes. She now looked like an adolescent. Her lips were full and red (and still not moving with her words.) Her dress was a darkening pink. "How you repaid their adherence to the rules, to the laws of society." She looked at the door of the bedroom.

L's mother was sitting outside it, where L had previously been. She was weeping and drinking some vile smelling thing out of a glass bottle. Though spared any visuals, they could hear the man inside the room; L was silent.

Light groaned and crouched on the floor, very close to being physically ill as Past continued without mercy. "Surely you would see it as L is being punished for future crimes against God. Punished by a criminal no less. I thought you'd enjoy that…the irony of it…"

Light did not reply, he remained bowed on the floor. He could argue with her, but he felt too unwell, too sick...

She looked away.

"Very well." She conceded. "I do not wish to remain here either. We will go just a little further. Just a little…"

Light barely held in the nausea as the world began to spin once more.

* * *

**Well. I felt awful and a bit sick writing that o_O But it all needs to happen…**

**If there is anything I get wrong about Eastern Russia in the 80s/early 90s, please let me know. I'm doing a crash course on Russian history. I'm doing my best to get it right, but I'm bound to slip up. So please tell me and I'll fix it :)**

**I'd really appreciate the gift of a review, please? :)**


	8. Bonus Chapter Two: Light and Low Light

One winter night, one that L does not remember, being too young at the time, when his mother was still in her right mind and his brothers still innocent and happy, L had found he could not sleep. He walked into the sitting room and saw his mother, her depression already developing at the lack of their father's presence or love, staring into their weak fire. "Cannot sleep, ma belle enfant?"

"Non, mama." He replied in French. At five years old his voice already was low and quiet, not high and androgynous like most his age.

She motioned to him and he walked over carefully to sit on her lap. Whilst he did not have his patented hunch just yet, he already moved anxiously and erratically, like a bird scavenging for food whilst in the open.

Settling on her bent legs, she began to calmly stroke through his long, dark hair. She bent forward and kissed him unthinkingly. "Shall I tell you a story, mon cher?"

"Qui, s'il vous plait, maman."

"Alright. Once upon a time there was a Prince. This Prince lived millennium after millennium. How you ask? Why because the Gods in the sky, when creating the Earth decided that the planet needed a wise and fair guardian. So, when it was all plant life, this leader was the Great Oak Tree whose wide boughs fed and sheltered all of the birds. None of them ever starved and at that point there was no winter, so its leaves never left him.

Later, when animals walked the planes alone, the Prince was a giant, golden Lion whose roar could be heard for miles around. He did not need to eat any other animals, but he was the protector of all the weak. He made sure not too many died. He made sure everything remained in balance. Did you know Luka that balance is the most important thing in the world?"

"Of course mama," replied the sleepy eyes boy who had yet to fully develop black rings around his eyes. "If there was no balance, I would always fall down and feel sea sick; both things I dislike."

She giggled at his matter of fact reply. "And what a clever boy you are to realise such things. Well, when humans walked the earth the Prince was now transformed into the most beautiful boy in the world. He was taller than most, lean and with bronze locks and golden eyes. Now, it is important to mention that every time the Prince awoke anew, he forgot his past life. Every time, like how every spring the Earth has to re-learn how to grow, so did the Prince at each birth.

Well, this Prince was distraught to see the Earth had been ruined. The ground was plastered over in concrete and covered in filth. While some people were too fat, others were too thin. Sadness and injustice and anger abounded.

The Prince decided to have a clean up. He went to the Wise Woman and asked her, "what will help me clean the Earth?"

"The Light, my child, the Light is needed. The Light on top of the ladder that is in the white desert."

So the Prince went out into the white desert. In the middle of the desert was a giant ladder made out of sea-shells. It was so high in the air, that the top could not be seen, and the sky was cloudless! Steadily, the Prince bravely climbed up it.

It was so high that it reached into outer space. Once at the top the Prince looked around. All around him were beautiful stars, each with a low blue light.

"I need a light to cleanse the earth." He called.

"Choose me," called one light.

"No me!" Spoke another.

"Ha! You will not waste your time with those weaklings will you?" A deep voice boomed out. The Prince turned to see the blinding rightness of the sun. Each flame looked smugly at him. "Choose on of us.

We are power!

WE ARE LIGHT!!"

Fascinated with their strength, the Prince took a flame from the sun.

"Nooo!" Called the stars. "It is too much!"

But the Prince could not hear their warnings; his eyes were riveted to the flame.

Down on Earth, the Prince shone the light out. "Cleanse the Earth Light, cleanse the earth."

With a huge bellow, the flame flared up, reaching as high as the sky and spreading across the land. Greedily it ate up everything. The land was scorched and bare.

The Prince was distraught to find the flame ate everything! Eventually, the flame even began to eat itself.

Then everything was dark.

The Prince sobbed alone. "I only wanted to cleanse the Earth." He wept. "I did not want to destroy it…"

So busy was the Prince crying that he did not notice that each tears that fell, began to glisten and move in its own regard.

As each of the newly born stars began to dance around him, he slowly opened his eyes and noticed them

"Don't cry," whispered one of the stars. "I am but a low light, but together, let's re-build the world." Wiping his tears the Prince nodded and with Lowlight, they began to bring the universe back to its former glory.

However, the Prince made this one vital change. Once, every year, there would be a winter. The winter would be cold and dark. This was done to remind the Prince and everyone else, the dangers of arrogant bright light when attempting to make things better."

She finished her story and kissed the crown of his head once more.

"I feel sorry for the Prince." Said Luka.

"M too, L. But it's alright. He had Lowlight to show him the way. They were forever friends after that."

"Even when the Prince was re-born?"

"Even then. They were reborn together."

"Always together?"

"Always."

* * *

**AN- After the last really depressing piece, I thought we could do with another 'half time break' lol. I hope you liked the fairytale. I totally made this one up. If anyone has a fairytale they would like me to try and in corporate into the story, pm me with it. **

**Low-Light is how L's name Lawliet is pronounced in Japanese- "Rho-raito". I always thought "Law-lee-yet." Go figure.**

**I hope people don't mind the name Luka. Its Russian and, well, I could not have L actually called L. That would be too bizarre.**


	9. мама тебя любит

**Thank you to Sashocirrione and Rin5o! Not only have you reviewed but you have both given me vital information on Cold War Russia. Thank you, all your advice has been used!**

**WARNING- More angst and sadness in this chapter. I swear to God this fanfic ****will ****get happier later on! As Harvey Dent says, "the night is always darkest before the dawn." And I don't know about you, but I believe in Harvey Dent.**

* * *

The wall had been in L's life since he could first remember. The wall that stretched all across Germany and Bulgaria. The wall that divided the East from the West. Somehow, the wall that even managed to divide his household.

*

When Light and Past re-appeared it was a cold evening in late November.

Immediately Light looked about for L. Sure enough, the boy, shuffled across the living room to sit, knees curled up to his chest, on the couch. Though he was still only seven, Light could now see he walked like an old man, like his adult self. His back was hunched and his head was low. The boy rubbed his feet together anxiously as shouts an screams echoed from the kitchen.

"How much shame could you bring onto us??" A young mans voice echoed out. "Its bad enough that all the neighbourhood calls us mongrels and, thanks to my bastard brother, traitors! But you're a Love Priestess? A no-good gypsy whore??"

There was a pause.

The kitchen door was slammed open and Light recognised the oldest brother of L. He was in a brown uniform with a grey cap, the uniform of the Berlin Wall Guard; his face was red with fury. "What was worth you selling yourself?" He continued, his mother coming out of the kitchen, tears straining her exotic face.

Light noticed L's head sink between his knees. It was as if he literally closed himself away. It seemed to work, as neither the mother or the brother acknowledged him even being in the room.

The oldest sibling began to throw various items around. "Cigarettes, jeans, deodorant! I could have got you those things! Unlike my bratty little brother and our former waste of a father, I can care for you and Luka and drag us out of this," he gestured wildly, "this excuse of a life!"

"Please," whispered their mother. "Please do not speak badly of your brother. He is trying to make a better world…"

"How? Our government are trying! We should be proud to be part of a country that looks after its people's needs, instead of leaving them to fend for themselves like those _capitalists_!" He spat the word. "How is it better to be a filthy Marxist?" She walked forward and hugged her son, who was now taller than her.

"Get off me," he muttered. His eyes were filled with angry tears. "You're nothing but a dirty mongrel of low social responsibility."

Despite the commotion, Light's attention was always focused on small L sitting on the couch between the dramatic couple. Living such a childhood, why did future Adult-L not understand Kira? Under Kira, horrors such as prostitution and poverty would not exist!

"Is that really so?"

Light turned to Past. She was looking more adult like than ever.

He gave her an appraising look, "you read my mind?"

"You are the punisher of crimes." She continued disregarding his question. "You do not give anything accept the fear of being caught breaking the rules. How are you any different from any other dictator?"

"I'm more intelligent than most people, so if any human could grasp the power of a god it should be someone like me. I have the intelligence, the power and the morality."

"Luka," she gestured to the small boy whose head was still hidden into his knees, "is as intelligent as you. Yet he disagreed. The only person whop could match you disagrees with your vision. Your morality involves killing the innocent; you would build your so called utopia on the blood of innocent sacrifices, L soon to be one of them. Under your rule, their mother would die for her sin of prostitution. What would the family do then?"

"There would be provisions!" He barked. "And sacrifices must always be made for progress; look at the Industrial Revolution, Independence for various countries and when nations first began to travel and multiculturalism was born? People died! People did not get along, people fought, but it was worth it, because whilst hundreds died, all of humanity was able to move forwards after this."

"No, sacrifices are made for deities and gods of an old superstitious world. The deaths you mention in your examples were caused by the infalliblility of mankind; their deaths were not necessary, but the sins of arrogance, pride and greed caused those tragedies. Just like this one," she waved to the scene on front of them.

Time had slowed down, the son was yelling and had picked up a vase. He flung it across the room. As it slowly twisted in the air towards the sobbing mother, the dim light of the coarse light bulb glittered off the smooth porcelain shell.

Light looked down at L.

The little boys head rose up and for a moment, his dark ash eyes settled on Lights fiery brown orbs.

Something clutched in Lights throat.

He had felt it before, at odd moments when L had looked at him; never during their stare-downs, never in their cold analysis of one another, but in very quiet moments when their eyes would meet accidentally and fleetingly. It was in these small glimpses, that Light felt as if he could fall into and drown in the grey spheres. His pulse always quickened, the catch in his throat almost chocking him, even tears would form, oh so lightly, in his eyes.

_L_

_**L**_

L was so deep, so incomprehensible. Even now, as a child as…Luka… Light had never heard him speak. Both the boy and the man he would become were an enigma, a puzzle that Light knew he would never, ever fully understand, even if given an eternity with the strange creature.

Was it that what really irked him about L? That for the first time, there was something that was beyond his grasp? Something in L's very soul?

As the mother slowly dropped to the floor in sadness, missing the vase that shattered off the wall, Past spoke up, "this nightmare was caused by a theory and social experiment that was polluted and abused. And now everyone in this family suffers when they had done nothing to deserve their fate. They were mere pawns."

"Can I help it if I am the Player of the game and not the Pawn?" Asked Light huskily.

Her dark eyes turned to him. "no, but you could decide how to play the game and how to use your pawns."

Time resumed its normal pace. The son was putting on his jacket and straightening his ha. "My shift starts at the wall soon enough. A lot of trouble has been caused thanks to the likes of my brother." He looked at his mother, a crumpled heap on the ground. All her glory was gone. "I won't see you again." He stated, his voice becoming as cold and emotionless as Adult L's would be. "I'm sorry for Luka. And for what we were, what we could have…" He bit his lip, and left slamming the front door. His mother's soft sobs becoming wails.

L sat quietly on the couch, one large grey eye watching her. He made no move to comfort her. Light realised that this must have been when L learnt his aversion of touching. He shuddered to think of how much abuse the child had endured to become so intense and uptight in a few months, if not weeks, since he was first sold.

"Mamá no es bueno! Regarde-toi, mon ange gothique, could I bear to have you hate me too? I have ruined myself, debased my family, my country…"

Light watched her through clinical eyes. Something about her loving words to L made him feel an uneasy familiarity.

L blinked at her a few times, his long dark lashes making up for the thin almost nonexistent eyebrows. She slowly stood and retired into the kitchen. Luka raised his head, looking like a baby Fawn sniffing out its mother. Anxiously he curled back into a ball.

They waited.

And they waited.

Outside got even darker.

The flames in the living rooms poor fire died down.

Lsat alone in the cold and dark.

He was in the same position, still facing the kitchen door.

"Oh God," muttered Light, surprising himself with the feeling of distress in his voice. "What is it now?"

L eventually got up and walked unsteadily to the door. He knocked it.

Who knocked on a kitchen door?

But then the feeling of foreboding tragedy hung in the air. L observed the door handle for some time.

Slowly his hand reached down for it.

Light tensed. Part of him wanted L to open the door, to get it over with. But another part screamed for the boy not to. That things would get so much worse.

L deserved better than this. Hell, anyone deserved better than this! Light knew L's brilliant brain must have been natural, no one could teach L the brilliance he had. Unlike Light, L had always seemed so keen to hide this brilliance away. To hide his name, his face as if he were ashamed of himself. As if he were so terrified of the world…

Was it this, this childhood that had damaged L so much? So that he was a bright, flaming Light hidden away under a basket?

Luka let out a breath. It was so cold in the flat at this stage that it could be seen; a small white fog, a ghost of his former breath. The boy finally gripped the handle ready pull when

**BANG BANG BANG!**

His knees giving way L fell to the floor; Light nearly did the same but managed not to, his pride in front of the Spirit being what it was.

Again the booms were heard. Someone was banging heavily on the front door.

On his hands and knees, Luka crawled out into the hallway and looked at the door. Whilst the bottom half and edges were wooden, there was a glass panel on it, revealing distorted images of those outside. They looked like monsters and demons.

Light realised they were not L's brothers but were male.

Customers perhaps?

The percentage was high.

"Madam open up!" They called. "It is time for our weekly payments."

L scrambled away from the door. He looked frightened. His eyes were slightly wider, his lips set in a thin white line. Crawling towards the stairs, he hid in a little compartment just underneath them.

The men smashed the door open.

"Madam, madam," five men in total called. "We have come for the usual services." Light frowned to see L's abuser there. He looked less anxious now and more predatory. No doubt being in a gang of perverted thugs had raised his confidence.

Light snarled in disgust.

The men switched on the flickering Lights and began to roam the house. There was a yell from the kitchen.

"She's dead!"

"Ugh!"

"Dear God!!"

"...All the blood!"

"Call a doctor!"

"Call a mortician more like. She's slashed her wrists!"

"I suppose we weren't paying her enough…"

There was laughter.

Light felt his heart turn to ice as over the raucous laughter he heard the quiet and sudden sobs of Luka, still hiding in the cupboard under the stairs…

* * *

**AN- Poor L, my poor darling…**

**TRANSLATIONS: Mama L said: "Mama is no good! Look at you my Gothic Angel.."**

**(Poor mama)**

**If anyone has ANY advice for me to improve the fic in any terms just let me know. And if you find any historical inaccuracies, point them out. I'm doing a crash course in modern Russian history, so I'm likely to get a few things wrong! **

**Oh, and btw, I am not trying to teach anyone the 'evils' of either communism or capitalism. They both have their faults. It's more about the parallels of these governments trying to make a 'perfect world' through totalitarian rule or force, and it failing. But hopefully you've made that link yourselves…**

**I researched Russian prostitution in the USSR as apparently even the word 'sex' was not used (hehe, maybe they said 'lemons' as a code) -_- I've never had so many on-line propositions from potential Russian 'wives'…**

**The next chappie will be the last one of L and Siberia. We will be on Present soon...**

**Who can tell me what the title means? ;) *Clue* It's in the language of the land they are currently in.**


	10. Justice

**New Improved chapter!!**

**WARNING: Angst, _some_ politics (*groan*), Light being arrogant.**

**As always a big, big thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I appreciate you taking the time to write a comment. And all of them have been both useful, encouraging and kind :)**

**THIS CHAPPIE IS DEDICATED TO Rin5o, who has given me a LOT of advice on Eastern Europe, especially in terms of culture and language. Thank you!**

* * *

As Light listened to the quiet sobs over the jeering thugs, he scowled in disgust.

"How can, in our time, he fight Kira, when all this would be stopped under my rule?" He looked at Past.

"It would be!" He argued, though she had made no remonstrance to his question. "With people being too afraid to commit criminal actions, eventually this will filter down into people not wanting to do anything to harm one another, for fear of bringing on the wrath of God. It may sound vicious and tyrannical, but what God in any religion does not punish? Only the reason those gods are inferior to Kira is because they do not act, they just forever threaten with Doomsday, be it Harmageddon, Ragnorok or Qiyamah. Mankind can always deny their existence, or live by the creed 'eat and drink for tomorrow we die.'" He grinned in the same sinister manner his photo persona had earlier that night. "But no-one can deny Kira. And Kira will punish now!"

"Who are the criminals in the scene before us?" Asked Past.

"That paedophile for one." Grimaced Light. As soon as they got back to his time, that man was dead. "In fact…all of them. They took advantage of a broken women."

"She was paid."

"So what?? This sort of thing should not happen." Light answered his voice revealing his disgust. "I have never given into carnal desires. I have none. Partly out of self control, and partly due to nature. I would never assault a woman in this manner."

"How have they assaulted her? As I said, she was paid."

"What is wrong with you! You'd have to be morally dead to not see the problem! She hardly had a choice, they are in poverty. Not to mention she clearly was not in a healthy mind frame. They took advantage of all her weaknesses. And L has suffered." He finished particularly bitterly.

"Is that why you deserve to be God, because you are better than that; than these people?"

"Short answer: yes. Kira is dedicated to making the world full of people like me and eradicating through re-education and elimination, people like those men."

"People like you and people like them? There is such a definite difference?"

"Of course. It may not be politically correct but some people are better than others. Morally at least." He rounded onto Past. "Earlier you challenged my decision to kill Penbar and Misora, well I'll give you an answer. Even though they were not criminals they still went against God. Therefore, they were against a perfect new world, that makes them sinners. L is one of them; despite his morbid past he would happily keep a world where something like this could happen to another child!"

"So you would kill all who disagree with Kira's ideologies?"

"For the sake of the rest of mankind, yes."

Past was silent.

"These people," Light continued gesturing towards the men, "they have no class. They deserve to be exterminated. And people like L and Misora and Penbar, they are part of

that weak class of human, they allow men like these to run riot."

"They are an actual different class of people?"

"Yes they are; Past," his tone changed to pleading, his eyes took on an eager, idealistic shade. Light naturally changed his face to the one that convinced everyone of his views.

Well, everyone until he met L.

"Past, you cannot deny that these men hardly count as human. They're debased and debauched. They and their protectors need to be eliminated, if mankind is ever to move forwards in evolution.

People that are good; that work together; that care about our world, they are a higher evolutionary class. Those who just cause pain are lower."

"So it's a war of the classes you are waging?"

"I guess it is, Past."

He turned to see L being discovered by one of the men. His eyes were dark and blank, like long tunnels of misery and pain so deep they would never be lit up again.

Light was tempted to scoop the child into his arms; and he was not a sentimental man.

He marvelled a little at the child's big dark eyes and jet black hair. "He looks ugly as an adult." He thought whilst analysing the child who was looking up despondently at a group of horny sexual deviants. "But he has a certain dark beauty as a child."

He thought of Misa in her little gothic Lolita attire and sneered. The clothes never suited her, she was more suited to mainstream, conservative "cutie" clothes; plush pink sweaters and over knee socks. Her gothic attire always seemed very much as costume she put on, as opposed to an extension of her personality.

L practically _was_ the stuff she wore; dark, unapologetic, somewhat arrogant, anti-mainstream and slightly sinister and dangerous.

Whilst he thought these, (as he thought of them,) stupid thoughts, he began to notice that their surroundings were changing. The coffee table in the sitting room suddenly changed shape and position. Simultaneously so did the television, then the stairs changed position. Beside him a family portrait twsited into a calender with a graffitied Karl Marx picture above the date. November the Ninth.

All the men disappeared and new, younger people, took their place.

Outside the windows the same dark mass that had swirled around he and Past earlier was now surrounding the entire building.

Slowly more and more people, all young, began to appear out of nowhere.

There seemed to be something akin to a party come meeting going on. He could hear yells and shouts from the new sitting room, peering in he saw several young men and women around the coffee table smeared with papers, arguing like war generals.

Notably, he could hear more German being spoken than the translated Russian.

"Are we still in Russia?" Asked Light.

"No, look outside."

Peering outside the window, Light could see they were in a bustling city.

In the not-too-far distance, Light could see the Brandenburg Gate (1).

"We're in Berlin."

The black mass had dissipated, and the sky revealed the time to be early evening. It was dark, winters tight grip still on the fractured land.

He sighed, and looked around the room with new eyes.

"Where is L?" He pondered.

All around them teenagers fell about and made out; drunkenness and debauchery abounding. It was as if these young men and women were going out of their way to be as decadent as they could be. As if they had something to prove. As if even this fairly private act between them all was still a valid sign of insubordinance.

But to whom, or to what?

"Its nearly the end!" One boy at the round coffee table was screaming, slamming his fists on the wood surface. "Hungary have renounced communism! Erich Honecker has quit!(2) Now is the time!"

"The wall…" Continued one girl conspiratorially, making them all lean in closer. "It's only a matter of time before it breaches! We'll be right there when history is made!"

"No way, we should have moved away to Hungary or to one of the embassy's in Warsaw or somewhere," Complained another lad with red hair. "It might all get violent here!"

"No!" Screamed the first, rather excitable, fist-thumping lad. "Who knows what the government will do if desperate enough?? Those places will be attacked first if the government get enough power again!! Hungary might be treated like Ukraine in '32!" (3)

"That isn't going to happen Igor…" One girl began to sigh before-

"**DO YOU WANNA TRY OUT THAT THEORY???!!"**

"Calm down," droned out a flat, calm voice.

Light felt his heart skip a bit.

To his left he saw the silhouette of a frail, pale boy with long hair. He stood in a doorway to the sitting room, the brightly lit room behind him contrasted with the red hues of the current one; making him seem lit up himself, like some sort of gothic messiah. He stepped forward revealing more of himself. His hair was shockingly black compared to his skin, like L's. Like L he wore over sized jeans. His top and jacket were scruffy and dirty. His posture was nothing like L's, it was taut and tense. And most of all was the striking a difference however was that this boys eyes were juxtaposed to his calm face, they were wide in a wild way like the eyes of a religious fanatic.

Where L could see through you, this boy seemed blind. He saw something completely different to everyone else. His eyes, Light could now see, were not as dark as L's; they were a pale grey with distinct blue tint L did not posses.

Those eyes washed over the scene.

Everyone quietened down at his commanding presence.

"Something important is on the television." He murmured, his voice reaching the low purr adult L would also have. "And we'll all know where we're going after that."

The wildness of the teenagers halted, as they all sat to watch the news. It was a press conference with the political leaders.

Just then a sniggering girl entered the room holding onto L's hand. "Look, I made him some jeans out of the spare material!" She laughed, bright blue eyes glistening.

"Shhh!" Was the general reply from the room, complete with a "**SHUT UP**!!" from the irate Igor.

Huffing in a manner that reminded Light of Misa, she sat on the floor, propping a compliant L next to her, grinning down at him like he was a doll. He almost looked like one, his face was devoid of any emotion.

Light felt an uncomfortable lurching in his chest at the sight of the boy; like all things that discomforted him, he tried to ignore it. But more than anything he wanted to sit by the child and brush his hands through his dark, greasy looking hair.

As the youngsters began to watch a news broadcast, the girl gave L half a bockwurst with a small, hard piece of bread. Normally, Light would have revelled in L eating anything but sweets, but as this child gobbled the food down, Light could not find any humour.

The child was starving.

His bones were jutted outwards, his eyes hollow and, Light could now see, really beginning to have those dark rings he would never be free from; almost as if they were physical scars from his past; shackles of which he would never be released.

He looked like the ghost of a child rather than a living being.

On the television a man called 'the bastard Gunter Shawbowski' according to the young viewers was announcing in a deadpan voice;

"…_and therefore we have made the decision today_…"

"Oh my God!" Screamed a girl prematurely. She received several hits from her comrades.

"…_to institute a new regulation which permits every resident of East Germany_…"

They all leaned forward.

Light was the only one watching L, who had finished the bread and sausage and was now greedily licking his fingers for the last dregs of sustenance.

"…_to depart the country using any border crossing of the German Democratic Republic_..."

There was no reaction from the students. They seemed to shocked. It was like looking at a still picture, only the hairs moving upwards from the static gave it away.

"_As of when_?" Asked a reporter.

The politician on the screen shuffled through the papers half heartedly, "_this becomes active, to my knowledge…it's now…immediately_."

...

_immediately_

...

_**immediately**_

The youngsters leapt up and began to run about the room collecting their items.

Light looked outside, people were running out of their houses with suitcases and bags.

"We get to the border now!" L's older brother was commanding to the scattering followers. "Before they have a chance to change their minds."

"It's all going to kick off!" Igor was screaming. "People will be **shot** in the streets!"

"Shut up you scare-mongering idiot!"

"Whatever, you **Red**!" He screamed at the girl in return.

As they all ran outside with their sparse belongings, L, who had been exceedingly still, was scooped up at the last second by the red-haired lad of earlier. "Can't forget you!" He joked, swinging the raven headed enigma over his shoulder.

Outside, more and more people began to join the emigrating hundreds.

"It feels like a demonstration!" Giggled the silly Misa-like girl who had looked after L earlier.

She was holding his hand now whilst walking with the red-head boy and the other girl who had argued so much with Igor.

"We're at a momentous time in our history." She replied.

"You hear that L?" Gasped the girl, looking fondly at the silent boy. "Remember, liebling (4), having a lot of power does not equal justice!"

After some time, they arrived at the borders at an area called Bornholmer Street. At this point, hundreds of people were waiting to leave. However, the crowds came to a standstill.

With his amazing force, L's older brother pushed his way, along with his comrades, to the front of the queue.

"What's going on?" He barked at an official, his very voice dripping disrespect.

"You can't leave."

"Why not??"

"You need a visa."

"What?!"

The people around began to complain loudly.

Sirens of police cars sang in the distance.

"I have a passport!" Continued L's brother. He looked around. "We all do. Let us out its our right to leave! We don't have to obey your rules!"

The crowd cheered, his comrades grinned. The guards looked nervous. They were quickly losing control.

"Look, I'm sorry," insisted the guard. "But you were giving incorrect information…"

"This is bull!!" Screamed Igor. He raised his passport over his head and turned to the crowd. "They MUST let us leave!"

The crowd roared in approval as more guards began to appear, making a human blockade.

"_Attention, Attention_!" Called the nasally voice of a policeman speaking through a speaker phone. "_We are making an announcement regarding the possibility of travelling to West Berlin and West Germany_."

The crowd turned to watch the officials.

"_Dear citizens, I ask you in the interests of order and safety to leave the checkpoint..._"

Immediately the crowd began to roar in protest.

"…_and go to reporting stations, the existence of which have just become known to me_…" The police continued to read, despite the noise and uproar.

"Order and safety?" Screamed Igor. "FUCK ORDER AND SAFETY!"

L's older brother was silent, but seething. Light shuddered at the sight of it. It was so unlike L, even in the Detectives darkest moments.

"..._It is not possible to grant you travel here and now_." The People's Police concluded, before the crowd became truly uncontrollable, people's anger boiling over.

"How many ridiculous cock-ups do we have to deal with?!"

"They said we could leave!!"

"The government don't even know what they are doing!"

"Another shambles, another farce!!"

"We might as well not have passports or I.D!" Cried an adult man, his voice rising over the general discontent. He stepped up onto a car. "This is the freedom my government gives me!" He screamed before setting the passport a light. All around the area people began to do the same, tearing and burning their I.D's in protest.

Igor climbed onto the car with the man. "This government don't care about us." He waved his I.D. "We are not individuals to them!!"

Suddenly, some guards grasped him. "You can leave!" They yelled. Stamping his passport they threw him through the barriers to the other side of the wall.

The crowd cheered until Igor, under L's brothers quiet command, checked his passport. "What's this stamp on my passport photo?" He asked.

"You cannot come back to the East." One of the guards replied.

As Igor gaped the crowd began to complain once more.

"You people want to leave so bad fine!" The guard shouted in response, his tone like a petulant child's. "But you will not be allowed back, ever!"

For the first time, Igor looked afraid, "my family, my mom and dad, are still on the east!" He argued. "Where will I go?"

The guards did not answer; they were too busy trying to control the crowd that were beginning to riot. Even more pressure was being added to them as legions of people were still entering Bornholmer and demanding to be allowed out of the east.

After giving a small nod of consolidation to Igor, L's brother stepped onto the car.

"It is always them telling us we cannot go here or cannot go there." He called, his low voice commanding and mature beyond his years. "I say no more! We were told we could leave! Nothing about passports and not being able to return! This is just them trapping us, again!" The crowd cheered and roared, a mist of excitable anger becoming potent in the air. "Are we not humans? Do we not have the right and the freedom to go where we choose? Freedom! Break the wall! Freedom! Break the wall!"

**Freedom! Break the wall!**

People began to chant, the heaving masses crushing closer and closer against the barriers.

"Don't worry Igor!" Cried the girl whom he had earlier called 'Red.' "You will be allowed to come back!"

**Freedom! Break the wall!**

"Don't be stupid," shouted the red-head boy whilst tearing his papers. "Who would want to come back?"

**Freedom! Break the wall!**

L whimpered, Light could see his face was flushed and his eyes were tired. "He's just a child, he shouldn't be here…" He thought wondering if L remembered all of this as an adult.

Behind him, the guards began to panic, unable to receive concrete instructions from their superiors.

**Freedom! Break the wall!**

Quickly, the whole thing was becoming a farce.

**OPEN UP! OPEN THE GATE! OPEN UP! OPEN THE GATE! **

The people, now milling in their thousands, began to scream at the guards. One or two of the guards reluctantly pushing individuals back behind the white painted line on the ground.

**OPEN UP! OPEN THE GATE! OPEN UP! OPEN THE GATE! **

Igor's and his friends watched each other on opposite sides of the fence.

**WE WILL COME BACK!**

They all began to scream

**WE WILL COME BACK! WE WILL COME BACK! WE WILL COME BACK!** (5)

"Melor!" A person called out suddenly. L's older brother turned around, recognition those normally vacant eyes.

A young guard stepped forward. Light recognised the pale lips set in a thin line, the hard unforgiving stare of liquid black eyes. Where Melor, L's older brother, had eyes unfocused and dreamy, the oldest brother's eyes were so focused, so intense that one would not be able to withstand looking straight into them for a measure of time.

"Do not call me that! (6)" Yelled Melor, all his calmness gone within that second. "You traitor!"

"You are the traitor! I am ashamed to share the same blood as you! Betrayer of our country!"

"I love my country, I want what is best for Siberia."

"How is this," his brother gestured around, "better for us? You break down these walls and you'll destroy everything good our leaders managed to achieve. The East will crash and burn under those _**Imperealists**_!!!"

"It will flourish!""You live in a pipe dream!"

"Where is L?" Muttered Light.

"These are his memories," hummed Past. "So what we are watching, he was watching."

Looking around he saw L standing nearby, watching the brothers closely. Non one was with him, doubtless the teenagers were too drawn uo in all the drama to notice the small boy was missing.

The brothers argued politics for some time before Melor, leaping off the car and walking to his elder sibling, made it personal;

"You betrayed mama," he whispered savagely in their native tongue.

"She was a whore!" The brother retorted, eyes shifting nervously should any of his colleagues over hear his shame.

"She is dead." Stated Melor back in German.

Despite the various chants and noise and screams and sirens all raging in the background, Light could tell that for the two brothers, the world had become silent.

"The moment you left," continued Melor back in their native tongue, "just like our papa who you so despise, she slit her wrists in the bathroom." He gulped and his eyes grew sad. "I found Luka a few days later. You do not want to know where and in what condition." The vaguely blue eyes glistened with water. "I-I can barely look at him now. And it's **your** fault. You abandoned them just like our government abandoned us!"

"You left first!" Shouted the older, who, 'til that moment had looked the epitome of forlorn. His voice was ragged with unwept tears. "You left us to run off with your capitalist friends! You were the one who took after papa!" He paused for a moment realisation briefly lightening his obsidian eyes. "That's what this is all about, isn't it? What its always been about! The hapless excuse of a father who just walked out one night and never came back!"

"THEY killed him! Those government dogs!!"

"He killed himself!"

"Excuse me sir," a guard interrupted the petulant fighting. "The barriers are breaking." The guard hurried on, panic lacing his words. "We can't hold on, should we ust open-"

"No!" He screamed automatically, before looking at the ground, his chest heaving. "Actually, yes, open them. The superiors have not been clear. We'll be killed by the rabble in this state. Open the gates."

Immediately the guard ran off repeating the brothers orders.

"There, Melor. Now I have lost everything."

A great roar ripped out from the people as the gates opened and the guards walked away. L was swept away in the tide of people all running into the west.

"L!" Light called out, immediately feeling stupid on a Matsuda level. F course L could not hear him. The boy whimpered a little as the hoards of cheering men and women hurtled passed him, jostling him to and fro. In the end, he had to run and move with the tide to save himself from being knocked over any more.

In the west, even more people could be seen running to their eastern cousins. L ran to a building and crouched on the floor in his habitual pose. He drew his thumb to his mouth, eyes wide and darting.

A girl ran passed, the girl Light recognised as the one that reminded him of Misa.

L cried out a sort of barking noise. She heard him and Light felt his stomach unclench. Stupid she may have been, but at least she cared for L.

"Luka, Luka!" She cried hugging the boy tightly. He tentatively put his hand on her arm. "The world is no longer split in two! Don't be afraid liebling," she brushed his dark, sweaty locks from his face. "Look around, what do you see?"

Groups of people waved German flags singing old German songs (and a few new ones as well.) Everywhere people called out names, faces recognised other long-lost faces, people hugged, people wept, people were reunited.

An weeping old woman wandered up to them, her old face lit up with joy and refelcting a eauty she once had. "My children," she said in German. "Welcome to the West." She handed L a conglomeration of a few chocolate and candy peices wrapped in a handkerchief. "I must find my son..." She murmmured drifting back into the crowd.

"Danke! (7)" The girl called after her. She turned to L who was sniffing the peices suspiciously. " They are sweeties L. Eat them up. They're little balls of happiness! That nice lady gave you happiness to eat."

At the word 'eat' L eagerly shoved two candy peices in his mouth.

His eyes widened an inordinate amount.

He looked at the girl quickly, his face amazed.

She laughed and confired, "they're all yours!"

L smiled. "Danke." He barely whispered, his voice hoarse through lack of use.

The girl froze before drawing him into a tense hug.

Light realised that L must not have spoken in a long time. In fact, during this whole flashback, when had he heard L say anything?

"Its what your brothers don't understand." The girl whispered, her chin lightly resting on his head. "Good and bad, justice and injustice, they are not so simple. They are not rules screamed by a dictator, the demands of the bully. Its not about everything going your way and everything belonging to you. Its all to do with love, L. Having enough love for your fellow man to do what is right for them but not yourself." She kissed the crown of his head as they watched a mother and her daughter having a tearful reunion. The crowd applauded.

Light shifted uncomfortably under the girls words. What did she know? She was just another Misa-type personality, but someone had indoctrinated her with vague, unrealistic, hippy ideals rather than the sensible ones Misa had thanks to him.

Suddenly the red head boy ran up to them, "Gala! Its Melor, he's dead!" He became silent on seeing L. Gala, the Misa-type, glowered at him. "The brothers fought," he stammered on, glancing now and then at L. "There were gun shots…" He shrugged.

And just then, the black swirling mass began to spin once more.

* * *

**AN**

1) Brandenburg Gate: a beautiful peice of architechture I suggest you google image. :)

2) Erich Honecker was the rather brutal leader of the German Democratic Republic (GDR.)

3) In the Ukraine, people were rebelling against Stalin. So he cut off all their food, took all their grain and left them all to starve to death. It is unknown to this day how many actually died. They were buried in unmarked mass graves.

4) Liebling- it is a term of endearment in German, like 'darling' or sweet heart'.

5) .com/watch?v=1_eCVhCGYwE&feature=related : "The opening of the Wall at Berlin Bornholmer Strasse 1989." Watch from 4:38. The people really did chant these things. It's fascinating stuff.

6) Melor- I know, sounds like Mello ;) Pure coincience.

Acronym of _Marx Engels Lenin October Revolution_. This name commemorates the creation of the former Soviet state. It was created by Communist parents who were eager to reject traditional names. .com/name/melor

7) Danke means 'thanks!' in German :) (If I remember my GCSE German correctly that is...)

* * *

**I hope to God my OC's did not take over this chappie!! I re-worked it so many times to try and make it less about them -_- **

**Not sure I suceeded in that. **

**This is the last of L's past. One more Past chapter and then we're done with memory lane.**

**Historical innacuracies? Spelling or grammar errors? Let me know and I will fix!!**

**Btw, the stuff with Light discussing L's mother, that'll come back up later. Light talks the talk but...**


	11. Explainations of a Justified Sinner

**WARNINGS: Death of an unborn child.**

* * *

Light seemed to have built up a resistance to the hurricane of black memories rushing around them. Though he could not be as stoic and unaffected as Past, he could now stand mostly upright, without covering his ears and without erratically flinching in irrational fear of the dark winds. But then, that was one of Light's strong points, he could grow accustomed to strange beings (L, Misa,) and supernatural (Ryuuk, the Death Note) situations. Now and then the winds parted just a little to reveal landscapes quickly twisting and changing anew. At one point the saw a large black forest, then a lit-up city, a vast, still lake, then a small humble village. Through these glimpses Light guessed they were even travelling through various countries as well as times.

Slowly they came to a halt, Light automatically brushed his windswept hair down with both hands. They were back in his night strewn, blue-toned room. He looked around. He was relieved to see that all traces of ice were gone. All his things were where he last left them. It was definitely his room in the current time line.

He turned to the Spirit. "Is that all you had to show me? Is it true the brothers died? Where did they all go after that night?"

"That was all you needed to see of the past." She answered passionlessly.

"Wasn't it risky showing me what you did?" He asked. "I know L's first name now. It would not take too much to find his records and the rest of it."

"You are planning to kill him tomorrow anyway." She replied smoothly. The body of the ghost woman smiled. "Besides, 'Luka' wasn't the name on his birth certificate. When the family moved to Russia they wanted to make sure L fitted in with the locals; the mother being gypsy and the father himself bi-racial and so having different cultures and accents they often had troubles settling in with indigenous peoples themselves. So they gave him a Russian name."

Light bit down on his tongue to withheld the urge to pull a vexed facial expression; it was just so frustrating! L always, somehow, was one step ahead…

"Another spirit will visit you soon."

"Present. Yes, Higuchi explained." Light sat at his desk and crossed his legs, regaining his composure. "If I do not obey whatever lesson you and the rest of the spirit realm are trying to teach me, I'll be doomed to Higuchi's fate, correct?"

"You know it is."

"Then, how does that make you any better than Kira? I am not a fool and tonight was not subtle. You are saying that, as Kira, I will become selfish and blind, the way I was to Sayu's suffering, and that, like those warring governments, people will suffer under my reign." He paused for a moment but she said nothing. "Well, that is not the case with me. I had little control over what happened to Sayu, granted I could have been more aware, but no one who cares about Sayu, including my parents and her teachers, have noticed anything either. And yet you would not say that they do not love or care enough, surely? You could not say that my father cannot do his job as a servant of justice? Or the teachers as protectors of their students?

Then, the governments ruling over the GDR became corrupted due to too many people getting involved. There were a multitude of different countries with individual parties and rulers in the GDR. On top of the in-fighting between governments, the individual greed or overt cruelty of certain politicians there was the on-going war with the capitalist countries, including America and western Europe, all of whom were affluent and a very real threat in regards to weapons.

However, Kira will be the only one to rule the world and it will not be in a political spectrum. Kira is the deliverer of justice. The countries can rule as they please, but any dodgy dealings, any illegal happenings and unlike now, where they can get away with it and millions of people die in pointless, victorless war- I will deliver a swift death.

Kira will rule as a God, not a King.

Neither religion or political leanings will affect my judgement. In time, all the religions in the world will become obsolete, it being obvious that Kira is the real God; already people are beginning to worship me. That is one main cause of contention between man , without crime there will be no need to lay out any new laws on morals. As for rules on the best way to live, I would be happy to use my influence to encourage certain healthier styles of living.

Earlier we saw L's mother being abused, and I said those men were criminals." His eyes flashed red. "Well, in my world they will be. People will learn to respect one another and that respect includes sexual activity. In this world, sex permeates everything. We have children dressed in clothes with the Playboy bunny symbol on them. Sex is used, sometimes more subtly than others, to sell just about any product, even unisexual ones, to the public at any time of the day. Then clothes, especially on the women, which show almost all of their breasts minus the nipples if they are feeling modest and then skirts so short you can see their backsides." He grimaced.

"You sound like your talking of Misa."

"Misa is just a product of the world she inhabits. In my world, that will change. Like Kira's ideals, she will eventually come to my way of thinking about attire without me having to ask her. A level of respect for ourselves is the beginning of being able to respect others. It cannot be denied that all these one night stand encounters have cheapened sex and undermined relationships. And things like relationships and family units make up the particles of society. Once those obliterate, society also falls into disarray. Broken homes, unhappy children, lack of sexual restraint and a lack of self respect. These elements are the problems that underpin some of the main issues with society, social exclusion and crime nowadays.

I will encourage good education, meaning people will be more well-informed and less likely to turn to crime through being too lazy to work or to try hard at any given goal. A good education will teach humanity from a young age that the best way to get ahead is through planning and determination. One good thing about L is that he understands that. Therefore, I respect him whilst disagreeing with his policies. However, Higuchi deserves no praise. He cheated into trying to get ahead. I use the Death Note to purify the world, he used it to get a raise. He could have done that on his own power, but was too lazy and so turned to crime. That is the mentality of so many criminals. It is well known that social depravation and poverty not only increase feelings of isolation and class resentment but are linked to the rise of crime, especially crimes such as burglary. So with everyone having a good reputation, religion being non existent, governments focusing on keeping society in order and less worked up on controlling people and people being better behaved towards one another, these feelings will change. Its all bout social reconstructuring.

If I had ruled as Kira in L's time, L's mother would not be in prostitution, L and his brothers would have been in education not fussing in politics. They would have met more kind people in their lives, the likes of those perverts being deleted by the Death Note, therefore meaning they all would have been happier.

However, you spirits tell me that I must do things your way, or else I will be punished. So how is that any better than a violent dictatorship? At least I have a positive goal in all this. You say the spirits are giving me this chance because my intentions were once noble. Well they still are. What are your intentions? How is what you are doing helpful?"

The ghost woman looked out of the window. The sky outside had temporarily cleared of its dark storm clouds. The moon had been granted a respite and took this time to shine down its eerie glow down to the earth and through Lights window.

"My time is coming to an end," she said. "But I should have time to answer you. First of all, you seem not to understand what it is I am showing you."

He winced at that; he hated the suggestion that he was somehow stupid.

"Ask yourself, Light-Kun, what is the link? There were many things I could have shown you tonight, but I chose those two because their stories synchronised. And while you ponder these things I can tell you know, you have not saved thousands by using the Death Note how you have. Try to understand Light, everything you do has an affect on something, which affects something else, which affects something else.

A breath becomes a storm, a whispered word becomes a tragedy, the ghost of a kiss becomes a nation.

L's history is your history as much as Sayu's is. Remember that. _Remember_.

Look at the body of this girl." She gestured at herself. "Do you recognise it at all?"

He narrowed his eyes, focusing on her. Her body was slim and short, hair long and black, eyes almond and a dark brown that was almost black. She was definitely Japanese. But he did not recognise her.

"No, I do not know you."

"You do not know _her_." The voice corrected. Light became very aware of the body and the voice being to separate entities. "I am the spirit of an eternal entity." Said the voice, becoming increasingly otherworldly. It seemed like two or three voices were speaking in harmony, like it had earlier when his name had first been called.

"Do you really think that I would be in he form of a human child. Of course not. Each spirit tonight has taken on a human form so that you can better process tonight. In 'reality'," she said the word in a way to suggest that 'reality' itself was a vague and lucid concept. "This girl is not here. And I am on a completely different plane of existence. This girl is being used as a link from where I am directly to your mind."

"So," Said Light slowly. "She is not real, just something from my mind that you are using."

"She is something that your life and fate is closely entangled with. Or, as I am Past, someone whose life was entangled with yours."

Light focused on her once more whilst she, or the spirit spoke. The dark hair, the determined expression, serious before its age, almost at odds with the understated prettiness of the face.

"Naomi Misora?" He asked. "Was this she as a child?"

"No. This was her child."

Light stared at her for a moment.

"They had a child together?" He asked desperately trying to replay his memories. "Neither of them ever mentioned…why do such a dangerous job if…?"

"Because they did not know." Past interrupted Light, embarrassing him; It was not often Light got tongue twisted.

"This child had yet to be born." She continued. "The fates had it all arranged. Three days after they were killed by you, they were meant to find out the happy news when she awoke being sick one morning. The little girl was to be born in winter. She would be, as you can see, very beautiful. She was also to be greatly intelligent. Through many hardships she would get to go to college and then later medical school. She was going to specialise in surgery for heart conditions in was going to save countless thousands, who themselves would grow up to be politicians, heroes, youth workers and volunteers, who themselves would save thousands more.

You talk of evolution, the natural progression of man, you want to force it, but us, the spirits, the fates, we know better. These things take time. Humanity is advancing quickly, but it is a fragile existence and could easily destroy itself. A gentle hand is needed to guide it on its way. There is a plan and a purpose. And you, in your conceit and arrogance, are single-handedly destroying the future of man. You have with held progress and are helping de-evolve society. But this will become apparent as time continues.

You killed two innocents. You can claim that they were detrimental to your plans, but the truth is they dared to challenge you. You were angry because L was too clever for you, so you destroyed an innocent couple instead, to help heal your wounded ego. That, in turn, killed their unborn."

The girl put both her arms out. Two crystal tears fell from her face. "What crime did I commit Light?" She asked, her voice as soft as rain. Light flinched. "That's unfair!" He cried. "Making this corpse, this reanimation talk!"

"I am the real child." The girl replied. "This was the closest I got to live and age, thanks to you."

"Is there no reincarnation?"

She shook her head slowly, "I do not know. I do not know what that is. I wasn't even born when I died."

Suddenly a thick lines of blood came down one of her legs. Her…period?

"My time is up." Both she and Past said at the same time. "I'm scared." She whispered to Light before turning without waiting for an answer and opening a window.

"Good bye Light." Whispered Past, sounding distant and tired. "Remember everything you have seen and said so far. I'm sorry I could not answer more."

During this time the light of the moon got brighter and brighter. It engulfed the girl, making her look like an angel. And with one final flash that made Light cover his eyes, the angel was gone.

He ran to the window and looked outside, the ground, the sky, down the street…

But everything, the darkness, the heavy clouds, the odd spatter of rain and chill wind...

...everything was exactly the same as it was before.

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**AN**

**I wrote this at half six this morning listening to The Cruxshadows (especially Winterborn) over and over again. I hope you guys like it. I have been getting the nicest reviews, seriously guys, thank you so much, I never hoped to have such a kind reception. Originally this chappie was going to be a bit gruesome and horror-ish. **


	12. Musings of an Adolescent God

**This is another Light-centric chapter. Its is not riveting, but Light thinks and schemes a lot, so I had to have him do so here. I'm sorry as well for the lateness :( My computer has some kind of virus and I'm having a hell of a time trying to get a) the virus gone and b) my firewall back up. Sorry :(**

**This chapter is dedicated to xDaNaExReVeNgEx who gave some handy tips for me who is trying to keep Light in character. Thank you 'Danae'!!!!**

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Light was not sure how long he sat staring out the open window but he soon began to feel the stinging cold. Closing it shut in a hurry, he huddled under his blanket in his bed.

That the other spirit would make itself known soon enough he was certain.

In the meantime, he shut his eyes, he had to think. What was it in Sayu's and L's past that they both shared? What was the lesson?

He would never have put L and Sayu together; they almost seemed from completely different worlds. Sayu was a nineties child, raised in middle class suburban Japan with an wholesome, middle-class, suburbanite, all-Japanese family with conservative values; a teenage bubble head who danced to pop, talked about boys, looked up to someone like _Misa _and whose key worries (or so he had always thought) were about her weight and grades, of which her esteem had always been low.

L was a child born in the eighties, raised in poverty, violence, inconsistent love and in a multitude of different languages; a compulsive junk food eater, careless over his appearance, an insomniac and severely socially retarded.

Regarded as two separate entities their present personalities and pasts were in sync. But together they were mismatched.

_Think Light, think._

_L_

_Sayu_

Both had endured great difficulties at a young age; Sayu with the bullying and L with the simultaneous meltdown of his community and family. Both had been isolated from their families in terms of communication.

_Thousands will die, Light…Thousands…_

He frowned and pushed that nasty thought away. He would deal with the implications of murdering Raye Penpar and Naomi Misora later. He had to process everything in order.

So, L and Sayu both suffered due to lack of communication. Why was there a lack of communication?

Well, both of them were reticent; Sayu kept the bullying a secret and L became essentially catatonic. But then…Sayu was only around nine years old when he had seen her suffering. He could not know L's age but it was clear that he had been very young himself, even younger than nine. And one of the things Light knew about child psychology was that children did not discuss their problems. They did not vocalise distress the same way teenagers and adults did. When children were being abused, it usually took an adult to recognise the signs that something was wrong with the child often through the games they played, unusual behaviour or pictures they drew.

Besides, who could they have told?

L had no one, his brothers had been too busy warring with each other and his mother had sunk into depravity and depression.

Then Sayu already felt like a failure. Her marks were not as good, she was not as attractive as Light. So he could understand that the last thing she would want to do is complain about school. Light pondered deeper. Going through his memories of the girl, it seemed that the most praise she received from adults was her jubilance and sweetness; something Light never was, despite his various charms. The dark side of her life would have tainted her cheerful demeanour. There was the possibility that Sayu had been lying to herself about the severity of the bullying. If being pleasant was all she felt worthy over, then she would cling to that lie to the point of self destruction. It was even possible that the Yagami family would not have taken her claims of bullying seriously because she was so happy. It had never occurred to Light that she had any suffering in her life, never mind being cut by some psycho ex-stalker of his.

The more he cogitated on her situation, the more he (regretfully) saw how the situation was tied into his behaviour. Light knew that he had flirted with those girls; he had led so many to believe they actually had a chance of a relationship with him. He had done this partially as an experiment to see how much power he could yield over the 'fairer' sex, and then later, when his confidence was solidified in his ego, he had led these girls along because it kept him popular and loved. Like with Misa, he could have those girls do anything for him. But all that time, thinking he were so clever, he had never thought that in their anger and bitterness, they would turn against the closest thing to him without actually being him- Sayu his sister.

Then there had been his own flippancy. Light was exceedingly observant, but, (he thought with a wince of pain, his ego being stung so,) he only seemed observant in things that suited him and his world view.

What point was that?

He had not noticed Sayu's dislike of school, her injuries, her bad homework despite, he realised, her never coming across as stupid on a daily basis in their regular activities.

Light sat up in bed, the quilt falling off him and pooling around his waist. His head hung low. His chest felt like it was stinging. He could not stop a grimace settling on his features. He felt…_bad_. She was his sister.

He had held women in general in disregard for so long as unreasonable and silly creatures that, at some point, the two women that had always loved him unconditionally now came under his disdain as well. He wiped his hand over his face.

Was he misogynistic? Possibly? Before Light always believed that his opinion on women was based on unbiased study. For many years he knew them as flappable and unreliable. That is why he had not rejected Misa and her behaviour, he assumed that all girls were like that. It was, to his mind, a fact. But now, with this revelation of a female he not only lived with but had known all his life, maybe he did not know nearly enough about females. It was not pleasant to think that he may be prejudiced. How could he be Kira when he was prejudiced? Surely it threw his judging capabilities into disrepute.

He never knew some of the girls he had attracted were that violent and dangerous. He never would have known Sayu was so strong willed- to go back to that school day after day after day? With all of _that_??

Was it still happening?

Light knew the studies; young victims of frequent bullying often remained victims all their lives. It was learnt behaviour, they believed themselves to be nothing but punching bags to whoever was stronger and meaner than themselves; which, having low self esteem, was anyone who was willing to take advantage of them. So Sayu may still be fighting off bullies, even though he was no longer in school. It may have become to norm for Sayu to be the one they teased and hurt.

"But then," he thought staring out the window once more, "she must be suffering. The spirit said she paid for my crimes and that one day, she would snap." It made sense, he could not believe she had lasted so long already.

Putting the situations together, it would be sensible to assume that due to his being Kira, Sayu would suffer in some terrible way in the future.

"_Sayu has been very strong all her life. A long suffering strength you have never needed to posses, but I swear one day she will have your punishment and it will break her. Break her irretrievably."_

"But," he argued internally. "But now that I am aware of her, surely I'll be able to protect her from now on?"

"_I'll make sure that will not happen!"_

"_Because you are God, right?"_

But then, had not Higuchi received this treatment from the spirit world, rejected their warnings, and then failed as they predicted?

"_I laughed and scoffed and thought myself too clever and too powerful.._

_Redemption is not a right, it is a gift. And I disregarded it! Fool! Damned fool!"_

"Well," said the red-eyed Thought that lived inside his mind, "he was an idiot. Surely you can change the future? You're practically a God. He wanted to be King of his little pile of dirt. You will rule the world. You're a Messiah."

"_In your conceit and arrogance, are single-handedly destroying the future of man,"_

"I'm not going to destroy anything," he muttered through gritted teeth. "I just need a plan of action. I'll make sure Sayu is always supervised. I'll tell dad and the team that I'm worried about her and retaliations from Kira. That'll be enough to have them sending over protection for everyone's families.

But what if this goes on for years? I've had a main plan for Kira, but I have not ironed out all the intricate problems. It may be a long time before I immerge fully as Kira and ruler. It would be unfeasible to have her babysat for that long.

But then again, how is she in danger if L is dead? After all, if her breakdown is due to me being Kira, then it means that someone anti-kira must hurt her. Apart from L there is no-one powerful enough to get passed me.

I need more information before a full plan can be committed to. I have Present coming soon," he glanced at the side table clock which read 11:50 pm in red flashing light. Hadn't it been midnight when Past first came? No matter, this was supernatural and what the Death Note and Ryuuk had taught him was that otherworld spirits did not have to obey the same rules as humanity. "After Present, Future will arrive. I'll likely see, or at least receive a clue, of any future competition now." He smirked. "Then tomorrow, as soon as L and Watari are gone, the future enemies will be too."

Relaxing a little, he went and put on some trousers. He had spent all of his time so far in his pyjamas and even though he was sure the spirits did not care what he wore (if they even noticed) but there was something embarrassing about parading around undressed.

He would spoil Sayu from now on and let his mother and the teachers know about the bullying. He'll say he noticed her injuries a few weeks back and wanted her secretly monitored by the adults at school.

Now, the unfortunate issue of the Penbar and Misora situation.

Light temporarily slowed in changing his shirt. That had been an… uncomfortable discovery. Light could not deny that, thanks to him, lot of future lives were doomed to be short and painful. All those children and babies with heart conditions…all the advances in medicine that girl would have made…

No matter how hard he thought, he simply could not justify it.

"I could have put them in an accident, wiping their memories and have them die thirty years later, never really knowing who they were or who I was." After all, was their immediate deaths necessary? Especially with his revealing his identity to them, mocking them in their final moments?

Light froze. "Why _did _I do that? It was so…ungodly. It was just…petty." He it his lip.

"It was punishment!" Raged the angry Thought inside of him. "They went against God!" Normally Light would accept this argument, but now he knew that the image of the girl who never was, disappearing into the moonlight, would forever haunt his mind. Already it was twisting his memories of Penbars and Misora's deaths. Before he always elated their demises with his feelings of euphoria, relief and justification. Now he remembered their faces; the look of horror, disgust and disappointment. In particular with Misora there was that…sadness.

That deep sadness that he once attributed to her losing, but since visiting L's past he recognised it as a deeper sorrow. Was it the fact she had lost her family? Had she perhaps guessed at her pregnancy? Or had she hoped? She was engaged to Penbar after all? He'd done more than kill her, he had destroyed her hopes and her future. It was hardly something a just God would have done. It certainly had not gained him any favours with L or the team. It had…revealed him? But revealed him as what?

"No matter!" Yelled the Inner Thought. "If you are not going to delete every Kira denier then what are you going to do? You can't wipe all their memories. Most of them will probably still attack you! What about the ones that will attack Sayu? Will you have mercy on them until they actually hurt her? Maybe that's how Sayu gets hurt in the first place; because you become weak on evil doers!"

But then , the killing of Misora meant that thousands in the future have already been given a death sentence.

"The ends justify the means. Yes thousands will die, but only for the sake of all humanity!"

"That's correct." Light said aloud, peering into his mirror and speaking to his reflection. "After all is said and done, the basic fact is its all humanity versus maybe some thousands. it's a hard decision but one that needs to be met." He placed his hand on the smooth, cold surface. "It's a decision I have the power to make. It would be weak and irresponsible to do nothing and let evil continue as it always has."

Just then a loud smashing sound erupted downstairs from the kitchen.

* * *

**How did I do? In character? I'm not clever (let alone a genius) so writting the thoughts of a (fractured) genius is tough, hehe!! I took advice from readers, including the above named, and re-watched a lot of the old episodes (my cousin stole my mangas *waves fist*) so I think it was ok :/**

**Thank you to my all my reviewers. Special thanks to Sashocirrine, AmriaAlmighty, LadyLaran, Rin5o, Takaani and Kari Twilight Mist to name the most frequent reviewers, you guys seriously make my day everytime :)**


	13. Bonus Chapter Three: Light Beam Babies

Once upon a time when the world was still young, the universe looked down on Earth and watched as the first unborn baby died. The whole universe wept with the mother and father who did not understand why such a terrible thing had happened.

For the first time, rain fell from the sky.

The first storm ravaged the angst-ridden sea.

The first stars fell from the sky.

As the spirit of baby reached the spirit realm they all wondered what to do.

Reincarnation was based on what one had done in their life previously, but this baby had no former life. And heaven would have been too lonely whilst the baby waited for its parents. After all, humans were still few, and even less resided within the divine plane.

Finally the moon, filled with sorrow for the spirits plight, noted that its glow was brighter and purer than ay other soul in existence. This was because, being an unborn baby, it was the most pure creature in all the world. So the moon took the baby to live with her until its mother and father arrived in Mu, the After-world.

Slowly as humanity grew and tragedy rose, more babies died, and the moon adopted them all. Soon the moon had so many children that sun agreed to help look after them also. Soon, they agreed that all the children that would have been lively and active went to the sun, and al the children that would have been quiet and restful would go to the moon.

There the spirits of these children played with one another. As all the innocent souls congregated together, millions of tiny balls of white light, they made up moonbeams. The babies were happy. They could now touch the earth. The could run across its waters. They could dance together in the light of mother moon. They could enter bedrooms through windows and gently kiss the lips and lids of their sleeping, still living parents.

Then they came to realise that they could even go deeper than that, as the light of the luminous orbs affected humans emotionally as well as physically. The babies were able to go deep into the dreams of their families. In this new realm they could play with their siblings, meet extended family and be loved by their parents.

Best of all they reassure their parents that they were safe and happy, and that most importantly, they were able to experience the joys of love.

When the time came for the children to leave with their parents spirits, either to go to heaven or be re-born, a small part of the child's soul would remain with the heavenly spheres, eternally young and innocent. These children, in their new lives on Earth, were blessed of the universe.

When Penbars and Misora's child was flung so suddenly and violently into the dark world of Mu, thanks to the unnatural force of the one called KIRA; she could not find her parents. She leapt at the opportunity Past gave he to become, even for a few hours, a living breathing human. She was terrified that she would never find her parents, never e re-born and, as a bodiless spirit, be doomed to wander Mu, alone and frightened for all eternity.

In Light's bedroom, as soon as her physical form began to loose its innocence, the moon released all of its children and they collected her up and took her away. Turning into pure white light, she recognised her parents spirits waiting for her and joined with them.

Now Rye, Naomi and their daughter reside in heaven happy and laughing, together with the sun and moons Light Beam Babies.

Together

Forever

and always.


	14. In the Present

**I felt bad for the short chapter. So bad I couldn't sleep!! So I've written some more and made the chapter longer ^^**

* * *

"Oh God," thought Light. "It must be a spirit. Why must they be so strange? Can they not just arrive normally at my door? Still, at least I shant be afraid this time." Boldly he strode downstairs ignoring the vague smell of smoke. Maybe he shouldn't have, as the smoke alarm in the kitchen switched on; its shrill shriek abusing Lights ears. He preferred his name being called eerily than this.

Runing into the kitchen he saw that every electrical appliance was on; the microwave spun, pinged, then spun some more, the taps were on, the light bulb flashed, the oven and grill billowed black smoke, the clock hands spun inanely around the clock face, the toaster was flinging two burnt toast into the air, the washer and dryer were both busily washing and drying nothing. All the smaller appliances, such as the egg timer and cake mixer, rolled about on the floor, ruining the laminated tiles.

_'Mother won't be happy…'_

It was as if the kitchen had gone insane.

He watched bewildered as the vacuum cleaner calmly hoovered its way, unaided, into the kitchen and out into the sitting room.

As it left he snapped out of his stupor and rushed to turn off the appliances. They began to frizzle and bang, electric blue lights shooting up out of every appliance.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"** A voice screeched out, louder and more annoying than the smoke alarm. Light had fell to the floor like a bomb had hit and before he was about to get up, two arms grabbed him. "WHY??" Cried a familiar face, spitting slightly into Lights.

"M-Matsuda??"

Light was dropped unceremoniously as Matsuda began to spin inanely around the room. "NOT MATSUDA!" Cried the Being, evidently happy once more.

"I.

AM.

PR.

PRE.

**PRESENT!!!"**

Light died a little inside. At least Past, whilst not likeable, had some kind of dignity, a little like Rem. This guy was obviously a brainless imbecile like Ryuuk.

"No, not like Ryuuk!" He cried, running over to Light too fast for any human. It was disturbing to see. Sort of like when a stationary spider suddenly speeds across the floor within seconds. "He stole my marbles! THE FIEND!!"

Wiping more spittle from his face, Light tried not scowl. Important information was available here. "You know Ryuuk? Do the spirits mingle with Death Gods?"

"I do!" He puffed out his chest. "Kick their asses at cards…" Suddenly he put his hand to his ear like Peter Pan. "Time to go!" He ordered. "NOW!" Grabbing Lights arm, he smashed out of the kitchen window and sped at high speeds through the street. Light knew his legs were dangling in the air, he could feel them flying through the air, a sensation he had only felt before on roller coasters; that helpless feeling of your body being flung around by something bigger and more powerful, and you were just there for the ride.

The lights began to go by too fast and for a moment Light closed his eyes. He opened them as they began to slow down. There, in front of him, was the famous clock tower Big Ben, all lit up with Christmas lights and shinning like a beacon in the city of London.

"How-" he began but let it go.

This was the work of the supernatural.

What was more important was _why_ they where there. Light did not know anyone in England. Though his life was intertwined with everyone else's , correct?

So whoever they were going to see was bound to be important. Light did not want another shock like Naomi's child. Everyone, he decided, was note worthy. Everyone was important enough to concentrate on. And this was easier said than done, as Light had discovered through Sayu that his observational skills were not as immense as he had assumed. No wonder L was always able to see through him; L really **did** have those qualities. Light scowled again. Whatever L could do, Light could do the same if not better.

They were now in the country side. The sky was a pale blue with dusky pink streaks flowing through it. The seemingly everlasting fields, marked off by hedgerows, were monochrome with snow and the odd, bare vegetation.

It was very beautiful.

And very, very cold.

"EARLY MORNING'S ARE ALWAYS COLD IN BRITAIN!! **EVEN** IN SUMMER, HAHAHA!!" Screamed Present, causing a flock of crows to flee from their branches into the sky, cawing in offence. He had probably woken them up, the fool.

Boyish sniggers were heard behind them. "This seems familiar," thought Light dryly as he turned to see two young boys, a blond and a red-head, walking buoyantly up the frozen pathway.

"Ok, so you need to go to church with me now," the blond was saying.

"What? I don't care about your God!" Laughed the red-head.

"He doesn't care about you, witch, no matter what the goody Christians say." The blond bit back, no malice in his voice. "However as I spent all night in a fucking field celebrating the fact that last night was a _bit _longer than most nights," He waved a thick candle stick he had been holding around melodramatically. "I think you owe me."

"Of course I'll go with you." Smiled the red-head. Now he was closer Light could see they were in the middle of puberty. Both had the awkward gangly limbs and less than perfect skin.

However, it was clear that they were both very striking.

Sort of like how L was, with his pale skin and dark hair. "He is ugly," thought Light quickly. The reluctantly, "but he has that special quirkiness that I will never posses. Not that I care. But it is something that can be appreciated." The boys walked passed he and Present and they began to follow them. "And I appreciate beauty. Even that sort of…odd beauty."

"Your God is alright," the red-head was continuing. "Can't say I like all his followers though."

"Me neither. No one does. It's what is so hard about being Christian." The blond sighed, again with an unnecessary drama and volume. "And your Divine Mothers aren't too bad either…" He wrapped his arm around the red-head in a slightly awkward, yet touching manner. The red head looked at him smirking. The blond did not look at him, apparently a little embarrassed. "Happy Yuletide, bastard spell-casting, human sacrificing Pagan."

"Happy Christmas, gay-hating, Jew killing bible basher. Just so you know, we pagans haven't sacrificed anyone for some time. The idea that we did is still conjecture."

"Tell that to the frozen bodies in Denmark bogs. Anyway, when was the last time I killed a Jew?"

"Well, you want to kill N…"

"True. Is he Jewish?"

"No idea. As you wanted to kill him, I figured so."

The boys sniggered as a tall house came into view. Leaping over a small wooden fence they snuck into what looked like a back door in to a kitchen. It was what you would expect of an old country house kitchen. It was large and tall. The tiles on the floor and wall were the warm colours of red and orange. It smelt delicious, a traditional roast cooked slowly in the massive oven. Peering inside Light could tell it was meant to feed a lot of people. He could hear the voices of numerous children. Was it for them? What was this place?

Leaning back up he realised that Present was being very quiet and, looking around, he realised the spirit was gone. Light opened his mouth in shock. He had just…left him??!! Uncertain, Light followed the boys. What else could he do, invisible and…_somewhere_… in England?

They walked into a huge hallway, where children ran to and fro. Rather harried adults in sensible clothes (the type care workers and teachers wear) watched them anxiously, but made no move to calm the rioting kids down. It was only when Light looked carefully (everyone was important, that he saw that not all the children looked happy or even comfortable. In various corners children sat, curled up, big eyes watching warily. Like, like L…Through the halls he walked behind the bickering boys, seeing more and more anxious, and, even more disturbingly, disassociated children staring blankly at nothing, toys held in limp, uncaring hands.

With this sight, he began to recognise the exuberance of many of the children as almost forced. As if to say, "look at me! I'm all better now! I'm happy! Honestly, I'm happy!"

"At least these two have each other," thought Light, the old sadness he felt when watching Sayu and Luka gathering into his stomach again. The angry red-eyed thought tried to stab the darkness away, but Light wouldn't let it. There was no harm in feeling sadness on those who deserved it. Indeed, watching the pair Light wondered why he never had had a friend like that. Sure he had friends and family, but he had never connected with someone so fully. He had never thought too much on it. After all, he did not really need friendship, or so he always told himself. Yet, he took so much time in his appearance! He tried so hard to make everyone like him! Why? It was nothing to do with him being successful. Not really. He had his brilliance which spoke for itself. Look at L. He was as sociable as a pissed off alley cat. Yet he was the top three greatest detectives in the world. He would probably go down in history. Light smiled a little at the thought before-

_As a demon, when your through making your new world._

His smile faded. He felt strangely sad with it gone. Little did he know that the small, short lived smile was the first real one he had had since he was a small child. He would not let L be remembered as a devil in his new world. Rather…as someone who was misguided. He will remain forever as someone to be remembered as making a mistake that should not be repeated.

For some reason, Light felt dissatisfied with this. But…unless he thought of a way to convince L to submit to Kira (a shudder went down his spine as the words ran through his head) then L had to die. He had to…

"What are you staring at you little freak!" Spat the blond with a violence Light would not have realised him capable of.

Shaken out his musings he looked the boys. The red-head was looking silently disapprovingly at the blond, who was himself glowering at a smaller, very strange looking child.

Had the blond not been yelling at the small creature, Light would have mistaken him for a spirit. His cloths, hair and skin were all white. The there were the eyes, heavy eyelashes decorated the large grey orbs. They were like L's only a little lighter. But what Light really noticed about them was that, despite the deceptively passive face, his eyes looked like they had just experienced heart break.

"Number Two, come here at once!" A didactic voice barked out. Looking caught, the blond moodily walked over to a rather stern, elderly gentleman in a suit.

"oooohhh!" Cooed a familiar, excitable voice. "Number Two is in trouble AGAIN!"

"Where did you go?" Cried Light rounding on the annoying creature.

He looked a little scared and bewildered reminding Light of a child who is about to spew a ridiculous lie. "Well, being Present I sort of have to be everywhere at once. There's so much to see!!! Just now a hippo just ATE a crocodile!!! I had to see it! I don't get much warning for when something cool is going to happen."

"But, you're not actually in Matsuda, your using his image from my mind as a projection or a tool, to communicate with me. So surely you as Present can go anywhere?"

A slight pause.

Present was giving him a look blanker than any the real Matsuda had ever gave. It was as blank as a crude child's drawing. Suddenly, Present broke out into a big indulgent smile.

"Come on, Liiiight-kun, lets follow!"

Chasing after Number Two and the angry man, Light took one look back at the red head and the ghost child. The ghostly child was looking at the floor, his jaw stubbornly set, his eyes smarting over the abuse he received from Number Two. The red head was looking between the ghost child and Number Two, but did not seem particularly concerned for either.

Light smiled slightly. He understood that emotion, or rather, that thought process. The red-head was calmly analysing the situation, deciding which child o stay with, to defend. Unlike Light, he would have acted overtly torn between the two, the red-head calmly made his decision and stayed with the ghostly boy. Light could not help but respect the honesty that boy possessed.

Looking forward towards Number Two and the older man Light could not help but wonder just when he became so dishonest. When was the last time in his life when he was completely and utterly truthful?

Opening his office door, the man let Number Two and inadvertently the two spectres inside. 'Isabel' was being played loudly from a record player. Sitting behind his desk, the man closed his eyes and _lost _himself in the music, now and then shaking his head in time with the vocals.

"Sir," began Number Two, but the man lifted his finger to silence the boy. As the song reached its crescendo, the man mouthing along (eyes still closed,) the blond watched visibly irked.

Looking around, Light could see a couple of posters on the wall of Il Divo. On the desk there was a picture of the elderly man with Il Divo grinning around him. It was even signed:

**A Roger, il nostro più devoti stalker maschile continuare ad acquistare le nostre cose **

"So, he's name is Roger and he has an teenage girl type crush on Il Divo… How does this relate to me??"

"Now Number Two." Began Roger.

"Please don't call me that!" Barked the blond. "Call me M-"

"I have no time for your shenanigans!!" Screamed Roger.

"You had time to si-"

"SHHHHH!!! A lesson was there my boy. A lesson." He intoned, leaning forward over his desk. "Do you know what that lesson was?"

"No sir," replied Number Two wearily.

"Which is why you are Number Two." Nodded Roger, causing Number Two glower at him with murderous intent.

"It was to annoy you my boy. That irritation you felt at me disregarding your presence is how I feel whenever you disregard my basic rules. Just to be pleasant to one another. Is that so much to ask?" He stood and walked over to a side which held a dozen clear plastic boxes containing various tarantula's and foreign insect. "I never wanted to look after children." He muttered. "It was music and bugs for me." He turned and looked at Number Two.

"My dream," he announced, "was to-"

"Own a shop selling music and bugs," Number Two intoned in unisons with the older man. "I know Sir…"

"But we don't always get what we want, Number Two." Roger dropped some pellets into the tarantula's cages. "And you must be nice to Number One."

Number Two winced at the last two words.

"You're both like instruments. You are a flute…no…more like a trombone. And Number One is a flute."

"Why can't I be a -!!"

"Individually, not that interesting, but together…" Roger looked into the distance. "Together you'd make beautiful music."

"Please don't say things like th-"

"Besides, Number Two, you're a Christian!" Continued Roger. "What would Jesus do?"

Number Two sighed heavily. "He would be nice…"

"He would have thrown in a foot rub too," Roger pressed. "No punishment today, as, for once, Number One was not physically injured, but you are to help Father McGowan with the Mass preparations tonight."

"Yes sir."

"LAAAAMME!!" Booed Present, making Light jump slightly. He was beginning to wonder if he hadn't just been thrown into a pantomime. Nonetheless they followed Number Two out of the room, 'The Adagio' by Il Divo now being blasted out full force.

"Light Kuun!" Present wailed suddenly, somewhat disturbingly reminding Light of when Misa lost the last vestiges of self respect and begged him for sex. "I hear noise and laughter. Lets find." Grabbing Lights arm again they shot off before he could protest.

They entered (in a whirlwind rush) into a large living room area. Children of all ages milled about finding seats and getting comfortable. Light was secretly quite pleased to see some of the scared children he saw earlier looking anxiously curious and even a little happy. In the middle of the medley a woman stood yelling general seating orders. Light blinked a few times. Did he know her from somewhere?

From behind him, the red head and ghostly boy from earlier entered into the room. The ghost boy reminded Light so much of Luka…he wondered if they had experienced similar trauma's. "Seriously," the red-head was saying in a laid back manner, "he called me a

bastard spell-casting, human sacrificing Pagan. He's like that with people he…is interested in. If he disliked you he would ignore you."

The ghost boy sat down, twirling a curly white lock around a thin finger. "I do not care if Number Two has any feelings of comradeship towards my person."

"No," muttered the red-head with a slight smile. "Of course not."

Light resisted a smirk (out of habit, it wasn't like anyone could see him. And Present had disappeared again. "Maybe he's gone off to watch a giraffe eat a dove," Light thought scathingly.)

"Right, now we are seated," smiled the woman, her English heavily accented. "Who wants their special L present?"

Everyone in the room reacted with smiles, except for Light.

"So here is the link…"

* * *

**A/N **

**Man... my chapters are so short. I'm sorry if they are a bit dissatisfying. It something I hope to improve in with time. The winter soltice was tonight actually :) I hope I didn't insult anyone with the name calling. I'm cool with all religions.**

**Matt seemed to me a little hippy and different though, so if he was going to celebrate christmas I imagined it would be in a slightly different way to everyone else. I don't know that much about paganism, though I have a couple of friends who are pagan. I know a bit about the ancient paganism though. So the Divine Mothers are like, Freya or...like Mother Earth figures. The 'men frozen in bogs' line was about the ancient 'bog men' found around ancient Germania, they were killed around December in what seems to be a ritual (they all had nooses around their necks, all were drowned in bogs and peat. And often they were killed in December, judging by the food they had in their stomachs.) So there is an idea that human sacrifices may have been the 'thing' once in Germania. Anyway...**

**And Mello is clearly Catholic (at least fashion sense wise. But I think Catholicism suits him. Its such a mysterious and hard core religion.)**

**As for Present. Yes, I made him a Twat-Stick. Thought it would work better that way. But we'll see more of him as time goes on. He's a busy spirit...**


	15. Alias

"You know the rules little ones," she cheered, her happiness reminding Light of Misa. "Number 146!" She called. Then she whispered. "Amrit!"

A little boy stood up, excitement in his eyes, and took a small yellow box with a red bow tied upon it. And this was how the game commenced. The woman would call a number, then whisper the what must have been, Light realised, the child's real name.

Bit by bit the children crawled closer to the woman, their eyes wide. It was as if they all waited with baited breath just to hear their real names. When they received their gifts, the boxes they held as if they were magic. But instead of ripping them open with fervour for what was inside, the children would gaze at the name tags instead.

"This must have been where L was raised, after being taken by the girl form the wall." He looked at the woman, Her hair was a pale blonde slowly turning in ashy white. She was still relatively young, however, and the right age to have been the same bubble-head ("no," he thought suddenly, "bubbly. She was bubbly.") that had helped Luka. The only one who had really helped Luka at all, which is why he could hardly call her names. Not only had she saved him then, but somehow she had gotten him to this place in England. This bubblehead was to be commended, whereas all the other boys and girls in the group had been so engrossed in the politics that they had forgotten the small boy.

Similar to how Light had lost sight of Sayu in his quest to become popular and how he had lost sight of the causes for which he killed as Kira.

"I will get this right." Light swore to himself, the weight of a thousand future deaths making themselves present in his mind. "I will do right by the world. That's why I started this whole thing. If I have to get rid of prejudices that cloud my judgement I will. I can do it. I can learn anything."

"230! Sarah! 450! Abeni!"

"They're so excited about their names." He thought vaguely amused. However, Light had come, in recent times, to appreciate the importance of the name. Not that he ever cared too much about his own. He preferred his Kira title. 'Light' always seemed a little too soft. It sounded like the name appropriate for a prophet or a messiah or an angel.

'Light.'

To bring Light into the world.

To Light the way.

Light shrugged. Kira was the name of a God. A powerful God. It suited his ego more. He could not help in wondering if his behaviour would have been different if he had gone by the name of Light?

Looking at the children he noticed that the atmosphere was slowly lessening. As if the calling of their names made them more human to themselves and each other. Even he had to admit that calling children by numbers must have been debilitating to their mental health and sense of self. Though Roger seemed hardly human himself. Light pondered on whether the man was still in his room, feeding his arachnids and insects whilst listening to opera.

Would he have been a more personable God? More lenient perhaps?

Then it was a good thing you called yourself Kira! Pronounced the Red-eyed thought .

"Maybe, but did I begin to lose myself then? In losing my name did I lose my humanity? Did I become too detached? Was it when I found the Death Note, wrote in it, or when I gave my Death Note persona a name?" Light frowned. "And L could tell when I lost and regained my memories. He could tell just by looking at my face! I must have two distinct personalities…"

But then your father and the others in the task force would have realised.

"But we know they're not as observant…"

Well there you go. L is super human observant. Of course he'd spot something like that. There is one Light Yagami, and Light is Kira also. You cannot be two people. You would have realised, you're not an idiot. Plus, the other Kira's seemed to have a pretty firm grip on who they are also.

Light decided silently to store the idea of persona's in his mind for later. With the excitable noise of the children it was too hard to concentrate. But he had a feeling that he was missing something very obvious and very vital.

Light's flaw was that he only saw what he wanted to see, regardless of his intelligence. So it was possible that something was amiss here. So he did the wisest thing he could think of. Store information and observe everything around him.

It will be useful to have the brats names if they are related to L in some way.

Light looked behind at the red-head and ghost child. "True," he answered in his head. "But I do like some of these children. I'd rather not have to threaten them in some way. Maybe I could use them as a reason for L to join my side."

Maybe you could have one killed and then take advantage of L whilst he feels vengeful. Mind, we don't know which child is his favourite. Maybe that Number One. The blond boy was jealous of him, so their numbers must mean something. Kill number one and get L to hate the villain. Number One will have to have a grim death to make it work, but you'll save all the other children.

Light frowned, not understanding his own thoughts suddenly. Something was wrong, something-

"I love L!" Cried one of the children suddenly after receiving his gift.

"Yeah I can't wait until I grow up, then I'll be an L!" Cried another child with a distinct lisp.

Light felt like his stomach had dropped lower.

These children….where they to be L's successors?

"No!" Screamed the angry, red-eyed thought suddenly.

"How can this be?" Light continued to himself. On huge advantage he always had over L was that he had more people on his side. Heck, the leader of the Investigation team was his own father! Light had always assumed that with L's death, nothing would stand in his way!

But as the children looked adoringly at their names crawled on tags he realised, L was loved, not in a personal normal manner, but he was loved by these small group of children the way Kira was loved by a number of law abiding citizens. So surely all these children would need destroying too? With the Death Note? There was no other way! He could not allow them to live. They would most assuredly go against him should L be killed. And he could not kill them by hand; moreover why would he?

He brushed his shaking hand over his face. It was alright. He'd kill them quickly and swiftly…But how many more child deaths could he be responsible for? He could handle considering Number One's demise, but even that was cause for much thought. He had already messed up a planned-out future the Fates had, how many of these children were going to grow up to be heroes? Was it worth wiping them all but for the sake of, perhaps, getting the villains? Assuming there were any?

_And you, in your conceit and arrogance, are single-handedly destroying the future of man. You have withheld progress and are helping de-evolve society._

And Light knew the 'hundreds dying for thousands' argument would not justify these deaths. As the situation with the Misora-child proved, the unexpected death of a person meant a domino effect on everything else. Sure, he might of saved a girl from being raped, but how many more suffered after he had killed her attackers? But then, does that mean he should not have saved the girl? Should he just leave the Death Note and allow chaos and criminal behaviour continue to engulf the Earth? Was it not Fate that gave him the Death Note? So shouldn't he use it to do what God wasn't- namely cleansing the Earth?

"But then," Light thought suddenly. "That's what it all comes down to isn't it? I'm-I'm _not _God. I'm not. I should of helped the Earth within my own sphere, like L, because, I don't know what I'm doing with the Death Note. I'm possibly making things even worse!"

No Light! You are destroying Evil people. Think of all the men that would have walked out of jail. That would have been free! That's wrong! It's wrong that people die and suffer because the Fates are too busy taking things nice and slow! They don't live here on Earth and they don't know humanities pain!

"Maybe it started that way," Light replied to the red-eyed thought, "but I lost track, I lost sight. I've killed a couple, a tried to kill L. And Past was right, I did it because I was angry, there was no justice involved, not really. And now a baby girl is dead. And I may have to kill a house full of children grateful just to have names, in order to stay alive after L's death tomorrow, which cannot be helped either. It's all gone too far! I'm trying to think of a way to keep L alive tomorrow and of a way to make him join Kira, but I just can't! All of his past experiences can be turned into arguments against me and my world."

"Liiight!!" Screamed Present, sprouting out of the ground suddenly, with all the obscene cheer of a children's TV presenter. "Time to go somewhere else!!"

* * *

**A/N**

Again a short chapter. Its early morning right now. Can you tell that I was struggling a bit with present? In 'A Christmas Carol', Ebeneezer realises in Present that a) he is disliked and b) how to loosen up and have fun. Well, Light is clearly loved. And Light loosen up? That's like... Mother Theressa punching a baby or Nick Griffin making his right wing party policies make sense. They just do not compute. But, never fear, I thought about it all night, and now I know what to do. :)

Thank you for reading and for reviewing, Its a busy time of year :)

I hope I did not make Light too Smegal/Gollum :/


	16. Hope and Forgivness

**This chapter is dedicated to Kari Twilight Mist! Thank you!**

* * *

"Present!" Barked Light in rage. "You are trying to teach me something, correct? Then let me think without leaping out of places screaming!" But as Light finished the last word, Present had already lost interest grabbed his arm, and sped outside, Light flopping along helplessly.

He grit his teeth.

It was just so... _humiliating_. There was something about Present that, like Misa, somehow just by being associated with such a creature, Light felt as if he had debased himself somehow.

When they paused, but a moment or two after flying out of the building, Light saw a church up ahead. A white path that reminded him of a bone curled its way to its large oak doors, weaving through various tombs. As Light began to walk up it, paying no heed to Present and its inane chatter ( _"oooh look at the birds. A Robin! I like Robins…"_ )Light was somewhat disconcerted to see a lot of the tombs had toys and sweets placed upon them. Looking closer his fears were confirmed as the dates of birth and death were closer than an average tombstone. It seemed that a lot of children and teenagers died at this place. Was he incorrect in thinking that it was a benevolent, if eccentric, home?

Turning to Present he asked, " is this a good or bad place?"

Present looked at him strangely. Light noticed that his eyes were turning a strange greenish colour. It was discomforting to see in a face he knew so well as the innocent and naïve Matsuda.

"Good or evil?" Repeated the entity in a strange, slow manner. He then raised his arm and pointed to the church. "Of course." Replied Light keeping his voice flat and emotionless so the spirit would not know it was getting to him. "I find out on my own. Maybe God will tell me." The Matsuda doppelganger grinned, again, in a way that was completely foreign on the happy mans face.

It was sinister.

Almost sneering.

Light began to walk more quickly. He had gotten a positive, if morose, aura from Past, but Present almost seemed frightening. It also spent its time with the likes of Ryuuk. Was it possible for something such a Present, a time period personified, to be bad or good?

It was a strange concept.

The church looked desolate on the outside, standing there archaic and crumbling amongst the graves of children. The toys and sweets offered the only blasts colour, being winter all the plant life except for grass was dead. And even the grass looked withered and sparse. Around the church were smallish, grey trees. Light was certain they were dead and would not bloom even in the new spring. Crows sat on them, peering down curiously. Evidently animals could see him. Could they see the spirit?

Coming closer he saw the engravings in the church's black and grey stone walls. The first that came to view, near the bottom of the walls, were of demons ripping and eating sinners. The sinners were all naked and trying to climb out of hell. The demons were horned with goats feet and talons and claws. The stuff of nightmares. At the very bottom of the wall were flames in which the most unfortunate sinners wept and screamed. Light could almost hear them. Looking up he saw not heaven, but large statues of the saints and angels most of whom were looking up, to the real heaven Light supposed. The black-feathered bastions of death flew down and sat on the saints, still observing him closely. He was surprised they had not defecated the statues. Maybe they knew it was holy to the owners of this land?

Only one statue looked down. She had been designed to look straight at where visitors would stand before entering the church. Right where Light stood. It was the virgin Mary. Her eyes, unlike the cold, glazed expressions of the other saints, actually seemed sad and forgiving. Unfortunately it was a type of forgiving that gave no comfort. It seemed not to offer redemption, but merely expressed sadness at the inevitability of evil and the following punishment.

You only feel that way because of the guilt trip Past put you through. You're an atheist for pity's sake!

"I know," he thought in response. "But its just the feeling. Just a feeling."

Inside the church was cool. Winter sunlight shone through the painted glass, lighting the church with primary colours. It was clearly Catholic, if the engravings and statues outside had not been enough of a clue, then the golden exuberance of the inside was. The Catholics held nothing back in decorating the inside of their holy places it seemed. In stark contrast to outside, inside was all colour.

"That's what L is, according to you, yes?"

Light looked to where Present was pointing. It was a picture on a large, angular window. All old churches and castles in Britain had those strange shaped windows. The picture within it was of a very beautiful blond man who stood with his arms out. A halo was on his head and people were bowing to him. He would seem to be a Saint, if it weren't for all the gold and silver coins that lay in sacks at his feet, and plates laden with food and caskets of wine. Underneath the so-called saint's white robe, goats feet stood out. Underneath the picture a caption read:

…_**For Satan keeps transforming himself into an angel of light… Second Corinthians 11:14**_

"It's Satan, yes?" Pushed Present still continuing its observation. "A fake angel of life, the gives empty promises of love and a new world where he is God." He pointed as he spoke the kneeling humans and various goods.

Light scowled. He knew who that figure looked and sounded more like. The spirits really weren't giving him a break were they?

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was yesterday. Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

An adolescent voice sounded out. Light looked to where the sound came. A box stood in the corner of the church. He recognised it as a place where Catholics confessed. "How can I hear?" He asked Present. "I thought those things were confidential."

"Magic idiot!!" Present waved its arms in Lights face, in a sort of _abra-cadabra _gesture.

Light rolled his eyes and refused to justify its idiocy with a reply. He couldn't wait 'til Future came, Present was insufferable.

"You!" A gruff voice sounded out. The Priest of the church stormed out of his side of the booth and roughly opened the door of the confessor, blond haired number two. The boy looked up with sulky indifference, which seemed to cool the Priest down. Light was stunned by his lack of proffesionalism, yet he and the blond boy seemed on friendly terms. "Why are you here again??"

"I fought-"

"With number one, again." The Father repeated tiredly. He had an Irish tilt to his voice. He sat down on the front row of the church and gestured the blond boy to join him. "How many times have I had to explain that this will not make you like L?"

"I know!" The boy whined, indifference gone and replaced with passion.

"Quick mood swings," thought Light with disdain; this boy was now officially his least favourite.

"But I hate him! He's always number one, always one step ahead of me. He turned to the Priest quickly. "I was always the best! No matter what **_they_** did to me," he spat, "I was always the smartest. And now he's taken even that away from me!" The boy put his face into his hands and Light suspected he was crying. So maybe the boy did have a traumatic past like Luka…

like…

like…

L.

There was a pause as Number Two slowly composed himself.

Light sat down on the bench.

The priest looked contemplative. "I'll tell you a secret." He said gruffly. "I was….I am no angel. Back in the old country, at your age, I too was filled with anger and hatred. I hated the English."

The blond's head shot up, red rimmed eyes giving away former misery.

"But you live he-"

The priest raised his hand, "I know I know. I was raised in a little village in Cork, that's just southern Ireland to you. My father and my grandfather had fought against the English rule of our country and it drove us all mad that the North still belonged to the English crown. From when I was the knee height of a grasshopper I was told the stories of all the injustices we had endured at the English's hands. So as soon as I was old enough, I joined an organisation that my forefathers had all been involved with, though back then they had different names. In my time it was called the Irish Republican Army." The man sighed wearily. "I joined the IRA."

"I recognise that," said the blond slowly. "They were terrorists, weren't they?"

The Priest nodded. "I was an idealistic boy. I had dreams of a perfect Ireland where the people that were good and noble were free of any kind of tyranny. But- but it wasn't like that. Unfortunately, young man, life is not so simple. Good and evil, right and wrong, they are not as convenient as to remain as fairytale caricatures. What does matter is how we treat our fellow man, regardless of what he does to us. As our good Lord says," the man made the sign of the cross and the Blond hastily followed.

"We blew up a church." The Priest stated.

The blond stared with eyes as wide as L's.

"We killed women and children. People who were worshiping a God slightly different from our own. A God I do not believe is actually God, but," he shrugged. "who am I? Am I God? No, I am a man. And I had no right to take part in that murder and chaos. I remember the smell of smoke and of charred bodies. People smell…revolting when they burn. The disgusting stench lingers on you; in your clothes, in your hair.

But its the guilt, the guilt continues even longer.

It soon did not matter to me what God they worshipped or what Island they were born on. All I knew was people had died, thanks to me, and I had no right to make such a choice. To make such a judgment." He took in a deep breath before continuing in a lighter voice. "I nearly drank myself to death after that. I became homeless. The guilt ate me up so I could not go home. How could I go and face my mother knowing that I had made orphans? I could not even stay in Ireland. I lived in England. It was a sort of self punishment I suppose. With all the tensions between the IRA and the English, it was not a nice place to live as a drunk, homeless man. I lived up to some of the worst stereotypes my country men fought so hard to alleviate.

Don't get me wrong, I still loved Ireland. I still wanted Peace. I still wanted independence. But every night I pray that I had tried another way. I pray that I had had a bit more sense and a little less arrogance."

"How did you get here?"

"Oh, out on the street I find two little whelps. A pretty teenage girl and a little boy. She said he was her brother but they looked nothing alike, her so fair and he so dark. They were both foreigners. German or something. Illegal I believe. They had been beaten and dehumanised by people both on the way to Britain and then by the British themselves who did not want foreigners here to either steal jobs or steal government benefits. She would have ended up prostituting herself I'm sure, if she hadn't done some of that already. She was a normal lass, but the boy, there was an intelligence in those eyes." Again he paused, lost in the memory. "Well, we sorted ourselves out enough. We started squatting in an abandoned house, and begged during the day. We moved to the city as there were more money to be scrounged. At home, we taught the boy what we could. His forte was language. He could speak fluent Gaelic by the time I was through with him. He learnt English on his own. When things got too bad we sent him out with us, to gain extra pity. He was starved and naturally quite miserable looking. He caught the eye of Mr Q who was working inside one of the buildings we favoured begging," he shrugged. "I suppose you can guess the rest."

The blond nodded and smiled. "Observation than a swoop down. And he took you in?"

"Aye, he's a good man. That forgiveness and trust he showed in me was what bought me back. The girl and the boy, they gave me my humanity. Mr Q gave me my pride." He looked at a statue of Jesus, its arms wide, the stigmata standing out in pale white hands. "Not too proud though Lord," he said to it nodding his head respectively.

"Anyway the point of this story young man, is this; there is a difference between revenge and justice. L stands for justice, but what you do is revenge. And you know what? No matter what excuse you use to try and make it seem noble, no matter how clever you are about it, no matter how justified it seems at the time, it will destroy you.

In the east they say karma, and this karma sounds like what the Lord means when he talks about doing unto others as you would yourself, to have it returned to you. He never said everyone will be nice back, but the goodness you dish out will return to you. It works the other way. Ask yourself, what has Number one," he emphasised the title, "really done to you? What crime? And how is your revenge working out?"

The blond sat quietly, looking down in thought. The Priest patted his head fondly. "Say a prayer, ten Hail Mary's, then go and get your present form L." The blonds head shot back up and he grinned.

"Forgot did you?" Chuckled the Priest. "On with it. I have things to do." He stood. "Give thanks to the Lord for he is good." He smiled.

The blond returned it, "for his mercy endures forever."

With that the enigmatic Priest left, and the blond got on his knees before a statue of the Virgin Mary. A rosary wrapped around his arm was bought down as he began to play with it; his eyes closed in concentration beginning with his own prayer first.

"Holy Queen Mother of God

Please forgive me.

I try I promise and I'm getting better."

He shifted on his knees a little. Light wondered if this was the only time the boy ever really bared his soul. Looking up at the figure Light knew that while he would never believe in God himself, he did envy that fact that some people could release themselves to something. To be completely honest and free. Light was always hiding. He had no one to share himself with. Not his family. Not Misa. Not the task force.

Well.

Maybe L, once.

But truly even then it had been a lie. He had been lying completely unaware to even himself; it was sad really.

"Please help me focus on studying. To be grateful that I have one friend. Please look after his soul, even though he isn't one of us." The blond opened his eyes and looked at the statue. "Because I'm sure that you understand that good and evil is not so obvious."

He looked back down and closed his eyes quickly."Remember not my sins but my tears of contrition.

Through Jesus Christ Lord and Redeemer, King Forever and ever.

Amen."

He crossed himself and began to recite the Hail Mary Prayer.

"Hail Mary full of grace  
the Lord is with thee  
blessed art thou amongst women  
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus  
holy Mary mother of God  
pray for us sinners  
now and at the hour of our death"

Light watched so carefully as number two repeated this litany, he did not notice Past, grinning like a satyr had drifted through the church walls behind him. The last thing Light experienced before plunging into darkness was Present grabbing his sides and dragging him backwards and screaming something he could not make out down his ear...

* * *

**A/N This may be painfully obvious to some but I don't know a lot about catholicism. I did some research. I AGONISED over the prayer. Please let me know if anything was wrong or stupid. The last thing I want to do is offend!**

**EDIT- Thank you for the prayer Kari Twilight Mist!!**


	17. Illusion Part 1

Looking around Light realised that Present must have run at super fast speeds. He scarcely had noticed them not only leaving England but arriving back in Japan. He recognised the dark and busy streets as the city area surrounding the Task Force's headquarters.

Either Present was very excited about returning to Japan, or he was very clever and actually wanted to keep the orphans location a secret.

It was miserable weather, rain drops drizzled from the black clouds.

The wind was cold. The atmosphere bitter.

"And seedy." Thought Light looking about. Whilst in the daytime the streets looked like a regular city, dirty and busy, at night it became far more shadowy and sinister. Neon lights and a few dim light posts were all that lit the dingy alleys and wet roads. Prostitutes and drunken revellers were littered along the paths. What was that old saying, 'they only come out at night?'

"They" of course being the sort of people that Light despised.

He wondered what L would think of them. He would probably watch with a vague interest, in a manner similar to Roger when he observe his bugs. Light snarled. But L would not exactly look down on them. In that way L was more inhumane than he was. At least Light saw them as human and so was appalled by the tawdry and loose behaviour. L just saw them as things.

"Or maybe," whispered his light-eyed inner teen, "maybe the fact that he was basically raised in this darkness has had an affect on him. These tawdry revellers were his neighbours, the prostitutes his depressed mother. Maybe he knows them too well. Maybe he relates. Or maybe he knows why they are the way they are." Light halted for a moment, blinking softly.

Why _did_ people act in such a way? It could not be or their own amusement exactly? Surely it was depressing?

The drunks seem happy enough.

"I'm not sure, there is almost a desperation to be happy. Why would you need to drink so much? And then pretend to "make love" with someone you have to pay for?"

Because some people are debased, that's why. Some of them like being out of control. Like Misa, she enjoys having no responsibility in the relationship, allowing you to decide everything for her, even if it means sacrificing her autonomy. It means she never has to face up to the things she does. Not like us, we know and we accept, for the sake of the greater good.

"Yeah, greater good," thought Light morosely. He was beginning to hate that term.

He was following the buoyant Present who was bounding down the street cackling, now and then shoving his face into those of oblivious passers-by's.

They came to a halt outside a small, yet (thankfully) slightly more classy bar called, according to its purple and blue neon sign, _Illusion. _Inside was warm from all the body heat of what seemed mostly men in suits and ties. It was a typical after-work drinks area. Leading him to the corner of a room, nicely tucked away in their own booth, Present showed Light the Task Force, minus only his father. Light had always wondered how friendly the task force were with one another; he'd always the feeling that the Yagami's and L were isolated from the team somewhat, his father for his status as leader, and L and Light for their youth and intelligence.

He had to admit he was a little surprised Matsuda was there. Maybe he was one of those people that invited himself to things; he struck Light as the sort. Suddenly, Present looked at Light with those strange now purplish green eyes. "You think that about my favourite human," he snarled whilst keeping his face inhumanely blank, "but at least he saved Sayu when you could not." He smirked maliciously at Light's face. "Oh I know about that little failure of yours. We all know about that." He turned back to the task force and it seemed like the volume in the bar was magically turned up.

Mogi sat and joined the team carrying drinks; evidently it had been his round. All the men had standard saki except for Matsuda who had some kind of bright green substance in a large glass, complete with a strawberry, a sparkler and an umbrella on its top. "Its only because its something like what Ryuu-chan would have had," he was saying to an unimpressed Aizawa.

("My God," thought Light. "Did he just say Chan?")

"I want to be as like him as I can." Matsuda blushed. "I know I can't be as smart but…"

"Shut up Matsuda," Aizawa sighed, "its fine. We know why we're here guys, the Thirteenth Hour."

"I am unhappy about Holmes's plan," Mogi spoke up almost immediately. Light was stunned. In all the time he had known him Mogi had hardly spoken and did not seem forth coming at all. "If Narcissus or Skippy are Faustus, then Holmes may push them into action."

"Actions that may get us all killed."

Light blanched.

What. The Hell.

He glowered at Present wondering if the Spirit was playing some kind of prank on him. Present itself was grinning at the team, but noticing Light, looked at him, shook his head and grinned. This was not his doing.

"Code," thought Light. "It must be code. L categorically commanded that no one talk about the case outside of headquarters. Yet here these fools are in a public place. I suppose they have at least thought to hinder any spies. But why not just discuss this at work??

Alright, Aizawa had said, 'get us killed.' Therefore they are talking about themselves. About the case. Holmes is an unusual name and only corresponds to the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes.

So Holmes must be L. That would explain why they would not talk about this in headquarters, L would just beat them down if they showed any aversion to his plan. They're discussing the Thirteenth Hour, which must be a poorly disguised Thirteenth Rule. That's good. If they're unhappy I could use this to prevent L from testing it. While he won't listen to them, with enough pressure from me and dad, he'll have no choice to give in. An that will give me more time of work on him.

What else? Right, Faust.

Faust was the Doctor who sold his soul to Satan for power and knowledge. He then abused these abilities. He was a villain whose key sins were arrogance, greed and a lack of self control. He must be Kira. Narcissus and Skippy…? Who …?" Light suddenly scowled.

"If they are Faust, we need to have a good enough argument to convince the all-wise Holmes to abort Thirteenth Hour." Remarked Aizawa.

"But Holmes will never listen to us!" Wailed Matsuda dramatically before taking a delicate sip of his luminous drink. He grunted in a 'pleasantly surprised' way.

"While I am unsure about Narcissus, I don't think Skippy is Faust." Grunted Mogi. "Skippy seems the kind of girl that does not take an interest in current affairs. At least not enough to get so actively involved."

"But her parents…"

"I know that. But, with the greatest respect to Skippy, she seems like the sort to only obsess over that one issue. We only have to see her with Narcissus to see that. It's why I was against her 'title' being Bruce(1). If she was Faust, why would she have become a model with no ties to the law or justice? If she was passionate against criminals she would have at least joined or set up some sort of charity. She would have been involved. Its too weird that suddenly, in her early twenties, her past would affect her so much that she would pick up the Poison Apple and become Faust."

"Posion Apple?" Light pondered, a smirk pulling on his lips. "That must be Death Note. If only they knew how fitting that term was..."

"Well, according to Holmes she is Faust the Second." Countered Aizawa. "I think your profile of her is correct. But what about Narcissus? He does have the correct background for someone who is against any kind of deviancy. He lives in a middle class suburban area, has a good school, his parents are together and have conservative values. People like that tend to live in cocoons of their own making and do not understand the behaviours of anyone unlike themselves, namely the working class. Middle class kids are the ones that volunteer in foreign countries (ironically taking jobs from the very people they aim to help.) Middle class kids tend to be the ones that will go on to be the lawyers and Judges and politicians, because they have a better education. Then you have the working class who are often isolated and bitter. Political correctness be damned, we all know that crime is higher in working class or very poor families. Narcissus not only comes from this background, but look at it more individually. His parents practically idolise him; he's barely human at times. It would not surprise me if he had a sort of god-complex, all his significent others treat him like one."

"N-no, Li- I mean, Narcissus is just very good-" Spluttered Matsuda nearly spilling his drink.

"Grow up Matsu," complained Aizawa. "The Chief could not believe that Narcissus had porn in his room. He's seventeen for Gods sake. Of course he should have a porn stash! Point is that Holmes has a reason to suspect him. And if he** is** Faust, then it stands to reason that a love obsessed Skippy would do whatever he asked. What is his passion, would be hers because she is so desperate to please him. Then considering her background, it is logical that she would see Faust as a god of justice as opposed to a psychopath."

"I thought that porn thing was out of character," interrupted Mogi, completely changing track and making the other two men look at him. "C'mon, the kid is dating Skippy. Skippy! A teenagers dream girl! Yet look how uninterested he is."

Matsuda looked like he was going to explode with joy, his eyes practically had stars in them, "that's because he loves Holmes!!!"

Light wanted to kill Matsuda. His fingers itched for the Death Note. "Remember, he saved Sayu," Light began to chant like a mantra in his head. "He saved Sayu, so what it was years ago!?? HesavedSayu! Kill him! HESAVEDSAYHESAVEDSAYU!!"

Mogi sighed long-sufferingly. "Even if he did...like Holmes...or anyone else, he still has expressed no sexual attraction and your average teenage boy isn't normally so reticent that you do not notice. And I would say he just doesn't like Holmes. Period."

"Narcissus is a private person," answered Aizawa reasonably. "Skippy's adoration of him might be embarrassing. They could be more loving in private."

"Maybe…"

"But it still does not eliminate that Skippy could be Faust simply through being influenced by her crush."

"But there's no proof of any of this!" Wailed Matsuda. "It's all conjecture. We have not even seen Narcissus influence her about anything. Like you just admitted, he just seems kind of uninterested." His dark brown eyes drifted into the distance. "Poor Skippy…"

"This is true. If only we had longer to watch them."

"Yeah but we're not like Holmes. There's no way I'm going to peek on these kids all the time," Mogi replied stiffly. "Its unfair, especially if they are innocent. All that happened to them so far has been horrible enough. I'm all for trying to keep ourselves and Holmes alive, but we have to try and keep Holmes in check also."

The men looked at each other in silent agreement. Light remembered all the times they argued on his behalf. He had always found it amusing to watch L's growing frustration with them, but now he wondered more at their actions and the feeling of comradeship he could have had with them, had he allowed it. They had defended him out of their sense of justice. It suddenly impressed on him that no matter how low he thought of them, they were good people. If only they could be convinced of the ways of Kira, they would actually be more useful than he once thought. They were more people that he felt he had to keep alive.

"Alright. We dismiss that theory then. There is no proof, and what we're doing is little more than gossiping on their relationship." Aizawa stated with authority.

Matsuda let out a weird and low chuckle, "I knoow!!" He grinned, then blushed on seeing his companions offended faces.

"But you both have points about the relationship between Holmes and Narcsissus." Continued Aizawa, making Mogi raise an eyebrow and pulling Matsuda out of his temporary slump of shamed sadness and making him look like a giddy puppy again. "Remember when we thought they must have fallen out or something? When Narcissus went back to loving his reflection more than all else again?"

The men nodded but Matsuda huffed, "I never appreciated that title. He doesn't look in the mirror that much…"

"Only because we don't have that many," Mogi muttered back. "And besides, there was no way we were calling him Captain Amazing or The Shonen-Ai Prince."

Matsuda pouted.

_("HesavedSayu, hesavedsayu!…")_

"Guys be serious," barked Aizawa. "So they were at first enemies. Always fighting. Then suddenly Narcissus became passionate in the case, where before he seemed interested, but nothing more."

"It was clinical at first."

"Exactly. In itself it is not strange that he came to care abutthe case. That happens to everyone in this industry. You become emotionally attached to the case, the victims and the team. What IS weird is that he has gone back to clinical." Aizawa sounded flabbergasted. "Not to mention that the friendship he had with Holmes has gone back to being strained. All within what must have been a few days. And it hasn't let up. Plus, its only Narcissus that changed or rather, reverted. He's gone back to being emotionally detached, pleasant but distant towards us."

"Not to mention that weird patronising undertone he has," complained Mogi.

"I think Holmes does not know that I've noticed," said Matsuda in a diminutive voice, "but he's lost even more weight. His eating habits are even more erratic. And he must be getting less sleep. The bags around his eyes look really awful."

Aizawa nodded, "it's like a Holmes-version of slowly melting down."

"I was under the impression that it as because of the case," Mogi lookeddisinterestedly into his saki which he had yet to take one sip of, "because its taking him so long to get Faust. On top of the fact that the case now involves," he sighed frustrated, "poison apples and two Mestophilis. This is beyond human capability. Even he, for all his intelligence must realise that."

Light watched quietly. The logical part of his brain translated Mestophilis. Mestophilis was from Doctor Faustus, he was the demon that offered Faust all he desired. In other owrds, the shinigami...

However, the rest of Lights divided mind were focused on the task force's genral discussion and body language.

"Maybe Faust is a god," whispered Matsuda, " a vengeful one…"

Aizawa slammed both hands onto the table.

"Ouch!" Giggled Present., "I bet that really hurt but he's holding it in."

Light said nothing. He was still paying too much attention to the men he had under estimated as inattentive and completely within his thrall. He barely registered that Present had spoken.

"It is no god," Aizawa hissed. "I'm not going to allow my children to grow up in a world where they constantly fear the wrath of some vengefultyrannical and ultimately _flawed _God! I don't like people preaching that I will go to Hell if I don't listen to them, I don't like people forcing any kind of guilt trip about their God or Messiah or after life on me, I don't like pamphlets through my door, I don't like them siging or preaching to me on the street!!

I **believe in Freedom** Matsuda. And if there is a God or Gods, then it or they must believe in Freedom too**,** or else we never would have been given the capability to choose our beliefs and what kind of life we want to live." He leaned in. "Faust is a tyrant, no different from Mugabe, Stalin, Mussolini or Slobodan Milosevic. They all claim to be making a pure world, and they are always prepared to create the world on the backs of everyone's corpse but their own. That's why we have to stop Faust, before he does any more damage to the make up of society."

"OK Light," whispered Kira, "maybe we should not keep them alive. They do not understand..."

"People are going crazy," shivered Matsuda. "A friend from my old HQ says there have been thousands of copy cat killings, but the police are trying to cover it up to stop the floodgates from opening. They're all fans of Faust and are trying to get his attention, but they are killing innocents on top of criminals. Or they are killing petty or retired felons. My old comrades think that some people are just using it as an excuse to kill.

There was kid, about nineteen, he killed his parents. He said that they had raped him as a child. There is no proof, but what can they do? The worst part is, as soon as his name is announced, that kid will probably be killed by Kira." He shrugged as if getting something off his shoulders. "They're all causing more harm than good. The nation of Japan is becoming a vigilante hell hole."

**

* * *

Notes**

1) They were originally going to call Misa Bruce W, as in Bruce Wayne, the Batman character who dedicated his life to being a (very violent) vigilante due to his parents being horrifically killed in front of him.

* * *

AN

Sorry for another talky-chapter. More action will be in part two, promise. I hope you did not mind all the references to Doctor Faustus and the like. But I needed them to talk in code and I'm not very clever so could not think of a better style :/


	18. Illusion Part 2

**Warnings: Potential rape, violence, anti religious feeling.**

* * *

"Thus why we need to get rid of any doubts," Pushed Mogi. "God knows if we die this will spread all over the world! It will be unstoppable, the very foundations of civilisation will be shook. It will be like when Christianity first went all over the planet."

"Yeah," sneered Aizawa. "And Christianity's key figure talked about love and understanding, yet look at the carnage it caused! The Holy Wars, the destruction of the pagans and their culture, the slave trade, even now in our so called enlightned world there is all this anti-homosexuality and anti-multi-culturalism caused by self-righteous demonising and bible bashing- it just goes on and on! How much **worse** will an openly murderous God whose _name_ is a pun on the English word _Killer_, how much worse will those repercussions be??"

"Then Narcissus will know this!" Matsuda almost screamed. A few people in the bar looked at him, making him blush and settle back in his seat. "Seriously, surely Narcissus would understand that the ways of Faust are causing chaos. There are a lot of similarities between Narcissus and Faust but there are differences too. Faust is almost animalistic, that was shown by Lind L Taylor, he kills compulsively and out of spite. But Light is very methodical. He does not seem prone to outbursts of anger and jealousy. I'm not being a fan boy!" He cried answering the looks on their faces. "Even if Light was angry with someone, as we have seen with his fights with L, its only after his been pushed very far and even then the anger seems to dissipate quickly. He is just too calm and collected to be Faust. Besides," Matsuda continued emotively. "Narcissus loves his family. He loves his father. Can any of us doubt this? He knows that what Faust is doing and what he stands is abhorrent to his family. If he was Faust, it would destroy them. If it had not been for Holmes's suspicions we would not even be having this discussion! I think we're doing a disservice to Light and his intelligence."

There was a momentary silence of contemplation. It looked strange, this motionless men discussing matters of life and death, while all around them revellers drank and sang and danced. The burden of the few to rescue the majority.

"Matsuda is correct," muttered Mogi. "Narcissus," he emphasised the title at Matsuda, who had slipped up earlier in his fit of passion, "has under gone a lot of stressful situations due to unfounded suspicions. We just," he paused, his voice strained, "we just don't know enough…"

"Because they never let us in," growled Aizawa, bitterness deeply engrained into his tone. "It's gotten to the stage where Holmes has no choice and so neither do we." He took in a deep breath. "There's only one thing for it." They looked at him. "We go home and enjoy being with our families. We all knew what we were signing up for when we stuck with Holmes. So lets suck it up." He patted Matsuda on the back, joviality in his voice, lessening the tension. "You convinced us Matsu. Maybe you're more like Holmes than you think."

The men finished their drinks, conversation turning to their wives and children, or in Matsuda's case a girl he met last night and the baby cousins he had to baby sit next weekend. It was self consciously frivolous. Each man was facing impending death. Each man facing the possibility that if they were wrong not only could they die, but they would have the blood of their colleagues on their hands also.

Light felt shaken at their suspicion. Matsuda had convinced them for now, but it was a poor argument. What about when L died tomorrow? Would not their suspicions increase? And the fact that they had been watching him so closely! He thought only L had been observing him like a bug in a glass cage, not the entire task force. This meant that their loyalty (aside form Matsuda) was based on nothing. They would all need to be killed at some stage, because, Light realised, they would eventually work out he was Kira. How could they not? In the burning intelligence L radiated, he had forgotten that these men (even Matsuda) were investigators themselves. Very brave ones too. In the face of their enemy, they were soldiers waging a Holy War.

On top of that was his fans. Light had always thought that his followers would be like Misa, simply obeying his orders and relying on him to do all the killing for him. He was god after all, not them. It was his burden, his curse. That's why he was also a martyr on top of god not unlike Jesus. He would have no choice but to order the vigilante killings to stop through the media. But then, that would make the task force more suspicious of him if just after they had this discussion, such a proclaimation was made. "Yes, but not enough for them to really do anything about it. Any one of Kira's spies could be eavesdropping right now." Light thought. "Actually I could use this. I wanted them to suspect me just a little in order to hold off the Thirteen Rule Test. Using the proclamation I can kill two birds with one stone."

The men finished up and left the bar, bidding one another good night. A smirking Present began to follow Matsuda, so Light silently trailed after him, still deep in disturbed thoughts.

It was only when he noticed the dimming light and quietening sounds that he took notice of his environment. Matsuda was going past a series of dark alleys towards some tall apartment buildings.

The lamp posts let off white beams of light, narrowly lighting a small circumference around themselves. They made the shadows on the land and Matsuda more pronounced. The world became monochrome. The rain distorted the atmosphere, making it appear grainy like an old film. Matsuda looked like the hero of a film noir detective story. If only he could see himself…

Suddenly, a shrill scream tore through the dim atmosphere. Matsuda froze, but not in a cowardly manner; it reminded Light of a wild cat. Matsuda suddenly had tensed for a fight, his hands were up, his back lowered. He stood very still in this pose. The sound of clicking heels hitting a tarmac floor and breathless running became louder.

The sound seemed to echo all around, the tall buildings and rain distorting the acoustics. Now and then Matsuda turned his head, trying to gage where the sounds were coming from. Suddenly, he shot across the road, his body still low, like a soldier running through No Mans Land. Slamming his back to a slimy brick wall he inched nearer an alley way entrance. He breathed heavily and with a forced steadiness, little ghosts of white breaths leaving his body and entering the haunted atmosphere.

A shrill shriek echoed once more.

Clack

Clack

Clack

Pattered the heels on the ground.

"No gun dammit," he heard Matsuda barely mutter.

Thud

Thud

Thud

Heavy boots echoed the clacks of heels. She was being chased.

"Come on," he muttered, peeking round the corner, "don't make me go in."

Suddenly the silhouette of a woman appeared through the fog in the distance. It quickly morphed into a pretty young girl, all dressed up for a night out. Her cheeks were red, her eyes puffy from tears, her throat was hoarse from heavy breathing and screaming. As soon as she passed Matsuda he grabbed her a pulled her to himself. She immediately raised her fits to fight him but pulling her into a tight bear hug, he retrained her arms. "Its alright, I'm an officer." He whispered in her ear. She slackened and he released her. Putting his finger to his lips he motioned for her to move further away.

THUD

THUD

THUD

THUD!

There was still another apparition to appear. This time in the form of a brutish man and potential rapist or thief.

As soon as the man appeared, Light saw he was not a typical thug, with dyed blond hair and piercings, but a well dressed man (not unlike himself) who looked like he would be quite affluent.

Light immediately began to wonder f there was more to this situation than there seemed.(He could not quite help it, Lights world was burdened with crass stereotypes.) Matsuda had no such doubts. Grabbing the passing mans arm he twisted it round, pinning it against the mans back. The man screamed and fell to his knees allowing Matsuda to lean his whole upper body onto his back.

"Don't move," ordered Matsuda in a commanding voice Light had never heard before. "That applies to you to," he ordered the girl. She nodded, looking afraid and lost. Hitching some cuffs out of his pocket, Matsuda incapacitated the man and sat him forcibly onto the ground, the whole time talking. "I'm Matsuda Touta, a member of the Japanese police force."

He kneeled down looking the man in the face. "Would you both like to tell me why you are causing this ruckus?"

The girl began to sob, protectively pulling down on her short dress, "he-he tried to…please!"

Matsuda softened temporarily, his saccharine personality revealing for a moment. But it was gone as soon as the man spoke. "I'm sure Mr Touta, that something can be worked out. I'm a very important man. And me and this girl merely had a misunderstanding."

She shook her head, eyes wide and pleading.

"I'm going to have to take you both in," muttered Matsuda, flashing a quick smile to the girl.

(Light huffed, that man really could not resist a pretty young face.)

"Well, unfortunately for you," the cuffed man smirked, getting painfully to his feet. "I don't want to…"

"Back down!" Commanded Matsuda, but it was too late. From each corner, different men began to appear. Most of them were in business suits. They all seemed like the sort of men Light would trust, even relate a little to, in the day time. But in this dark, colourless landscape, they all seemed threatening and animalistic, stalking forwards as they did. The girl ran to Matsuda, whose face was resolute.

"That underage bitch dressed like a slut and came into my club and her dumb-fuck drunk friends left her behind," the smug man continued. "If I have to deal with getting her a taxi and sending her home because she's too stupid, then I have the right to do whatever I want with her beforehand. And you Mr Officer, have no gun. So what are you going to do?"

Matsuda merely gritted his teeth, looking round at all the men. He was counting them.

"I tell you what you're going to do. You're going to un-cuff me and keep walking. If your lucky you won't be hit by any of my gang members." The man laughed.

Matsuda swung the girl round and punched the laughing man squarely in his face. He then did all he could do, he ran right into where several gang members were standing. Throwing the girl forward he called out "run!!" Just as the members grabbed him and dragged him back. The girl faltered for a moment before obeying him.

Matsuda began to be kicked from every side. Swinging his legs ina manner reminiscent of L, he made several men ungracefully fall. With a few slams in their faces with his elbow, he ran forward before the other members could react, they being too busy trying to stem the bleeding from their irate boss's nose and mouth.

Pain etched on his face, Matsuda ran forward. His life depended on it.

IF I WAS ALLOWED TO RULE PEOPLE LIKE THEM WOULD NOT EXIST!!

"God, shut up!" Thought Light desperately running with Present to keep up with Matsuda. "Not now, I can't think about that kind of thing now!"

Matsuda stopped so suddenly that Light passed through him. It was the strangest thing he ever experienced. In that split second he felt all of Matsuda's bones, flesh, blood and tissue. Even more disturbingly, Matsuda's entire life flashed though his mind. His father calling him homophobic names for being no good at sports, his defending a bullied boy at school, only to have not only the bullies turn on him, but the very kid he tried to help, so desperate was that child for acceptance, it was that that led to Matsuda wanting to work in the police force. He felt how lonely Matsuda was, his constant feelings of ineptitude, of knowing he was a joke, of knowing that no matter how hard he studied he would never be clever and that he would never be handsome. Yet Light also encountered something else in that millisecond, the feelings that resided in Matsuda's very blood, and pumped through his heart. It was like what could only be described as a very small but intense ball of glowing light. "Dear God," he thought, "had that been his soul?" And that light held out hope; a hope that if he kept trying and kept doing good, that even if it did not come back to him, that at least the world would be a bit brighter, and so his own life a little brighter for it. It was only this that prevented him from being jealous of Lights looks and brains, of his loving and accepting family, of his pretty, adoring girlfriend.

Light barely had time to even process all of this and much more, before being forced by Present to pay attention to what was happening. "I cannot rewind time for you!" Present was screaming at him. "So watch and learn!!"

Matsuda had stopped because he had seen the girl. She was hiding behind some bins. Grabbing her, they resumed running. They could hear the footfalls of angry men coming after them. The girl had taken of her heels, thank God, and so at least could move now, making up for the few seconds they had lost as she had cowered.

But where would they go? The best option would have been the main road where hundreds of people still milled about and where police cars constantly trawled. But that was in the opposite direction.

The tall black towers of apartments, so ugly in the day, now looked like the sanctuary of a great Gothic Church, the lights of individual flats shinning out like a hundred little beacons. Suddenly something nipped past Matsuda's ear. He yelped and leapt. Another sung past the girl.

"God they're shooting at us!" She cried.

"Not long now." He replied, reaching into his pocket. They entered the parking lot of the ebony towers. He punched in a code, opening the doors, and flung in the girl after himself. Tempted to slump by the door, but he refrained, Matsuda dragged the girl up the stairs and into his apartment. He was bleeding and bruised. But he smiled with all his cheeky, bordering on obnoxious, joy. "Its ok. I'm getting the police now. We'll get the guys that tried to hurt us. Do you need to go to hospital?"

"Time for us," said the second Matsuda turning to a breathless Light. "To leave this place. There is so much, and we are nearly out of time."

* * *

The blond-haired, piercing thing is because, by what I understand, a lot of kids who 'rebel' in Japan tend to do those things (stereotypically.) Sort of the opposite of the West where kids tend to dye their hair black. Its a stereotype of course.


	19. Sex, Love and Obsession Part 1

The next place they arrived at was a very spruced up apartment. They smashed through a window to get inside; or rather Present hurtled through the window, dragging Light like a rag doll behind him.

The apartment was painted all white and would have been swanky only the decor ruined it. And Light vaguely recognised the taste of decor as belonging to the one and only-

"Oh my gawd!!" Screamed Present, "she actually has a gigantic picture of herself??!!"

Misa Amane.

Indeed she did have a large wall size portrait of herself with a microphone in her hand, her mouth was wide open as if singing her heart out (it also looked provocative ad sexy, but Misa Misa would deny all knowledge of ts sexy nature- she was pure and innocent after all,) and strobe lighting lit up the background. It was her best selling picture, boys all over the world had it in poster form in their bedrooms. Except Light of course, Light hadn't really known who she was before the whole Kira business, being completely uninterested in popular culture, in particular popular music. Since dating her he had not bothered listening to any of her music. If her speaking voice was anything to go by then her music would be less than soothing to the soul.

Leaving Present in an ecstasy of incredulity, Light wondered around the apartment bored. What could he learn from Misa? Of course, he was aware that he had thought the same of Sayu, but he did not see Sayu as much as Misa anymore and plus, he held Sayu in much higher graces than Miss Amane.

The apartment was very clean and 'girlish'; it had clearly been designed to be minimalist, but Misa had filled it with dolls and doilies, garlands of flowers not to mention various photos of herself in various poses and outfits, a few of her in 'everyday clothes' such as jeans and t-shirts (apparently to make her more relatable to her fans,) there was even one of her in Africa hugging a starving black orphan she had 'adopted,' (as in she (i.e. her representatives) sent him money for school, food and clothes every month.) It had been a fad for a while, whatever Madonna did, Misa did better. Whilst the child look completely blank as she held him, (he did not bother hugging back) she was grinning as if being starved in the stifling heat of your war-torn country was **the best thing ever**.

There was also one of her and Light together. It had been taken on campus. She had her usual full toothed grin, ("like a shark…. or a crocodile" he thought vaguely,) but it was his own smirk that alarmed him. For that is what it was, a smirk. Light could barely believe the sardonic venom that one snide facial expression contained. It made him look so ugly; not L ugly but _truly ugly_, as in physically twisted.

"I do not look like that!" He thought angrily, and was immediately reminded of earlier in the evening before Higuchi was found in his living room. In the hallway upstairs, in all his family photos he had sported that same ugly smirk. He hated it!

"Present!" He barked, "something is wrong, I do not smile like-" but turning back round to the picture he saw that his face had smoothed and the smile was back to perfect. It had that Light Yagami charm that had taken him so far in life.

Only he could see (well, maybe L would also, had he been shown it,) that in the picture his eyes were too strained and he was holding Misa's shoulder a little too hard; he hated being around her. It was degrading. He never loved his ex-girlfriend, Takada, but at least she was something of a kindred spirit. She was intelligent and had drive, not to mention sensibly attractive and with a good, practical hairstyle (as opposed to pig tails, _good god_…) They had looked good together. But he and Misa? They did not sync on any level. It had to be only about his looks. Misa would not be so obsessive about him otherwise because looks were all he had to offer her; she hardly wanted him for his witty repertoire or intense debating skills. Takada had wanted him because she recognised that those skills would get him far in life, and with her as his fiancée and then wife, she would progress also. The fact that he was good looking was a bonus in her case. To Light, that reasoning for a relationship was more honourable than Misa's.

It wasn't that Light did not believe in love, there is plenty of evidence in the world of love, but romantic love involves passion, obsession and dedication, none of which Light wanted to invest in a relationship that probably would not last anyway. Love can die out or fade, the other partner can let you down, or die but a reputation lasts forever, even after death. A good reputation could even be passed down through the generations. "Besides my passion is to saving the world. I would rather die knowing I did good for everyone than lived selfishly for me and perhaps one other person." He glowered at Misa's picture. That's what he really disliked about her. He actually considered her a bad person. She was not Kira out of good intentions, she was Kira because she wanted him to have sex with her. It was sickening, And him being with her debased him. Still, he had no choice. And at least she had the excuse of being an imbecile, he could forgive her wantonness as it was simply part of her id-like childishness.

Suddenly a finger traced down his neck making him jump around, grabbing his neck as if he had been burnt. Present stood there, his finger still in the air, grinning. His now fully turquoise eyes looked wrong. Like a photo had been taken of Matsuda, but then someone had used the Paint Programme on a computer to change his eyes into the wrong colour. They looked flat and not a part of the rest of the body. And that weird grin it had….

No. Light definitely did not like Present.

Lowering his arm, Present controlled his grin into a smile and lowered his head slightly, so he was looking up at Light. "Did you not like that?" He asked seductively making Light freeze up. "Me and the guys had a theory about you." Present twisted his head slightly to the right, Matsuda's fluffy black hair flicking along with the movement. "Maybe we were wrong…" Light frowned, but before he could say anything, Present regained his manic grin and excitable, fast paced talk. "OOOOH my gawd!! I forgot!" His eyes grew wide. "Ryuuk, the _bastard_, told me a **big** secret about Misa Misa chaaaan! D'you wanna know what it is? Huh, huh? I'll tell you because…." He ran forward once more with that horrible unnatural speed, like a spider, so that he was face to face with Light. They were close enough to kiss. "I'll tell you," he whispered, "because Light is my first ever friend." Light gasped at L's words being reiterated and Present licked the tip of Light's nose, before jumping backwards, laughing all the while.

Light rubbed his nose - disgusting- whilst trying not to look too angry. It would only encourage the stupid creature. "You **want** to show me," he told it. "So just show me."

Present nodded, not even trying to pretend otherwise. "Go to the big green thing in the pot,"

"….the plant?"

"whatever it is. Behind there is a door." Present smiled and became quiet as Light did as he was told. Opening the door led to a small room enveloped in darkness. It must have only been made to be a small storage space. He felt across the wall and turned on the light. Dim yellow that had the same faded decadence of Luka's old apartment lit the room. It contained a sort of shrine on which a photograph of her parents stood, surrounded by petals, two semi-melted un lit candles on either side of the frame. A small, sqaure matt was laid out on the floor, faded and worn.

There lay the Death Note, out in the open.

But Light was not angry about that, the fact that it had barely been hidden in such an obvious place, he could not be angry at that when all over the wall and veiling were pictures of himself. Him going to work, him shopping with his family, him looking out of his university classroom looking elegantly bored.

God, there were pictures everywhere all taken without his notice.

He nearly fell over; he felt sick, he felt violated.

What the hell was wrong with Misa?

He knew she was weirdly obsessed, but this? **THIS???**

"You underestimate women Light." Murmured Present behind him, sounding uncharacteristically sober. "It is just one of your main flaws- closely connected to your growing arrogance." He looked around the room as Light shakily went down on his knees trying to breath steadily. "You should of just had sex with her. This is a bit weird mate. Oh -" he looked down on Light, "but this isn't the surprise that amuses Ryuuk so much." He tried to smile, Light could see he had tried to do his strange grin, but even Present could not, it simply became a grimace. What was so awful that even Present did not find it amusing?

The spirit pointed to the Death Note. "That is."

* * *

TBC


	20. Sex, Love and Obsession Part 2

**Warnings: Misa bashing? A level of gore.**

* * *

Crouching low he crawled into the small space. It was a size Misa would have been comfortable in. He had to put a hand on the ceiling, so he could feel the cold, vinyl feel of each perverted photograph. He frowned, allowing anger to over come fear. There was no way he was going to allow himself to become afraid of Misa Misa Chan: stalker extraordinaire.

Next to the Death Note, previously unseen, there was a small wooden box which contained the odds and ends designed for making a book; the thread and needle for binding, the small subtle knife, the bits of glue for binding and so on.

He frowned and opened the Death Note. Sure, he recognised a few of these names as criminals. He flicked through. Nothing weird here. He could tell his own tidy writting in black pen (the colour seemed appropriate) compared to Misa's messy scrawl in pink jet ink. Unlike himself she had made no attempt to try to obscure her handwrtting. God she had even drawn in the odd heart shape- the fucking idiot. (Light seldom cursed, but he could forgive himself today, being under such stress.)

As he began to flick through more haphazardly, some pages fell out. They had names he did not recognise.

RIKA TANAKA

RIN ITO

KYOKO MIURA

MINAMI YAMADA

CHIHIRO OKADA

The list went on and on. Even worse was that these names were written meticulously paying witness that Misa had clearly paid more attention to this task. There were literally hundreds of names. And the deaths were all erratic and some were simply vile;

Minami Yamada had to claw out her open eyes before leaping out of a window.

Rika Tanaka drove out into the middle of nowhere and set herself alight.

Consistently the girls took themselves far away before commiting some sor t of gory suicide (_Misora_) so that no one would find them.

Some of the deaths were long standing;

_'On the 13th of June, Chihiro Okada becomes addicted to heroine and dies in four months time of an overdose._

_On the 4th of December Rin Ito kills herself by jamming knitting needles into her ears after writting a suicide note claiming that she had been hearing evil voices for months on end, that no one else had heard.'_

Then the worst one, the one that stopped Light from reading;

On the 17th of November Kyoko Miura murders her entire family in a psychotic, unprovoked rage that she cannot explain. Is caught on the same day and later killed by Kira.

Light remembered killing that girl. Her face, just a few weeks back now, had been plastered all over the news. Japan had been disgusted. She killed her pregnant mother and father, her baby brother and elderly grandmother. There had been no reason. But what really disgusted the nation was that she was not to be executed for her heinous crime. Her lawyers had argued that she must have been mentally unstable, to do such a thing despite having no previous convictions or a history of violence. So Kira, in his all-knowing, righteous glory executed her in the name of Justice.

She had had a heart attack, a particularly vicious and painful one, in front of all the camera's. In front of the world, for the story had been international news. And no one had mourned or felt sorry for her. Quite a few people were very happy; his supporters certainly had been. They had seen it as another triumph of their god over the inept law system.

And all the while he had been Misa Misa Chans pawn.

"Just KILL Misa!! She deserves it! Then this will never happen again!!!"

"But what about REM?"

"FUCK REM! I WANT HER DEAD!! DEAD!!! SHE MADE A FOOL OF ME!"

Light sunk back onto both knees ignoring the snarling animal inside his soul. "I killed a girl," he muttered. "Another innocent girl…"

"This isn't so much about that," argued Present sounding impatient. "Its not about how you feel. Look at all these names. There is a bigger picture to this Light!"

Light looked at the pages, "they are all girls names. I 'm supposing Misa was jealous. I don't recognise any of them. Were they rival models?"

Present sat next to him, his face quite sober and sensible, his turquoise eyes a darker shade, making them more human and bearable to look at.

"Some of them are. In the modelling world, Misa is getting on a bit. New teenage girls who are thinner and even prettier than her are coming in. But most of these girls are ordinary." He leaned across Light and took up another metal box very hidden in the corner.

"Pfft, she couldn't do that with the DEATH NOTE though, could she??"

Inside the box were more photographs. They had him in them, but he was not the main focus. Instead, the appreciative looks from various girls in the background were. As Present had mentioned, most of them were ordinary girls, not rival models. He saw one of Takada, her black bobbed hair and geekish glasses. How could Misa feel that this girl was a threat? Next to the Kyoko was her bown haired friend. Light gulped. All of the girls had had their eyes pricked out by what must have been a needle. There socketless smiling faces stared blankly. It was the stuff of nightmares.

"They were girls from my college, To oh." He stated more then questioned, but Present nodded anyway. "Misa was jealous. I hardly knew any of them. What about my ex-girlfriends, Shiori Akino, Kiyomi Takada?"

"They're alright. She was going to get them, but Rem talked her out of it. Rem is against the whole idea. Ryuuk, not so much."

"Rem knew I would realise and would…"

"judge Misa." Present finished for him.

"And no one has noticed this? Not L, isn't he watching Misa?"

"L is more obsessed with getting Kira number one," Present smiled. "He underestimates Misa too. Ever watched that film, The Usual Suspects?" Before Light could answer 'no' Present continued.

"They stole it from Baudelaire actually, but still; "**The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist**" He quoted. "Misa is so cute and silly. She can do no wrong. Misa Misa speaks like a child. Misa Misa likes blond pigtails and fluffy toys. Hurray for Misa Misa Chan! Misa is not a sensible business woman. Misa is not someone ho survived traumas in her early life that would mentally destroy most people. Misa is not desperate for _any _kind of love or attention. NOPE, Misa is just a Silly Billy! Pay no mind to Misa!" During this Present had grabbed his hair bunching it into pig tails and was shaking his head left and right in a horrible-looking parody of Misa.

As Light recoiled, he could not help but think of the whole of Misa's persona as being some sort of caricature of the typical bubble-headed model. It didn't make sense, Present was right. Misa had dragged her way out of a horrible childhood to being one of the biggest stars in all of Japan, hell, the world even. Boys everywhere knew her or had her poster. She was huge. As young as she had been entering the industry for some as supposedly naïve as she, she had managed to retain autonomy over her life, meaning unlike a lot of over famous people she could go wherever she liked when she liked. She had all her money still.

So why had he so readily accepted her 'stupid' act?

"Ah, because I'm a misogynist," he thought grimly. "I can't even deny it anymore."

Light hated the thought. Gods _cannot _be biased. And here he was a misogynist, which had led to the cheapening of his ideal.

Just then, with this admittance finally told and accepted into a stubborn mind, the front door of the flat opened.

Misa was back.

Present hurriedly closed the door, plunging himself and Light into darkness.

"Lets leave Present!"

"No."

"I don't want to be here!"

"Since when did I give the impression that give a damn what you want?"

The clipped, thick wedge heels of Misa came to the door.

Halted.

Then faded away again.

"Why was she just standing outside?" Light whispered.

"I don't know. She's crazy."

_"Dada-dum dum dada da!"_

The maddening high pitch hum of Misa's sounded out and they became quiet.

"_Dadada_…oh Light kuu…_dum dum de_- *snort* _dum de-de- dum de-"_

The humming went on. A little ditty Light did not know. It was probably one of hers.

"_Da…da_…*sob*…_du_…*snort* _te…tum…de_…"

Slowly the humming began to chock on itself.

She was…crying. No. Sobbing. She had fallen from singing into tears.

Light crawled in the limited space towards the door. What was happ-

"**LIGHT WHHHHHHHY????"**

Misa's face screamed into his all of a sudden. He actually screamed and fell back. She looked like some sort of lunatic clown, her mascara and eyeliner drooled in long black lines down her powdered white face, one eye still had a blue contact in, the other was her natural brown. Both eyes were practically bulging out of her head. Turning on the light, she shuffled into the space, paying no mind to Light or Present. (Of course not she could not see them.) She was snivelling and wiping the snot on the back of her arms. Her tiny dress (that wasn't a dress, it was just a negliche) was falling off her shoulders.

All the time, as Light breathed heavily and paniced (due to the tiny space and the terrible fright he had been given) Present was laughing hysterically. He grabbed Lights arm, "I nearly **pissed **myself when she busted in!" He yelled, laughing again, "oh my _God_, bwahaha!"

I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU!" She gasped between heaving sobs at all the photographs of Light. "ALL I WANTED WAS ONE LOUSY DATE AND YOUR HOME WITH YOUR FAMILY IN BED!!!!" She fell onto the floor, sobs racking her body.

"That's right," he remembered. "I was meant to be on a date with Misa tonight..."

"What do I need to do Light? **What**? I do everything for you. More than what anyone else in your entire life has done for you and you don't even care!" She plucked one of the pictures from the ceiling, stroking it as lovingly as a parent does their new born child. "I will always be there for you. Do you not understand? How can that not matter? I would die- **am** going to die for you Light. I was tortured for you, I am damned in the after-life for you, I will die young for you." She put the picture to her chest. "But you keep me waiting I keep hoping that one day it'll be worth it. That you'll see me. That your eyes will light up when I am there. Not narrow in frustration." She looked at it, her eyes dark and sad. "I know that is what you do, though you hide it. They all know. Matsuda even feels sorry for me. Matsuda!" She sighed and carefully put the picture back in its original place.

She then took the bits of paper from the Death Note and carefully began to cut more pages from the book, humming slowly and sniffing now and then.

"She's making her own Death Note?" Asked Light.

"Well, she never expected you both to start swapping Death Notes and she had to keep the fact that she was killing any girl she saw as a potential threat as a secret somehow. Rem eventually gave in and told her how to do it."

"which is why Rem is so desperate to look after Misa. Misa is a Kira in her own right, not just a fool manipulated by me. So if she is caught by the task force, there is no hope for her." Light stared incredulous. "She will be executed for this. This is absolute murder."

"And what you do isn't?"

"I can still try and justify my actions! I admit they were…flawed. But they have been justified. I simply need to alter my plans a little. But this, this is something else entirely." As he watched her work with a level of concentration he would not have known possible, he thought back to the girls who bullied Sayu. Misa was another one of those really. A crazed fan girl. Someone living so much in a dream that she had lost all sense of reality.

"When did this start Present?" He asked suddenly. "I mean really start. It wasn't me was it? She was like this from the moment I met her."

He looked at the shrine to her parents.

"Lots of things happen to people," Light continued as Present remained silent, "to make them what they are as adults. Sayu grew up to be a fake dream daughter- vapid and pretty. Just like I grew up to be the fake perfect son. But both of us are unhappy. My parents are probably not in love anymore. Yet to everyone the Yagami's are perfection. Luka was abused and forgotten and grew up to be L, food obsessed, secretive and paranoid. Misa has been closely aligned to death all her life; her parents, then that stalker. In fact the only creatures that have ever loved her have been…"

"the death gods," finished Present. "She was born under a dark star it would seem."

"What am I supposed to do? What so you want from me? There is a lesson right? What? Be nicer to her? Have her locked up? What?"

"Nothing Light. Unlike Past, I simply show you what is happening _now_. You make any decisions. I am," he looked at Misa blankly, "indifferent."

* * *

**AN**

**If your wondering why she didn't use this Death Note on Takada. Well, she knew Light would catch her. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Making books isn't particularly hard (I've done it before) so hopefully none of you think this idea is stupid. **

**Sorry to any Misa fans. **

**Also, Shiori Akino was Lights girlfriend in the film and Kyoko is the girl from the anime and manga who had a wee crush on L, not Light. **

**Kira makes mistakes. **

**So do authors. I was watching some episodes (trying to find Kyoko's name) and, well, is my Light horribly out of character?? Its so hard trying to do good Light (who is sensible and almost kind) and Kira (who is bad tempered and impatient,) and now I'm worried that this character is going out of control. ;_; Let me know, please**.


	21. Bonus Chapter: Asim and the Dragon

Mary Kenwood was a Lioness, no better than a Lioness, she was a Sphinx. No one held her down, bought her down, rained on her parade or put her under their thumb. She wasn't just a Lioness, she was also an Eagle; this Lioness could fly baby, and God help the fool that tried to stop her!

Mary, like so many free creatures, died quite young and quite tragically.

Live Fast, Die Young… as Nick Romano said.

Mary Kenwood had many reasons for being the type of creature she was, but when boiled down to its most basic atom, the reason was because of a fairytale her single parent mother had told her just one time as a child. She had forgotten the story itself as an adult, though its moral remained. She and her mother fell out, starting with the belly button piercing she had gotten at thirteen. The whole relationship had gone down hill from there.

With the drama and death the Kira case caused, Mary finally decided to go back to her home town in Colorado Springs to talk to her mother. However, due to the whim of a teenage god, she died on the way. No one knew who she was, as she had no I.D. on her, fake or otherwise, at that time. So she was buried as a Jane Doe in a small graveyard in a little town called Coal Creek.

Two years later, Mary's mother died alone in her house, without either of them ever apologising to the other even though both were sorry.

* * *

When a five year old Luka had been getting his fairytale, Mary had been a sniffling ten year old.

She was sitting on the kitchen stool as her mother snipped off copious amounts of her pretty blonde hair. The nasty kids at her school, led by that snot bag Gregory Filch, had put bubble gum in it. They had tried washing out as much as possible, but it was not enough.

As she cried quietly to herself over the twin misfortunes of having her hair cut short and knowing that school and the same kids awaited her tomorrow, he mother had a strange stroke of creative energy. Kissing her child's head, she began to tell a tale that slowly stopped the sniffles.

"Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a Prince. Even though he was the handsomest Prince in all the world, he was cold hearted and indifferent. His land was barren and covered in snow and ice. But there were no snowball fights or snowmen, no festivities of any kind.

The Prince was hard and cold and serious, like a shard of ice. Every girl in the land wanted to marry the Prince and melt his icy heart."

"Why?" Asked Mary, "to make the snow go away?"

"Unfortunately no," continued mother, slyly snipping away more hair and praying her second born remained distracted. "They wanted to marry him 'cause he was totally cute!"

Mary laughed at the expression, it was the sort of thing her teenaged big sister would always say about boys.

"Well, one young girl, a pretty little milk maid called Asim dearly wanted to stop being a boring old milk maid and become a Princess. Even better if she got to marry a cute Prince. So she travelled all the way to the Prince's Ice Castle to beg the Prince for his hand in marriage.

"Well," said the Prince from his throne of ice, " I suppose a wife may be suitable of a man of my position. But why should I choose you over the other girls?"

"Because Asim dearly loves her Prince!" Cried Asim.

After conversing a little with his raven headed councillor, the Prince decided this wasn't a good enough reason.

"Well if you love me," he said, a slight smirk being the only thing to change his frozen facial expression, "then you will not mind completing these three simple tasks. They are to prove your worth. If you pass them, I will grace you with my hand in marriage."

Asim nodded enthusiastically.

"The first challenge is I want you to collect for me the precious gems known as The Shinigami Eyes."

"B-but they're guarded by a big scary dragon!" She cried.

"Well, if you do not want to marry me…"

"No, please Asim will go…"

And she did.

She walked for a day and a night until the ground turned black due to the scorched earth. This part of the Kingdom was known as Fireland, because of all the flames the dragon would breath out. No one ever went there but a few daring thieves who had heard of the Dragons lair being filled with treasures, in particular, the fabled Shinigami eyes. The thieves had entered the Fireland, but none had ever returned.

However, Asim was determined to be brave for her Prince.

She walked through the blackened land, until she saw a massive hill. There nothing all that amazing about a hill, but this hill was smoking, as if there were fire inside. Well, it was common sense (or uncommon nonsense) that a smoking hill must have a dragon inside.

"Now to get in."

As she thought this, walking around the hill, looking for some sort of gap or hole, she suddenly fell through the floor.

With a yelp she hit a mini mountain of gold coins. She gaped. All around her was gold and silver and jewels. There was more wealth and riches here than she could of ever imagined. There were a few strange things as well. There were little mechanical birds made out of silver that would catch mechanical mice made of gold. They had little jewels for eyes and crystals for claws.

Walking through this strange habitat, Asim heard loud slurping and burping noises in the far corner. She followed the sounds until she saw it, the dragon. It was a lot prettier than she'd imagined. Its body was long and slender, like a serpent. Every scale was a pale golden colour. Its eyes were a crystalline blue.

It had been noisily slurrping at some sweet smelling brown liquid. Asim was not sure what it was but it did not look very attractive. Licking its lips and rounding upon her, the dragon lazily blew out small puffs of fire watching them with some pride and arrogance.

"Wow, that's impressive!" Cheered Asim. "How do you do that?"

"I am the Lord of Fire," huffed the dragon. "Why are you here, don't you know what I do to thieves?" He gestured elegantly with one of his arms (that also could be fore legs) to a number of small piles of charred human bones.

Asim tried not to run screaming. "Well, yes, but you see I'm not a thief. I'm a buyer. Girls love to shop you know. Is there anything you would like in return for me taking the Shinigami eyes?"

"The Shinigami eyes?" Repeated the dragon, suddenly and magically holding two large red gemstones in his claw. "These are precious." His beautiful blue eyes rolled towards her small figure, "extremely expensive. I do not see what a small milk maid can offer me."

"Well, I notice you have lots of mice and birds," she smiled before adding tentatively, "but I'm sure you would like…real living things more."

The dragon snarled and wrapped its tail tightly around itself. To Asim, it looked as if he were hugging himself.

"It all burnt up didn't it?" Asked Asim. "I bet you didn't mean to…but you destroyed it all. Are you lonely now? Is that why you did not kill me immediately?"

The dragon lowered its head, so their eye levels were equal. "They only came," he gestured to the bones, "to take my things. The same as you. No one stays. I just wanted to show them that I was as bright and talented as they are, but I ruined it all. Now I'm stuck here, in this little hill, all alone forever."

"Who are 'they' ?"

"The other dragons of course."

"Well, maybe I can convince them to come visit you."

The dragon raised its head. "If you can do that, then I will give you the Eyes, no problem."

"Deal!"

Climbing back out of the hill, with some help from 'The Lord of Fire,' Asim brushed herself off and headed for the mountains. It was the only place she knew of where dragons lived, aside from the infamous Fireland.

She was very tired from all the walking, but she had to keep going. Her Prince was waiting after all.

When she reached the mountains and was relieved to find them covered in long, grass. Though it was coarser than what she had at home, this was better on her feet than all that hot, hard earth. She began to climb, grabbing tuffs of the grass and heather to haul herself up the increasingly verticle edge. Little grey bugs that looked a little like blue bottles kept sweeping down to look at her before zooming away; as if trying to get an agreed opinion on her. It was highly irritating.

As she hauled herself up to the precipice, she saw a dragon waiting for her. She nearly fell back in alarm, but halted herself from doing so at the last second. Had she of fallen back, she would have fallen back down the mountain.

The dragon was small and squat compared to the Lord of Fire. His eyes were half lidded and a scary pure black that contrasted to his alabaster scales.

"The dragon down there," she pointed, "is sorry for his behaviour. He really would like you and the others to visit him once more."

"No." Answered the white dragon flatly and with a flick of his tail, threw Asim back down the mountain.

* * *

Asim screamed as she fell to what should have been her death, however, out of the heavy mist beneath her, a red dragon flew up and gasped her in its mouth before flinging her (quite roughly) up onto its back. She lay attempting to get her breath back, as the creature landed softly on the blackened floor.

Sliding off she bowed and thanked it for saving her. This dragon was big, like the Lord of Fire, but had green irises surrounded by a yellow coloured sclera instead of white. However, it still looked quite pretty, as it matched the creature's general colour scheme. It also had a heavier body, more like a lizard than a snake, and two heavy wings on its back (which she was infinitely greatful for.)

"Is he really sorry, and really lonely?" The dragon asked without any introductions or acknowledgment of her thanks. She nodded and the dragon looked eagerly at the distant smoking hill.

"Do you really care what that moody white dragon has to say anyway?" She questioned, hoping her defiance had not been too much (but the thing _had_ tried to kill her…)

The red dragon nodded.

"You're right. I don't care. I'd rather go into exile with him than leave him all alone. Besides," he smiled, " I **like** smoke. I'll do better than visit, I'lll stay with him."

* * *

At the Ice Palace, everyone gaped in amazement as the little (and rather stupid,) milk maid arrived with a small bag and a big grin.

The Prince merely raised an eyebrow.

"Your Majesty," she blushed, "I give you the Shinigami eyes!"

Taking the jewels out of the bag the audience cooed in awe. The dark haired advisor took them and analysed them momentarily before nodding to his Prince.

"Well done Asim," the Prince smiled stiffly. He was out of practice. " Now for your next test."

"I don't get a kiss?"

"No."

"Not even a break?"

"Not if you want to marry me."

Quietly she sighed as the Prince commanded, "you are to go into the East and get for me The Seed of Rebellion."

"What!??" Gasped Asim. "B-but…no one even knows what it looks like!"

However, the Prince and his escorts were already leaving the throne room.

So what choice did Asim have but to obey?

* * *

**AN This bonus went a bit out of control. Hopefully I'll have it all up and back to the main story by Sunday. You'll be pleased to know that I have three chapters of the main story done, I'm just editing. I'm trying to make the qaulity better. TTFN**


	22. Bonus Chapter: Asim and the Seed

The East could not be any more different from the Fireland. It was beautiful and luscious with vast quantities of fruitage and flowers. The only animals seemed to be non-predatory and cute; like bunnies and Fawns and Squirrels.

Only Asim was blind to all this glory and beauty; all she could think of was the Prince and his stupid Seed of Rebellion.

"What is Asim to do??" She yelled at the top of her voice. "I don't know what it is I'm looking for!!"

"Hyuk, hyuk, maybe I can help?"

She looked up and gasped. Above her was a beautiful creature- dare she admit, more beautiful than her Prince?? He was wearing a shimmering white robe, made out of no material she could recognise. His hair was shoulder length and golden, his whole body seemed to radiate a pure white light, like lightening. Two large, Dove-like wings were what kept him afloat; a sapphire sky his appropriate backdrop.

"Who are you?" Shivered Asim, trying not to fall to her knees from fear and awe.

"Me? Why I am called Raito. Pleased to meet you."

She bowed and tried to ignore her blushing face.

"I am looking for the Seed of Rebellion,Sir."

"Ah, then you are in luck. I am the Master of the Garden in which it resides." The creature landed on the floor and folded its wings behind its back. He motioned for her to follow him, ruby red lips curled into a smile. She pattered next to his long strides wishing desperately hat she were taller and as nearly as graceful as he; cute only stayed cute for so long.

They reached a golden gate and Raito plucked out an equally golden key. "The fairies made this," he said in a honey voice, "talented little things."

Whilst all the land she had just been walking in had been beautiful, this garden blew all that away. It was a dream- like Raito- almost too good to be true. Everything was glossy and vague, like looking at the landscape inside a fish tank- the atmosphere was hazy.

But more than anything was the powerfully spiritual feel the garden gave off.

As if everything they could be touched by the senses was Holy Holy Holy.

"Welcome to Eden," said Light, as Asim looked in amazement. She wanted to cry with this feeling that was in her chest. It was a love so great it extended above and beyond what words could express, it was larger than herself; if she expired right there, that love would live on, spreading up and out into the atmosphere, into space, where it would reside for all eternity in the cold, in the dark and into the Ultimate Unfathomable Thing to which everything ended and everything begun.

She crouched down on the grass, not understanding her feelings.

A kind hand was placed on her shoulder. She was shocked by its coldness.

Looking up she saw Raito's smiling face; or was it smirking?

Feeling chilled, and not just by his touch, Asim got shakily to her feet.

"No time for that, milk maid, come, the Seed of Rebellion is not far now."

They garden was filled with trees and flowers, but they got to one tree which Asim somehow knew was the centre of the garden. The other ordinary trees created a circle around it as if it were the King of the Garden. Its bark was gold. It was large and crooked as it had been allowed space to grow as twisted as it liked. Every leaf was a deep emerald. Despite its beauty, Asim did not like its twisted trunk or the way the branches seemed to leer down upon her.

Upon its head there was one piece of fruit. A large red apple.

Raito plucked it and offered it to her.

"Here is the Seed of Rebellion you so crave. What are you doing?" His tone changed from inviting to indignant as he saw Asim taking out her small brown pouch.

"Asim is taking these to her Prince." She squeaked as if that should of been obvious. Raito relaxed.

"Yes of course Asim must. But don't you think you should take a bite from it?"

"N-no, Prince did not say I could-"

"Is it _really so_ that Prince said you must not take a bite from any of the fruit in the Garden?"

"Well no…"

"And you are hungry?"

"Yes I am. Asim has walked for so long…but there is lots of fruit about…Asim must obey Prince if she is to be his Bride!"

"The Prince will not marry you," replied Raito ominously. "He lies to get all this free labour from you. But he positively **will** be yours if you take but one bite. From the moment you eat it. this apple will help make you more powerful, more intelligent. Your'e eyes will be opened to the truths all around you! You can out do his advisor and make him love you."

"I don't understand," Asim wailed. What about his advisor, about truths, what truths? But she knew, deep down, that her Prince did not love her, and she desperately wanted him to do so!

So she took the apple from the creature's cold hands.

He and the tree seemed to lean in and the rest of the garden held its breath as Asim stared at the apple and slowly began to raise it to her lips.

However for what Asim lacked in intelligence, she made up for in gut feeling. She had noticed the sudden drop in atmosphere. The rustling leaves seemed ominous.

And there was something else. Something that had bothred her from the moment she had first arrived.

There were no animals here. No animals. No birds. No bugs. Nothing. Why was, apart from the vegetation, everything gone? She turned her brown eyes to Raito. He seemed… different. Like he was two people instead of one. He was an illusion, like the Garden.

She stared and he frowned.

"What are you waiting for, hyuk-hyuk, eat it!"

She threw the apple to the ground, where it turned black, its orange insides oozing out like pus.

"You're a monster!" She screamed and suddenly the garden melted.

It all turned into a white desert. A few black and dead trees stood lonely and broken in the desolate landscape. Only the golden, twisted tree stood, proud and arrogant, laughing at the gardens misfortune. Where Raito had once been were now three individuals, all of whom looked very different from the other.

"Congratulations," they said simultaneously. "You have discovered us. You may call us Trinity. We are Ryu, Ryuuk and Raito. How do you do?"

The one called Ryu picked up the apple. "Sure you don't want it?" Trinity asked.

"I don't understand," said Asim not for the first time that day (that hour even), "are you one person or three?"

"We are three parts of the same thing." They answered. "Now then, to business, why should we let you have the seed? You don't even want to eat it."

"The Prince does."

"Do not lie to us. We are the Father of the Lie." They said with some pride. "Your Prince wants to lock it up. To use its properties so no one will ever betray him. But it is ours."

"Well, come to the Ice Palace with me. You can guard it there."

"Why?"

"Well, you will have a great more people to tempt, being in the centre of the Kingdom."

Trinity looked at each other.

"Agreed."

* * *

"Asim, I did not want three men on top of the Seed," complained the Prince as soon as she arrived back at the Palace. But before she could say anything, Trinity suddenly shape shifted into a three headed black dragon. It roared, but instead of fire, gushes of water poured out of its mouths, creating a river in the chamber.

While the courtiers all screamed and cried out, the Prince and his advisor remained stock still. The waters sloshed at their feet, while the advisor whispered in the Prince's ear and he nodded.

"Asim, we will accept the guardians of the Seed."

"Yay!!"

"Now for your final test. I want you to go to the Northern Marshes and collect for me The Book of the Dead."

"Th-the one guarded by the Gremlins?"

"That is correct."

"But they are the spawn of the demon called Grendel!!"

"I know milk maid. But remember, after this task, you will be my wife."

With this encouragement, Asim set off for her last task.


	23. Bonus Chapter: Asim in Sheol

It took four days and four nights for Asim to travel to the Northern hemisphere. All of it was covered in black forests and wet, vast marshland. No one lived up there except for the Gremlins and other unnamed monsters and demons.

She struggled through the dreary marsh, mist settling in form the sky. Her skin was cold and clammy and the atmosphere was making her sick.

"But I have to do this," she thought mournfully, "for my Prince…"

The place stank, everything was rotten and dying. It felt as if, slowly, all the happiness was seeping out of her. Suddenly a crow flew down in front of her and landed on a small dead tree (though it could hardly be called a tree; more like a large, white and twisted stick.)

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

It asked without speaking.

"I need to find the Book of the Dead. Do you know where it is?"

I DO NOT. HOWEVER, THE WITCH OF THE MARSH MIGHT.

"Could you lead me to her?"

YES. BUT I ONLY WILL IF YOU OFFER ME SOMETHING.

She searched in her small and humble brown pouch. "I have only a bit of bacon and bread left."

GIVE ALL OF IT TO ME.

Even though she was very hungry, and had been saving this morsel, she gave it over to the creature. After he had gobbled it down ferociously, it set off into the air, Asim trying to run after it, which was difficult in the long grass and sucking mud.

At last it settled amongst a small hill of branches and gorse. She went through a small opening and saw a figure huddled over a boiling pot. The figure was completely covered in white sheets.

"Erm, excuse me, Miss Witch? I was wondering if you knew where the Book of Dead was?"

"It belongs," whispered the creature, "to the creatures who reside in the Land of Sheol."

"Where is that?"

"Not far from here," the witch answered vaguely, getting to her feet and approaching the milk maid. Sitting in front of her, a scabbed hand from the white veils stroked across Asim's cheek. "What will I get for my help?"

Asim tried not to blush as the strokes became caresses.

"Wh-what would you like, Miss Witch?"

"I am diseased," the creature answered. She pulled the white robes away to reveal a thin, vaguely female body riddled with leprosy. The smell was appalling. "I have had no human contact in many, many years. I want to feel flesh against flesh, warm body heat, a heart beating next to mine. Give that to me and I will tell you how to get to Sheol."

Asim got shakily to her feet desperately afraid. The creature opened her arms. Taking off her coat, Asim embraced the witch, holding her breath against the smell and trying not to think of the highly contagious disease.

The witch sighed contentedly, lifting a hand and twisting Asims golden locks. "So beautiful," she murmured, her breath tickling down Asim's neck and back. She shuddered with revulsion, but the witch seemed not to care and pulled their bodies closer together.

"I will do more than tell you the way," she continued in her husky whisper, "I can tell you now that marrying your Prince will not be good for you."

She pulled Asim away, Asims body immediately becalming less taut and stressed.

"But you will discover this yourself," the witch continued. "Sheol is a graveyard where every lost soul goes to when it dies. The demons Mu and Gehenna rule it. They have the Book of the Dead. Just know that your Prince is making his version of a perfect world, that is why he is asking you to collect all these items."

"A perfect world?" Gasped Asim, hope lighting her tired face, "for me and he to live in forever and ever?"

The witch looked at her with old eyes, "no, Asim. The Prince already sees his Kingdom as perfect. He wants to expand it." She paused. "Ask the demons what the Book of the Dead does. Then try and take it from them, if you still want to." She pressed a kiss to Asims unwilling forehead. "Goodbye Asim. Follow the Crow to Sheol."

Asim and the Crow travelled in silence; Asim wondering if it was a servant of the witch. It must have been, as it was obeying her now. Maybe it had been scouring the land, looking for anything living to take to its lonely mistress. And it had gotten food out of it too.

Soon they arrived at a graveyard so big it trailed off into the distance. There was no end of gravestones.

IT IS WHERE ALL THE LOST SOULS GO. THERE ARE MORE LOST SOULS THAN ANY OTHER KIND OF SOUL

The feathered creature clarified as it swooped down and settled itself on the top of a gravestone.

GEHENNA AND MU ARE OVER WHERE THOSE FIRES ARE BURNING. CAREFUL THEY DO NOT THROW YOU IN.

"Why would they?" She gasped.

It cocked its head at her, its beady eye shinning in the distant firelight.

ALL SINNERS GET THROWN INTO THERE.

"Asim is no sinner," she began to testify with vehemence, but the crow was evidently bored and flew away without listening to her.

Gehenna and Mu had spotted the milk maid miles away. Waiting patiently for her to arrive they bought the Book of Dead and placed it in front of them. Living souls only willingly came to Sheol for one thing; power.

Asim was a little surprised by how they looked. First of all, apart from being gigantic, they looked, well, human.

Gehenna was a female with a well-shaped handsome face, short brown hair and dark eyes. Mu was a male with long black hair, a bookish but handsome look and glasses. Both looked like refined librarian types who sip tea all day and discuss politics and the latest high brow novel, not gigantic monsters from hell.

"Excuse me, but Asim would like to have the Book of the Dead." She looked at them with tired eyes, uncertain of what she could offer them. No way would her Prince let them into the Palace, and besides which they had to remain in the domain of Sheol.

"You can have it milk maid," said Mu, shocking Asim. "But you must stay here and one of us must go back to the Ice Kingdom."

"But Asim has to marry her Prince!!"

"Well," Gehenna smirked her voice condescending, "either I or Mu will instead. Too bad, little one."

Asim paused and tried to think. She wasn't fantastically clever (though she had wiles enough) and the last few days had put her under enormous strain. "Please, what does the Book of the Dead do?"

"It kills anyone whose name is written in it and turns its owners into Gods. Your Prince will become one of us."

Asim thought about what the white witch had said. "Will he be able to spread his kingdom?"

"Of course."

Asim thought back to her land, dreary and cold, covered forever in ice and snow but with no happiness. Even her Prince would not be happy, married to her or a false copy of herself, because he did not love her. She had figured that out since the second task.

Suddenly she felt like trying not to cry.

What should she do?

She dearly wanted to live her fairytale, but seems that life simply would not let her. If she took to him the Book of Dead, how many would she doom to an eternity of ice? More importantly, would she not doom her own lover?

Suddenly, the crow fell down to her feet.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

"I don't know?" She cried, finally letting the tears fall. "Asim wants to be a good person! But I so badly want to be happy as well!"

WILL YOUR PRINCE MAKE YOU HAPPY?

"Of course." She sat on the dirty mud and filth looking at the crow. "He will make me a Princess. That will give me status and power. He will be my husband meaning I'll have love. I- I am very lonely Mr Crow. Since my parents died…I have been so very alone." She put her head in her hands, "but I do not want to be bad. I'm so uncertain."

YOU ARE AT CROSS ROADS. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. BUT SO YOU KNOW ASIM, YOU ARE A LIONESS. YOU ALREADY HAVE POWER AND STATUS RESPECT AND LOVE.

WHO FACED UP AGAINST THREE DRAGONS?

WHO HELPED A DRAGON FIND FRIENDSHIP ONCE MORE?

WHO CLIMBED AND THEN FELL FROM A MOUNTAIN?

WHO RESISTED THE DEVIL?

WHO WAS BRAVE IN FRONT OF A WITCH?

WHO WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO GIVE HER A PORTION OF AFFECTON?

THESE THINGS AND ALL THE SMALL MIRACLES AND ACTS OF BRAVERY IN BETWEEN…YOU ARE NOT IN NEED OF A PRINCE, MILK MAID. YOU MERELY WOULD LIKE ONE.

"Yes," she agreed, standing once more and wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "And this is my crossroad. Want and Need. I will take the Book."

The crow made no reaction, but the demons who had been listening avidly grined and passed it to her.

Slowly she looked at it, contemplating her situation.

_He will become even colder._

_Colder than the ice that surrounds him._

_He will use the Shinigami eyes._

_The devil will have him eat the apple._

_The whole world will become ice._

_And he would kill me, should I become his bride._

_Eventually, after spending years in the dark and realising that he hates it as much as every one else._

And with that, she threw the book into the Fires of Hell, causing the whole place to explode.

Asim's broken body, which had been flung into the air by the explosion, began to twist and turn and glow.

It seems that fate had decided that Asim had earned something better than a Prince she barely knew and a false marriage based on looks and prestige.

She began to turn into something else. The strength she took to travel no mater how hard the journey began to force itself into her physically; Powerful paws, a heavy thick body full of muscle. Her foresight and forbearance made itself known in her eyes; Her eyes became gold coloured and could see for miles around, feathers grew where her hair had been. And finally the decision to choose freedom, for all the people of the world and herself, made itself known in two great wings suddenly opening on her back.

Soon she was not a lifeless body being flung through the air, but a Griffin flying over the land.

Looking down she saw the Ice Palace was melting, the garden of Eden spreading grass and flowers. Two dragons, red and gold, were rebelliously burning and melting the snow and ice away.

Circling she saw her Prince. He looked up at her, his eyes full of wonder. As always his dark haired advisor stood beside him. Seeing her, they both dropped on to one knee and bowed their heads.

She accepted their obeisance.

"I must go now," she thought, " there is so much of the world I have to see."

The Palace burned down and the land became fruitful and beautiful. The Seed was soon locked away as a last command by the Prince. Sheol remained a burned and distant land. The dragons were as free as the people, the Shinigami eyes returned to them. There was no Prince or Princess, now that the snow was gone the ice around his heart had melted and the former Prince had fallen in love. He lived a new humbler and simpler life with his lover. Over it all the White dragon would watch from its perch on the mountains.

As for Asim, no one ever saw her again. But it can be assumed that she lived a long and happy and wise life.

* * *

"So no one knows what happened to her?" asked Mary, completely unaware of her new short hairstyle. Her mother shook her head. "And she never married?"

"Well, we don't know," answered mother Kenwood, "but does it matter?"

"No." Smiled Mary. "Not at all."

The next day, Mary got expelled from school for punching Gregory Filch in the face.

They had gone out for ice cream to celebrate.

Though the story was forgotten, it was this memory that remained with Mary, even when she became Wedy and worked as a thief and then later for L. Even as she lay dying on the road she could taste the strawberry sweetness of the ice cold treat.

And then her world went black.

* * *

**AN Sorry for any spelling errors. I wrote this one quickly. Sorry it was so long! Like I say, it got a bit out of hand...**


	24. Paper World

Light opened his eyes to see only darkness.

"Present? Present! Where am I?" He called, but Present would not answer. It seemed the entity had disappeared off again. Light felt around to find he was in a small, rectangular space. Rocking from side to side, he was able to move it a little. So he was in some kind of box.

Just as he was pondering his next move, harsh light hit his eyes.

Gasping and repelling it from his sight by lifting his hands to them, Light lowly realised that someone was in front of him. As his sight adjusted, he lowered his hands to see L staring at him. Looking side to side in shock, he saw that he was amongst a rack of hung up clothes. Well, not so much amongst, more like _in_. It seemed he was non-corporeal as well as invisible, something he had previously assumed but now was proven as the clothes were going _through _him. Yet earlier he had touched the pages of the Death Note. Maybe it was something Present controlled.

Light was amused to see another assumption being true- all the clothes were blue jeans and long sleeve white tops. L was staring as if he had a difficult choice. He really was an odd man.

Looking at him this closely, without the pressure of being stared back at, Light analysed the mans face. He had eyebrows so faint and thin they were almost non-existent. It was funny really, how little hair L had aside from the top of his head. It was as if his body just put all its energies onto his scalp.

L tipped his head to one side like a bird, wild silken locks falling with it. For someone who, Light knew from months of being chained to him, considering washing your hair as merely dipping it under the shower head for a few minutes, L's hair was surprisingly beautiful. But then Luka's hair had been beautiful as well even whilst greasy and malnourished. "Maybe its his best feature," he thought, "L doesn't have many…"

But then he saw the dark grey eyes staring unblinkingly at him. "No they're his best because his talents rely on them. Everyone, aside myself, cannot bear their scrutiny. And yet they hide his true self from the world. There like his stupid camera's, he can observe everything but they are so lifeless they reveal nothing of him. Why is he staring at so much? It can't be me, his eyes aren't as focused and searching as when he analyses me normally. So what is he observing so closely? The clothes? They're all the same!!"

Slowly, L's eyes turned left, and he absentmindedly closed the wardrobe's doors after not taking anything out.

In the darkness Light was ashamed at how heavily he was breathing after holding his breath for so long; only L affected him like this. The Detective was like a ghost. A ghost that did not realise it was a ghost. L was the epitome of Lost Soul. So aimless, when not obsessively trying to solve the Kira case.

Stepping an experimental step forward, Light found himself in L's bedroom. He had indeed stepped through the wardrobe door. Turning left he now saw L was simply standing there, his head bowed. "Is he deep in thought perhaps?" Walking towards his adversary, he noted how quiet the room was. Tonight had been so filled with drama, horror and excitement, it was a shock to be back in the sombre mood of a fellow genius. The light that had seemed so bright when L had ripped open the wardrobe doors now seemed dull and unattractive. L went about the room, switching off each lamp, till only the blue tinted light emitted from his laptop screen touched the rooms surfaces. The room was now engulfed in shadow.

In this action, L's mood suddenly inhibited the room so much it felt like Light was drowning in it, like a swamp made out of grief and regret in its purist form. It was as if L was the core of a depression that now radiated out in waves, sadness rippling across the atmosphere.

This depression was a deep, dark, all encompassing loneliness. Depression was more than sadness, is that not what the experts say? Light had never really understood how it could be anything but a profound, long-standing unhappiness that only occupied the minds of those too weak to fight it with practical actions.

However, being in this room affected Light enough to have him reconsider this opinion. It was as if all of L's negative emotions had become physical; leaving his body they stretched out like shadows, touching and penetrating everything in the room. His inner demons haunted the limited space possessing the lamps, the settee, the bed, the table stand and all the other inanimate objects so that they became alive. The settee seemed desolate, the table mourned alone and isolated, each lamp a seed of dissatisfaction. The walls leaned in, dark tall and ominous suggesting that there was no escape; a cocoon of impenetrable sorrow in which stood this alabaster statue.

But his loneliness was more than loneliness; L had actually been forgotten, forgotten by the people who loved him the most. To be but a child and to know that your life was so irrelevant, so unimportant was it any wonder that L made no pains to draw close to anyone? That he in fact did the direct opposite?

Light could well imagine that L never truly connected to anyone after his escape from the Eastern bloc. Not the girl, none of the children at the orphanage, then or now, not even Watari. The children clearly loved him, but he could not give them presents in person, such was his desperation for solitude and quest to apprehend as many criminals as possible. He would not allow them to love him more; like a brother or a father. To the children he was more like a Father Christmas; he was an benevolent entity and at best a role model.

Light recognised such actions. He was similar in that he did not have friendships per say, only the adoration of his fellow man. Only…Light had chosen that path. It suited him. But was that L's way, really? Light could not help but smirk a little nervously at the thought that out of the two of them it was _he_, in fact, that was the anti-social one, and L would have been the society-loving, man-about-town, given the choice.

It was a weird concept that Light quickly eliminated as stupid.

How was it that L's emotions had managed to find expression on everywhere but his face? Light was almost too afraid to get closer, a suspicious fear that L was like some sort of vortex, sucking out all happiness and light and replacing it with a tone of melancholy. He had turned off all the lamps- who willingly sat in the dark, all alone, whilst knowing that out there everyone you know was happy and in company?

It was ironic that in the cove of shadows, the one bit of beauty was L himself, the source of unhappy feeling. The blue light reflected off his skin (rather than being absorbed into it, which would of happened if Light had been in L's place,) which consequently made L glow ever so slightly.

He looked ethereal.

He looked like an unconventional angel, or perhaps, a little like the Angel of Death. L certainly was almost Shinigami-ish in the way he looked and acted; the odd, angular body, the way he hunched over in that Neanderthal manner, his greed and queer obsessions.

So slowly that he hardly seemed to moving at all, L lowered himself onto his bed, steadily curling his legs up to his chest and bringing his thumb to his lips, one step away from actually sucking it like a toddler.

Suddenly he sucked in a harsh breath and lent his head onto his knees, rocking ever so slightly, a suggestion of trying to gain some kind of comfort. L was hardly aware that he was doing it; his body was doing it for him.

Everything he did he did so slowly; like every action was a chore; like his being was one long-drawn out sigh…

As he drew his hands through his hair (hands as white and pale as the moon, hair as black as obsidian onyx) Light wondered why L simply did not call Watari, did he not rely on the elderly man for the relief of any kind of discomfort?

Sudden movement from the bed alarmed Light out of his musings; L had leapt up and marched out of the room down into the kitchen. Light smirked. He understood this behaviour, this typical L behaviour! He almost laughed and shook his head. L, so strange and so **greedy**, of course his confectionary-based avarice would get him through whatever dark feeling he had had.

"Enjoy your sweets and chocolates," Kira thought, crimson eyes shinning with malicious glee, "you won't have many more chances after this night…"

All smug thoughts evaporated as L once again shook Light from his thoughts, this time by grabbing just about everything from the cupboards and literally throwing them onto the table. Pulling up a chair, he grabbed some jelly babies and threw them into his mouth barely chewing until he swallowed them. When they were done he moved onto a box of caramels, then to the bonbons, a entire family sized pack of chocolate coated biscuits, a bag of liquorice and so on. It was horrendous and disgusting but Light watched on in the entrancement of morbid curiosity. He had no idea L was this gross. It made his own teeth feel itchy and loose.

"L must have diabetes, he must…. I mean look at him…"

As Light considered this, L got up and took out several frozen puddings from the freezer. He unwrapped and put them all in the oven, still shovelling food into his mouth as he cooked.

"Dear God, it's an eating disorder. It has to be! Like some type of bulimia but only with sweets." Light frowned and put his hand between his eyebrows as if staving off a headache. "His OCD tendencies and bulimia must have merged to make this hybrid eating disorder. Does Watari know? He must do, he buys all the food. " Suddenly Light shot up his head. "In fact, Watari has never done anything to stop L's massive in take of unhealthy food! Does he know but not care? How can this be?"

L slowed temporarily, saliva tainted multi-coloured from the obscene amounts of sweets, ran down from his reddened, wet lips and down his chin. L's slate grey irises seemed flat, 2-D, like the painted eyes of a doll.

It was horrible to look at.

Flashes of Luka, the broken doll, swam across Light's mind forcing him to accept that Luka whom he felt for and L whom Kira hates are one on the same. L had never really moved on from when he was a child, the pain and the loneliness and the fear were still present. No matter how many criminals who caught; how many 'bad guys' were stopped, L was still the friendless, forgotten boy with no family and no clear past. L was the most obscure man Light had ever known, but what of that wasn't L's choice? Did L want love, friends and acceptance? Even at the cost of his life, being as unpopular as he undoubtedly was in the underworld?

"He said I was his friend. We both know that wasn't true," Light and Kira thought simultaneously, for a moment becoming one again. "But what if L wanted it to be true? So much that he lied to himself and revealed too much to me? And it was at his expense, because this is his last night on earth- alone in a kitchen guzzling every 'piece of happiness' Watari could afford him." It made Kira want to snort in derision, and somewhat embarrassingly, made Light just want to cry on his behalf.

"To L," said the voice of Present behind Light, making him jump in response. "To L, this is nothing but a paper world; flat, superficial, no colour, no life."

("Like in the room just now," Light whispered in the recesses of his shared mind. "All colour was stolen when the lights went out. He created his mind in the room.")

"But for a short while he had someone with him who wanted nothing from him. Someone to relate to. Someone to converse with. And suddenly he noticed the smell of the bakery, the vast amounts of movement upon the land and all the colours of the sky. But then," he looked at Light, "you became Kira again, your form twisted and your eyes rose-coloured. You wanted his subservience, his defeat, his praise, his death. Hell, you would take his very soul if you could. And he knows it too. The moment you went back to the demi-demon you worship, L went back to being in a desolate paper world. The only problem is that since he escaped it he now remembers what he is missing. He has regret."

Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?" Snarled Kira defensively (whilst Light cowered inside.) "He's my enemy and would kill me if he found out who I actually am. Some friend!"

"I don't expect you to feel sorry for him," countered the turquoise eyed Matsuda with an equally scathing tone, "he was lying when he said you were his friend. He knew that wasn't true. Besides, you do not have the emotional maturity to empathise with other people. But my job is to make you aware of your actions. Strip away the false humility and shallow piety and you will see that Light is nothing but a coward."

As Kira seethed, Light watched as L ran to the sink and threw up psychedelic sick. He then sunk to the floor.

"You have done enough irreparable damage as it is." Present was continuing, unaffected by Kira's glare. Was he talking to Kira at all, or the boy inside the Kira persona? "If you kill L tomorrow, we won't stop you, but you must understand the consequences. The suffering you cause on a individual scale is covered by me and Past, Future will help you understand the larger complications borne of your mass murdering. By us doing this, you will never be able to claim ignorance."

The last sentence scared Light; it was spoken like a threat.

L, almost painfully half crawled, half dragged, himself back to the table and continued eating. Light felt physically sick himself at this point.

"Hmm, this is going to go on for a while," sighed Present. "Its quite boring. Kira will be happy to know its because L is pretty damned sure he's going to die soon." He shrugged nonchalantly, his previous self righteous air gone.

"That's two people's night you've ruined. Tsk tsk. Not to mention all the children who have no parents thanks to you."

Light looked at him indifferently.

"You mean all the innocent I killed on accident?" He asked without feeling, thinking of Kyoko.

Present grinned and nodded.

"Well you don't need to show me them as well," Light replied trying not to raise his voice. He consciously avoided looking in L's direction, who was still eating sweets at a disgusting rate. "I know I made a mistake."

"No problemo. I'll take you home now kiddo."

* * *

**A/N. Sorry if that was frightfully dull. I've had the worst fortnight ever -_- I totally fail at life...FAIL I tell you...and it probably affected my writing, such as it is. I'll update quickly to spare you the horror of boring chapter-ness. Like I say most of it is done, I'm just trying to edit more carefully. Anyway, we'll be into Future not too many chapters from now, ooohh!**

**(Incidentally, Present was supposed to be a more cheerful arc. Balls to that eh? Same way this fic was meant to be six chapters long and done by christmas (bwahahaFAIL))**


	25. Cruelty and Obstinance

As the cityscape scenery whipped by, Light stared blindly forward.

Things had gone so wrong somehow.

He wasn't a fool, he had always known that the world was full of badness but that everything as so sad and so inside out and back to front. Somehow, even seeing Matsuda being brave had bothered him. He felt as if he knew far too much about the man now. No matter how stupid Matsuda would act, Light would see him as the man who had saved his sister (when Light had not) and the man that saved a girl from a mob of men, not by wiping the men out, but by using his wits (dear God...) and then comforting her afterwards (something he had never bothered with when killing Shibuimaru. As for the girl, he never even knew her name.) Matsuda had...beaten him in the game of 'Hero.' (Light never would openly admit to 'playing games' but really that's how he thought of life. 'Hero' was a game Light loved when he first began using the Death Note, though it was soon replaced with 'Beat L'.)

The worst thing he had been forced to realise tonight was that his plans were flawed. Truth be told, Light had suspected it. Some niggling voice had been whispering since he first used the Death Note- the first was when he killed Shibuimaru, who was not, technically, a criminal. It whispered during his campaign against criminals, asking about whether they were rightly convicted or not.

This voice was always full of doubt and anxiety about his ultimate purpose; a new world created in his image. He had ignored it because these thoughts were inefficient. If Light always worried about what might go wrong, or what might be incorrect, then he would never have been as successful as he was. Whether when juggling girlfriends or bluffing excuses to his parents, Light had risked being caught lying and having his reputation tarnished. Light had to task risks because had he not played these little games, he would have killed himself for the boredom of his monotonous, wasted and unchallenged life.

However, the Death Note had been the biggest risk of all and he had understood the danger it withheld. However he had taken the risk because after saving that girl from Shibuimaru and his thugs, Light knew that if he got away with this deception, it would reap great rewards for himself and all the people in the world who deserved it.

If _anyone_ had the opportunity to erase a danger from their family, (from anyone who was good or kind) would not a person take it? Did the likes of L _really_ expect him to just give the Death Note back to Ryuuk, to allow dangerous men to roam the Earth preying on people like Sayu? Would they have done so?

But then, he had made such big mistakes with the Death Note- more than ever he could see that now. He should have listened to the nagging, anxious voice, or at least have let it guide him a little.

For the first time that night, Higuchi came fully to his mind.

Higuchi had blamed Light for his predicament. Whilst Light still knew that Higuchi had to accept his own hand in his own fate, Light was now wise enough to contemplate how much he had manipulated the situation and what consequences had come about that he was unaware of.

Higuchi had killed innocent men.

He killed them despite having a night like this, where he was shown everything about them and given reasons for not doing so.

And so he had paid the penalty.

Light had already figured out that killing L tomorrow was just not feasible; especially with an entire orphanage full of children competing to fill his boots after his retirement or death (and who knew if that orphanage was the only one? The spirits had been exceedingly vague about the whole set up.)

He wasn't afraid of them of course. The children had been silly and immature, especially Number Two. However, in order to kill L, Light would need to kill all of them (technically, **all** of them were 'L,') which, frankly speaking, was a waste of both his time and human resources.

By killing Naomi the world had lost out, which was against Lights objective. Killing innocent people with the Death Note was not a sensible way of achieving a world for innocent people. Light had realised that he would need intelligent and trustworthy underlings to help build a realistic empire. Humanity would need a solid economy and a reasonable amount of breathing space, in order to avoid the pitfalls of old dictatorial governments, like the Stalinist Regime, and any religious or class resentment.

If you tell people what to do, with no leeway, they naturally rebel.

He had only been Kira for a short time when the police were after him shortly followed by L appearing on the scene.

Light had decided that it would be to be an 'amiable' god, one that can help change people for the better, like the Priest who had been an IRA member. Aizawa, for example, had looked down on Kira for his name and the negative connotations it had. However, had Light been seen to be kinder and more forgiving, but powerful, surely people like Aizawa would be more willing to go along with the new programme? Light would secretly keep wiping out the worst criminals by giving them less suspicious deaths. With a team of intelligent people on his side, he could arrange a sort of Secret Police Force who could gather intelligence of the underworld, that way real criminals could be slowly eliminated, whilst criminals of lesser crimes could be forgiven. Another perk of having an L team would be that justice would be done appropriately. Light could make sure that only men like his father were in the Justice system.

As much as he hated to admit it, people like Misa need to stay alive also. Misa was clearly sick in her mind, and Light, knowing her obsession with him and lack of respect for human life, had allowed her a Death Note, the same way he had asked Ryuuk to give his notebook to someone selfish and stupid like Higuchi. While Misa would also have to take responsibility for her own actions ("I have never forced her hand," he thought obstinately) he had to admit that, as future ruler of the world, he had made (he physically winced) irresponsible decisions.

And this was his main mistake; all his worst decisions had been because he had been irresponsible- killing Lind L. Tailor, killing Penbar (not so much Misora- he had no choice by that stage, the same way that if he killed L, then he would have no choice but to wipe out the entire orphanage.)

He could not change his past mistakes, but he could rectify future ones.

But the issue was now how to get L on side?

The answer to that question was still, infuriatingly, beyond him. Was there a way he could get rid of L and replace him both on the task force and in the minds of the orphans? He could have L killed 'by accident' but then it would still be very suspicious- just for whom L was and what he was doing. And getting Watari to trust Light would be nigh impossible. If there was definite proof that one of the orphans he had seen would take over as L, he could befriend the child. However, any of those children taking over immediately was unlikely and Light had not seen much about Number One in order to estimate how easy the child would be to manipulate.

He had considered trying to make L his friend. By pretending to notice L's eating disorder, camaraderie could be built up between the men, as it seemed this illness of L's was his dark secret, but also a cry for help. He ate disgustingly in front of them, so maybe this was his way of unconsciously, trying to raise concern. "However," Light thought cynically, "it could also just be another annoying habit, or a way of obnoxiously keeping people away from him." Also, L was very suspicious, not matter how carefully Light would claim to have worked out the eating disorder or how innocently he would catch L, the detective would still find a way of sing this to up his percentages. Besides all of that, L was too repressed emotionally for any friendship to be formed. Really the man needed some kind of intense, long term therapy.

However, using the information he had been given it was possible for L to become an ally. He was the victim of injustice, so if Light, and his new god persona, could convince L that his rulership would wipe out those kind of governments and regimes, L could be swayed. Light could portray himself as like one of L's brothers, (Light tried to remember their names but could not) a rebel trying to create a freer and better world. If anything could play on the emotions L kept locked up inside, surely the ideals of a young idealistic freedom fighter would stir them. In time, Light could become that brother figure L lost, thereby securing the detectives loyalty.

The thirteen day rule was still threatening on the horizon. If Light could at least delay it, maybe he could use that time to work on L. Maybe kill another task force member- Watari's death would distract L? "No!" He thought suddenly, "no more innocent men should be killed! Maybe Misa? She is evil, killing all those girls...But then Rem will kill me..."

He sighed audibly. He was exhausted; the night had been so long and due to all the travel his body clock was shot to pieces. He just couldn't think under these circumstances! Maybe the spirits were hoping to exhaust him into compliance.

The worst part was, despite all his scheming, the fact that he had made mistakes STILL galled him. All he wanted to do was go home and go to bed. He considered sulking something only an idiot (L) would do, but he believed that if anyone had a right to sulk at that point in time, it was him.

Suddenly they stopped moving.

They were on a dark suburban street Light dimly recognised meaning they were close to his home. Present was looking at him with those queer eyes, his head cocked to one side and his mouth open. He did not blink, but unlike L, the look was one of complete vacancy.

"Aww, is Light Kun saaad?" He drawled in a tone that could only be described as mocking. Light simply scowled in return.

He really hated this spirit.

"I can let you see nice things. Things that will give you hope." Present smiled. The mouth was too big; it stretched almost completely from ear to ear. Suddenly Light felt furious with it. "Stop imitating Matsuda!" He yelled. "God, you're disgusting. Stop..." he uncharacteristically struggled with his words, his rage making him choke, "...just stop twisting him like that."

"What would you prefer?" It asked as buoyant as ever. "Aizawa? How about one of his kids? He has the cutest little girl, just your type, judging by your little blonde ditz of a girlfriend... or how about L?"

That's when Light lashed out, punching the spirit squarely in the face. As his fist remained there, Light ground out, "you things make me sick! What right do you have to judge me?"

A smirking Present spun his body away from the fist in a single and horribly unnatural movement. He rubbed his cheek briefly, though the action seemed more of a mimic of what a human would do rather than a reaction to pain. "Well," he replied calmly, "the main difference between you and I is omnipotence and that - like the Shinigami- Time is unbiased. I am not a benevolent force nor have I ever claimed to be. But," he smiled softly, "I'm not malevolent either. I am here to offer you just some of the insight I have. And I meant it when I offered to show you something nice."

Light was tired. Very tired. He needed something positive, something pure. Yet he had no trust in the Spirit.

"Alright then," Present stepped forward, his eyes wide, "how about advice instead?"

Still cynical of its intent, but guessing that Present would not let him home without taking him up on one of his offers, he resentfully nodded. Present grinned before his eyes became unfocused and glassy as he looked over Lights shoulder into the distance. Following his vague gaze, Light saw only the street. A car was highlighted under a lamppost. There was nothing particularly special or unusual about it, until Light noticed some movement underneath it. He grimaced as black and white tentacle-like feelers began to wriggle their way from under the car. Unconsciously he stepped back until he was side by side with a grinning Present.

The feelers began to drag out two lumps that Light recognised as Rem and Ryuuk. Now the Shinigami were twisted and strange anyway, but these were monstrosities of those monsters. They were both very small. They were thin with pot bellies, as if they were starved. Ryuuk looked as though his stomach had been twisted several times, as he began to amble about the road. Rem dragged herself towards where they stood, her legs were missing. All the time they made their odd, jerking movements, the wrappings they wore as clothes pulsated and rippled, like something living.

Before Light could even think of any horrified obscenities, Present spoke. "The creatures you see before you are what you should avoid." He said didactically (completely at odds with his usual personality.) "They are Cruelty," he nodded at Ryuuk before Rem, "and Obstinance. They are two of your worst attributes which belie why you have made the mistakes you have so far." He looked at Light and smiled as if they were friends. "Avoid these and you will begin to do better, regardless of what path you choose."

"_'Regardless of my path'_?" Light repeated incredulously, "but then why tell me?"

"Because you are my first friend. I told you before." Present then gave a shit eating grin that Light hated.

He demanded to be taken home once more.

Suddenly, in a single white flash- he was.

And he never saw Present again.

* * *

**A/N- First off, sorry for my little trip down emo lane last chapter *looks suitably ashamed*. It was a bad time and I tend to fall into self-hate and melodrama when everything goes wrong (and it certainly did.) **

**I also apologise for the lateness of the chapter when I promised a quick update. First of all my old laptop died (I have a new one now) and then I realised my chapter was bit off (Light was ooc and it had too much pointless stuff in it) and had to re-write it quickly. So if there are spelling errors etc I apologise, I had less time to edit.**

**The next chapter will be Future.**

**I was also wondering if, after this is done, if you would like a fic on L/Luka's life from Russia to when he arrived at Whammy's? I was purposly obscure in this fic, but people seem to really like that part. I have a poll on my page.**

**Oh, and Shibuimaru was that biker guy who harrased that girl. He was flattened by a truck, if memory serves correctly :)**


	26. Shadow

WARNINGS: There are some scary scenes involving spiders near the end.

* * *

Light stood very still in his room sometime after arriving in it, not unlike when Past had first left him. However, where Past had left him in shock, Present left him depressed.

He felt like a failure.

Though Light was not prone to allowing himself to wallow (that was L's thing, Light was, by nature, proactive) but it seemed that Light needed to think and wallow perhaps a little more than he had allowed himself to in the past.

"Cruelty and obstinance," he mused. His gut reaction was to ignore what Present had said. But that would be stupid. He needed to change his game- that was all. He had to listen to the spirits and use their will in compliance with his own. They had taken the place of l in that there was nothing to bribe or threaten them with, but unlike l they could not be killed. The only option was to try and get them on to his side. If that meant listening to their nonsense preaching, then so be it.

Maybe they had a point about 'cruelty.'

Misa was worse than Light imagined, he would have to deal with that...

As for obstinance...he wasn't obstinate, just determined.

Well, maybe he was a little stubborn. Thinking over his experiences, he thought of the priest in England. His crimes had been horrific; light would have written his name without a second thought. Yet, now the man had redeemed himself and was a help to the younger generation. Yet...was that justice? The families of the dead still had no comfort. Yes he had repented, but what was that to the families of murdered church goers? Yet if the priest had been killed, how many lives would be worse off without him?

The arguments about the fine line between good and evil and the complexities of justice were not foreign to light. Of course he knew the moral arguments. Yet he had always ignored them or held them in derision; he saw the ways of L and the Task Force as incompetent, overtly lenient or at times downright corrupt. But now he had been given examples of other people who were trying to be good. He was one of them; he had thought he had done nothing but good (the few innocent he killed being necessary sacrifices,) yet so many bad things had happened and where now going to happen. He had to take responsibility for the deaths caused by eliminating Misora and Penbar, and take partial responsibility of all the girls Misa had killed. Then there was all the innocent people light had wrongfully murdered because he _thought_ they were guilty. Then the murders that would be necessary after he killed L...God, it just went on and _on_...

Slowly he sat on his bed. "I cannot fix my past mistakes," he said out loud, his voice laced with tiredness. "But I must try and fix the future." He looked up at the ceiling. "You win, alright, L will not die. But only because my hierarchy of moral people has altered slightly."

He sighed and looked back down. Before Sayu and his mother had been the only people Light thought worthy of saving. He saw the two women in his life as pure, stupid, yes- but pure. Light had wanted to protect them, to protect Sayu from the likes of the girls who bullied her. But somewhere along the line, he ended up being that bully. He had taken certain people (considered as deserving of his new world, but not necessary) for granted, and had underestimated the goodness of others.

But worst of all, his judgments had failed.

Misa was nothing but a crazed murderess. And he had killed several innocent people, directly or indirectly.

Plus, he had noticed a splitting in his mind, as of Kira and Light were almost becoming two personas. Light wanted to believe that he could handle killing hundreds of people because they had been bad. But it seemed that Light was becoming mentally unstable. If he had to hold back on the amount of people he killed in order to stop this...personality split or whatever it was, fine, he would do so.

"I need help," he muttered bitterly, "in order to rule the world I will need help. I need allies." He took in a deep,steadying breath. "That's not _so_ awful. Everyone needs allies; it's intelligent to have allies. And I need the media on side. If I get L and his successors, I can cut down on the amount of people I judge. I can focus on the nicer side of ruling. I'll make sure that everyone is doing their role correctly. I will not have another Misa-like person slaughtering whoever they want. I'm certain that I can get L on side. I know enough about him now. It will just take a little longer for my new world to unfold."

He looked out of the window up into the black unforgiving sky. "God has many smaller, lesser gods underneath him. I'll make an entire religion. I'll have the angels and the saints. But unlike the present gods we will be living and present. We will offer real hope." He frowned determinedly. "But I shall be god. I am the one making it all happen, so I am god.

Do you hear me, all you spirits?I know you're going to send Future to me, but I'm telling you, my plans have changed. I'm not as inflexible as to not be able to change my plans. So that surely will change future, will it not? Surely the future is more positive with this change? It's only fair that I am worshipped.

You have been unfair, showing me only my mistakes. What of all the people I have saved? Of all the people who feel safer in their beds tonight, thanks to my doing? You have won in making me rethink eliminating L, that I will admit, but you cannot stop the creation of a New World. Humanity deserves better than your slow planning. We deserve to have freedom now. If that makes me a Devil, fine, I take that role. You allowed Shinigami to run riot. You allowed the Death Note to fall to Earth. Be grateful I got it instead of some psychotic lunatic."

He looked around the room, his prayer finished.

The room was empty.

Feeling rebellious, Light climbed into bed.

Future would just have to wake him when it arrived.

Turning to face the wall, he spotted a large black spider. He frowned and turned to the ceiling. His stomach tightened.

The ceiling was black with congregated spiders directly above his bed.

Light was not afraid of spiders, but this was gross...and undoubtedly supernatural. His eyes still on the spiders, he moved his hand to tug off the bed covers and to get out of bed, however a ticklish feeling ran over his hand as he did so. Leaping a little he sat up; spiders were clambering up on to his bed and ambling around on his duvet.

Kicking the duvet back, Light stepped onto the floor and felt a horrible squishing under his bare feet. He did not need to look; he knew what he had stepped on.

An icy shiver trailed up his spine.

The spiders on the ceiling were beginning to lower themselves down onto his bed. Even their webs looked black. Looking on the floor behind him in order to get no more surprises light began to walk backwards. When onto his pure carpet, he rubbed his left foot on it to remove the crushed spider remains.

The Fates, or Time, or whoever, must have done this as a punishment for his insolence. His eyes narrowed, they were very childish- whoever 'they' were.

Suddenly something caught his eye. Tearing his gaze away from the spider mountain that was once his bed, he looked directly into his own eyes. It was his reflection; he must have spotted his own movement when walking backwards. He smiled a little to himself, his own eyes softening. The spirits really had succeeded in making him more jump- **dear God what was that**? In the corner of the mirror, directly behind light was a tall black figure. Whipping his head around to that direction, his heart thumping so hard it hurt, Light saw nothing.

But there had been a tall black thing, standing in the corner...

Looking back to the mirror, yes, there it was again!

Only, this time, it was closer.

It was so tall it reached the ceiling. It had no discernable shape, just up and down, but light had a feeling that it was vaguely human shaped under a large cloak.

As he watched he was greatly disturbed to see that the being did nothing but stand there, like it was staring at him. It was that same feeling you get when sitting on public transport and someone won't stop gazing at you. It was that feeling of being scrutinised; only this thing had no face so Light could not stare back.

"You must be Future." He declared, his voice sounding out stronger and more bravely than he actually felt.

Light blinked.

It was closer.

He turned back around.

There was still nothing there.

He could only see this thing in the mirror?

What was the point?

A couple of spiders ran across the mirror. Oh god, their numbers were increasing and they were beginning to take up more of the room.

Looking into the mirror the thing was even closer.

"This is stupid!" barked light. "Show yourself to me like the others did!" there was a pregnant pause. "Or at least talk to me!"

With every blink it had gotten a little closer.

Even though nothing had changed in the room, bar the spiders, Light felt his back tense up and cringe. The knowledge that technically something was there was enough to make him react. He began to control his breathing.

The thing was so close now.

It frightened him- it wasn't human or animal-like, unlike the Shinigami or the other spirits. "Are you not bothering to try to make yourself relatable to me? I suppose you do not care whether I am disturbed by you or not?" It was directly behind him now.

Light had a tense and fake smirk plastered on his face. His eyes were wide. "How will you preach and annoy me without speaking?"

Light could feel the spiders running over his feet. They were climbing up his trousers; a multitude of tiny, stick like feet marching on his cold skin. In the mirror, he could see the dark figure looming over him. He could see now that it was not wearing a cloak. It looked like several layers of shadow all piled upon one another until it created a pure darkness. It was constantly in motion; it rippled and twisted and floated outwards, so at times looking more like a grey veils as one shadow slipped away from the others momentarily.

It was _**disgusting**_.

Something about it simply repulsed light. And it was so close to him! Though he felt nothing, the mirror revealed the black shadows to be touching him, slowly drifting up his sides and wrapping itself around him. He could see the spiders walking up himself, they were on his chest, scrambling up his neck and beginning to get entangled in his hair.

He felt himself getting angry. He hated feeling this helpless!

"Get these things off me!!" he nearly screamed.

But Future was as uncaring as it was faceless.

Light continued yelling began to get cut off as he started to choke.

His throat was tickling. He coughed and coughed, trying to stop the uncomfortable, tingling feeling.

Something lumpy began to slither its way out of the back of his throat. In his mouth it slowly dragged it body to his lips. Light could not spit it out. He was too in shock. Instead he stood with his mouth open looking at his reflection.

A long black line poked its way anxiously out of his mouth, followed by another and another.

Then the entire body of the saliva drenched spider pulled itself from its cavernous prison, running from his chin into his hair. Then another one followed. Light tried to scream, but he could feel the horrible lumpy clumps all wriggling about in his throat, choking him.

The spiders ran over the mirror blocking it from sight.

The last thing Light saw was the reflection of his own terrified face being covered by jet black, long legged arachnids.

* * *

**A/N: Well I'm still not 100 per cent about that chappie. I wanted Future to be really scary...but I am no Stephen King... **

**Btw, don't you love how, when thinking of 'cruelty' Light just thought bad things about Misa... and that was it?!**

**lol, yummy, spiders!! Nomnomnom...!**


	27. A Storm Approaches

**A/N I am so sorry it took so long to update. I've had a hell of a time writingthis chapter. I knew what to write, but I could not write it well. Even now I am very unhappy with it. My descriptions are very off and its nowhere near as in-depth as I wanted. Ugh, its been so, so hard. But hopefully the next one will better, so please bear with me. I have Big Plans for Future.**

**Also, as my reviewers know, I always say thanks in a email back to reviews, just so my author notes are not obnoxiously long. However, a un-logged/signed in person named 'Meg' gave me a review a couple of chapters back and I never said thank you. So I'm sorry Meg, consider this a big thank you from me! Also, if I have missed saying thank you to anyone, please accept my humble apologies. I've been a mental wreck this last few weeks, I'm so sorry.**

* * *

Light opened his eyes. At first he thought he was in a place of Nothingness which had almost made him panicked; his thoughts returning to Mu and Higuchi's terrified face. However, with self control typical of Light, he began to force himself to remain calm. He was not surrounded by nothing- he was surrounded by _black_. There was no sense of space; all Light could tell was that he was on the ground as his feet were firmly planted on the floor. If weren't for that, he could have been suspended in outer space- no that was incorrect. The everlasting darkness of outer space offered a peaceful, unadulterated, free feeling; where this blackness felt heavy and claustrophobic.

His senses sharpening, Light realised the surrounding black was all....moving. Suddenly the echoed sound of a thousand tiny legs scuttling about assaulted his ears. Though there wasn't enough light to see, he began to realise that he was in a large room surrounded by millions of spiders. He could feel their hairy bodies brushing across his bare feet. He sorely regretted getting undressed into pyjamas and going back into bed. He clenched his fists tightly whilst gritting his teeth; he had to keep in control. He could even smell the musty, strange smell the spiders were giving off which was making his nose tingle unpleasantly. Luckily, the spiders were not climbing up his body or invading his mouth anymore. Light would forever be scarred by that incident...

Suddenly, a thin stream of light shot through the teeming darkness making the spiders scatter away from its path. It seemed to give the black space some kind of depth automatically making it less frightening; though Light was perturbed by the fact that the light seemed to shoot off into the far distance. He certainly was not in his room anymore/.

Wadding through the ambling creatures, he reached the lights source. There was a small keyhole of white light sullied occasionally by a long spider leg occasionally brushing across it, marring its beam. Bending down, Light tried to ignore how close his face had to get towards the spiders in order to look through the keyhole. The light dimmed a little to reveal a scene; Light stood laughing freely (if not a little manically) over several dead bodies. Light was not completely sure, the scene being far off, but some of them looked like task force members. To his side was an elegant man with jet black hair, a tailored suit and a smug smirk.

Light smiled- this must be the future! And he has won! Standing upright, Light bore the horror of feeling around the constantly moving spiders in order to find the door knob. He pulled it open and was immersed in a blinding white light.

Light was standing in his room at L headquarters. However, it was now filled out with various luxuries and an elaborate and expensive security camera system. Light could watch every aspect inside and outside of the building. Light had the power of L. Even more noticeable was Lights expression; it had been a long time since Light had seen himself looking so at ease and relaxed. There was a knock on the door;

"Come in."

An anxious young man entered asking if 'Kira-san' was ready for his unveiling. Light watched as his doppelganger agreed, and the room was flooded with journalists, the most dashing and beautiful being Lights ex-girlfriend, Takada. Light frowned, why was Takada with him? She was wrapping her arm around his waist and pulled him in for a quick polite kiss on the cheek. Light had to admit that he always preferred Takada's more dignified expressions of affection over Misa's sexual harassment. He must have gotten rid of Misa and joined with Takada instead. Well good. Misa was crazed and completely untrustworthy. Besides, having a charming journalist like Takada as a partner was more beneficial than a flaky pop idol in that it gave him an insider's link to the media and would mean he would be taken more seriously by the world leaders (God forbid what kind of humiliation Misa's antics would put him through.)

After everything was set up, silence reigned whilst the cameraman counted down until they were on air.

"People of Japan, law abiding citizens," announced Takada. "I am here to put an end to the rumours. The evil doer and protector of criminals L is dead! Our glorious Lord and Saviour, our living god, has removed L from his position of devil. Now we are free to live in paradise- free from criminals and fear. I know will pass you onto the Messiah, the human embodiment of God, Kira."

Future Light straightened himself even more, and allowed a light smile to play on his lips, but not reach his eyes.

"Faithful followers," he began, Light noting how his future counterparts voice was slightly more baritone than his own; it seemed that seventeen year old Lights voice had not completely broken yet. "I am Kira, the human embodiment of the one true God. Never again will you fear that I do not care or do not exist. I do care, I do exist, I am here, living, for you all to see, and furthermore I am protecting you from all the evil doers. And to any criminals that are still free, be assured that I am well aware of you and your whereabouts. Consider this day to redeem yourselves- turn yourselves in to the local police and confess your sins. If you do not, I will kill you; it has only been my mercy that has kept some of you alive.

Now I have an important message to all those who are harbouring criminals; you too are under my gaze. Now is the time for you, as citizens, to stand up. The people of Japan deserve to be free, their chains burst asunder. For the first time in history, we will make Japan the Commander of her soul and Mistress of her destiny, together with those who wish for Japan to be clean of criminality and injustice. All those harbouring criminals will also be dealt the same fate as the ones they are protecting. Don't be misled into thinking you can fight a disease without killing the carrier, without destroying the bacillus. If we are to keep Japan clean of criminal contamination, the poisonous criminal must be banished, eradicated, destroyed. My faithful worshippers are all over Japan undercover; if you are a criminal, think of your friends and colleagues. I assure you that at least one will be my follower. Defeat is imminent. Today you will redeem yourselves by going to your local police station and turning yourselves in. If you do not comply, Japan and God will spit you out.

I know some of you are watching and doubting me, so I am choosing to display my strength. In exactly half an hour, a great storm I have called will come over this area. I shall command the lightening to eliminate the last remnants of L's followers.

This is to be a warning to all of Japans enemies, the other nations and the enemies who dwell within.

Remember I am Kira. I am Justice."

The camera's quite rolling and Light smiled softly at an unresponsive Takada. It was not a comforting smile. It was as if this Light had no humanity left in him but this cheap imitation. The younger Yagami had also noticed how differently his future self spoke; certainly his voice was a little deeper and as well spoken as always, but it seemed more robotic now. Not quite like L, who always seemed detached (Light was certain L used that inflectionless voice on purpose, as a way of further isolating himself.) But Lights future voice seemed harder and swifter-almost hard edged. It was a strict voice. Light assumed it was only natural he would speak like that, having to God and all. He could not sound like sweet, angel face teen Light like he did now. But still, there was something wrong with it. Like the smile, his voice seemed unreal and forced; like there was nothing kind and caring and sympathetic in there anymore.

'Hah, stop being such a child! You're thinking the way the spirits want you to!" Spat his Kira thought, eyes red and narrowed. 'You are over thinking about stupid things. The point is, you have won, and this plan is a good one. With the storm it will definitely look like you are a God and not just a boy with special powers.'

Light took in a deep breath. Kira was right. He was worrying too much about silly things.

The cameramen and staff left, leaving a few suited men and Takada with Light. "I want the Whammy kids separated. Any children who are under five years old need to be sent to Misa. Have all the others bound, gagged and sent to the courtyard."

The men all barked an affirmative, and marched out to do his bidding. Getting up, and reluctantly holding Takada's hand, they went downstairs. Light followed, completely alone. It seemed Future was not going to stand and explain anything, which suited Light just fine. As much as he hated to admit it, he was very afraid of the shadowy monster. Takada was smiling in a way that fascinated Light; not romantically of course. To say Takada was smiling wasn't really correct, it was more like a horrible sneer crossed with a grimace; like someone engaging in something they did not want to do, but had to convince everyone else that she was happy. There was a strange smugness to it also. It was, simply put, a contradictory smirk. Moreover, it looked horrible. Takada actually looked evil. With a jolt in his heartbeat, Light realised he recognised the smirk; it was the one Past put on all his photographs as he walked downstairs to see Higuchi; that horrible, sinister, ugly grin that did not belong to him at all! Was it foreshadowing then? To a time when he would always see that grimace?

Light followed the couple to a square outdoor area at the back of the L ('not L- Kira') headquarters. Light felt his throat tighten. There were at least twelve rows containing twenty or so children. The oldest of them could only be in their mid teens where the youngest all looked around seven or eight. Many of them were holding hands. This was the only sign of fear or discomfort they gave out. All of them stood stock still and stared resolutely forward. Their eyes were completely blank; just like a certain detectives...

"Do you still deny the sovereignty of our God and Redeemer, Almighty Kira?" A man with long black hair and glasses shouted out. Light recognised him as the man he had seen standing by his side as, what looked like, Task force members lay dead and dying at his feet. Light wondered if he had really killed Aizawa, Mogi and Matsuda.

If he had written their names down and watched them die. He had been laughing. Laughing... Light shifted on his feet, uncertain of how he felt about that before his natural stoicism came into play, and he began to observe carefullythe events happening in front of him.

The children remained silent. Light felt his previous unease rise up quickly once more; all the children were facing Future Light and his cronies (Light could not think of any other way to describe the people his counterpart was allied to.) Surely they would not hurt the children? Light was no pushover, but surely the children could be taught in the ways of Kira?

The man leaned to Light, "Kami-sama, will you destroy these rebels with your powers?"

'But you considered killing children,' began that red-eyed thought to Light, 'back when you found out those children were the successors of L, you thought of killing them. The little rats of today become big rats in the future, surely it's better to deal with them while they are small and weak?'

"Its immoral," Light thought bluntly. "We've been through this already. Killing children possibly means bringing more future suffering than relief. Besides they're children, they can't be classed in the same light as dangerous criminals. It's absurd.

"No," Future Light replied curtly, watching the children closely, making his young teenage self breathe a sigh of relief. "They are not worthy of my time. Shoot them."

Light shouted out in horror before he could stop himself, **"God! No!"**

But even if they could have heard him, his scream would have drowned out by the bullets and thuds of small bodies hitting the ground.

His older doppelganger walked calmly away, his bobbed brunette Goddess at his side, as the blood of slowly dying and screaming children spread across the courtyard.

* * *

**A/N**

**Another one, I'm so annoying. Just quickly, Lights speech is based off two speeches Hitler gave about the Jews. I do not need to say that reading what that evil man dared to say was disgusting.**

**There is a theme for Future; 'Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums' by A Perfect Circle- just in case you wondered what was inspiring me to write the horror that is ahead. Again, sorry for the short length and the less than brilliant writing quality... I'm a bit nervous and embarrassed by this one, I think it could be a lot better. I will try and update quickly. **


	28. The Storm Arrives

Light stood frozen in time.

Had he...?

He killed...?

He killed the children?

They had all been shot...shot like war criminals. It had taken some of them so long to die, the first row of kids had been ripped to shreds by the onslaught of bullets, but the ones further back had suffered longer; they had been sprayed with the blood of their friends resulting in some standing in shock whilst others fell to floor, desperately trying to cover themselves up under the bodies. The row of shooters just stood there, shooting, reloading, and shooting again until all movement had stopped, their bullets finally penetrating through and hitting a vital organ of every child. Light had seen a good few children actually drown; choking to death on their own blood. Others still died of the blood loss, of the pain, or from the shock. The faces of their killers were stoic and uniform, as if they did not even care for the atrocity they had just committed.

Light saw these children. He saw them. He saw them so happy when their presents were handed to them, happy to be acknowledged and recognised as an individual, their real names, written down and remembered. Many of these children still would have had their baby teeth. Others were covered in freckles; would they have grown out of them? Would their hairs or eyes grown darker as they would have gotten older? What jobs would they have had? Would they have married, had children of their own?

No one would ever know, because they had just been slaughtered.

He had done this. Kira. Because they were his enemies. Of course, his elder self had left before the shooting began. Light felt a stinging sensation in his eyes as his fists clenched and his once shocked still heart began to pound heavily. "Of course I left! Of course I did! Because that is what I do; I judge, have enough time to gloat then leave!" Light had never really been angry with himself before. Whenever his plans had not worked or backfired, his anger was always directed at someone else; it was always someone else's fault that he had not done well. But now, his future self was not what he had envisioned, and he felt bitterly disappointed. Who else could he be mad at but himself? Besides the sheer shock he was experiencing was enough to completely throw him. His thoughts were temporarily muddled and as opposed to his usual thought out intellect, his was reacting automatically. His head bent down, he saw crystalline tears falling and disappearing into the dark, scarlet red. Blood was surprising dark and thick, not like how the films showed them...

The air smelt rank. There were a few gagging sounds...it was a few of the children, they were dead, but their bodies were still making the odd movements and sounds. Like when beheaded chickens continued to run...

Light fell to his knees retching.

The air smelt of blood and gunfire, of burnt hair and scorched skin. Nothing can prepare you for such a stink; it's so sickening it will forever stay with you, but you would never be able to describe it...

Light threw up.

"Get these bodies out of here!" Called the gruff voice of some nameless Kira follower. Light stayed looking at the floor, even though his own vomit was spreading towards his trousers. He could not move, if he did, he would see them moving the bodies with all the care the Nazi's had with the Jews.

'This has to be done,' said Kira. 'It not nice, but it has to be done. These children would die but how many would be saved?'

"They could have grown up to be an aide to society..."

'What, like L? He was happy to hire criminals in order to catch you! These children were taught to be competitive. They do not care for humanity! L is antisocial and rude- he doesn't like anyone and if he says so it's a blatant and obvious lie. Stand up!'

Shakily obeyed Kira and climbed to his feet, still not able to watch the grisly display of children's body parts being swept away. He had eliminated Penbar and Misora when they challenged him and his new world; so why should it be different with children? As Kira said, little rats grow into big rats.

The rain began to fall, washing away the blood and cleansing the atmosphere. "There has to be sacrifices at the beginning," he muttered to himself. "Human society when going through a period of evolution have sacrifices; the Industrial Revolution destroyed the countryside, people's way of life, and thousands of children were forced in to workhouses...

And I have said this all before. It's not a good enough argument...Past already defeated it..."

Light recalled when he stood with the Spirit of Past in Russia:

_And sacrifices must always be made for progress," _he had yelled, so full of anger and resentment at being compared to a Dictator._ "Look at the Industrial Revolution, Independence for various countries and when nations first began to travel and multiculturalism was born? People died! People did not get along, people fought, but it was worth it, because whilst hundreds died, all of humanity was able to move forwards after this."_

_"No, sacrifices are made for deities and gods of an old superstitious world." _Past's voice was flat and girlish; something he remembered with a shudder, now realising it had been using the voice of a dead foetus._ "The deaths you mention in your examples were caused by the infallibility of mankind; their deaths were not necessary, but the sins of arrogance, pride and greed caused those tragedies. Just like this one..." _

No! It is!" Light straightened himself, his arm resting on the wall. "Past rebuttal was pitiful, she criticised the deaths that have been caused but offered no other alternative. It was ignorance at best and damning and judgmental at worst. Yes, these kids would have grown up, possibly, to be doctors and nurses and lawyers and people that helped other people, but if Kira's world works, we won't need people like that. Besides, with me controlling the education of Japans children I will make sure they get the best education possible. Plus it is much, much more likely that these children would have grown up to be Kira dissenters. They were raised on the same morals as L; I would not have killed them unless I absolutely had to. So if it's anyone's fault, it is L and the people who raised him for hypnotising these young people with their ideas." Light stood and made to straighten his tie before remembering that he had put his night clothes back on. "It's still a case of a few dying to save many. Of that I'm certain."

However, Light could not help but notice his decidedly weaker sounding conviction than what he had but a few hours ago.

Now new people were being dragged into the courtyard; they were chained and their faces were covered by black cotton bags. They were lined up the same position as the children, Kira returning with Takada. Light scowled at her; he had always admired Takada. He had never been interested romantically, but he had felt that she would be a good life partner. She was ambitious, calm, dignified and most importantly, classy. She was a world away from the gaudy, scruffy likes of Misa, Matsuda and L. But as he looked at her now, with her smug expression, fake smile, all in her fur coat and sunglasses despite it being dark, he suddenly decided that he hated her and what she stood for. Light avoided looking at his own counterpart.

Unlike before, the courtyard was now packed as all the additional bodies of newsreaders, cameramen, lighting and sound people, all clamoured in to record the up coming miracle.

The rain began to fall heavily, its dense drops pounding against the floor and causing an indecorous level of noise. Light could have huddled up underneath one of the umbrella's the news crew were holding; but he did not. Light remained a few feet from them, at the furthest point away from Kira, in a state between the news crew and the potential victims.

Takada reapplied some lipstick before standing in front of the camera lens and being counted in:

3, 2, 1...

"Welcome back, faithful followers and people of Japan. Hello, people of the world, for we know that this recording will soon be shown all over the planet. It is hopeless for anyone to try and ignore God. These people standing in the background are the enemies of Kira. They were criminals, these people wanted paedophiles and rapists and murderers protected and saved from Holy Judgment. In doing so, they have incurred the wrath of Almighty Kira."

Conveniently, at that moment lightening struck across the sky, Takada backed away from the camera, revealing Kira standing in the middle of the courtyard. Light was still a good dresser, he was no longer in a suit, but he did wear a crisp collarless shirt and black slacks. He still looked amazingly young, but that innocence had gone. Kira's eyes were sharp and a glazed red hue coloured the irises.

He actually looked unnatural. Light could not help but wonder when this transformation began to happen, when it became visible. Had L noticed? For some reason, that knowledge made Light's stomach contract and caused his breath to temporarily stop.

"I shall now call judgement down onto these criminals. Matsuda Touta!"

A hood was lifted from one victim, revealing a bewildered, and gagged, Matsuda. Light gaped. Matsuda already looked dead. His eyes were blank and sorrowful. He looked completely beaten.

Kira stared ahead for a moment; following his gaze above the heads of the camera crew, Light realised he was watching a giant digital clock placed on the side of the building. It was accurate to the point of seconds. Of course.

"I judge you with lightening!"

A blue ray of electric shot of the sky and made its jerky path towards the innocent man. Matsuda did not so much as bat an eyelid before he was thrown backwards and fell to the ground, his body twitching and burning. Matsuda, the man who had saved his sister and who had saved that young girl from being abused and possibly killed. Matsuda was nothing like Light; he was silly, gossip and celebrity obsessed, and impulsive. He was also the kind of man who put himself in the middle of action rather than orchestrating from the sidelines, he saved people as opposed to damning them, he tried to see every side of the argument, Matsuda had been the only task force member who even remotely attempted to understand what Kira had been trying to achieve. And Light had killed him horribly.

"Mihael Kheel!"

The hood was torn away, and Light recognised Number Two from the orphanage. However, this boy was older and had huge burns down one side of his face. His face was contorted with adolescent rage; it seemed number two, aka, mihael kheel, had not matured.

"This evil and menacing looking creature was the terrorist who assaulted Japan and threatened the President of America." Takada narrated to the camera lens, blocking the image of Kir once more. "While Almighty Kira is above politics, he hates that Kheel has threatened world peace and the people of Japan! He will be judged by lightening!"

"**FUCK YOU**!" The boy spat, biting through his gag and constantly fighting against his binds, "you seriously think everyone will believe this? You're insane! No God, just some rich-" He was promptly gagged, the first attempt failing as he bit his abusers hand.

"He was never suitable to join the Kira side," light thought recalling the boy's behaviour in the church. "He was too emotional...besides he is a young man now. If he wanted to join my side he would not be getting executed. I can't feel sorry for him, the children, perhaps but only because they could have been useful. As for this boy, he clearly had no real potential..."

Nonetheless, when the lightening shot through the young, already burned body; setting it alight and throwing it backwards, Light still ended up retching again.

He noted his doppelganger had his back to his victims. For some reason it made him feel annoyed- the fact that he was having to deal with watching this horror, while the one committing it was allowed to remain distant from it.

Light realised he wasn't just angry, he actually just didn't like his future self very much because this Kira wasn't quite what he had imagined for himself. But then, he didn't like Takada either; or what he had seen of his followers. But why didn't he? What was wrong with what his future self or the kira followers were doing? Killing the children was brutal, but in order to create a utopia a mixture of idealism and pragmatism were needed. Even though the death of Misora's unborn child was undoubtedly a tragedy, these children would have grown up to be anti-kira troublemakers. And why should the cold efficiency irk him so? Why should he be uncomfortable about it?

_("Earlier you challenged my decision to kill Penbar and Misora, well I'll give you an answer. Even though they were not criminals they still went against God. Therefore, they were against a perfect new world, that makes them sinners. L is one of them; despite his morbid past he would happily keep a world where something like this could happen to another child!")_

If he was someone as emotive and childish as Matsuda, then he'd understand his squeamish attitude, which bought on nicely the reasons for Mihael and Matsuda being executed; they were overly emotional and also a risk to a kira society. People like Matsuda would always look at an alternative. People like Mihael would always fight against the establishment; whether it was good for him or not. As he believed, this boy, like Matsuda, had no potential...

_(It may not be politically correct but some people are better than others; morally at least." _

_Past looked at him blankly asking in monotone, "so you would kill all who disagree with Kira's ideologies?"_

_"For the sake of the rest of mankind, yes.")_

Looking down he saw a small brown spider scuttle through the puddles of rain and blood remains; focusing on the burning corpse that had once been a young man, Light wondered why he believed that boy had had no potential. After all, what was wrong with emotional people? Really, it didn't make much sense; Light was passionate and dedicated to his cause, he just lied well in order to give off a calmer appearance. Was that what he resented in others, that some people wore their hearts on their sleeve, as the western saying went? He had hated Matsuda for the same reason, to Light stupidity went along with overtly emotional; look at Misa...

(_ "...They have no class. They deserve to be exterminated. And people like L and Misora and Penbar, they are part of that weak class of human, they allow men like these to run riot."_

_"They are an actual different class of people?")_

But then, they were just not good at lying; not like him and Takada...and Higuchi. No, they were liars and they were ruthless, certainly Light's goal was more honourable than the others, but still, it said something that the most successful people in Kira's world would be the most vicious. What would happen to the likes of Sayu? Someone who did not tend to lie, who was naive, who just went along with the masses? Would they become the new proletariat?

(_People that are good; that work together; that care about our world, they are a higher evolutionary class. Those who just cause pain are lower."_

_"So it's a war of the classes you are waging?"_

_"I guess it is, Past.")_

Suddenly, Light realised it was this that bothered him. The whole point of the new world was that negative people would cease to exists, starting with hardcore criminals. The new world was for people like Sayu and Sachiko to be happy and safe. But what his kingdom advocated were people like Takada and himself...or rather, his future self. Light was positive he was not that cold hearted now. If the passionate and that ridiculous liberal minded were looked down upon, would not Light world become full of the morally corrupt masquerading as good people? Was what Kira was creating nothing more than a totalitarian government? History proved that these never lasted...never lasted unless the people were so beaten down that there were seen to be no alternatives to life.

Wait, Light's world was going to be perfect, so they would not need to think of an alternative. There was no alternative for perfection other than imperfection, and who wanted an imperfect world?

So, in fact, were cold efficient and pragmatic people actually part of the 'higher class of human' he had spoken of the Past? Light was becoming harder and more ruthless as time went on, and clearly in the future he surrounded himself with like minded people. And this seemed to work; yes there were dead children, and his sister and mother would never be held with the high prestige he wanted (though they would always have the pleasure of being good citizens,) however, things were moving along nicely. This little act would be enough to terrify people around the world. Within hours of this being shown, Kira would have gained a legion of new followers.

The passionate and the immature, such as Kheel were worth sacrificing, in order to keep sane, logical people and progressing mankind.

Light, feeling much better, looked on bravely- he would be strong willed enough to face his enemies at least...

A third person had his hood removed.

"Nate River!"

* * *

D:

:D Well... I hope this chap was ok...


	29. The rain drops

Light watched as the ghostly young man died a short but agonising death; his presence as stoic and calm as it had been when Light had first seen him. However there was one distinct change in the child's demeanour; his large, grey eyes, which reminded Light so much of L, were condemning. Those eyes showed an adult in a child-like body, they were angry and full of judgment, glaring into the back of the self proclaimed god. He seemed more aware than the other two that he was being made a martyr; that his death meant something more significant than his own pain and frustration.

Normally Light loved nothing more than seeing the last bits of life in his victim's eyes- in particular, those who thought they had the right to deny him and the world of his judgment. But Light did not feel that way this time, instead he felt resentful and, dare he admit, even a little ashamed?

Never before had all the wasted human life been thrown in his face so forcefully; L had, on occasion, tried to press the matter, to force the futility and brutality of the criminal's deaths, but to no use. Light had always been too certain that the deaths, of the innocent and guilty, were worth the final goal.

But now Light was aware that he had failed. **Repeatedly failed**.

He had not protected the weak; he had not helped prevent more death and suffering but had added to it. He had not looked closely enough into the mind of a killer to see the reasons behind such actions, and if there was indeed, chance for redemption.

Was it not ridiculous that he happily slaughtered criminals, but left ex-criminals alive? He had argued to himself that he had done so because they had clearly been rehabilitated and paid for their crime, yet he was not giving newer criminals an opportunity to do so. It was an obvious and shameful case of double standards. Here he was, a false messiah, killing off young people and hero-cop, all because they disagreed with his methods; so was he any different to a dictator? Had not communism been created as a way to free mankind, to evolve it into something less selfish and consumer-ridden? But look at what that idealistic dream resulted in? Had not Hitler made Germany strong once more? Had he not cleared her of her crippling economy? Of her shame from the first war? Yet look at the monsters who had been empowered to commit some of the worst atrocities ever known to man!

Light thought back to the Church in England and the image of the Angel of Light. Had Satan not wanted to bring independence to man? To gain independence from God for himself and all the angels? Yet now all mankind, according to Christianity, was doomed unless they returned to God through Christ.

'The way to hell is paved with good intentions,' because everyone who tries to create a new society becomes power-mad.

Light glowered at his future self. He was getting it all wrong! He had clearly lost his way, lost his original purpose for becoming kira.

What had made him this way? What had broken him so badly that he became this parody of what Kira was supposed to mean? If future Light did not have his current powers thanks to the Death Note, he would seem like nothing more than a crazed cult leader.

"Come on, Light, think!" he admonished himself. He needed to work this out now! He couldn't allow this future to happen! So what was it that was really making him angry right now? Right, the dead bodies of children and the fact that he was slaughtering these people, instead of having the Death Note kill them discreetly and quietly. "Well, in all fairness to my future self, all of this makes sense; this spectacle will get more people believing that he is god." Light paused in this train of thought. Light had never wanted to be the face of god per say, he wanted to go about it more covertly (like L), hiding his true identity from the world, revealing himself only to the most loyal. Had Future Light, inadvertently, made Kira another sort of messiah-like persona and therefore less godly? Even worse, this god he was creating was regressive; the angry, lightening throwing god? The god only capable of punishment? It seemed too similar to the pagan gods of lore, which demanded human sacrifice and absolute obeisance.

Past had said he was, unintentionally, helping all mankind regress. At the time he did not believe her, thinking she was only trying to make him feel guilty, but now he was beginning to understand. Sure Light wanted a happier and cleaner world, but at the expense of any non-conformists? His utopia was supposed to be against criminals, not the liberal-minded or those who did not share his morality ideals but still obeyed the law.

The idea was that Kira would be so powerful and so clearly real, that no one would want to go against him. But this god was a different situation; he was a god of fear. Though, looking back at his brief career as Kira when had Light been anything but a god of fear? Even the people that loved and worshipped him tended to be the sort of hardcore right wingers that believed more crime should be punishable by death, or were so disillusioned with the current law system that they would accept any kind of saviour. These people were perfect religious extremist fodder. And future kira was killing off almost every intelligent being for fear they would go against him.

Light felt his heart sank; it would be so boring. Who would talk to him? It'd be like before he got the Death Note, as much as he had loved his family, he was nothing like them.

He was...all alone.

Just like the orphans he had killed, just like L was, all alone in his dark bedroom. It wasn't fair that the people most like him were all on the other side! It was like his loneliness and boredom were a curse! And this had been happening before he hurt anyone, so the fates could not argue that he bought this on himself.

Slowly, the young man fell to the floor. Takada was still ranting to the camera about the great god Kira, and the storm above them bubbled and raged, angry black clouds heaving out lightening and rain. Only one person was left to be killed, and Light already knew who that was most likely to be.

"Mail Jeevas!"

There his favourite orphan, the red head, stood, almost smirking with the knowledge of becoming a martyr for his cause. Light noticed how he, like the ghost child before him, refused to look at his fallen comrades, even though one of them had been his best friend. An unknown emotion caused another uncomfortable lurching feeling in his stomach Light remembered how jealous he had been of their bond. He always believed he was too good for other people and it wasn't a belief held solely out of arrogance; their conversations were boring, they had nothing in common. He could not bond with them because he couldn't lower himself to their level and they could not understand him; it would be like a five year old befriending a fifteen year old. The friendships were never equal or fulfilling.

The red head asked for a cigarette, which was obviously refused, before he was struck down by the lightening.

Light did not watch nor did he look at the corpses.

He just couldn't see anyone else die. Looking up at the giant digital clock ignoring the rain in his eyes and biting his lip so hard it was beginning to bleed, Light reflected on how much death he had witnessed in the last twenty minutes. He felt he had been here a lifetime.

"I'll be so much older after all of this," he mused silently. Feeling the water run down his face, it took a little while to realise that he was now sitting on the floor weeping. Nothing loud or hysterical, no gasping for breath in between sobs, no screams of sorrow, no apologies, just pure, innocent tears falling down his face and merging with the rain.

"_Everything runs together and connects_." He muttered, remembering the lesson Past had solemnly taught and that Present had followed up in his own irreverent and anarchistic manner. "Am I really all that different from anyone else? I'm not different enough to be a god, but I'm too different to befriend most people. If I never used the Death Note I never would have met someone like L, would I? I would have been alone for years. But even as this...this god I have tried to become, I have made myself lonely. So lonely that I keep Takada by my side, as vain as she is. I bet Misa is alive too, just because I can't stomach killing people I know, whether I love them or not. I won't even kill L; not really, the Shinigami Rem is doing it for me." He buried his wet and hurting head into his hands. "I'm a coward. I hate this because I'm a coward! And I've doomed myself!"

Looking between his crossed legs he saw a small black spider standing there, as motionless and lifeless as Future. "Will you show me more, Future?" he asked out loud to the miniscule arachnid. "Will you show me more even though my spirit is so broken right now? What else can be done to me? How can my Utopia be shown to be any more fake?" as he spoke the rain began to turn black, changing the puddles. Soon Light's gradually halting tears were the only pure water. The clouds contorted and spun round till a giant image of Future bore down on him.

Light knew what It was saying. It cared far less for him than either Past or Present. Future was the closest thing he had seen tonight of a real entity; it had no emotions and cared nothing for his logic, his mental health, his reasoning's or his emotional outbursts.

No, it wasn't over yet... not by a long shot.

* * *

**A/N. This is very short, but I thought it worked better on its own and finishing here. I really hope Light is in character and that I explained things properly, without repeating the same points from past chapters...**

**Oh and thank you to all my reviewers, 95 reviews!!!! I'm so happy :,)**


	30. Tears

When Light awoke, he had his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs and he was profusely wet, cold and miserable; which was not surprising seeing as he must have travelled in a giant storm cloud, aka, Future, and it seemed Future did not follow the niceties of Past and Present when it came to preserving Light from the elements.

He was sitting on the kitchen countertop back home; his mother was at the kitchen table, staring into the wood. At first Light paid little attention, for as far back as he could remember his mother had been very quiet and very still; in many ways he considered her the ideal housewife; unchallenging, subservient, loyal and boring. Instead he focused on his own situation.

"I can't believe **you** cried!"

"I am unhappy," he replied to his Kira thought. "My dream isn't a reality. Kira is a farce here. And I can't see how I can make this better."

"I just have to hang in there. This future could still go my way. At the beginning of every cultural and socio-evolution things go bad and people die. Let's just wait it out...It would be L-like to give up and become depressed!"

Brushing his sopping wet hair off his face, he looked at his mother who was sitting in exactly the position. A pool of rain water puddled around him and dripped down the counter top sides. It made Light feel like a slimy wet monster, but he ignored it, now was no time for him to be worrying about his looks. He inched towards her, noting silent tears dripped onto the table; it seemed he had inherited his repressed weeping habits from his mother; did she know she was crying?

"It must be because dad is dead," he thought, a slight lump in his throat that he quickly ignored. "I would have had to have killed dad, even though I would have done it nicely, dad was honourable..."

He suddenly remembered the Task Force in the bar; Aizawa's stringent view on Kira's values and the notion of 'freedom', how insightful he and Mogi had been, how Matsuda defended Light regardless of his own feelings of inadequacy, before heading out into the dark only to save and care for a potential rape victim, risking his own life in process.

Yet look at Matsuda had died; shot to death like a war criminal. Light had little reason to believe the other Task Force members had received a better fate, so why would he be any kinder to his father?

"Because I care about dad," he thought quietly. "Despite our differences, and how, sometimes, I resent his simplistic view on things, I love him. He's my dad, and it is unlikely that I would have my strong sense of justice without him helping me."

He sat opposite his mother, also looking straight down, lost in thought. In that moment Light, not for the first time that night, felt very young. He was possibly this innocent and loving now, but by the evidence shown here, he would not remain this way. In fact, in the last few months alone, Light had become much colder and harder. He had never treated anyone as badly as he did Misa, in fact, a few months ago before he had the Death Note, Light would _never_ have treated as girl that way, no matter how much he resented her.

"Have I become cruel?" He asked himself, recalling the faces of Misora and Penbar when they realised he was Kira; remembering his feeling of jubilation at their plight.

It was a clear progression of cruelty. Light had started out writing the names of felons in his notebook. Then he began to speak and see his victims, though they were people he did not know well. And tomorrow, he was going to kill L, someone he had, for a short time, been friends with.

Well... technically Rem was to kill L, but Light had arranged it. How long until Light did begin to kill his friends...his family? What was worse was that Light's progression, or regression, was synonymous to how serial killers advanced. Psychopaths begin with fantasies, then they begin to maim and kill animals, then to killing and sometimes torturing humans, and at the height of their careers they often consume their victims.

Light writing names was along the same lines as teenagers having a 'kill lists'. It was a way of getting revenge, but not having to actually do anything. Then he began to see his victims, he began to make people suffer, revelling in how he could manipulate them. This was particularly towards L and Misa, the two people he despised the most. Really, it wasn't surprising that Light would eventually go on to be this Future Kira he saw; someone who stood over his victims and killed them in terrible ways.

Light swallowed, how much worse was his future counterpart going to become? There was a high probability that this future was going to end very badly for him.

As this conclusion bore its way through Light's unwilling mind, the front door slammed open and Sayu marched into the kitchen. Light was pleasantly surprised; Sayu had certainly blossomed into a very attractive young woman, her strong, handsome features comparable to Takada. The familial link between her and Light was more apparent, only Sayu's features were darker, so where Light's features made him appear honest and conventionally handsome, Sayu's were more secretive and sultry. It was ironic, considering their natures. Light, for the first time, found himself wondering about how other boys treated her; in fact he was taken aback by his distaste of her having a boyfriend that treated her like he did Misa or Takada.

"Did you see?" Sayu screeched in a manner Light had long come to loathe; his sister frequently screeched and squealed. Turning to Sachiko, Light was stunned to see a complete absence of tears; she must have wiped them away in a millisecond.

"Seen what, Sayu?"

"Light, mother, Light!!"

Sachiko pushed herself off her chair, and asked if Sayu wanted a cup of tea

"No mother! Did you see Light? Have you seen what he has done? I told you, mother, I said it was all wrong!"

Sachiko sighed heavily, her back to her daughter. "I am certain," she began in her slow, homely manner that was so opposite to her daughter's speech. "I am certain that Light is doing the best thing for Japan..."

As she spoke Sayu began to shake her head, tears welling up in her large, dark eyes. "How can you say such a thing?? He's killed them! He killed those children on television!"

Sachiko turned back round but did not look at Sayu, her eyes remained low. "They were not children. That blond foreigner was a terrorist. So was the red-head. Besides, who are these foreigners to dictate what can and should happen in Japan?" The kettle boiled, and Sachiko began to make tea for two. "Notice they were from England? England still thinks it rules the world, well it doesn't. The Japanese people want Kira."

"What about Matsuda? I-"

"Matsuda was easily swayed, Sayu, I never approved of him." Sitting down she sipped her tea, offering Sayu a small tentative smile.

Sayu still stood, ignoring the extra tea strategically placed on the table. Her arms were crossed and she seemed a little put out, as opposed to her earlier horror.

"They were burning them, mama," Sayu looked at her mother, fear and anxiety etched into her features."The Kira followers had effigies of Matsuda and the others. They were burning them, and singing." She sat at the table suddenly, her hands gripping its sides. "They think Light is a God!! It's absurd!"

"Enough Sayu!" Sachiko stood up and turned her back to the girl.

"He isn't a God! He is my brother and I love him but he isn't God! It's disgusting!"

"Your brother? Disgusting? How can you say such a thing Sayu? Light, Kira...my son, is our messiah," their mother slowly turned to Sayu. "He will achieve what father never could, world peace. How can you call him disgusting Sayu? Are you that jealous?"

Sayu's face hardened at Sachiko's last question...her final accusation.

"I have never been jealous of Light." Sayu muttered, her voice now as quiet as her mothers, but quivering with emotion. "I have supported him, always! Have you forgotten how I have suffered thanks to the Kira case? How much I suffered in silence for Light? It **sickens **me to think that Kira could be Light! That all the fears are founded!!" She paused momentarily, looking wild eyed and bordering on hysterical, "no, no, this monster is not my brother, there must be some sort of mistake," she stood up and moved away from the table, her tears falling from her eyes as she shook her head, "and you are not my mother! You know as well as I do what must have happened to father...what really has happened..."

"Get out! How dare you accuse Light!" Light's heart leapt into his throat, never, ever had he seen his mother this angry and out of control.

"I'll leave! I'm going to Light, to find out that this is all some horrible mistake. My brother is NOT Kira! But no matter what, I'll never forgive you! I'll never forgive you, for any of it!" Sayu turned and ran out, leaving a stunned Sachiko to sink to the floor.

A thick, inky black line began to spread down the wall behind her; it was the million little bulbous spiders, swallowing up the scene in their hideous manner. Getting up, Light ran after Sayu, he did not want to remain with those disgusting creatures.

Out in the pouring rain, Sayu sniffled a few times looking up at the sky. The black clouds were not so heavy here; rather the sky was a dark but beautiful blue-grey haze.

Without looking back on their family home even once, she took a deep breath and ran down to the main road to catch a bus. "She never just hails a taxi," he thought disparagingly, before immediately feeling petty. It was as if he couldn't help but criticise people anymore! Again, when had this started? Before the Death Note, he was certain of that.

After the things he had heard, after the events witnessed, he still was criticising something so minor. Really, that was one of the things that got him to be the person he was. Every little irritant, every piece of stupidity he had to deal with on a regular basis had just built up inside of him until in the end, he could only see people as these ridiculous creatures which he despised. People were petty, cruel and spiteful; he hated going to school every day and listening to them gossiping and bullying each other. And what was worse was that he could not relate, and eventually, even _empathise _with the victims. First of all, many of the victims were little better or the same as their tormentors; given the opportunity were as mean spirited as another. And even if they were genuinely kindly, abused people, he found himself viewing them as weak creatures in need of protecting, but not on par with strong people like himself. He hated associating with them as much as he did the evildoers. People as weak willed and as easily influenced as Matsuda and Misa were not better company than the likes of Higuchi or L. And so, eliminating Misora and Penbar and the man he had thought was L had been all too easy.

Looking at the dark, wet world outside the bus windows, Light recognised the buildings and street signs, but the people were different. There were far less people out than normal and the few that were out were huddled in groups, talking animatedly and looking around suspiciously. The tension on the bus was tangible, everyone staring into their laps with set jaws, furrowed eyebrows and desperate eyes.

It seemed Sayu was the only one looking outside. Her own eyes were unfocused with sorrow. She was going to L headquarters; he recognised the journey all too well. She was undoubtedly going to talk to his future self, but by the look in her eyes, he knew that she knew that hope was already lost.

* * *

**A/N Initially this was going to be longer, but it was taking too long to update. Is this alright? Again, I'm really trying to keep Light in character; its like trying to hold the leash of a very large, heavy dog that desperately wants to run. I'm going to go into more detail with Sayu and her reasons for not accepting Light like her mother, at least not initially, I give no promises on her future opinions.**

**Lastly, thank you for all the reviews! *_* I am floored, truly I am, thank you so much!**


	31. Unfallen

There was a clear pattern emerging.

Every time the bus halted, the passengers left for the nearest temple or church.

No one of them went home.

"I suppose all the people who have a family or want to be home would be by now." Light thought, looking into the houses along the street, all the curtains closed, and most lights being off. "People would have gone home to be with the families as soon as Kira announced himself in person." He frowned, still frustrated that his future self had made such a decision. Was he really so confident that he did not fear any assassination attempts, or accusation that he was human, not a god? The best kind of gods had an air of mystery. At this rate, Light ran the risk of going down in history as another prophet or messiah.

Light turned his mind to after he was dead. He had always hoped that his reign would have such an effect that humanity would continue its moral and social evolution after he was gone. He had imagined arranging his death with Ryuuk (who, up until this moment, he still perceived as ignorant and easy to manipulation) so that he could place certain individuals in his place as world rulers.

Light had always believed himself as an Alexander the Great kind of figure. Alexander the Great had been a great King; he was both a revolutionary and wise and bought culture and education to his people; yet he was also a fearsome and intelligent warrior; his strategies in war, invasion and occupying a foreign land, were the main reason he was so successful.

Light had to strike the correct balance of being feared and revered. As far as he could tell, too many other religions tried to make god a kindly fatherly figure; to the point where god was little more than an agony aunt in their prayers. Other's relied on god to simply 'destroy the earth' meaning they just had to wait for his actions, and do little themselves other than 'believe'. Light would be no such god; he would be living, feared, exalted and would bring a new order on an earth that already existed.

Likewise, after Alexander's short but glorious reign, he had been succeeded by four kings, none of whom matched Alexander's tenacity, wisdom or strength. Similarly, though Light would eventually die, he had once had confidence in his decisions on choosing suitable successors, though they would never truly match his genius.

However, whilst sitting, invisible, on this dreary bus, occasionally glancing to his sister at the side of him, Light now was forced to reconsider his self-confidence.

After discovering Misa had been using him as a pawn and ensnaring him further in to the relationship, Light understood that not only did he have a tendency for under estimating people (women in particular) but that he also made bad choices with his successors; Misa, Takada, Higuchi, who else had his future self picked? Light shuddered to think about it...

The bus came to a halt, the driver announcing that he could go no further.

Stepping off, Light saw the road had been blocked off by thousands of people, all ignoring the icy downpour of rain and hail. Armed guards dressed in the same uniform as the ones who had shot the children earlier, were situated about, guns at the ready. In the distance roars of "Hail Kira, Hail Kira!" could be heard. The smell of smoke permeated the atmosphere along with the slick, clammy stench of perspiration and fear. The glow of flames, undeterred by the rain, shone in the background, the shadows of burning mascots and cheering masses reminding Light of when the Berlin Wall fell. However, unlike back then...there were more unhappy people than joyous.

The people standing in front of them were silent, seemingly watching their fellow countrymen in dismay. Sayu tapped a man on the back; he turned to her, his eyes wide and vacant.

"Excuse me sir, but what is happening?"

"The Kira worshippers, they've come out in full force. They're declaring this the Era of Judgement." He gulped, Light recognising that glassy eyed look as pure, unadulterated fear. He had seen the same look in Misora and Penbar's eyes when they realised who he was. The look gave him no joy or thrill now. "They're saying we are all doomed, all those that disagreed with him..."

"I thought he only killed criminals?"

"Anyone against Kira is a criminal." He replied simply, as if she were stupid saying such a thing. "They're talking about destroying all the Shinto temples and Christian churches, for advertising false gods and prophets."

Sayu stepped back, "my God..."

She ran to a nearby guard, "excuse me, sir, I am Light Yagami's sister, please, I need to see him, it's urgent!"

"Sure you are. Do you know how many people have tried that tonight? You should be careful; liars do not get to join Kira's Kingdom."

"I'm not lying! Please, my name is Sayu Yagami! I'm twenty years old, our mother is Sachiko and our late father was Soichiro, please, I'll tell you anything, anything!"

The man stood impassive.

"Then contact Light! He'll tell you!"

After some persuasion, Sayu managed to get the frustrated guard to phone through to his superiors.

"What is your name?"

"I told you, Sayu Yagami! I have ID and I can tell you anything about our family that you need to know!"

"Alright, alright..." He grumbled before listened to the speaker on the other end of the phone. It seemed the speaker, at least, believed Sayu, as, after a curt 'yes' the guard hung up and grunted, "fine, come with me."

As he followed Sayu and the guards, Light recognised the dingy interior of L headquarters. Just as he was berating his future self for not decorating, they arrived at the higher levels, which had supplied bedrooms for L, Light and Misa.

Entering the bedroom Light had once shared with L, Light was now back in the room where he had first seen his future self, minus the TV camera's and crew. Takada and the bespectacled, dark haired man sat at either end of the room and Future Kira dominated the setting by standing in the centre. They all watched Sayu intently; like Lions observing prey. Sayu herself slowed in her steps, not recognising the cold face of Kira.

Light looked at his future closely- where his eyes more...red?

"Light...please... what is happening?" Her voice was high and tentative, the kind of voice that annoyed Light. Future Kira himself scowled. "You didn't kill those people, did you?"

"Sayu, Mello was cruel to you, wasn't he?" Light started at Future Kira's question. Who was Mello?

"Mello and his gang abused you."

Light's stomach coiled with anger; though light already had a distant relationship with his sister, she was, nonetheless, **his** sister. It was disgusting to think someone had _dared_ to hurt someone that belonged to his family. And then of course, there was the shame, _one again_, that Light must have failed to protect her at some point in his future and in Future Kira's past.

The 'Mello' character must have been one of the boys he killed. It was probably Mihael... or Nate...

"N-no..."Sayu unconsciously stepped backwards as her brother stalked towards her, talking all the while and ignoring her weak remonstrance.

"You were so broken in spirit when you returned...I promised myself then and there," Kira leaned forward, his height towering over Sayu, his shadow consuming her, "that nothing and no one would hurt you again."

"Really?" She stopped her retreat and frowned. Had the situation not been so serious, Light would have laughed; Sayu looked just like dad when he was angry. "So it is for me that you killed those people? That the whole world is being thrown into chaos?"

"Out of chaos comes a new order..." Future Kira began to reiterate the same philosophy that Light had all night to the Spirits; the necessity of evil in creating a new world order; in pushing mankind up the evolutionary ladder.

However, Sayu was scathing...

"Oh that's nonsense Light!" Both Future Kira and Light twitched angrily at Sayu's interruption of his long practiced sermon. "Since when did you become such a casuist? Don't try and fool me Light, I **know** you! And I know your beliefs."

Light scowled, _'she doesn't know me,'_ he thought with a mixture of bitterness and superiority_, 'no one does...'_

"What you did out there, you did to show your power...But what I don't understand is how you can justify it! How your views and philosophy has become so warped?"

"Warped? How is it warped that I want to create a better world?"

Light's two comrades, Takada and the man in glasses, glowered at Sayu but remained silent. They were the type of companions Light had longed for- willingly submissive because they knew he was right.

"Because you used to believe in justice and fairness and loyalty," Sayu continued in her diatribe. It seemed to Light that she wasn't really taking in any of his arguments. If she did then she would understand. "The show you put on today for the world to see, that isn't what humanity is about anymore. We do not heal our anger by spilling blood, by sacrificing people!"

"It wasn't a sacrifice, it was a punishment!" Future Kira sighed angrily; she just didn't understand...

"Did they receive a trial? What were their motives behind the crimes? Who caught them? Who made the decision that their crimes were punishable by a public execution?" Sayu's eyes narrowed. "Dad would be ashamed of you right now."

"Soichiro was a limited man; he could only perceive the little picture." Future Kira looked at his sister pointedly, "I am helping the entire world, yes some people will suffer, but they are only the guilty; guilty of criminality, guilty of being so self righteous and self centred that they are not willing to save the majority!"

Light flinched at hearing the venom and disgust he had secretly held for L, the task force and the officers who went against him, verbalised so efficiently; it was ugly. And yet...a part of him was happy to hear it, happy that he was, at least in the future, being honest about his feelings towards them. It was cleansing

"Before, you would have never have justified murder! You were always so dogmatic! If anything, too dogmatic. But at least you were honest." She paused momentarily, her un-fallen tears fading in her eyes; clarity reappeared before she continued warily. "_How_ did you do it?"

Future Kira allowed a small smile; Light wondered if it was meant to be charming or was purposely smug; he would have gone for charming his sister, but future kira seemed less sophisticated in his manipulation techniques...

"Because I am not just human anymore." He held out his arms, invoking Christ-like imagery, "I am divinity and humanity in physical form." He wrapped his arms around Sayu, engulfing her small body the same way he did Misa's during their rare embraces. "As much as I have the unfortunate task of judging, I am also a protector. My followers understand that; it's why they love me. I offer protection. But it's for you, Sayu, you and mum, that I fight everyday to remove the likes of Mello. My only apology is that it wasn't done sooner. I was too...kind." Light kissed the top of Sayu's head in a fatherly fashion. "I know dad is gone, but hopefully I will be a sort of surrogate for you," he looked at her, his eyes a warm, honey colour. They were completely at odds with his didactic, patronising speech. "Do you understand Sayu?"

"You are god? Really a god? That is how you performed those...acts?"

Light smiled softly and nodded, but his expression quickly removed itself as she put her hands to his chest and pushed herself away.

As she headed to the door she stated, "Well, Kami, I just went from agnostic to atheist. Goodbye..." she looked at him squarely, her jaw set, "Kira."

* * *

After Sayu left the room, Future Kira stood snarling for a time before ordering the man in the glasses to arrange for Sayu to be watched at all times. Takada went up to him and held his arm, but he stiffened further at her comforting.

As nondescript shadows began to drift to and fro on the wall behind them, Light decided to follow after Sayu.

As he began to walk down the long corridor, it began to stretch, the windows either side of him each showing a different time of day. "Am I walking through time?" He wondered. He preferred this method, as confusing and slightly nauseating as it, than to being carried in a rain cloud.

It was strange that his Future self seemed more honest and open about his feelings and thoughts. Light supposed that the reason he was so secretive before was because he wanted to fit in with society's expectations and morality, but now that the world was in his control, or very nearly, he did not have to worry about containing himself.

Still, what Sayu said about him being a casuist as opposed to dogmatic was true. Light was frequently breaking his own moral codes, lying to his family; murdering; misleading people into believing in a god, all with the mind of changing the world for the better. Even his future 'honesty' was only a freeing of some of Light's...less honourable attribute; his egotism and stubbornness being paramount.

He stopped for a moment and sat down. He was becoming tired with all this walking, and the end of the corridor was not in sight. The light pouring in from the windows went from white, to orange, to blue and back again as time continued to flow on at its unnatural pace.

"I have to hurry and get to the end," he thought, "or I'll miss too much." Forcing himself up, Light made himself run, ignoring his protesting limbs.

His heart leapt as he finally saw to red double doors. The corridor itself began to twist and contort, making Light feel even more travel sick and dizzy.

Bursting through the doors, he now stood in a large room, the key aspect being a large, circular table. All around it sat suited men, army officials of various races, and Future Kira.

The only one who stood was a young man presenting a slideshow.

"So, Lord Kira and honorary members of The Light, the underworld is actually brimming with crime. Young girls and boys are being sold as sex slaves and servants on the black market. And, according to police investigations, a fifty-eight per cent rise in false allegations and a forty-five per cent rise in innocents being framed for crimes of varying degrees, whether thievery or murder." The man nervously looked up, but avoided Future Kira's gaze. "The police force has lost a lot of members due to feelings of frustration and a hope that...Lord Kira...will be able to catch as well as punish these criminals." He cleared his throat nervously. "And according to our street sources, people are beginning to believe that Lord Kira is punishing them unjustly."

Future Kira stood. "I think it is time for the people to be told of another divine proof. There is indeed still wickedness being done to innocents. However, this is not my doing, but the people themselves are to blame. For they..." Future Kira paused for dramatic effect, "have bought this calamity on themselves by doubting me, and allowing place for the Devil."

"The Devil, my Lord?"

"Yes. Lucifer, otherwise known as L. I already destroyed him long ago, but he still has his own followers, and these are committing these awful crimes." He smiled benignly. "But do not worry for I have a plan."

Suddenly everything went black.

Light stood still, like a frightened and alert animal.

_"What is-?"_

Before he could finish his thought, a bright yellow light burst through the scene. Light yelled and fell to the floor. As he breathed heavily, the stinging in his shocked eyes slowly ebbing away, he could hear soft feminine voice around him. Opening his eyes, he was looking down on a soft blue, tiled floor. He could smell the familiar richness of coffee, and the sounds of food sizzling away. When he finally stood and looked about, he was unsurprised to find himself in a cafe.

Sayu was sitting alone in the corner, staring into her coffee. She couldn't have been that old, but her face was drawn, soft worry wrinkles showing themselves on her forehead and around her eyes. Sitting opposite her, Light felt sorry for her. Light never had thought they would fall out. He and Sayu, whilst distant at times, had always, genuinely, loved each other. In fact, some of Light's happier memories had been with Sayu- simple things, like eating ice cream in the park, being chased by dad, and then throwing up the ice cream; going to the zoo and being excited by all the exotic animals, while Light had learned and memorised all the animal facts placed on the placards outside each cage, Sayu had laughed at the monkeys flinging faeces at one another, but they still had shared that joy regardless of intellectual differences.

Looking closely at her worn out face and tired eyes, Light wondered why he had thought her plain. She wasn't, not as much as their parents. He could understand why boys would like her, she was pretty. If not intellectual, she still had a good chance of happiness. She could marry, be a good wife, a good mother.

Light smiled.

He never imagined having children himself, but he liked the idea of being an uncle. In this world she had a good chance of living an idyllic life...

Wait...no she didn't.

"Have you already forgotten what you saw but a few moments ago?" He chastised himself. There was still crime. Future Kira had invented the Devil. But what was the point? If this world still had an ultimate evil, (at least in theory) then what was the point of him making this new world? It was exactly the same as before, but with a new religion...

Another coffee was placed in front of Sayu. The friendly waitress smiled and announced, "here you are Madam! Praises to Kira!"

Sayu smiled softly, though it did not reach her eyes.

However the smile on the waitress faded away. People on the table behind Sayu turned and looked at her in shock, as if she was being exceedingly rude. Sayu blushed very faintly and muttered, "I-I am not a Follower of the Light."

The waitress gaped for a few seconds, looking like a fish on land, before walking away, apparently speechless.

Sayu began to pick up her bag and put on her coat, as people continued to stare and mutter conspiratorially. A fat man in a striped apron marched up to her. "I am the owner," he declared loudly and pretentiously. "I am unwilling to serve the likes of you."

People began to cheer and clap as Sayu replied that she was leaving anyway.

"Don't come back!" The owner called after her as she left the shop and marched down the street, keeping her head down and avoiding the accusing and bewildered stares. Surveillance camera's whirled themselves in her direction. Light was amazed, there were camera's everywhere! How had the state been able to afford it?

A young man suddenly walked into Sayu, dropping both their bags. As they scrambled to collect their belongings he whispered, "do not worry. I am not a follower of the Light either. I know you are being followed and watched, but me and my comrades know of you and your plight. We will help you." As he spoke hurriedly, he slipped a piece of paper in Sayu's handbag.

Without another word or glance, the two set off in their opposite directions.

* * *

**A/N- Took me ages to write this chapter. The first part took me ages, I just couldn't get it right. In fact, I'm still not 100% with the argument between Sayu and Future Kira. I wanted Kira to be clever, but not as clever as Light...hmmm...I think he came across as just totally deluded already...**

**I based him off a real life cult leader called Michael Travesser who controls this group called Strong City. Only Light isn't a paedophile (lol.) If you're interested thre's a documantary on them called 'The end of the world cult.' You can get it on 4od, or just on youtube in general.**

**Shout out to Lelo who gave me a bunch of reviews! Thanks man, I logged on to my emails and nearly fell out of my chair (only I was on my setee, so I didn't.) I would reply through personal email to all your queries and questions, do you have a fanfiction account? Because then I can. :) **

**Anyway, I hope this chapter was ok, I'm so-so with it. I know you've all waited a long time, and it's a lot of conversation and little action right now. Sorry about that, but the next chapter should be more action. I didn't go into Light's side of the argument too much at the start as I think you are all pretty familiar with it now.**


	32. Big Brother

Sayu walked quickly through a rundown area in central Japan. Again, Light could not help but notice the high level of CCTV. It had only been a few years since Light had announced himself to the world as Kira, Light was certain of that by the fact that Future Light and his sister only looked in their thirties. Therefore, how on Earth had Kira been able to afford all of these cameras? Japan was not a poor country by any means, but the sheer level of surveillance was astounding when compared to his time.

In Light's real time, Japan had a low crime level, and apart from trains (mostly due to the growing amount of complaints of young women being groped) and some obvious public areas and shops, CCTV had been very low compared to many Western European countries. During his brisk walk next to Sayu, Light wondered if Japan now actually had more CCTV than Britain. The deeper they went into the downtown, dirty area, the more cameras' had been torn down from their roost, the words 'surveillance society!' scribbled on the free surfaces of blank brick walls and iron fence gates.

She entered into one of the huge blocks of flats*, an eyesore of Japan as, in an attempt to deal with the overpopulation of the city, were hastily built during the eighties, crammed into small areas and were concordantly heavily claustrophobic

For the first time, Light noticed Sayu's clothes were not designer. It had taken a while to notice because they were still tidy and demure (one thing he loved about his sister was the knowledge that she would never, ever dress like Misa Amane.) but on closer inspection he saw the badly sewed seams and that they were somewhat thin and faded with age. Their parents had been financially secure, thanks to the hard work of their father and patience of their mother, and both parents had always made sure their children had the best education, the latest toys and gadgets and wore the best clothes. What had happened to Sayu? He supposed that their mother could not offer Sayu any money for clothes, as she was now a widow (and probably jobless, due to never having worked in her life, and having few qualifications.) then, if the last argument and the scene in the coffee shop was anything to go by, he and Sayu were not on speaking terms. In other words, no one was there to look after her anymore.

"Good," he thought to him, "without help, maybe she will realise that she needs me. Even if my Kira is somewhat flawed," (he pushed away memories of the rain and children's blood,) "I'm still the only person who could have made the Kira idea work for this long and so well. She probably didn't do that well in college; she needs a supportive husband and brother. People in this world," he looked up at one of the many security cameras, "needs to accept me. Then life for them would improve."

In the clean but run down flat, Light saw Sayu's university degree certificate on the wall; contrary to his assertion, she had done very well academically... as well as him, in fact. This caused him to frown, _he _had always been the intelligent one in the family! Thinking back to when he first moved out of home to stay with L, Light remembered that Sayu's grades had remained consistently positive. Before he had always assumed that she only got good grades because he helped her so much but it had been shown by Past that Sayu had always been quite adept at maths, but was it possible that, without Light, Sayu had gone on to do _better_? Going by her grades as a teenager, Sayu should have been an average student, but to do as well as him? What did that mean?

However, Light had been right about her not having a job; and he soon saw why. As she sat down and pondered through the various application forms, he noticed she had filled out every section but one page;

_Please note your race, ethnicity and religious denomination on the lines below:_

Sayu kept putting the biro to the page, before leaving it off again. After some contemplation she finally put 'native Japanese.' The second line was even harder. She was breathing rhythmically and deeply. Light had worked out her issue, it was obvious. Being a kira worshipper meant acceptance; Sayu proudly announcing herself a full score atheist meant she was no longer a respectable member of society. She probably was not even seen as rational and sane, considering that kira was clearly very real.

However, he was more puzzled by the fact that she had hesitated before writing 'native Japanese.' The fact that the application forms were asking (as opposed to requesting) her ethnicity was slightly strange, but her reluctance and description were even odder. Sayu, like the rest of the family, had always been proud of her country but not overtly nationalistic (it was an unofficial belief in their home that such behaviour and attitude was crass and belonged only to the lower class and those with extremist tendencies; one thing all the Yagami's did well was dignity.) But there was nothing undignified about simply stating your ethnicity!

Her shame could have been that, with Kira as ruler, she had become ashamed of her race. But in that case, why hadn't Sayu left the country? Also, Japan had as many 'bad' people from its history as it did 'good', that hadn't made Sayu any less patriotic. Instead, Sayu's shame coupled with the fact that the application asked for her ethnicity as standard, meant that there must be a lot of non-Japanese in Japan, and that, possibly these were unfairly getting or not getting work; hence Sayu was ashamed to put that she was a 'native' and possibly unfairly being put ahead of a someone else to get work, or she was reluctant to write so in case it _lessened _her chance of getting an interview.

What was strange about the question was that it asked for 'race'as well as her 'ethnicity', which meant that people who were not born in Japan, were now being separated from those who were. Before had, naturalised foreigners (often people, such as the Brazillians and Cantonese, with Japanese roots) were accepted as part of Japanese ethnicity; completely different to most other countries, which only counted those born in their country, along with a relatively long heritage in that country, as part of their 'ethnicity.'

However, it seemed that now Japan was following suit. Had future Kira decided to follow the U.N more closely? Was there a rush of Kira-worshiping immigrants putting a strain on the country? Or was Japan becoming more globalised, as part of Kira's wish to rule not just Japan but the entire planet? Unfortunately at this stage there was no way of knowing how the influx was affecting the Japanese economy and people, but it certainly was affecting them in a way significant enough for Sayu to dally over marking her race almost as much as she did writing her religious denomination.

The fact that she was hesitating meant that part of her wanted to put 'Kira worshipper'; that partly made Light happy, and partly made him feel ashamed. He would rather his sister and mother support him because they believed and understood what he was doing; not because they felt pressured and harassed. He wondered how his mother was doing in this world; her daughter restrained from her, what kind of son was future Light being to her? He had always hoped that his mother would have his father and sister to lean on, as he always imagined himself too busy creating and maintaining the new world.

However, his plans had been so far scuppered.

He wondered what had killed his father. Had it been himself? Or had dad died in the line of duty? If he had killed his own father, the spirits were malicious enough that they would have shown it. So maybe he didn't. Maybe dad died peacefully. And maybe his mother was happy, the Messiah and Ruler of the world was her own son. Why wouldn't she be happy with that? It far exceeded even her high hopes for her first born.

So, it would just be Sayu who was suffering. And it was due to her stubbornness that she was.

His sister turned on the radio, whist pouring a glass of water from the sink, the second line of her application forms lying empty and waiting.

"So, fellow Shadows, that was Li Jungs report from southern Korea." The DJ sounded slightly tired, and the signal was poor. Light remembered how, when they were young, Sayu hated listening to DJ's talking, to radio news, or static messing up the signal. She often infuriated him by switching the radio stations repeatedly when on long, family drives. How his parents just dealt with it, despite not having his level of patience, was beyond him. However, it seemed his adult sister was quite different to the Sayu he knew. The radio remained on and the DJ continued to speak. "You are tuned in to anti- Kira radio station, the last free media outlet in the entire Eastern world, if you found our new radio wave for this week well done, but we'll be changing again soon. Kira's dogs are always on the hunt...

Now we go on to our fellow Shadows in America. As usual we cannot give the specific state, but we're tuning in now for a live sermon"-

Ah, of course, Sayu really was quite the rebel now wasn't she? Light smirked, a bitter feeling swirling in his stomach. He _hated _people going against him; especially people like Sayu (and L) who should know better, or at least know their place...

"For **TOO **long, we fought one another!" an ecclesiastical voice suddenly screeched out in English, the static of the radio even more prominent and irritating. "And in doing so, the real enemy, the **real **demon lord, he got in and **usurped **God! Our holy temples have been destroyed, our places of worship burned to the ground! All manner of Evil is now a form of 'good'; people governing themselves instead of **obeying God**! Everyone is lying to themselves **and **one another! The news keeps saying that crime is gone, that we are free- but is that true Shadows?"

"No!" roared the crowd in reply, who had been inconsistently yelling and shouting throughout the crazed sermon.

"**No it isn't true**! We are still being robbed and murdered and raped, and the key criminal, is Kira! The self appointed god! And he is no god, not really. In reality he is Light Yagami, an intelligent and privileged child of middle class Japan. He has fooled the common people, all those that were too impatient to wait for the True Lords day! Mah fellow Shadows!" The drawl of the man's voice hinted that he was from Middle America, probably somewhere in the infamous Bible-Belt region... Light looked at Sayu, worried about her listening to such vitriolic nonsense, but she had her back to him.

"This reminds me of a Bible account! Of when the freed Israelites and Egyptians were in the wilderness after being set free from their captivity and their Great Leader Moses climbed up Mount Sinai to collect the commandments of God. And when he came back down, what were the people doing?"

The crowd began to roar answers- words lost in the din, but the angry, indignant tone stayed intact.

"That's right! They were worshipping a false god! A calf made out of gold! **FOOLS GOLD**! And God, quite rightfully condemned them to DEATH! Do you see the connection? **DO YOU SEE THE CONNECTION MAH BROTHERS! **It's happening again! They could not wait for the **real **God, instead we fought each other, broke off into faction, cherry picked from the Good Book, and now look! We have a false prophet, a false goddess and a false god in our midst! I do not know how Light Yagami" he stressed the name, twisting it obscenely due to enraged pronunciation, "is murdering all these people; the undesirables, the dissenters, but I do know this- he is not doing it with the power of God, but with the power of the **Devil**!"

The crazed cheering descended into some sort of religious song and prayer before it finally ended.

Sayu sighed in relief and, turning back towards Light and the radio, allowed herself to role her eyes; Light visibly relaxed; the idea that his little sister may have been taken in by such religious fanatical ranting had concerned him.

"Well that was Brother Malory," said the radio presenter in a somewhat dead pan voice. "But now it's onto the news. The _real _news, that is... In the last few months, we've noticed a surge of ethnic minorities joining the Anti-Kira campaign. And not just in Japan, but all over the world. In England there has been a huge rise in Polish and Middle Eastern followers; in Italy a rise in Gypsy support; in America many more Hispanic and African-Americans. Why? We sent out our Shadow reporters to question these people and all of them answered the same; they feel that Kira is targeting there races personally."

Light scowled, what was this propaganda? He was no racist! (If anything he was misanthropic and slightly misogynistic.) And even if he was racist, why would he target a group in one country but not another? What would be the point?

Unless...

"Now, as much as we despise Kira," the voice wittered on, a slight Bangkok accent colouring it, "we had a hard time understanding why he would suddenly become racist or prejudiced against certain groups of people and only when in certain countries. Then we realised something crucial. People pay attention." Sayu stopped watering her small plants, and walked up to the radio. She did not turn it up, which would have only exasperated the static even more and would have alerted neighbours to what she was listening to, but leant down to it, sitting crossed legged on the floor.

"Kira is not in control!" the presenter intoned, "he is being manipulated by what various governments are putting on the news. For _years _we have argued that Kira is killing people that could have been innocent that may have been caught in a set up due to our brutal police force but now governments have been getting involved. We believe that there is a conspiracy in governments where only certain races of people are shown on the news as being criminal. They are of course, judged by Kira. What this means is kira is, unintentionally perhaps, committing genocide or ethnic cleansing on behalf of various governments."

Sayu covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide...unbeknownst to her, her former teenaged brother sat invisible in her chair, his eyes as wide and as stunned as hers.

Light's face was immobile, but inside his heart was throbbing so quickly it hurt, and his thoughts were screaming in rage. There was no way, NO WAY, that Light would be so stupid to allow himself to be manipulated in such a way! Who else but Kira, he, could pull of such a stunt as this? He had outwitted L, outwitted his successors, how could the measly minds of ordinary men have beaten him? Surely this radio report was nothing but propaganda and slander against him!

'_Ah,'_ said a sly nasty thought, interrupting his internal Kira-like rant. _'But you were killing criminals that the news had reported as being guilty without actually investigating those criminals yourself. There was no absolute proof that all of them were guilty. There could have been a miscarriage of justice. You were influenced by the media back then...'_

"No, it wasn't me being influenced." Light fought back, his anger being pushed down to a lower level so that he could concentrate and reason his feelings and doubts out. "I judged people that had gotten out of court for technicalities, technicalities often meaning things as simple as the accused not being read his rights properly. It didn't matter that the evidence proved the accused was guilty, stupid reasons like that meant they walked free, ready to kill or rape or maim again." Light felt the familiar feeling of righteous indignation broiling inside. He often had felt it as a child, listening to his exhausted father complain that a criminal he and his team had worked months on to catch, was let free because pone person in the team had lost a piece of evidence, or tampered with something. A normal, human mistake could destroy an entire case. It just wasn't right. "Or the criminals had clearly bribed the jury. I made decisions that were sensible and based on high probability that the accused was in fact guilty."

'_You may have done that at the beginning,' the _nasty voice that was beginning to sound like L continued,_ 'but after a few months, what was your routine? You would come home, watch the news, write a list of criminals, in the Death Note, and then go have dinner. You have written hundreds of names, and we both know that you did not inspect all those cases. You say you 'judge' but after a few weeks of being Kira, you wasn't judging, you were killing., and you were killing people based on the judgement of the media and how they were portrayed. Think about your Future self, he is over confident- announcing himself as Kira and showing himself to the whole world was an act of stupid arrogance. Even L, as vain as he was, wasn't that dumb. And then, your future self was nearly bested by Sayu in an argument. All that 'I am the Messiah, the Chosen One,' has gone to your head. You really believe it, __you__, the once level-headed, atheist cynic, are now the same as an extreme religious cult leader, and as a result, your senses have lowered.'_

Light grit his teeth and forced himself to remember Future Kira killing the children and successors with lightening. It was a ridiculous way to kill someone, but he had believed there was a method in the madness; nature inspires awe and reverence. By judging with lightening, Future Kira had made himself an equal to the gods. But had he, his future self, had he began to believe he really was a god? It was true that, in some ways, Light thought of himself as a god. He was as good as anyway, but he always maintained that he was still, at the end of it all, an extremely clever human. Had his Future self lost sight of his own humanity? When had Light become a serial killer with a god-complex, instead of a sound and unbiased Judge? It started with Light losing his name, and gaining one which, in the most basic sense, described a serial murderer and the worst type of criminal.

Kira.

Killer.

* * *

**A/N. I had to do a bit of research on Japan for this. I got my info from wikipedia and JapanTimesOnline, as I did not know what books I could take out from the library that would tell me, for example, about CCTV surveillance in Japan. As ever, internet research is a double pointed sword; on the one hand, it tells you anything if you look hard enough; on the other hand, it could all be lies. If I have written anything stupid/misleading or incorrect about Japan, please let me know.**

**For my non-British readers, I think Americans do not say 'flats' but apartments. Just in case anyone was a bit confused by what I meant at the beginning.**

**The reason I have written Sayu as being as bright as Light is not because I'm Mary-Sueing her (hopefully) but based on her impressive coping skills after she was kidnapped by Mello. She went from being so distraught she could not speak, to going on to uni, regardless of an absent father and brother. It was evidence to me that Sayu does not need the male family members as her crutch, despite how it seemed at the start of _Death Note_.**


	33. Saviour

**Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.**

**Martin Luther King Jr.**

* * *

Light felt dazed from the radio's revelation. Could he be so stupid? Could he? Of course, of course he could be. His own mind had reminded him of his arrogance and stupidity, Light making foolish mistakes based on assumptions were becoming increasingly commonplace in his life as the 'Kira' situation had continued.

"But I can't call it quits now!" he thought. His desperation peaking as it had when he had stood in the Church with Present. "L is on my case, and he'll never let me go! He has to die! Which means so will his successors, if they are as half as resourceful and intelligent as he is! I'm doomed, surely I am doomed!" Light ground his teeth together, desperate to keep his exterior calm. Though he knew Sayu could not see him, he felt the presence of Future, and the last thing he wanted was to give one or more of the spirits the satisfaction of seeing him lose control. He had already been forced into fear, self loathing and crying. He resented them heavily for manipulating his emotions and actions in such a way and was determined to not lose control again!

"So today," the radio presenter continued, his voice full of urgency, "we are going to do something unprecedented. Kira, we know your spies are listening. Here us out. We do not want you ruling us. We never asked for you to come and take over all our governments. We never asked for your false promises, your violence or sense of justice. However, we will concede today that you do seem to favour justice. So we beg of you, stop using the media as your informer! It is lies, and innocent people are dying! Isn't that the very thing you were always against?" Suddenly, there were muffled yells, screams and crashing sounds in the background. Sayu and Light simultaneously tensed up, their concentration focused on the radio; Sayu still did not dare turn it up.

"What is happening?" The radio presenter gasped, the Bangkok accent becoming stronger in is distress. "What is-? Ladies and gentlemen, my fellow shadows, we have been found out! The office has-!" The sound of machine guns and screams made themselves known, and became progressively louder as the man went on. "Oh God! Oh my God! It is too late for me to escape! But remember shadows, **this **is Kira! This is what Kira means! No freedom of speech! No free media! Kira the op-" The sound of banging on a door interrupted the presenter temporarily. "KIRA THE OPRESSER IS AGAINST AUTONOMY! HE IS THE WOR-OH, OH GOD! Oh God they're kill-! Run! God! LISTEN, KI-KIRA IS A DICTATOR! HE IS ANTI-HUMA-!" Gun shots rang out and the presenter screamed in anguish. Sayu began to cry. All that could be heard was marching feet, and the sound of the presenter chocking on his own blood. "Re-remember..." the presenter's voice was faint and guttural with blood. Pained from the death throes, he began to speak in his native tongue "Shuí shì yǒnggǎn de," he coughed, the voice becoming even less intelligible, "tā shì miǎnfèi de..."

And then, after the sound of a door slamming, all fell silent.

As his sister quietly wept, her hand pressed over her mouth, Light wondered if she knew what the presenter had said. It was a quote- "he who is brave, is free..."

It seemed strange that the presenter's last words were not hatred or denouncements of Kira. In fact tey were pretty vague, Light too agreed with the sentiments, and he _was_ Kira...

Sayu sat shaking slightly. The radio had now turned to static, the irritating noise echoing throughout the little apartment. Slowly, she leaned forward and switched it off; her unwilling actions made it seem like the radio was dirty, reminding Light of L.

_L._

_L_, he _always_ thought of L. That mysterious dark haired creature was always at the back of his mind, haunting him. Light had hoped that L's death would bring him relief from the unwanted obsession, but now, even in the absence of the sugar-intoxicated insomniac, and at the most inappropriate time, Light still thought about him. The teen would think of him when he awoke, when he went to sleep at night, whenever, for short periods of time, that his mind had nothing to focus itself on- Light's thoughts would wonder back to the detective. And Light was fully aware of the reason why; L had not only been the first person to actually deny Light of something, but he had also defeated and tricked him.

The burning shame of being fooled into killing Lind L. Tailor had made a secure home in Light's psyche. It had been that point that Light had began to focus on L more than cleansing the earth of criminals. Maybe that was the reason his utopia was so ill-thought out, he was too focused on L. That meant that the whole thing was L's fault! If L had stayed out! Along with Penbar and Misora and all the others, if they had stayed out of his way he could have thought his plan through more carefully! He would have had time to perfect it!

Light shuddered in an unconscious but perfect imitation of his sister, and sat down next to her. He supposed annihilating members of the media was inevitable. In a new world, he couldn't have any dissenters. Light had always hoped that, eventually, any dissent would die away as his world would work- no one would have a reason to complain. However, it was becoming more obvious that the goal was just too out of reach, even for a god. He wondered why the radio reporters had been executed in such a way. Wouldn't it have been cleaner and more discreet to have judged them? He knew they were underground, but surely infiltration would have been a better option than sending in armed forces?

The reason Light began his quest to clean the world was to protect his mother and sister, to allow his father to actually spend time with them. How many years had Light missed out on with his father because of all the criminals? As a child, no, even as a teenager, his father's marked absence and his mother and sisters misery, it hurt. And now, despite best intentions, Light had managed to hurt his family in a similar manner to his father; he was not around to protect or help them. Lightly, he touched his sisters back as she began to quietly sob He wondered when the last time was that he had comforted her, or just touched her. When had loving his family become a chore, when had he started to want to escape?

Sayu wiped her tears with the back of her hand, before beginning to rummage about in her bag. As Light suspected, she bought out a small, neatly folded piece of paper. Unfolding it, she stared at the unnamed phoned number for a few minutes before calling it. Light smiled slightly while watching her. She might be as intelligent as he, but her thought processes were far slower, (had Light been in her position, he would have made the call in milliseconds.) This was no surprise, Light's lightening quick calculations were what made him stand out amongst other highly intelligent persons; it was what separated 'high intelligence' from 'genius.' From around three years old onwards, Light had always been the best at everything. Then L came along...

"Hello?" Her voice quivered. Light leant close to her, eavesdropping on the conversation. "Is this the...are you shadow?"

"No." A didactic voice replied. "I am Kyo at the Sun-protection foundation. Can I help you?"

Sayu was blushing slightly, "yes...I am...Sayu...Sayu Yagami." Sweat appeared on her forehead. She was terrified.

"No wonder," thought Light, "she must be frightened that this is a trick. But I wouldn't hurt her...even with her betrayal...I wouldn't..."

"Ah, yes Miss Yagami!" The voice became friendly and warm. "I am sorry. You can to see me about your aversion to the sun! Well, as said, we specialise in homeopathic, alternative remedies to sun burn. You will be wanting to make a reservation, right? How about this evening? We had someone cancel on us so we have a free slot."

"Erm...ye-yes." Sayu gulped, straightened her shoulders and continued in a stronger, more relaxed voice. "Yes, tonight would be excellent. Could you give me directions?"

"Of course. Where do you live?"

"I live in Ueno."

"Hmm, we are difficult to get to from your location. Here is what you should do, go to the ruins of the Toshogu shrine. Here we will have an official taxi escort drive you to our offices. He'll bear the official Sun-protection badge, alright?"

"Yes that's fine."

"Good," the voice temporarily returned to being harsh before trying to reclaim its kind, customer-service tone, "please be there by five-thirty."

"Alright." Sayu muttered, her short burst of confidence already dissipating. She hung up the phone, looking fretful.

Light felt little sympathy. In fact, he was seething inside. His plan for his Utopia was getting royally fucked up; the least Sayu could do was be a team player and help him! Instead she was going to the other side. Maybe he _would_ hurt her for her betrayal? After all, what choice would he have?

Light's scowl deepened. If that was to be the case, wouldn't he be getting further away from his ideal of protecting his family? But then, clearly, his family didn't want protecting. People like Sayu, according to the radio presenter didn't want protecting! They **wanted** a dirty, filthy world full of corruption!

Light took in a deep breath as Sayu went into the bathroom. He heard her turn on a shower. In turn, he slumped into an unpleasant arm chair that clashed with the decor. "Calm down," he thought. "I need to stop getting angry and worked up. I need to think. I need to be logical. I need to try and think this from Sayu's point of view. Sayu is calling them because she thinks that I am corrupt. She is, in her own way, being a good citizen. Maybe when she sees that the resistors have no better way of ruling (how could they?) surely she will return to me?" He looked at her various pictures on the wall. Many were of her and friends. But one in the centre of her window sill caught his attention. It was the Yagami family standing outside their house. Sayu looked around fourteen, Light and his parents were smiling at the lens. He tried to remember that day. Who had taken the picture? He couldn't recall it at all. But then, Light never recalled much of his family life; often it was so dull and mediocre he couldn't stand it. Light was certain that he had forced most the memories out of his mind because he had grown to hate them for being so tedious.

Unconsciously rubbing his thumb across his bottom Light pondered if maybe he should have remembered a little more than what he did. The nice things, like playing with Sayu, receiving presents and praise...granted, those things meant little to him, but other people put stock into such memories. Maybe there was something to being sentimental? Maybe being a little sentimental would help him understand his family more.

Light blinked and saw that the picture had changed. There, again, on his photographs handsome face was hideous mirk- his nose was up turned, his eyes slightly mismatched. Ugh, horrible!

"Damn it Future!" Light screamed. Why did the Spirits insist on violating his face like they did? Was it not enough that they were forcing him o watch his dream fall to tatters, to see all his assumptions of his family, colleagues and rivals proven wrong? Was that not enough emotional torture?

He stalked across the room, grabbed the picture and flung it across the room unable to look at it any longer. Sayu stepped out of the bathroom, covered in a fluffy bathrobe and picked up the picture. Her face was initially surprise, no doubt she was wondering how the picture fell across the room. But the confusion was quickly dismissed; Light watched silently as his misty eyed sister gently stoked the face of his hideous photographed doppelganger, seemingly not noticing the evil smirk it offered back to her.

* * *

Light felt something akin to dread as he marched down the street beside his sister; what was going to happen now? Would she suddenly be attacked by his worshippers? Would he have to watch his future self do something awful to her? Would he watch his own sister turn against him and joining some crazy political fringe party?

Whatever they were walking into, Light was certain it was going to be painful.

He shuddered, the wind whipped around his night clothes, which were still a little damp from the rain cloud and the previous storm. His mind lingered on the deaths of the Shadow radio journalists. Was there a way to prevent his killing of innocents? The obvious choice would be to not use the media. In his time, Light really had no choice but to rely on news reports. He did not have the power, regardless of who his father was, to check the records of criminals in order to judge for himself if they were guilty or not. He definitely could not investigate them personally. However, as the ruling figure he was now, would it not be possible for him to create a police force to his standards? The answer, in short, was a resounding '**no**.

Despite how many different scenarios he analysed the conclusion was always the same; Light knew that he, as one man, would not be able to create a police force to his high standards for the whole of Japan never mind every country in the _entire planet_. It was a pipe dream. Humans would, inevitably, fail. There would still be corruption and human error because Light could not over see everyone personally. As mentioned before, running a massive force for Japan would be too difficult. It just wasn't feasible in terms of time, training and money. The best Light would be able do would be to set a certain standard within the force, but really, most police forces were already attempting to follow an ideal. But humanity could not live up to them. Rather, the force would be full of the usual idiots, traitors and worn down good cops (like his father.) The only difference would be that when caught, Light would execute them. However, that is only if they got caught. It didn't really change the issue that catching the correct people as criminals would be obscenely difficult; more difficult than Light had previously ever cared to admit.

There were preventative measures that could be taken to prevent governments using Kira through the media into killing 'social undesirables.' First of all, if a pattern emerged from the same group of people were being killed (for example, or they had the same ethnicity or religion) Kira would be able to employ officers to investigate the situation. He could even make up a team dedicated to making sure governments were not abusing Kira's power. Granted, this would take money and influence and so would only be possible after Light had gained the upper hand over the Task force and L. In the meantime there was nothing to prevent the media from using him. In any case, his team would be able to investigate into why so many people of one group were being convicted.

However, this too was complicated, the reasons could range from government led genocide, institutionalised racism or prejudice within a society that that society did not even recognise themselves, to the fact that a certain group more criminal than another. If the last case was true, then that would require further investigation as why would one group be more criminal than another? Often, the more criminal group lived in difficult circumstances, such as poverty, a lack of education and other issues that would encourage resentment between them toward the rest of the society they lived in. In certain lands, Light knew that being a criminal (such as joining in gang warfare or being forced into guerrilla armies) was something that people were forced into. In conclusion, all of this data collecting would mean that Kira would have to ask the government to intervene in order to try and help these people; any otherwise generation after generation would be judged because their circumstances wouldn't allow them to be anything other than criminal. This in turn bought up the difficulty of criminal behaviour in general. Would it not be unfair to investigate social context as a cause for criminality in minority groups, when criminals in majority groups would simply be judged and executed? Would not social deprivation, threats and mental illness happen to people in all groups? Why excuse one and not the other?

Light's thoughts halted as he stared at the ruins of the Toshogu shrine. 'Hail Kira, the TRUE GOD' amongst other graffiti messages offering similar sentiments were scrawled across the destroyed derelict building. The smell was horrific. People had defecated in the area. Strewn across the floor was various bits of litter, condoms and injection needles. Light felt a strange burning inside his chest; he was not religious, but he appreciated beauty and spirituality. He also appreciated how closely shintoism was connected to his culture ad beloved country. He almost felt, to use the silly, over used term, that his heart as breaking.

Arriving at the opposite side, the siblings saw a man leaning idly against a taxi. Sayu smiled tentatively and hailed him. The man, who was young, handsome and dark haired, grinned at her. "Miss Yagami?" His accent was foreign, it sounded perhaps...English? Light couldn't be sure. The man had masked it well.

Sayu confirmed her identity and got into the car with him.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to blind fold you."

"O-Ok..." Sayu looked petrified, and seemed to be staving off a panic attack for most of the trip. Light had known she would be frightened (she would have been a fool not to have been) but he never expected her reaction to be so strong. She was sweating so much her hair was sticking to her face, she was gasping as if she could not breath, she was shaking profusely and her legs were clenched tightly together; Light wondered if she was trying not to actually wet herself.

The driver kept glancing at her in the rear view mirror, and seemed to have enough decency to talk to her (though it was a one-sided conversation) in an attempt to calm her down. He drove quickly, making many turns and even going back on himself on occasion, no doubt he was either trying to confuse Sayu's sense of direction, to lose any potential stalkers or quite possibly both.

When he finally stopped they were out in the countryside, somewhere Sayu could be hurt or killed, and no one would know. In front of them was a small barnyard. Sayu stumbled when getting out the car, and gagged a few times; luckily she was not sick. When she felt stronger, the man held her arm in a gentlemanly manner and led her to the barn door. On the front of it, a crude drawing of a fish was carved into the wood.

Light recognised it. It was the sign of the Christians.

Inside, the set up was that of a catholic church. Several pictures and statues collected from various churches (Light noticed that many were not even part of the Roman Catholic ideology) were placed reverently at the front on a stage.

An old man came out and warmly welcomed Sayu.

"My dear girl, we have been watching you for a long time! Please sit." They sat at one of the pews, Sayu still shaking a little. "I cannot tell you my real name, but you may call me Quilish Ruvie."

"That's an unusual name, it will be hard for me to pronounce."

"My dear, with your English speaking skills I doubt it."

The compliment hung in the air uneasily. "How do you know about me?" Sayu queried as the men continued smiling at her genially. " How long have you been watching me?"

"Oh since about four months ago." Apparently, 'Quilish Ruvie' seemed to think that didn't sound strange. "We are a group that was founded by two men, brothers. You'll meet them later. First, I want to show you around."

"Are you Christian?"

"Sort of," he smiled. "we believe that the third part of the Bible in being created."

"The third-?"

"First there was the Hebrew Text, then the Greek. We believe we are entering a third. WE believe that Christ has indeed returned and no," he emphasised the last word as Sayu blanched, "no we don't think your brother is Jesus. We think your brother has been led astray by the Devil."

"Then who is the new Christ?" Sayu sounded wary.

"Come with us."

Following the young 'taxi-driver' and 'Quilish' down some stairs into a well lit basement, beautiful pictures of Saints were painted on the wall. However, one in particular caught Sayu and her invisible brother's eye. This was either a new Saint...or someone (or _something_) else all together. Light gaped stupidly. The painting was of a tall, blonde and somewhat androgynous boy, the rosary wrapped around his left wrist and a silver pistol clutched firmly in his right hand. He managed to look both beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

"Who is this?" Sayu breathed, but Light saw recognition in her eyes.

"Mello, a predecessor of L; we have it on good authority that his real name was Michael." Quilish looked up reverently, "as John the Baptist was to Jesus, the great detective L was to the real saint Michael; a precursor of something even greater than itself. The similarities between Michael and Jesus cannot be coincidental. Michael was a revolutionary and killed by Kira the devil, like nothing more than a common criminal, in front of all the nations." Quilish's eyes widened, the religious fervour even more fevered "he was most assuredly Christ re-born..."

Sayu stepped back from the masterly depiction, "he believed strongly in his cause," she muttered, looking at the ground, her eyes dark, "but people...innocent people, got hurt...due to his...convictions..."

Quilish seemed to pick up on her changed demeanour, and whilst not commenting on it, his fiery reverence of the new and recently martyred messiah lessened slightly. "We are at our most powerful when we suffer. That is why we rejoice in pain." He said obliquely and unhelpfully. However, Sayu still smiled, "who started this place?"

Quilish looked at her, "ah yes,I said you could meet our leaders. We call them Jude and James, but the most trusted know their real names."

"Jude and James, like the brothers of Jesus?"

The boy who had driven Sayu laughed slightly and spoke for the first time since the taxi drive. "Yeah, only because we don't know if John the Baptist had any brothers!"

Sayu cocked her head, "what do you mean?"

Light however, had gone pale with shock.

* * *

**A/N I'm sorry if the ending is rubbish. I did the last part (the church part) tonight and I'm sooo tired! Please let me know if it is a bit lame and I will look over it and re-do it tomorow. I really wanted to get it done by this dead line though.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or read this far! I'm glad you are still with me :3**


	34. History

**Warnings: Loads of exposition, I am so, so sorry. Also, lots of talk about religion.**

* * *

**Last Chapter:**_ Quilish looked at her, "ah yes, I said you could meet our leaders. We call them Jude and James, but the most trusted know their real names."_

_"Jude and James, like the brothers of Jesus?"_

_The boy who had driven Sayu laughed slightly and spoke for the first time since the taxi drive. "Yeah, only because we don't know if John the Baptist had any brothers!"_

_Sayu cocked her head, "what do you mean?"_

_Light however, had gone pale with shock._

* * *

_John the Baptist?_ They had called L the equivalent of John the Baptist earlier, did that mean...?

Light felt his heart pounding as Sayu was led out of the church and into a large warehouse a few feet away. Inside, the warehouse was full of people. All of them turned to Sayu and smiled. As they walked through, Quilish politely introduced each of them as 'Brother so and so' or 'Sister so and so.' All of them expressed their joy at meeting Sayu, at how happy they were that she was joining them, that she was completely welcome.

It would have been more heart warming and less intimidating had there not been quite so many of them, and had it not come across as forced. It was also a clear that they had all been expecting Sayu. However, just as these negative thoughts fired across Light's brain at super speed, he looked down to see his sister smiling. She looked genuinely happy and impressed. Dear God, had she been taken in by them?

He knew Sayu could be naive. It annoyed him that here she was, much older, and yet that innocence and trust still was there. However, memories of Sayu as a young girl being cut by his crazed fan girl suddenly forced its way to the forefront of his mind. He remembered the haunted look on her face when telling 'Quilish' that innocents had been hurt by Mello aka 'Michaels' sense of justice. Sayu had seen firsthand more of the darkness of human nature than he ever had. Why would she be more naive than he? Could it be that Sayu was lonely? Thanks to the world he created, Sayu was treated like a leper or an outcast. She did not seem to have any friends, she was unable to get a job despite her qualifications, she had fought with both his future self and her mother, her father was dead; in other words she had no friends or family. Sayu was so ostracised from society, was it any surprise that she was soaking up all the warmth these people offered, regardless of the distinctly sinister edge contained?

They reached the end of the warehouse, arriving at a small door. "In here is the Brothers Office." Quilish knocked on the door first, announcing that it was he and 'Young Miss Sayu.' He looked at her and winked afterwards. She smiled tentatively as her invisible brother scowled.

A monotone voice granted them entrance. Inside, stood two characters Light had never met in reality, but who he felt recognised instantly.

It was the two warring brothers who allegedly killed one another during the fall of the Berlin wall. It was the supposedly dead brothers of L.

The dimly lit room the brothers sat in shouldn't have seemed all that impressive. It was exceedingly chaotic and untidy; the sort of room that Light felt queasy just standing in. It was reminiscent of the apartment the brothers had lived in as children, especially when the mother began to fall apart. (Light inexplicably found himself wishing he knew her name. He blinked and pushed that thought away. It was a stupid thing to desire.) It also looked like how Light imagined L would live, if Watari wasn't around to clear up after him all the while.

Light sniffed snootily and stood at the side of the room where he could see all their faces. However, despite the mess and general atmosphere of decay, the room matched the rest of the quick-fit church in that it held the feeling of being sacrosanct. It seemed holy somehow. The crooked shelves were full of images of the Virgin Mary and the Saints, alongside an assortment of Buddha's and Hindu gods. Vishnu was seated next to Saint Peter, the Torah was tossed on top of the Koran. Several versions of different Holy Books in various languages were scattered about the floor and table. Yet somehow, it seemed not disrespectful. It looked like the chaos of two intelligent and passionate men desperately searching for God. Whatever God was...

Sayu stood next to Quilish and the Taxi Driver by the door. The brothers faced the trio behind a desk ridden with papers, folders, newspapers and various Holy Texts.

Light analysed the two men. They both had the same long limbs, pale skin and thick, jet-black hair, only the slightly stockier one he recognised as the oldest had grey streaks. Oddly, both men struck Light as strangely handsome. It surprised Light how L (and his brothers) ugliness seemed lessened by the fact that they were so striking. When had he begun to find L's characteristics interesting, attractive even? Before he had always considered L hideous; his disgusting slacker clothes, messy hair, scrawny pale body and terrible posture. The fact that L's intelligence was almost a match for his own offended Light; that Light was comparable to such a lazy, egotistical, untidy creature made him blind with fury. L had been the only creature who could lower Light to the point to where he would physically spar with him, as if they were nothing more than two yobs in a drinking establishment.

Now Light still recognised those flaws...yet...they seemed less a sign of ugliness and more a sign of L's individuality. And it wasn't just his appearance, L's personality flaws seemed more like quirks. Maybe it was because Light had seen the other orphan children, the people who had raised them and some of L's childhood. Maybe now Light could understand L a little better, and from such understanding empathy (and even a grudging respect for how well L had done, in regards to all his difficulties,) had been borne. This change of heart wasn't directed just at L; unlike when he first spied them, he now considered the brothers in general in a better light in terms of appearance. Granted they were not physically ideal but they were aesthetically pleasing; like a piece of abstract art.

Unlike the brothers, whose dark hair and white skin offered distinct colours, the room itself was bathed in various shades of shadow. It reminded Light of when he first saw Future, its strange texture changing shades as it billowed in slow motion. It made Light feel sick. Quickly he focused back on the situation at hand.

"Hello Miss Sayu," smiled the older brother. His voice was very unlike the one of his youth; it was softer and wearier. Sayu sat on the edge of a wooden chair facing the older brother who was sitting on the desk. The taxi driver and Quilish stood by the door in a fashion reminiscent of guards, and the younger brother, what had been his name? That's it, Melor. Light remembered that the younger brother had hated it. (1) Melor sat on a ledge on the wall, disregarding the various paper and religious icons precariously propped on it. Unlike the older brother who seemed much calmer, Melor still had the aura of an angry, disillusioned and moreover _dangerous_ man.

"As I am sure Brother Quilish explained, we have been observing you for a while."

"How long?" She asked again. Light doubted that, even with all the stress, that she had forgotten what 'Quilish' had told her earlier; she was testing them.

"Around four months." He answered easily. "I knew that you were unhappy with the current political situation and afraid for your brother. After watching you for sometime; we confirmed our beliefs."

"How would you know what I was feeling before you started spying on me?"

"Well, you might not believe this, but it came to me in a dream." Whilst silently scoffing, Light looked over to Melor. The younger man was scowling, his face etched with barely contained rage and jealousy. "I know it might sound strange." The brother chuckled softly, evidently Sayu's expression revealed that she was as critical as her sibling. "But how else would I have known to reach out to you? In the dream, my dearly departed brother, Lawliet, kept telling me to find Kira's sister. I did some research and found out all about you and the Yagami's." He reached forward and held Sayu's hand. "I found out that Kira had abandoned you. That you were all alone. I prayed for help and guidance, because I wanted to help you; I know what it is like to be estranged from a sibling, and to have a brother doing evil things in the name of the greater good." Melor was very still in background, the angry lines in the face now morphed into the blank featureless expression similar to L's. Light couldn't think of any real 'evil' Melor had committed, but then he had only seen a fraction of their adolescence. Maybe the older brother still considered Melor's anti-communist politics to be evil.

Regardless, both brothers had struck as being single-minded, relatively intelligent, angry and highly persuasive, which all provided evidence to Light that they had the potential to be very evil.

"You may call me Jude or Brother Jude." L's older brother carried on. "And that man over there is my younger brother James. Lawliet, the detective that tried to defeat Kira originally was our youngest brother."

"How can I believe you when you say that? I never met L. And I won't betray my brother if that's what you want."

"No, we're not here to attack Light! We know that under the villainous Kira, your brother still exists. We believe that your brother is being taken over by demons."

There was a brief pause before Sayu sighed-

"This is too crazy..." She made to get up, and the two men at the door looked as if they were going to force her back in the chair. However, 'Jude' raised his hand, and they settled back down.

"Please, hear us out." He implored. Sayu obediently sat down again, which made Light feel oddly jealous. "We have evidence. I promise we are not here to hurt Light. Originally neither I nor my brother used to be religious men. We were men of politics, our concerns were freedom, justice and how society should be run."

Light frowned. He wasn't convinced that that was all there was to the brothers. If anything, the scenes Past had showed him offered evidence that the two brothers were angry about their absent father- politics was simply an excuse for them to enact their violent rage. However, he continued to listen to 'Jude's' exposition.

"We were and still are very much part of the real world. We became interested in fighting against Kira when we saw his Devil."

_His Devil?_

Then the thoughts Light had had at the beginning of this 'night' floated back through his mind.

L was his Adversary; his Loki; his Eurynomous; his Satan; his O'Yamma.

His Devil.

"But no one saw L." Answered Sayu reasonably. "We were just told that he was...ugly and cruel. It was something out of a fairytale I never believed it. It was just a propaganda stunt."

"After the killing of Michael," all the men made the sign of the cross, "and his followers, Matthew and Nathanial; The Whammy Institute was revealed to the world as a Training Ground of the Illuminati, a group of elitist who rule the world from the shadows."

Light nodded to himself allowing a small smirk to grace his lips. That was a good idea. By killing the children on screen, Kira needed to explain who they were. Saying an 'Orphanage of Genius children' would evoke sympathy from the public and outrage at his killing of them. But by making the connections between them and the Invisible Oppressor people like to believe exist (be it aliens, lizards or Illuminati,) Kira was made out to be a person releasing mankind from the evil Bourgeois Rulers. It further emphasised the idea that Kira was bringing in a New World Order.

"My brother and I recognised one of the staff members who had been executed, a Miss Gala Danuve." Jude continued. Light suddenly remembered the bubbly, if somewhat dim-witted, girl who had looked after L when the Berlin wall fell. Though Light would never meet her, he knew she would stay with him in his thoughts. It was her (not even Sayu) that had made him decide to try to be less judgemental towards her sex; quite an achievement, for someone so like Misa Amane. Light felt a momentary sadness that, as Kira, she would have to be executed along with all the Whammy students.

"We thought she had died, as well as our baby brother. So if she had lived, then maybe our brother had too, as the last person who saw Lawliet had seen him under her care." 'Jude' was speaking quickly and far more naturally now. He was betraying genuine feeling; they really had tried to find L. "We couldn't see his name listed amongst the dead students or faculty, and there were no records of old students."

Light wondered if Future Kira had destroyed them, or if the orphanage did. It would make more sense that the orphanage did, while it was somewhat beneficial for Kira to not reveal old students who had possibly gone on to do great things for humanity (and therefore make him seem like a villain for killing them and their successors) it seemed more likely that the orphanage, in their desperation to keep hidden and secret, destroyed the records themselves as soon as their students graduated.

"My brother and I had often feuded during our youth. We almost killed each other at one stage. But," Jude sighed, "with age comes wisdom. Our homeland fell further into ruin, which neither of us had wanted. In the end, neither of us 'won.' Instead, we lost many of our friends and, even worse, our family. Lawliet was our little brother, and the night we managed to hospitalise one another, he went missing. Lying on that hospital bed, thinking over my misdeeds, I finally found God, and soon after so did my brother. We began to realise that we were never alone, that the Holy Father loved us, that our pasts could be forgiven. We learned about goodness, mercy and forgiveness. We became true brothers once more." He looked over to his shadowy sibling and smiled weakly, but with feeling. "We never accepted any particular dogma. No matter what religion or place of worship we went to we always found that they failed our expectations."

"So, you are not strictly Christian then?" Sayu sounded less defensive and suspicious now. Was she being sucked in? It was a little hard to tell. Light didn't know Sayu as much as he thought he had. However, if she was getting sucked in, he was angry. After all, despite how much 'Jude' was talking, he was actually revealing very little about himself or his brother.

"We think such labels and groups have done nothing but cause dissent, fractions and have done nothing more than distract people away from the real issue, God." He replied with a level of contempt and pompousness. "We do not follow any earthly sect. We study all religious texts, and we have come to know the real meaning of life and the real God." Light wondered how many other religious people had uttered those words over the centuries. 'Jude' leaned out and touched her hand. "And we want nothing more than to speak this truth to others." He leaned back and continued his discourse on their history. "All we wanted was to get Lawliet back and be a family once more. For years we repeatedly came to dead ends. Until Kira. Kira's propaganda team, whilst not showing a picture of L, described him well enough; a devil with pale white skin, long limbs, black hair and eyes such a dark grey that they appeared black, it sounded so much like Lawliet! Added to the fact that Gala ad been in this institute also, it was the best lead we had.

However, we didn't believe the lies Kira was spreading abut Lawliet. No way was our brother a demon and no way would he consort with criminals!"

Light curled his lip in a sneer. '_Shows what they know...'_

"But," Sayu answered reasonably but with a level of discomfort, "not to sound rude Sir...but you didn't _know_ L. You hadn't seen him since he was a small child."

"True, but I had **faith** in him." Jude emphasised the word 'faith.' "We insisted on seeing Kira, or at least one of his representatives, it wasn't fair that he was besmirching our family name. I wanted to talk to Kira, but my brother was less...trusting. In the end he went incognito, applying as one of the tutors for the Children of the Light."

"Children of the...?"

'Jude' blinked quickly, as if shocked that Sayu did not know who this group were. Standing up, he began to pace the small, cluttered room. "The Children of the Light was a continuation of what the Whammy Institute was trying to do. The Whammy Children were not really a group Illuminati. Not really. They were intelligent children collected from all around the world. The vast majority were orphans, but some had parents. Kira took the children an tried to re-educate them in his ways. He also continued the process, or at least his employers did, of searching for the most intelligent young people for special training." He finally sat down behind the desk. "The Whammy students have not been fooled. That's why Kira finally killed them all. Acording to James," he nodded to his brother, who still sat still and shrouded in shadow. "The Children of the Light are all indoctrinated in Kira's mad religion. Kira failed the Whammy Institute, he isn't looking for intelligence, just more sheep."

Light bristled slightly, but he could not think of a way to argue against what 'Jude' had said. For intelligence to blossom, he would need to allow people to question him. To question him would make people think of alternatives. And alternatives to his rule and his idea were out of the question.

"While James was acting as a teacher, I announced who I was," 'Jude' continued back on the main thread of discussion, "and after a DNA test, got to speak to the Priest Mikami. Unfortunately, I could not convince him of L's innocence. He insisted L was a demon and that his death resulted in Kira safely ruling the world and making it a better place." He snorted derisively. "James was able to find out from the poor children Kira executed, that Kira himself was possessed by a demon. Michael and his men had told them so. And they were able to offer proof."

Jude pulled a necklace that had been hanging beneath his shirt. The pendant was a small glass cylinder with a tiny, blank scroll inside. Unravelling it he tore a piece off and handed it to Sayu. "Do not be fooled," he told her as she looked at it in confusion. The scroll had faded lines across it, as if it had been torn out of a ordinary school notebook. Light felt himself go pale once more.

"It is a Holy relic." 'Jude muttered, his voice hoarse. The atmosphere was tense. "This will prove to you that your brother is possessed. Protect it and keep it safe at all costs." He opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a necklace that was a replica of his own. Handing it to Sayu, she rolled the paper back up and put it into the cylinder. "When you next see Light, you will see the monster that is always with him." He took Sayu's hand. "We can save him, my sister."

Sayu's lip wobbled slightly, her eyes a little wet.

"She wants to believe," Light thought with trepidation. "She wants to believe, even though it's crazy, because this idea is still better than the reality that her brother is a psychotic god. She's being smart now, asking questions. But she isn't questioning enough. He hasn't told her anything, not really. Nothing of real importance. It sounds as if he revealed his life to her but he hasn't. But she can't see it. Because she wants to believe, it's only a matter of time before she will."

He looked around the room, his eyes resting on the new, slightly wet paintings and statues of the new Messiah and Saints; L and his successors looked back at him, their blank stares as inscrutable as always. His hands fisted together as he tried to remain calm.

His sister would be worshipping these people instead of him.

They were all dead, yet they still had followers, they still were considered gods.

Even where Kira had won and taken over the world, L still was his rival. He hated them. **He hated them!**

"It was after the revelation of the True Demon that I began to have prophetic dreams." 'Jude' spoke again, and Light silently began to wish nothing but pain and death on him. "My brother and I began to read through all of our religious work once more and then we realised that prophecy was being fulfilled; prophecy is being fulfilled even now as we speak! Christ has returned and died one last time. Now is the time of the final judgement. Then...then it will all be over." Sayu looked slightly alarmed and 'Jude,' who had taken on the same manic look 'Quilish' had earlier when speaking of 'Michael', calmed down. "But...but there will be time for that later. Do not be afraid! For now, we just want you to feel at ease Sister. For you to know that your brother is not evil and can be saved. He is just possessed. "

There was a moment of pleasant silence as Sayu was allowed to digest these words. Then 'Jude' clasped his hands together and told Sayu that she was welcome to leave if she wanted and that they would take her home. "Our alias is Sun-Protection, a business that helps looks into the effects of sun damage on the skin. Really, we are all Shadows. Call us any time you need us. Never feel afraid. We love you Sayu, we really do."

They all smiled and nodded.

Light felt sickened.

**

* * *

**

**A/N**

**In chapter ten, Melor has his name called out by his older brother. He hates his name because it s an ****acronym of **_**Marx Engels Lenin October Revolution **_**and Melor is against communism.**

**Gala is the name of the girl that helped L escape from Russia and who gave him his first taste of sweets (all the way back in chapter ten) I chose 'Danuve' as her second name because it's one of the aliases L uses, and, as we find with BB, L has used people's names in the past.**

_"**Regardless, both brothers had struck as being single-minded, relatively intelligent, angry and highly persuasive, which all provided evidence to Light that they had the potential to be very evil."**_

**This line, minus the relatively before intelligent, is describing a certain person; and that person isn't one of the two brothers. In fact, there are a couple of similarities between the brothers and this person. ;)**

**Hah, Light is kinda jealous in this chapter. **

**The next chapter will be less talking and more action, I promise.**


	35. Predator and Prey

Looking at the sky and its full moon,  
In the back of my head I feel,  
The rumbling wheels,  
Shaking my memories.

...

The train is moving forward and closer,  
Can't stand up and walk away.  
Once I made my mind up so long ago,  
Now I can't change,  
It is just too bad.

Ambeon: 'Cold Metal'

* * *

On the way out Sayu was once more accosted by the happy members of sect. Each of them offered her a warm smile and asked her to join them for a meal sometime. She even got a few hugs from those who had no concept of boundaries. Light decided he hated them also.

Sayu was too exhausted to reply with her usual vigour, instead she smiled weakly but never promised to join any of them for anything.

Light hoped that she would see past their smiling faces and realise that these people were no good for her. If only Sayu was more obedient! Why couldn't she just let Light do what he had to do? Surely she must know he is the best person to bring peace to Earth? Yes, things had gone wrong. He regretted the death of so many children, and was slightly mortified that intellectual independence was being quelled in order to promote unity, but what other choice did Light have? "In time, people will understand," he thought, thinking of the Radio Host and all the 'Shadows' who were gunned down. "In time they will understand."

Outside, rain pelted down from an angry black sky.

"Is it ever warm anymore?" Light bemoaned, he felt as if he had seen almost nothing but rain since the Shadow of Future revealed itself in his mirror. Light felt a little lonely. Watching his sister choose different authority over himself was painful enough. But it was very strange having no one to speak to. For all their quirks and strangeness at least Past and Present had some semblance of humanity and at least he could talk to them. With Future, Light was fully aware of Its constant foreboding presence, but it never communicated with him. The silence of Future further emphasised Light's isolation from his family and humanity in general. It was like an angry, silent god judging him from a lofty place. Light wondered if he was feeling the same as Satan and all his minions.

Alone and in the dark.

"All this Christian imagery," he thought, "must be affecting me." He looked over to his sister traipsing through the long grass after the Taxi Driver. "What is going to happen to her? This can't be good. None of this is any good. Those people are deluded. And their leaders, the Brother, I bet they still have an old score to settle." He remembered the younger more violent brother seething silently in the corner, looking jealousy at Jude when he described having prophetic dreams. "They must believe what they are saying." He mused. "But I bet really, this is as personal as their politics. They pretend they are fighting a greater cause, but not really. Before they were angry about their father, that he abandoned them and that he was killed by the government. They were messed up over that. And now...now they have a score to settle with me for killing their brother. And I bet that, despite the claims of 'wisdom coming with age' they are still as competitive as before. They couldn't even work together when trying to dig up information on L. The one went to Kira's Priest, the other went undercover. Nothing has changed." He looked at his sister once more, her slightly aged face, her pale, wet skin, her tightly pinched lips. "Only now, my sister is at stake."

The taxi driver drove her back to the desecrated Shinto Shrine.

"I'm sorry I dripped water all over the back seat." She smiled, shivering profusely.

"Don't worry about it, Sister," he smiled benevolently. "My name is Haru and this is my number." He showed her an inconspicuous business card with the taxi service number scrolled across it. "Call me, whenever you need me." He pressed the card into her hand and let it linger there a little too long, his thumb pressed into her warm palm. Light felt himself bristling. He did not trust these people. He did not like what was happening. He hated that they were using her loneliness against her.

Haru looked into her scared brown eyes; a shade darker than her brothers they seemed warmer and more sincere. Which was just as well really. "We are here for you." He intoned, before smiling once more and letting her go. "I'll watch you go through the ruins of the Shrine and then I'll go."

Sayu nodded dumbly and left, lightly skipping over fallen walls and branches, giving her the agile appearance of a Giselle or a Deer. Light stayed a while observing the man he now decided he hated. As soon as Sayu had turned, Haru the Taxi Driver's genial smile faded away and was replaced by a blank watchfulness.

"Superficial." Thought Light with scathing. "Just as I had assumed." As the taxi pulled away Light stalked up to Sayu until he was in step with her. They moved in the same nimble manner, making the journey through the ruins look like an easy stroll. "I like her," he thought, glancing over to her quickly, her face though lightly lined with age and stress was still pretty. "I've always liked her. Perhaps...well...I know I haven't shown it. Maybe that is another thing I should improve on when this supernatural night is finally over." Light yawned. He felt as if he had actually been through several lifetimes in this one night.

He was looking forward to tomorrow, despite his shaken resolve in the Kira-plan. Light hated standing around watching things happen with no one noticing him or, in this case, even talking to him. Light liked to act, even if the odds were against him and the situation was hard. Not like L, who gave up easily and became depressed. Light was stronger than that. It's why Light had won.

"Luckily for L," he continued in his train of thought, "I just happen to not like this future. I don't like what I am in this place. That's the only reason I'm going to change my plans slightly. I need to find a better way. I have to find a better way..." Unfortunately, Light could not think of how he was going to steer his present self from this future. His plan had relied heavily, more heavily than he had previously realised, on issues being very black and white. Good was good. Bad was bad. Bad was punished. Good was allowed to continue to live, which was a reward in itself. Anyone against Light and Kira was bad. But now things were less simple. Everything had complicated shades of grey. Had the spirits come to him sooner, something could have been done. But at this stage...without allowing himself to die, there was little option open to him. Or at least, no option he was willing to take.

As he mused Sayu opened up the vial and looked at the piece of paper. "Crazy," muttered to herself. "This has to be...crazy."

Closing her fist around the note tightly she slammed her fists into her pockets and marched forward. Gritting her teeth firmly she staved off a small shiver. Sayu was frightened. Frightened and disturbed. The last few years had been hard on her. The supernatural had crashed into her life and she was barely coping. Light watched her for a moment before turning his attention to their surroundings.

The rain was light but persistent. It ran down the disgraced building of the Toshogu shrine; to think the shrine had survived so much over the centuries, and it was under his reign that it had been destroyed. He looked at the graffiti and dirt that surrounded it. He wondered how Tokugawa Leyasu, to whom the shrine was dedicated, would feel about its desecration. The rain dripped off the fallen images of various creatures carved into the building. They looked as if they were weeping.

As they approached the tower blocks, Sayu slowed to pull her keys out of her pockets. It was then that, out of the shadows, two sinister men in dark suits seemingly materialised. She paused before stepping back. They watched her through sunglasses. The air was still, like a prey creature trapped in the thrall of two superior predators.

"Miss Yagami," began a flat, inflectionless voice, "please come with us."

It seemed the strangeness was all too much, and Sayu reacted badly. To Light's surprise, she suddenly turned and bolted away, one hand gripping her keys, the other one the piece of paper. Light followed closely behind feeling something of her confusion at the night's events. When would it all be over?

The men were chasing after her, calling her name and promising her that they meant no harm. But Sayu was panicking. Turning off the main, well lit road, she skidded on the wet floors, losing her keys and ran down the dark alleys made up of the backs of buildings. She turned momentarily to look for her attackers, Light himself was following closely behind, that she did not see a man in front of her until she crashed into him.

She scrambled off him, apologising profusely in a shaken voice. The man initially looked angry, but then leered at her. Light eyed him with distaste; when he imagined everything wrong with humankind, it was this sort of man that came to his mind. The man reminded him of when he had been in Present, and Matsuda had tried to protect a young girl from a group of fiends. That same predatory, hungry look had been in their eyes. They also had the same air of entitlement when looking at the girl.

The man gripped Sayu's shoulders, telling her that everything was alright and that he would take her care of her. Sayu, finally snapping out of her shocked reverie thrashed about before kneeing him in the groin. She turned to run back the way she came but halted. Light turned to see the uniformed men approaching.

Sayu was trapped.


	36. The Bad Guy

Trust in my,

Self-righteous suicide.

I

Cry

When Angels deserve to die.

System of a Down- 'Chop Suey'

* * *

"Miss Yagami!" Huffed one of the men, sounding very pissed off. "We are not here to hurt you. Your brother, the great Kira has sent us."

Light shivered and wet his lips at the tone of awe in the man's voice. It was frightening and delicious all at the same time. Light, for one of the first times in his life, was confused at his own feelings.

The man behind, who Light now realised sounded pretty drunk, took offence at being paid no attention to. "Hey!" He called out angrily, making everyone turn to him. "She's wiv me!" He grinned at her and she recoiled. "Aren't you baby? Little old for my taste," he muttered, leaning in, "definitely no spring chicken, but nice ass all the same."

There was a loud bang and blood sprayed in bright red torrents from the man's leg. He fell to the ground with a loud anguished scream, Sayu leapt backwards, her own legs getting splattered with blood. The two uniformed men carried on walking forward, one of them holding out a smoking gun. While the one grabbed Sayu's arm roughly and led her away, the other man finished the job. The drunk was shot twice, once in the head and once in the chest, despite his previous screams for mercy.

"These are my men," thought Light. "They look the same as the ones that killed the children." He felt the bile rise in his throat. Watching the children die was one of the most horrific things he had ever been through. Light believed he would suffer a long time with the memory. While hearing the people die on the radio was horrific, he had actually seen the children die. He had smelt their blood. He had smelt their flesh burning. He had seen their final facial expressions. He had seen how long it had taken them to die. Light would probably need therapy. The most disturbing thing was that the atrocities had been done in the name of Kira. His men were evidently without mercy. But rather than seeming efficient, to Light they seemed more like well-dressed thugs.

This future was continuing to not work out the way he had planned.

A shaking and traumatised Sayu was bundled into yet another car. This one was sleek, expensive and looked as though it belonged to the government. The windows were tinted black so no one would be able to see inside. Light reckoned it was probably bullet proof as well.

The two men sat in the front of the car. Light huddled in next to his sibling. They remained silent for a long time until, "what does Light want with me?"

"_Kira_," emphasised one of the men, "wishes to speak to you. He is god, it is not your place to question him."

Sayu's face remained immobile, as if she had heard this sort of prattle many times before and it no longer affected her.

As they approached L Headquarters, the area became full of people despite how late it was. All along the roads were busy shops selling written versions of Light's (or rather Kira's) speeches, selling books on how to live your life appropriately and DVDs of Kira's various public appearances, announcements and speeches. Many shops were selling tan suits, designed for men and women. Smaller outside booths were selling strange items such as beaded necklaces and small figurines, but Light could not see what these figurines were from his position in the car. Brightly coloured Japanese lanterns lit up the crowded market.

As the car slowed to a crawl thanks to the swathes of people, Light noted how intense, yet happy, everyone seemed. Their faces almost looked like they would crack from all the grinning. Small, tired children clutched their guardian's hands tightly, looking strangely intense as they were handed beads or children's books that taught morals. On nearly every street corner people stood yelling Kira morals and shouting threats to all sinners and non-believers.

"The idea of a god watching over you at all times must be frightening." He thought before instinctively looking up into the shadowy building tops. CCTV watched the people, little red lights flickering as the camera's swung to and fro. Light could not see all the camera's, it was too dark, but hundreds of little red lights trailed into the distance. Yes, everyone was being watched very closely. Light gulped, being the person on the other side, it was pretty frightening. It was as if the malevolent spying of L had increased a hundred fold. Thinking of L, Light remembered that in this future, due to his big unable to stop evil and sadness, Kira had set up L as some kind of Satan. If Kira was a benevolent god, then how scary would people think L was? Or maybe Kira was more frightening than L, hence why some were still defecting to his side. Had Light's lack of mercy back fired?

He looked at his sibling, who seemed as drained and tired as any of the children in the street. "She was being watched," he thought. "Of course she was," he leaned over and stroked her face. She made no sign of noticing the gentle touch of his fingers. "I wouldn't just let her go. I wouldn't just forget her, I'd always watch over her..."

Then he remembered leaving her at the school gate as a child. He remembered her initially skipping before realising he was gone and then dragging her feet to where a cruel bully awaited. How small and alone she had looked in the vastness of the white snow backdrop. He thought of her expression when she saw the deified Mihael image on the walls of the make-shift church. Something bad had happened to her. Something that he did not know about and that Kira gave no signs of knowing of.

He had not always watched her.

He...Kira, kept tabs on her when it was _convenient_ for himself only.

Unable to look at her any longer, Light resumed to looking out of his window. As he watched the people who he had terrorised into obeying him, he wondered if there was actually something a little...wrong with him. In people like L it was obvious. L was strange and anti-social. But maybe Light was more like L than he had been willing to admit. He too tended to look at people as though they were nothing more than a bug in a jar. And as time went by, and Light had used the Death Note more and more, the detached feeling of superiority had increased.

"No, I have to be detached," he thought, "how else could I make fair judgements? But then my prejudice has coloured my decisions. I've been detached from being able to genuinely feel for people; to empathise, sympathise and forgive. But I have allowed my dislike of certain personality traits get to me." He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the window. The cool glass felt good against his hot head, a headache beginning to develop due to stress and him constantly gritting his teeth. "I wasn't always like this. Maybe a little at the beginning. But I wasn't always this bad." Caramel eyes opened and he observed the bright colours surrounding the car; outside was a strange juxtaposition of bright, celebratory colours full of tense, nervous people. "I started off writing the names of terrible killers, of brutes who would gang rape a girl and then leave her for dead, to writing the name of a man I thought had bested me in a game of wit, to the execution of small children."

Again, Light was forced to wonder on how far he could justify death until he was, as Ryuuk predicted, the bad guy? When Ryuuk had first put that to him, Light had not answered. Light had seen no need to gratify the stupid creatures pseudo philosophising. Light had a strong sense of morality and had known, on some level, that he himself was becoming a villain. It was a sort of moral suicide. However, Light had also known that it was the only way the earth could ever be cleansed of Evil. His suicide would mean that thousands, nay, millions would be saved. The next generation would grow up and a clean and law abiding world. Through Kira, Light would engage in a forced 'natural selection'; all of humanity would take a leap forward in the evolutionary chain.

Light did not view the dismantling of his perfect morality as suicide. It was more like a sacrifice for the sake of humanity. He was a martyr.

Or so he had thought back then. However, it had been clear from the Spirit of Present onwards that light had damned himself with his own rules. How many times had he thought over his actions as Kira? How many times had he realised that the Kira Utopia simply did not work in reality? The similarities of his plan and the Communist states of L's childhood had not been lost on him. The Hitler like manner of eliminating his opposition had been duly noted. It seemed that no matter how he tried to twist and alter his Kira plans, they would not work.

The future looked grim. Regardless of what path he chose to go down.

* * *

**A/N. Bear with me, I know I keep making Light go over his Kira plans over and over again. I'm trying to get Light to reach an out-of-character conclusion, whilst trying to keep him in character.**

**The next up date should be back on 'action' and moving the plot forward onwards.**


	37. Seeing Ryuuk

**Sometimes we need to be hurt in order **  
**to grow. We must fail in order to know. **  
**We must lose in order to gain. Some **  
**lessons are learned best through pain. **

(No idea who said that.)

* * *

As L headquarters loomed ahead, dominating the skyline, the markets and people petered out. Only the noise of insistent rain and the hum of the car engine disturbed the silence. The Japanese lanterns were also gone. Aside from dozens of red dots belonging to CCTV cameras, the darkness had reclaimed dominance and it finally felt like night time again. Light almost fell into a doze, his mind exhausted. Thank god it was Future. He could not take much more of this Supernatural lesson. He wanted to go home. He currently had no plan for the future. He just wanted to go to bed.

Images swirled in his mind.

The angry crowds in communist Russia, with an abused Luka and feuding brothers.

His sister alone in the snow.

The girl and Matsuda running.

The dead children.

All the dead children.

Large metal gates had been placed around L headquarters . Dark soldiers in black, unrecognisable uniforms and armed with guns were placed around the circumference. Light shook himself awake regretfully. He needed to be alert for the up-coming reunion between the siblings. The headquarters looked like a fortress. Sayu's expression did not look surprised, so Light assumed the building had looked like this for a while. It made sense of course. Kira lived in there now. And Kira would need protection from the likes of L sympathisers.

Strange. Light really had believed that in his perfect world, there would be no dissent. Of course, at first there would be, but those dissenters would be either criminals, and therefore eventually wiped away, or sympathetic, far-left liberal fools who would soon understand that he was right and play along. But then, Light hadn't betted on the idea that his New World would not work. That he himself would become corrupted. It was that that was strange. Light was so particular in everything, yet he had blinded himself to obvious flaws. He had focused so much on judging everyone else, he had forgotten himself. The main flaw he could now see was that he was not omnipresent. He could not see everything and know everything. Judging by all the CCTV, Kira must have worked this out. But even CCTV did not really work. It was expensive, they could be broken (he thought of the smashed camera outside Sayu's flat) and they still impinged on the privacy rights of all the good people. Light knew thanks to that fool L that being watched by camera all the time was not pleasant, and he _had_ been guilty.

They drove through an electronic gate, before parking at the front of the building. The men got out and opened the door for Sayu, then they flanked her as they walked into Headquarters, as if she had somewhere to escape to if she did run. Guards were at the front door. A keypad needed a code punching in before they got in. Even when inside, two more guards bolted the door after them.

Security was ridiculous.

It was whilst being led through beautifully decorated hallways inside that Misa suddenly arrived. Light recoiled. He was still angry at her betrayal as Kira. So, Misa was still alive? That meant that Kira still did not know of her non-righteous killings of young girls. Maybe Misa had stopped in the future? It didn't make Light feel less emasculated, but it alleviated the worry of why he had, evidently, never figured out what she had done.

Misa cooed over Sayu as if she were an adorable puppy. Sayu smiled tensely and bore it well. Her expression was the same one Light would have whenever Misa draped herself along his arm or torso. However, Sayu used to like Misa. It must have been a shock to find out that the innocent little star was part of Kira's plan.

Misa herself looked exactly the same. She had had work done. Light looked at her closely. Whoever the surgeon was he had done a very good job. Misa's looks were the kind that faded quickly because they were so reliant on her youth. Plastic surgery would have been her only option. However, looking at the few photographs on the walls, none of them were of Misa. The pictures were of Kira with different suited men. The only female face amongst them was his old college girlfriend, whom he had been forced to give up when Misa crashed into his life. He hadn't ever loved Takada, (though he had some respect for her dignity and ambition) nor had he thought her all that clever so he wondered if having her in such a prominent position was his way of punishing Misa for all the times she irritated him. If so, that was quite passive-aggressive of him. But then, if Light was anything, it was passive-aggressive.

Nonetheless, despite everything, here Misa was living with him. Still. Even though he knew Rem would be dead now. Light had planned to kill her sometime after L's death. Why was she still alive?

In the corner of his eye, Light saw Sayu put her hand in her pocket. She was grasping the piece of Death Note. Misa shooed the guards away and led Sayu into a room where Kira sat. He was in a dark suit and was surrounded by important looking men. A number of them were in uniforms identifying them as high officials within the police force and army. They atmosphere was heavy and tense. The men looked grim. It reminded Light of when Kira had designed a Satan (L) in order to justify the evil that still existed.

Misa had not knocked on the door, but hurtled in, Sayu in tow. Sayu had the decency to look embarrassed as Misa hugged Kira tightly and made odd, affectionate squeaking noises. Kira stiffened but forbore it in the same fashion Light had for the last few months. "It's been years and I am still putting up with her," he thought. "Why? After all, when I return home, I have to re-asses my actions as Kira, but this person," he looked at the older visage of himself, "is more brutal than I and less restrained. Why has he left her alive?"

It took a few moments for Light to realise that beside him Sayu had suddenly become rigid. Turning to her, he saw her face had turned a ghastly pale. Her dark eyes were fixated to the top corner of the room. Following her gaze, Light saw the terrible visage of Ryuuk.

Light had become accustomed to Ryuuk's appearance so that he was no longer put on edge when the creature suddenly appeared in front of him or floated down through the ceiling or through a wall. Part of it was because Light had been determined not to be afraid. The creature laughed at him too much anyway. Light did not want to give Ryuuk the satisfaction of seeing him visibly frightened every time they saw one another.

However, Ryuuk's horrible appearance had been forcefully emphasised during his time with Present, where the hideous versions of Ryuuk and Rem had appeared under the car. What had Present called them again? Oh yes, Cruelty and Obstinance. He hadn't really understood at the time, but now he was beginning to see what Present meant. Light felt his heart grow a little heavier.

It seemed that failure haunted his steps as much as the Time Spirits.

That all being said, he felt a mixture of pride and jealousy at Sayu's initial reaction to Ryuuk. When first meeting Ryuuk, Light had screamed hysterically. Sayu simply stood there, even as the grinning Satyr floated towards her. To be fair, Light could afford to scream; if Sayu had screamed, she would be caught and the whole thing would be over. Light was not certain that Kira would murder her, but he would definitely punish her in some way.

It looked closely into her face, chuckling malevolently. Sayu shuddered and looked away. She focused her gaze on Kira, who was trying to convince Misa to wait outside for him. The various officials hid their disdain well.

The Ryuuk did something that made Light's spine turn to ice. He looked directly at him and his chuckle evolved into full blown laughter. "Can he see me?" Wondered Light. The whole thing was not making sense. Was this the real world, an alternate reality, a hallucination bought on by the spirits or had the current world somehow actually sped up? At laughter of Ryuuk's suddenly made the time space continuum even more baffling and bizarre.

Kira, who had been looking over since Ryuuk floated towards her, suddenly narrowed his eyes.

"Gentleman," he addressed the important-looking officials as he stood, "I'm must speak to Miss Yagami for a few minutes. Please excuse me."

Then men looked quietly frustrated but no one uttered a word against Kira. Light noticed how, though Kira's words were polite, his tone made it clear that his decisions were not to be questioned. Kira was in complete control. It was the sort of future Light always envisioned for himself; that he would be a competent and powerful leader. So why did watching Kira seem so...cheap and worthless?

It was during these brief and dark thoughts that something decidedly odd happened. Light wasn't surprised to find out later that it was all to do with L's successors, who all seemed to have his flair for melodrama.

Just as Light approached Sayu, his face hard and his eyes cold, there was a huge amount of noise, and bright lights blinded everyone shining through the windows.

The windows then smashed as armed men, their faces hidden behind crash helmets, broke through them, and began to shoot various officials. Kira was leapt upon by various body guards and Misa, while Sayu, who stood stunned was grabbed by one of the men and carried out of the window.

* * *

**A/N. Thank you so much for all your kind reviews! Lol, it's a stupid ending I know, but one that does make sense in the long run. It's all a bit 'Die-Hard' at the moment. I might polish it up later and describe it a bit better. It seems rushed right now. By L's successors I don't mean Mello, Near or Matt (I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up) those guys are all definitely dead. Sorry folks.**

**By the way, in case you didn't notice, Light is distancing himself from his future self Kira in this chapter. Before he always thought of Kira as 'my future self' and so on. In this chapter Kira is 'this person' and 'Kira' etc. I notice Light is a little like this with the Kira personality in the manga (by what I remember) so I think he has real issues early on in his killing-career over his identity. He does the same thing with l. He thinks of L as his enemy, the adult he doesn't like. When he thinks of 'Luka' he thinks of the abused child. He doesn't like to think of them as one in the same, because that would make L a three-dimensional character instead of a simple villain/rival character. I think Light reduces people into thin characters, even himself to a degree. It's probably down to his sociopathic tendencies.**

**I did not focus on Light analysing his plan a lot in this chapter for two reasons. One, I am sure we are pretty familiar with the excuses now (and that they are losing validity). And two, I think the character himself would be getting tired of it. Light is a genius and thinks a lot but he isn't like L. He doesn't think constantly. He still has down time. And I think a night like this one would exhaust anyone.**

**Btw, Obstinance and cruelty are from chapter 25.**

**If you are wondering why I'm taking so long to update (or review other stories) the reason is my life changed completely, and so has my time table. Basically I have a lot less time than usual. I'm re-working around this timetable and getting adjusted to my new hours, so hopefully thing will settle soon and I'll get back to being relatively consistant.**

**TTFN, hope you guys liked it.**


	38. Sucker Love

_Sucker Love,_

_I always find someone to bruise and leave behind._

_All alone in Space and Time,_

_There's nothing here,_

_But what's here's mine._

(Placebo- Every You and Every Me)

* * *

As Light stood in the chaos it seemed like time slowed down. He saw each bullet as it made they made their journey across the room, ripping into people, tearing their bodies apart as they passed through. Deep red blood ran sprayed from the falling bodies, dashed against the walls like a piece of pop art and rolled across the floor running onto his bare and filthy feet.

One thing Light had learned from this supernatural night was that guns were loud. The bullets richotted around the room, people screamed and fell to the floor, many of Kira's men were dead before they could even pull out their own weapons. Light's faces became smattered with blood. He barely blinked. His sister next to him and fallen to the floor her eyes as wide as his and she had covered her ears. Unlike Light, she was unused to the amount of noise watch gun made. Kira himself was knocked down by his many body guards. Light noted that Misa was left unprotected, but this did not concern her as she too fell upon Kira in a bid to keep him safe. It was in this moment that a strange thought crossed his tired and shell-shocked mind '_does she love me or Kira_...?'

He watched as Kira's two colleagues, the man with the glasses and his ex-girlfriend were torn apart by bullets. They had not been saved in time.

There was a sort of dark beauty in it all. It was tragic all these people dying. Dying for a cause that they had fought so hard for and, until their deaths, had just started to lose faith in. '_Kira hasn't lost faith_,' he thought slowly, 'Ki_ra is a fanatic, blinded to the truth_.' The giggles of Ryuuk, floating overhead reached his ears. The creature seemed to be relishing the death and destruction. The cold laughter of such a creature sounded worse than the guns or the flying bullets or bodies hitting the ground. Ryuuk sounded like the embodiment of evil. Light had never ever been fond of Ryuuk, but at that moment in time, he hated him with a passion.

Outside, the helicopters continued to cause the most noise, the power of the helicopter fans blowing the Kira staff away from the windows before they could shoot at the pilots. Light could see guns were positioned on the copters, yet they had not fired. Ropes were let down and men in black climbed down them and into the building. Most of the Kira personal were dead. Then men with the guns re-loaded and went out of the door. They walked past Light not seeing him, yet Light was certain, certain that he could feel them brush up against him, as if he were corporate for a millisecond of time.

Where was Kira?

He, Misa and their entourage of body guards had escaped. Was that who the black suited gunmen were continuing to look for? Ryuuk was also gone, no doubt he had chased after behind Kira.

To Light's surprise the unarmed men who had just entered from the copters walked up to his sister, who was still crouched on the floor, and helped her stand. One of the men took off his mask. It was L's brother. It was Melor.

Without a word, he lifted up Sayu and carried her to the window where she made to climb into one of the helicopters.

Light looked about the room, his mind still a whirl of shock and horror. In the corner stood a tall black creature. It was so high that it had to bend its head at the ceiling. It stood like a large black worm. Though it had no face Light knew it was looking at him. Fear clasped around his heart. At the beginning of the night Light would have resented feeling fear. He would have turned that fear into a hatred of the creature. But now Light knew better. He knew that sometimes it paid to be afraid. He knew that he wasn't god. If anything was close to a god like being, it was these things. It was these manifestations of Time.

The Creature, Future, was standing next to the window. Time had slowed almost to a standstill. Light knew why. His time with Sayu was not over; he had to follow her into that helicopter. He moved forward anxious that he would have to walk next to that thing. However, as Light got closer to it, it moved up a little higher so that by the time he was by the window, it was up in the ceiling. It no longer looked three dimensional and solid. It had moved like a shadow, and on the ceiling it looked like many layers of thin grey veils all piled one on top of the other. They moved and flowed and pulsed consistently, the only evidence that it was alive.

As Light stepped out, he looked down. In the small space between the frozen Copter and the building was a far drop. "_What would it be like_," he pondered, "_to just fall? To just let myself fall_?" He looked in the Copter where his sister sat surrounded by men, some sitting, some standing. All armed. His sisters fists were clenched together and her knuckles were white. "_Would it solve anything_?"

Light stepped onto the copter and time sped up to its normal pace. One of the men called to 'fall out' and the helicopter pulled away from the building.

Sayu was looking up at Melor, pain etched into her features. "You lied to me! You said you would not hurt Light."

"My brother made that promise," he returned. Light remembered back when Melor was a young revolutionary, his voice back then was the same as it was now, low, quiet and full of repressed intensity. It sounded so much like L's voice, but it was much more sinister and dangerous. He crouched down in front of Sayu his dark, glittering eyes boring into hers. "The man you call Light is dangerous. He has ordered the deaths of hundreds if not thousands of innocents. He is a criminal, a criminal of the worst kind. Light is gone, Miss Yagami. Only Kira lives." He stood. "I am taking you to our base. I want to introduce you to someone. He isn't like my brother. He is the successor of Mello. He's the real deal, not another false prophet."

Sayu frowned in confusion but said nothing. Instead she watched L headquarters fade away anxiously as the helicopter flew away before one of the men came over and blindfolded her with some black material.

* * *

"_These children that succeed L, they're like rats or cockroaches. I cannot eliminate them completely. They are a fitting metaphor for all the things I cannot rid the world of through Kira. For every positive there is a negative. For the Ying there is Yang. And besides, there was only ever so far I would be able to push things. Some things are just going to be there. Such as the darkness that exists in a man's heart. Even my heart_."

It was when he had seen Kira, his future self, create the devil that Light knew his cause was a failure. A real failure. To the point where it would not be redeemed. To have a devil to blame all ills and problems on was against the entire point of Kira and his Utopia. It was what helped Light see that he was not a god, or anything close to a god, but rather a dictatorial cult leader. His Kira was no more than what the ancient Pharaohs were, dictators with an over-inflated sense of entitlement and prestige. Sure Light had the Death Note, a tool of the gods. But then the Conquistadors had guns, a god-like weapon to the natives of South America. It did not justify the murder and genocide of the South American 'pagans and heathens.'

Light's higher intellect, whilst it meant he was probably a clever dictator, did not prevent him from the foils all humanity fell to; such as greed, egotism and prejudice. The fact that he had a Death Note was no more than a coincidence. He was no more qualified to judge death than L or Aizawa or Matsuda. After Present had left him, he had decided that L would not die because the hierarchy of who he considered good and who he considered evil had changed. But now, stuck in his hellish future, Light understood that, in the grand scheme of things his hierarchy did not matter. Evil still existed, regardless of his views on it.

Light leaned out of the helicopter and watched the dull outlines of the dark city below him. The rain had started to fall again; heavy drops poured down from the ebony sky. _"...To see the sun again..._"

It was funny, it was strange the things Light had grown to respect during this night. To appreciate the beauty of someone unusual looking, to appreciate the different pasts that affect the present personality, to appreciate the sun and blue skies, to appreciate the humble, hardworking police officers like Matsuda and Aizawa who were not outstanding in any way. Light had grown to truly appreciate all these things.

"_Really, it was immature of me to try and force the entire world to change,"_ he decided as he turned away from the sight below and sat down opposite his sister. _"The same way it's immature that all these people think that blowing up buildings and hurting people will force Kira to change his plans. The immaturity of L that I hated so much was simply a reflection of my own. How Freudian of me..."_ Light managed a small smile, something that was a ghost of the genuine smile he once had when he was a boy. It hadn't been as hard as he thought it would be to admit his had made an error, a big error. But now the ever nagging problem remained of, _"how do I fix what I have done? How do I,"_ he looked around the helicopter, at his sister, the men, the guns, the bloodied footprints on the floor and his own wet and sticky feet, _"how do I stop this from ever happening?" _

_

* * *

_

The helicopters flew right out into a mountainous region. Night was nearly over and everyone looked exhausted, especially Sayu. _"Still, your night hasn't been as long or as shocking as mine,"_ Light thought as he watched her weary face. _"She's probably worrying if Kira is dead or alive. He's the only thing left of me. And so she loves him still." _Light sighed and refused to think any more on that subject.

The helicopters landed deep in the woodlands, in a carefully concealed helicopter pad. From there they were bundled into military jeeps and driven into the mountain caves. Initially the caves were jet black and silent. Only the dripping of distant water could be heard. However, as they walked further in, there was the familiar hum of constant electric. Here were no guards around with guns, so Light assumed the place must have been rigged with security cameras and traps ready to be set off for any unwelcome visitors. I would be very much like one of L's successors to rely on technology rather than humans. Light wondered if he should have had a similar stance instead of relying on other humans and himself to make Kira's Utopia work. Surely an impassive, intelligent computer would be better than any human mind, eve his own? Granted he could not be god, but wasn't making the world a better place the original goal anyway? Well, there was no point wondering about that for now.

The inside of the caves looked like the sort of organised, expensive terrorist hide out shown on Hollywood films. Laptops and computers lines the walls, setting the long caverns in a deep blue shade. Light was hardly surprised it was one of L's successors. All of the students from that place seemed to have a penchant for the melodramatic and far too much money. He was surprised however to not see more people. Perhaps, like L, this person preferred a small team of colleagues and workers.

"Sayu," Melor spoke for the first time since the following night, "I want you to meet O. Codename Olivia."

Sayu and Light simultaneously turned to see a girl of around nineteen sitting behind a computer screen. She had long red hair and dark brown eyes. All around her were polystyrene heads with various, dramatic wigs on them. The girl snapped her bubblegum and brushed the hair on one of the heads as she analysed Sayu. Light felt Sayu shuffle uncomfortably beside him, but he stood still. Compared to L this girl was an amateur at intense staring. She simply looked like a teenager sneering. L managed to look like a crouched spider waiting in the dark corner of its web.

"So this is Sayu Yagami," she muttered at length. Her voice was level and she spoke in well-spoken Japanese; there wasn't a hint of an accent that could betray her origins. Looking at her physical appearance one could guess European, but in modern times race wasn't so easy and Light had a odd feeling that what he was looking at wasn't quite real.

"This isn't the first time," the girl smiled a fake smile, "you have been taken by one of us is it?"

Melor looked alarmed and stared at Sayu. Light too tensed.

Sayu nodded. "Mello took me," she responded in a tight voice. "As a hostage in exchange for a Death Note being held by my brother and his team."

Olivia shook her head and turned to Melor. "Her worth is further tarnished. It was a good idea James, but Kira is too different now."

"What do we do with her?" Melor asked, sounding disappointed and a little angry.

"I don't mind. Let her go, if you can trust her. Or kill her. Either way, we can't let out our headquarters."

Melor pressed a hand on Sayu's shoulder, ready to lead her away, but she brushed him off and stepped towards Olivia. "Why is Light different? What do you mean by that?"

Olivia turned away from her screen once more, and smiled indulgently at Sayu, as if Sayu were a small child demanding a sweetie.

"Your brother is a serial killer, Miss Yagami," the girl replied, picking up a wig and toying with it in her hands. She pulled up her legs and sat cross legged in the chair. "It's easy to chronicle the events. Just by analysing the victims of Kira we can see he advanced in the same vein every psychopathic killer does. He's really nothing special. It's only his weapon that is of interest." She put her hand to her mouth and yawned lightly, as if the very discussion of Light was dull. Light himself bristled. He was boring, ordinary, nothing special? The whole world was at his feet, how could this silly little girl say such nonsense?

As if hearing his thoughts Sayu replied quickly, "he has the entire world in his power!"

"No he doesn't," was the dismissive reply. Olivia even allowed a small sneer to grace her elfin face. "Like I said, it is his weapon that is of interest. Truth is, had your brother come across a gun he would have done the same thing he does now. He just wouldn't have been as successful. He was probably always going to go down the root he went down. It was just a matter of time. He has a superior weapon that is all. By changed I mean his descent into his more animalistic cruel nature. It happens with psychopathic serial killers. They start off with a pattern. It's all about patterns. They have a select group who are their victims. They always kill at specific times. It gets to where they feel they have to kill. That if they don't something awful will happen, to them or to the world in general. It's like a sort of OCD and it helps fuel their delusions of being almost god-like. All the time they become increasingly detached from society. Even from those that love them." She looked up at Sayu, "I bet Light was a sociopath before the whole Kira thing started. I bet he was already distant from you. He was just a good liar. But it wasn't real, and on some level you must have known that. Psychopaths are very charming you know, very charming...but they don't mean it. Really they think there is a huge gap between you and them. To them, the world exists for them and is about them. That's why they feel they can sculpt everyone and everything around a view that they approve of. They have no real concept that we are living conscious beings like them in our own right. It's why they don't really understand love or friendship. The best they can do is mimic it."

"That's not the case with Light," whispered Sayu, "he did love us. He does, deep down. He isn't evil or crazy. Not like those murderers you used to see on the news. That's why he tried to eradicate all of that, he was too good."

"No, I think he was just OCD." She grinned like a satyr. "Bet he had a clean room, huh, bet he was obsessively tidy. He just expanded that to the world. Again, it's not unusual for serial killers to have traits of OCD. Like I say, routine and pattern. They like routine and pattern. Until, of course, they inevitably begin to fall apart and lose control. Then they begin to change their MO. The victims become more haphazard and the deaths more vicious and cruel. By that point the killer is so far removed from humanity he cannot even understand or comprehend the pain and suffering he is causing. They eat them, last of all. That's where they usually end up, during their devolution. They end up cannibalizing their victims." Began to brush the hair of the wig again, "if it's any consolidation, I don't think Light is a cannibal yet.

Light began with killing criminals. Then it turned to whoever went against him, because he decided that they must all be evil as well, as opposed to simply of another point of view. See? The egotism and arrogance was there early on. Evil stopped being people who hurt other people and ended up being anyone who didn't agree with him."

"_That's not completely the case,"_ thought Light_. "I thought anyone against Kira was for the criminals. It wasn't that I was egotistical. I just saw it as being black and white, right and wrong. That was why I attacked Misora and Penbar and the man I thought was L..."_

"And then," the red-head continued, "as Kira began to take over he began to see that his world was not viable. It didn't work. So all he could do was keep on pushing. He started off violent and so he had to continue in violence. This sent him more out of control. A god complex whose plans are clearly failing. Next thing you know hoards of people who simply think differently, they weren't attacking him, they just felt differently, they end up being killed as if they were common criminals. We have people that bought up perfectly sensible objections, such as Kira's ability to know someone was guilty, and they were wiped out. All of us are forced to be outcast, leaving messages on radiowaves and hiding in caves. Kira created new criminals by default.

Then he killed The Children of the Light. The Whammy Children. My friends and the closest I had to family. He killed them because they had the potential of being his brand of evil, because they wouldn't submit to his brand of propaganda. Is he really all that different than Hitler," she looked up at Melor for a moment, "or Stalin? I think not. And he will end the same way."

Olivia blinked and turned away from Sayu. "We were going to use you to get closer to Kira. But it is clear that 'a', you are not that important to him. None of his family are. We have worked on his character profile and learned some interesting facts about the situations surrounding your father's death during the time you were being bought here. We are pretty certain that your father was pretty much sacrificed by Kira. And then 'b' is that you are clearly too blinded by love and admiration for your brother, despite what appalling deeds he has committed. I hypothesise that it was this over-indulgence that put Light on the path to becoming Kira.

Thank you James. Please do as you wish with her. We will track Kira's new whereabouts without her."

"What about you?" Cried Sayu as she was dragged away by the tall man. "You people are terrorists! How many have been caught up in the cross fire between you and Kira's men?"

"Yes," was Olivia's quiet reply as she disappeared from Sayu's sight. "But I have never claimed to be the epitome of Good."

* * *

"Calm down! Calm down woman!" Melor unceremoniously dumped Sayu on a rock outside of the caves. For an old man he was strong, having practically carried her out of the caves. "Just calm down for a minute. It wasn't pleasant hearing what you did, I know, I've had a few nasty home truths told to me over my lifetime." He lit up a cigarette and watched the dull dawn breaking across the landscape. There was no brilliant sunrise. Instead the dark oppressive night began to lighten to a depressed and hazy blue morning.

Light sat next to her and felt the curious urge to wrap and arm around her shaking shoulders. She looked so old and so tired, though Light knew she couldn't be too much older than thirty five. She looked older than Kira did.

"What are you going to do to me?" Her voice was rough and tired.

"I dunno. I'm not going kill you so don't worry about that."He turned and looked at her, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "I see a bit of myself in you sometimes. Old men like me, even like me, get a bit sentimental in our old age. What are you going to do when I take you home?"

"Find your brother," she responded honestly. "Does he know you work for O? I can't imagine he approves."

"He doesn't know. My brother is a little bit too mellow for my liking. He was always one to go with the tide. He's like water; he always takes the easiest path. But me, I'm fire. I'll burn and destroy whatever gets in my way. I already had a dictator ruin my childhood and steal my father. And now another one has ruined my old age and stolen my brother. Even worse, he defames him every day by calling him a devil. Can you imagine, you search and search for your brother just to find out he's dead and his memory has been soiled on?"

"Imagine trying to reach your brother and finding that he was the devil?" she answered quietly before apologising. "I wasn't competing with you. Sorry. Just...brothers...siblings and lies. Y'know?" She shook her head as if she didn't understand herself. "Poor Light, he wanted to make the world better, of that I am sure. But now he's the King of Nothing." She turned to Melor. "You still have one brother. Even if L is gone, maybe you could appreciate him more?"

"He acts as if he loved Luka more," sniffed Melor. "All this, 'I had a prophetic dream' nonsense. As if he is chosen and I am not! Luka was with me for the most part. I found him by our mother. I took him in." There was a brief pause. "I lost him."

There was silence. Sayu leaned forward and grasped his hand in her own. "L is gone," she said, "but Jude, or whatever his real name is isn't. I swear I won't tell him you are working for O. But please stay with him."

Melor finished his cigarette and dashed it into the bushes near by without a thought of keeping the base a secret. "It's suicide Sayu. My brother has this big plan. He's going to do a Martin Luther King. He and all his followers they are going to go out and do this big march right down to Kira's Tower. They want to show Kira that many disagree with the way he is running things, but, at the same time, that they are no threat to him, that they are good people and are happy to do things peaceably. They want to show him that they are people, not animals in a zoo whose lives are dictated by their masters, and that they want a say and want respect and that for this they will show the same to him."

"Oh," Sayu sounded attracted to the idea and he turned on her.

"It's suicide! Kira will not listen! What Olivia said in there, it was hard and it was maybe even cruel, but it's true! Kira will wipe you pout before you get to the Tower I know it! My brother thought that if we had you at the front, that Kira would be unable to hurt us. But that's not the case. He will hurt you and everyone else!" He calmed his voice down slightly. "If they choose to do this thing, and they will, whether you are there or not, then I can't do much about that. I have tried to reason with them, but they are blinded by faith and hope. They are Kira worshippers in their own way. But please, Sayu, little girl, do not do the same yourself."

Sayu's wide eyes brimmed with tears.

Light's heart pounded so hard it hurt. He agreed with Melor. He did not want Sayu to go because he was almost certain that Kira would hurt her. That he would kill her...

"_I can't watch myself do that,"_ he whispered, looking at the dark sky, _"It's too much like a sin. A real sin. Please Future, I can't...Sayu please don't go..."_

"I can't help it." She answered, her voice muffled by a stuffy nose bought on by the tears. "Like she said I am over-indulgent of Light. I think I am a worshipper, not of Kira but of Light. I think I always was. Oh god, James...what can I do? I can't help but think...but think that light can be reached..."

He turned away from her, disgust and hurt on his face.

"Think of it James! It will be worth it if Light does return to something of his former self! It will be worth it."

"I pegged you as having sense," the old man muttered, "but I was wrong. You are no different from them. The idiots at the church, the guards on the wall. I would rather be shot, trying to climb over a wall and making a break for freedom, than joining the other side with the hopes of maybe someday changing their minds just a little."

"Wha-?" Sayu began to ask, but James cut her off. "The man has a demon beside him at all times. you have seen it and yet... Never mind...time to take you home," he muttered strangely before blind folding her and refusing to say anything else for the rest of their journey.

* * *

The Church of Shadows had welcomed her back with open arms. Tea and cakes were offered to her as Jude, the crazed older brother of L whose real name Light would never learn told her of their plan and Sayu tried to look as if she had not known of it previously. True to her word she had not told Jude that James, or Melor, was working for O. But Melor was missing from all meetings with the church, so maybe they had already been told by Melor himself.

"It's a peace walk Sayu. We follow in the same footprints of Ghandi and Martin Luther King. Peace," he tapped the right side of his chest, "is what touches the heart. We will bring back your brother, Sister Sayu, piece by piece. We, together, will bring about a period of enlightenment and true peace. A real Utopia as your brother always wished! And you, my dear sweet girl, you will lead us!"

Sayu had smiled and nodded, basking in the warmth of acceptance and love. "That's right," she agreed. "Light is being haunted by something evil and terrible. But if we show him the light of humanity, how good and sensible and just we are, he may return to us. He will open his heart to humanity again and reject the demon!"

_"She has been alone for so long,"_ Light thought as he watched over the happenings with a dull kind of horror, _"she just wants to be accepted. It's why she talks like them now. He knows that,"_ he looked at Jude, _"that's why he always emphasises this 'Sister Sayu' nonsense. He knows that she needs that love. The love I never gave. Not really. O was right about that. Kira won't accept their terms of a Utopia. A Utopia only works with one ruler. If there is a democracy, then people will fight. We need one overseer. Kira knows that. Besides..." _he thought back to Obstinance and Cruelty, _"I am too stubborn and proud to accept help. Even at my stage now I would be. I want no help. It's why I resent Misa so much. She took some of my spot light. It's why I would rather make my ex-girlfriend a goddess of sorts and leave Misa in the dark. I am jealous of the Kira she got to be even for a short time." _He looked at the smiling, cheerful church goers._ "They have no chance with me."_

_

* * *

_

They all lined up at the street Sayu and Light had been driven down before. The market place was quiet and desolate now. The merchants sat behind their booths looking bored and weary. The rain fell from the sky, meaning there would be no tourists today. It was dark and cold. The people of the Church of Shadows looked happy. They greeted each other as they got off the bus and waited patiently for comrades. They offered each other warm drinks from their flasks and talked excitedly about mundane gossip. Sayu received many hugs and kisses.

Finally, after around twenty minutes and after getting a few stares off the merchants, Jude clapped his hands together and announced it was Time. Silence came down across the group like a wave. But there was still joy. They really believed they were making a difference, that things were going to be ok. Sayu and Jude stood at the front and began to walk forwards. At a sign from Jude they lifted up placards saying things such as 'Freedom for all!' 'We can all make a difference!' 'We all have the right to try and make things better!' and 'Work with us and not against or for us!'

It reminded Light of the night the Berlin wall fell. There was the same strange electricity in the air. The feeling of Something happening. Of things Changing through the sheer will power of ordinary men and women.

Suddenly, there was a sound of falling and a few people ear the back cried out. Light turned and saw two Shadows were lying motionless on the floor. A few of their comrades watched with wide eyes, as if not understanding.

"We keep going," called Jude. His voice sounded strong and confident but he looked suddenly strained. Everyone obeyed, including Sayu. All was silent, even the odd on-looker. People on the sidelines looked afraid.

There were more sounds of falling. Another six had dropped to the ground.

They continued to walk.

Suddenly, in a low melodious voice Jude began to sing out, "Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom,"

And then the others began to join in, their voices taking over the sounds of placards and bodies falling at random to the ground.  
"_There is peace there is love there is joy  
It is for freedom you've set us free  
It is for freedom you've set us free..."_

The Tower loomed overhead, they were nearly there. Light looked behind them, something he noticed Jude and Sayu were refusing to do. The singing had quieted because many were now gone. A few followers threw down their placards and ran but it did not matter. Even running away they could not escape the will of the Death Note. They fell all the same.

"_I'm free, I'm free_,"

"Brother Jude, I think we sentenced everyone to death," Sayu whispered.

He looked sideways at her, "not us. Kira. But we keep going. _We will walk in your freedom walk in your liberty,  
we will walk in your freedom walk in your liberty..."_

A scream rang out, making a few drop their placards in fright. A young worshipper fell to the floor, a man, her fiancée (Light had learned through listening to gossip)dropped to his knees beside her, his half hearted singing forgotten. "Oh God, please no!" He wept, grabbing her and pulling her close to his chest. One side of her had gone numb, her right arm and leg hug limp and useless as she battled the pain in her heart. "Brother Jude, help!" The man called out, "help! Help!"

Jude continued on as did Sayu and the five left of their followers. Dozens of bodies littered the path behind them. A number of the merchants were standing in shock, and a few were being physically sick._  
"We will dance in your freedom dance in your liberty, we will dance in your freedom dance in your liberty." _The song petered out pathetically as the last five dropped one at a time. Some went quickly. Others suffered a while, clenching their hearts and crying out in pain. A few prayed, but none prayed to Mello or L, instead the old gods made a return, Kami of Japans traditional religion namely.

The two survivors stopped outside the gate of the Tower. Melor had been proven wrong. They had made it there. Inside the gates the usual guards stared forward looking impassive. Their numbers had greatly increased. Light could see renovation works being done on the Tower. The chances that kira was even in there was low. But then, he was likely watching over the live CCTV camera footage.

Sayu turned to Jude, who looked sick. "Thank you for being my brother," she whispered, before tiptoeing and kissing his cheek. He winced in pain clutched his heart and fell to the floor. It took him a long time to die, Sayu sitting with him and comforting him the best she could. The guards made no move at their plight.

Finally he died and she was alone. It was sad really. There was no epic, death speech. No melodrama. Just the horror of watching someone fail and die. They had been surrounded by their fellow Shadows at least. No one died alone.

Sayu closed Jude eyelids and stood up. Her hair stuck to her pale face. "What now Light?" She cried out to the hundreds of CCTV camera's that spied down at her from every building. "What now? What are you going to do to me? What is my punishment?" She picked up a plaque that demanded 'freedom of choice for all! Equality!' "This is what we wanted Light! This was all we wanted!" Her voice broke a little, but she did not weep. "Or are you Kira now? Are you truly Kira? Why am I still here? I am nothing to you. I am but an ant! I have no weapon, no defence, I can't even prevent you from looking at me if you so wish! I am completely at your mercy! At your judgment, just how you like it, you patronising controlling fool!" Suddenly she grasped her chest and fell to her knees. She panted hard. Light dropped down onto his knees with her, He tried to put his hand on her back, but it just fell through. He was nothing here. He was helpless to do nothing but watch.

She laughed a little breathlessly and the last spark of light and passion died in her eyes. It was a good thing Kira had decided to finish her off this day, because Sayu was officially done. Her soul was crushed, destroyed and tossed to the wind. Slowly, alone in the rain, Sayu lay on the floor and curled up into a slight foetal position.

"You pushed me too far, "whispered Light, as he realised he was crying. Again. "You pushed Kira too far with that...that truth..."

Light bent his head. She was all alone. The others had one another at least but she was all alone, in the rain, in the cold and dark.

"I'm sorry Sayu." He looked up and saw Future standing amongst the shadows. Millions of little spiders and earthy insects ran about its length. "Did you have to do this to me?" Light muttered at it, his words coming out half formed and broken. He couldn't even speak aloud. Everything hurt. "My baby sister is dying...and I can't do anything...and it was me...it was me..."

His chest burned, but he was not in as much pain as she. Future had watched Light as impassively and as unmoved as ever. But as Light looked down he saw Sayu looking up at him. Her mouth was open as she gasped. Her wide, doe eyes showed him his own reflection. She could see him. And then Light saw what she had realised: She was not alone. She had never been alone. Her brother, her **real **brother, had been by her side the entire time.

Then Sayu let out one last breath and died.

Light, able to touch her for just this moment, cradled his dead baby sister in his arms and cried silently for his loss.

* * *

**A/N. It took me AGES to write this! *Sobs* Sweat, blood and tears went into this chapter! I lost the work (about 1500 words the time) for ages, and cried like a child and had to type it again. I seriously worked so hard on this chapter, I've been at it for hours. I really, really hope you liked it because I'm exhausted now. Incidentally, I had this chapter planned from the beginning. Also, I really hope Light's change has been believable because this chapter was that turning point. I hope you enjoyed and I hope you wasn't disappointed with the end of the Sayu arc. We are coming to a closing point folks. Oh and I'm not saying everyone with OCD is a murderer or all killers are OCD (that would be insane) it's just a general profile of a serial killer and one that suits Light.**


	39. Light's True Face

Here in the Darkness I know myself.

Can't break free until I let it go.

Let me go!

Lithium, Evanscence.

* * *

Light felt blank. Like a sheet of pure black paper. Void. Empty. The heavy weight of his soaked, lifeless sister slowly dissipated and he crouched alone in the endless darkness. No more tears fell; the old ones were dried on his face. There was no pride in him to wipe them away. His misery overrode all other thought.

"What then, would you have me do?" Light whispered, his voice sounding young and lost. "Why did you all wait until now to warn me? What can I do by this point? Rem is in position and L dies tomorrow. I can't save him. Maybe I'll quit being Kira after that. I'll dedicate my life to good, to try and make up for the mistakes I have made."

He heard the flapping of wings overhead. He looked up to see Ryuuk land next to him in the darkness. "Quit being Kira? Hyuk hyuk," the creature chuckled. "What about me?"

"What about you?" Light bit back bitterly but Ryuuk was suddenly gone.

At that moment there was a strange whooshing sound, like a fast and short wind echoing through the darkness. With it came thousands of pictures and images, as if Light were surrounded by television screens, all silently playing moments of his life.

There was one of him and all the family together. He and Sayu were just small children. He was helping Sayu put on her scarf. It was snowing outside. The family were all going out for a meal. He remembered. Sayu had slipped and fell in the road that night. They had all gone home after that. He had screamed and cried too much. His parents had been embarrassed and he had been ashamed at her behaviour. She could have only been seven or eight. He had been young himself. As an adult he was able to see the whole thing as ridiculous. So what if she had cried? His parents just needed to brush her down and give her a hug. But they hadn't. They had gone home in disgrace instead.

Too much pressure too early on.

He walked up to the images of his parents and pressed his hands to them. In the future it seemed that he destroyed them; killing his father and ruining his mother, but perhaps they had been doing that to themselves for so many years. How much was he like them and they like him? How much pressure did they put on themselves to be the pinnacle of society, to be the very example of a good Japanese family? How much of the love and support between them was nothing more than a selfish desire for them to be the best at everything? Was Sayu, perhaps, the only one unaware? No, of course not. She had lied about being bullied. She had been too ashamed and had not looked to Light or her parents for support. No, she knew. They all knew. All of them were autonomous, self-centered beings pretending to be a single unit. Light could have cried again, but he did not. Enough pointless tears had been shed that night.

He looked to the other images. Different members of the Task Force showed up. Uzawa was playing with his child under a Christmas tree. He looked tired. His skin was pale and his eyes had heavy bags under them, though nothing that rivalled L's of course. His wife watched on. She looked happy but her face was tense. "How often does she get to see her husband?" Light thought. "How long until he is caught and killed by a vengeful, adolescent god?"

As he watched each of them men he spent the most time with nowadays he realised fully how little he knew of them. They were smart and brave. They were sacrificing themselves in order to catch Kira and they knew it. Yet still they pressed on. They were like the foot soldiers in a war. Nameless, forgotten in death yet the bravest and strongest of all.

Yet even while he felt this new respect for them, part of him still looked down on them. They were still stupid, still so naive! L had figured out so early on that he was Kira yet these men still did not believe L. They believed Light because they liked him, he looked good, was polite and had a father they respected. To be so blind, so blinkered, so stupid! And it was this that would kill them in the end, this strong belief on outer appearance and trust in what makes a good Japanese citizen. If only they knew the truth. How would they react? It would be more than finding out they were wrong. It would be more than losing what they considered a co-worker or even friend. It would be a betrayal of their very beliefs. They would react very badly; they may even attack him.

He turned and saw one of L. He was standing in the rain, looking up into the sky. He was soaking wet and looked quite insane. Light walked up to it and watched him closely. Was L sad?

Suddenly an image came past of Light. His face was lit up in a strange red light, similar to the one he had seen earlier that night in the living room during his conversation with Higuchi. Again, like the other images of Light this night, his face was distorted and ugly. At the sight of his grotesque face, suddenly all the rage and frustration and anger that had been building up throughout the night boiled over and Light threw a tantrum.

With a roar of animalistic rage he began to smash the images, each of the exploding into tiny fragments and fading into the ether. He smashed the faces of his family. He smashed the images of his co-workers. He destroyed all visuals of Misa. He wrecked the form of L. Everything was ruined and dispersed before Light fell to his knees, his shoulders heaving with strained breaths.

His eyes were closed tightly, as if he wanted to block out the never ending darkness. "I wonder," he thought suddenly as his mind fought to become lucid once more, "I wonder if this is Mu? The place that is nowhere. A vacuum of time and space. Nothingness and the absence of everything. Could I even describe the place I am as nothing? At least by the standard definition of 'nothing' in a world where there is always 'something'."

As he pondered the exact nature of his torture cell, he became aware of a shift in atmosphere. Things were changing. He was going from, in the loosest sense of the term, from 'nothing' back to 'something.' He could even feel himself changing. It was a strange tingling sensation that soaked right down even to his bones. It wasn't painful but it wasn't pleasant either. It was just strange and unnatural. He took in a deep breath and tried to ignore analysing the feeling too much. He was too squeamish at the thought of his body being altered and the unnatural to cope with whatever Time was doing to him now.

He heard familiar voices around him. "What? A power outage?" He could hear Matsuda stammering. No one responded to him. Computers were beeping. He could hear distant rumblings of a storm outside ("Does it every stop raining in this nightmare?") It seemed there was movement everywhere but from himself.

He shifted slightly. He was sitting down but his knees were drawn up to his chest. His head felt heavier than usual, and he could feel heavy locks curling around his neck and ears. It wasn't horrible, just different. His hair was very soft. A feeling locked around his heart. He felt...sad? Distressed? But he wasn't exhibiting any of those feelings. On the outside he was very much blank.

Light opened his eyes already knowing what had occurred. He looked down at himself. He was wearing jeans. His elongated toes were gripped to the edge of the chair, as if he were terrified of falling off. The only show of his distress perhaps? He blinked, aware of how much bigger his eyes were.

He turned and looked around. He was in the headquarters with the whole task force. He saw his father looking more strained and stressed than ever before. All the lighting was red. There was some sort of emergency. Light wondered what was going on. He didn't remember this. Then he saw himself. He was standing to the side, away from the others, and watching himself (or rather, L) intently. Light gulped. He looked scary.

Instead he looked at the screen. It had Watari's symbol on it.

"Watari." He heard his body say. The voice was soft on his throat. Light almost jumped at the feel and sound of it. For something so familiar to sound so foreign... "Watari?"

The computers were reporting that information had been deleted. Light felt his heart, that was also not his heart, beating wildly. L was panicking staring into the screen as if he could find his mentor in there. Light felt like he was deflating, he knew a lot about what L had gone through, how much he and Gala suffered. L would be destroyed to know that he was losing someone else. Watari was probably the only person he really had. And Light had organised his death. It would have been difficult enough watching this scene, but being inside of L, like a germ or virus, and feeling what he felt, Light felt terrible. Light felt as if in hurting L he had also irreparably damaged himself.

Just as he realised this a shooting pain flew up his left arm. His hand which had been holding something ("_probably a spoon or desert fork...knowing L..._" Light tried to smile,) became limp and it fell out. Light began to gasp for air at the same time as L.

This..._hurt_...it hurt... a lot!

Light had no idea how painful heart attacks were.

The pain crawled up mercilessly wrapping itself around his heart. Light desired to put his hands against his chest, as if to try and protect it from its sneaky, hidden assailant. But L did not so he could not. Instead, his body became weak, his toes loosened off the edge of the chair, and he fell to the ground.

Thoughts whirled and became confused. L's mind was dying. Light wanted to scream. It was awful. He could feel it, once bright and powerful, now flickering and fading, like a computer breaking down. It was a tragedy. The inevitability of what was going to happen to L in a few moments was tragic to the point where Light felt he was going to be physically sick. All the hate and jealousy and frustration Light had felt towards L suddenly seemed miniscule; it seemed like nothing more than a petty vendetta. Light felt a little shame within himself before his own body and emotions were once more over rode by the force of L's dying.

Several memories and images flashed though L's mind. Light couldn't understand them. They flew passed him. As he tried to reach out to them, tried to understand them, his memories and thoughts got mixed up with them. It gave him a horrible confused sensation, like feeling terribly travel sick.

L should have hit the floor, but he felt someone holding them.

Light felt a brief rush of relief. He didn't want to feel L die on the cold hard floor. It was too much. He had held Sayu, it was a small kindness he could offer; his only way of an apology for all he had put her through. Thank god, thank god someone could do the same for L!

Light opened up wide eyes that were not his own and looked at his saviour. Suddenly, both his and L's aching hearts momentarily stopped. There was Light, looking down on them. His face was shaded in red and it looked evil. His eyes were squinted and deformed. An ugly sneer stretched across the lower part of his face. His nose looked small and up turned.

L's dying thoughts flicked around Light.

"_I...But..."_

"What, L? What is it?" Light stretched out his hand desperate to catch his fellow man. He needed to know! He needed to know what l had thought in those final moments! What he had thought of Light! His mind wheeled in shock and horror and confusion. That was what he looked? To L, as Kira, that's what he looked like? The Spirits were not lying to him, not teasing him? They were showing him what he became! And that L saw that made Light's insides burn with shame.

The horrible vision of Light faded to black, and Light and L began to separate. L was fading away he was disappearing into the black ether that Light knew so well. Only now, Light found he could not follow him. Instead he was pulled backwards into reality. His thoughts became fully his own once more.

"No, no, no, no," he repeated the litany over and over. He could not look like that! Did not look like that! He was not that creature! He couldn't cope with the fact that that face was the last thing L saw! That he had pulled such a hideous expression! That he was that ugly, underneath it all.

Suddenly, he forced out of L and pushed into his own body in a manner so rough it hurt.

He gasped in shock. His arms were heavy. He looked down just in time to see L close his eyes. Light had killed many, many times. But never had he felt the weight of someone he had killed in his arms before this night.

First Sayu, now L.

The weight and guilt of his crimes lay in his arms. He had seen his true face.

Light screamed.

* * *

**A/N. This was meant to be the last chapter, but it was getting too long, so this is the penultimate one. Evanescence as my opening song bit; how typical in a fanfiction.**

**This chapter was nowhere near as good as I wanted it to be. :'( I'm sorry. I'll improve it as time goes on.**

**Scrooge was thrown by his own mortality and reputation. Light is the Master of Death, so I didn't want to use that. Instead, I wanted him to be thrown by his own vanity.**

**Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.**


	40. The Boy who would be God

**Not yet Beta'd. Apologies in advance.**

* * *

**The Boy who would be God.**

Light suddenly sat up, still screaming.

He was in his bed, in his own room. Gasping he wiped his brow. It was soaked with sweat. Soft rays of morning light shone through his open window. He stretched out his hand and touched the pale rays stretching across his bed. How long had it seemed that he had seen some sort of light? How long since he had dared to hope...?

"Future?" He called softly. Where was he now? Was this a new scene? He wasn't sure he could take much more. He felt no presence, malevolent or otherwise. He felt no strange feeling within himself. He recognised his own bedroom and it looked perfectly ordinary.

What...was happening?

Slowly he leaned out of his window. It was cold and crisp despite the sun, there was a faint taste of electricity hanging in the air; a warning of on-coming storm. But for now all was calm and quiet.

Suddenly filled with energy, he pulled himself out of his tangled blankets (all with very little poise and dignity) and ran out into the hallway and down the stairs. He heard his mother humming softly to herself. He also heard his sister talking animatedly, supposedly to mother.

Light stood outside the living room, taking in deep breaths. He took refuge in the sound sthey made. They were so ordinary and so innocent. But Light also knew that if he walked in and they could not see him, that he would break. There would be no way that he could standing out in the hallway until he felt ridiculous, Light finally pushed the door open. The wood beneath his hand was rough and tangible. He was _part_ of this place, he was sure of it.

Inside a wonderful sight greeted him. His sister, young, innocent, beautiful and very much alive sat at the kitchen table. She waved her arms around in elaborate motions as she tried to tell her tale. He smiled. A real smile. As if feeling his presence she turned and smiled back. The smiles were twins- perfect replica's of one another.

"Good morning, Sayu. Mother." Light felt ecstatic. They could see him! He could talk to them! "Sayu, what day is it?"

"It's November the fifth," she grinned cheekily. "It's not like you to forget days and dates."

Light sat down opposite her slowly allowing relief to fill his body. It was the Next Day. It was Tommorow. He had actually made it! He almost felt giddy with shock and delight. He had survived the Night with the Spirits. They had finally let him go.

"I'm not perfect," he grinned back at her, stole a piece of her breakfast and avoided her swiping her hand at him in response.

It felt nice, that little moment in the kitchen. All that they were doing was eating breakfast, their mother doing the dishes. Yet it felt so warm and comfortable. Before Light would have been bored, watching the clock and waiting for the right time to leave. Where now, he just felt happy that he had a family and that he was, for all his faults, greatly loved.

He looked over to Sayu, who was acting silly and getting toast crumbs all over the table and on her face. "_She would die for me_," he thought with awe and wonder. "_She would die for me_."

* * *

Light dressed in his usual tan suit thinking carefully. He would have to face L today. And he would have to tell him the truth. He wasn't sure how L would react, but Light was afraid. Despite the suicidal thoughts of the previous night, he didn't want to die now. He was finally happy. The previous night had felt like a lifetime. It had been full of him feeling awful. And worst of all the feelings of anger and disappointment were mostly at himself, the person he used to rely on the most.

Plus, now his family were now all alive and in their right minds. And he didn't want his family to suffer any more than they needed to. He knew they would be devastated with his death, never mind if he got executed for murder. How could he leave them now, after he only just reconnected with them?

Maybe he could ask L to keep his crimes a secret? He was sure there was a way L could get around it. Would L be arrogant, sneering? Would he have that nauseating self righteous hypocrisy about him?

Light decided he would just have to deal with it if that was going to be the case. He splashed some cold water on his face, determined to suck it up, to start becoming the man he wanted to be, even if that was just for a day.

In all fairness, L hadn't committed the crimes he had, and was one of the few people to have the foresight of how much destruction Kira could cause.

But...still...

To die, to put his own life in the hands of someone who seemed a _natural_ enemy was terrifying as well as utterly mortifying.

"_I guess L won..."_

"Don't think about that Light," he told himself while straightening his tie, "I'll go out as my true self, in full control of my thoughts and with poise and grace. I owe myself that much."

Despite his disappointments in himself, Light still had to rely on his own wiles, intellect and inner strength to get him through the day. "I let my Kira side control too much," he mused. "So much so that I became illogical." His hands gripped the sides of the sink and he stared at his reflection. In the mirror he saw a boy; a boy that was young, and scared, but determined. "I won't allow that to happen again," he whispered to himself. "I swear I will never give myself over like that."

Speaking off the Kira persona, where was that sneaking, red-eyed voice? During the start of the night and over the last few months, that voice was one of his regular inner monologues, consistently judging others and sniping at Light's attempts to be even slightly forgiving towards them.

"He, or rather It disappeared, but when?" Light allowed a frown to mar his features as he mentally went through the night once more.

Had it stopped speaking Sometime during the Present maybe? Maybe after the shock of seeing was Misa did to the girls she hated? Or further than that, when he went into the past and saw L's early childhood years? And what exactly did the absence of the voice mean?

Kira was not exactly a separate entity to Light. It wasn't that Light had a different personality within him.

Kira _was_ part of himself.

The voice was the equivalent of a conscious. Only it was, he now realised, negative rather than positive. Was it his Id, a brutal, base part of his mind, the part many killers and criminals succumbed, the part that craved and ate and destroyed? Or was it his Super Ego, the part of him that strove for perfection in obscene ways?

He suspected it was in fact the latter.

Maybe a large serving of humble pie and a slap in faced from reality was exactly what he needed to calm his super go down; to make his super ego and Id balance out once more into a normal ego.

"Now isn't the time to worry about that Light," he thought. The boy's shoulders slumped slightly. "Now I have to say goodbye."

Light stomped down the stairs. Sayu was pulling on her shoes, ready to head out. He almost ran to her. He could not leave without saying goodbye, he did not know if he would ever come back to this house, or that he would ever see his family again. He pulled her into a hug. She laughed, not understanding his attention. "I love you Sayu," he whispered into her hair. She stopped laughing and came still. Sayu understood, she knew something was happening or going to happen. How could she not?

He felt her arms wrap more tightly around his middle. They stood, frozen in time, as two siblings who loved each other. "I love you too, Big Brother," she replied. She let go and smiled at him, her normal attitude reappearing- her facade covering her worry. "Have a good day at work, Ok!"

His own mask came down over him and he replied in the affirmative.

The last Light saw of Sayu was her running down the street, waving good bye, splashing through the puddles, the damp leaves blowing around her face.

* * *

Saying good bye to his mother wasn't much easier. She had fussed over him like he was a child, offering him his lunch and brushing his hair (unintentionally making it more untidy.)He felt a little ashamed of how proud she was of him and how much she loved him. He wasn't perfect and he knew it.

"Mom," he said, after tidying his hair which she had ruined.

"Yes, darling...aren't you going to be late?"

"I'm fine. I usually get to work early. Mom, I love you very much." She grinned at him, reminding him of Sayu. "But I want you to know that I'm not as good as you think I am. Sayu is a much nicer person than I am."

You both have your strengths and weaknesses," she said, turning away and fiddling with a dish cloth. It reminded him of future, when Sayu had argued and reasoned with her, only to be ignored. He sighed quietly. He touched her shoulder lightly, something about the gesture startling her into looking at him again.

"Just know," he struggled, allowing sincerity to warm his eyes, "just remember that there are two of us, not just one."

He kissed her on the cheek then left for work, leaving his old life behind him.

* * *

For some reason he did not get a taxi to work (his usual mode of travel), but rather he got on the bus, the same bus he had rode with Adult Sayu the night before. Outside was beginning to go grey and storm clouds hailed in the distance. Yet, despite their ominous threat, the atmosphere was very different to last time. People were moving about, looking at their phones or bopping their heads to the music playing through their headphones. They were reading newspapers or gazing out of the windows daydreaming about what they were having for tea that night.

It was crazy, but for Light the ordinary had become surreal. He relaxed back into his chair feeling of warmth spreading in his chest. He was just so grateful for the simplicity. He was aware of his death, so much so that he felt like he could taste it. He would fight for the right to live, but there no guarantee. In fact, he was unlikely to succeed. This was his next Great Battle. In the meantime, he had to appreciate everything around him- the weather, the people, the sounds and the smells. Everything was precious.

What would he do first? Go to Misa? The whole thing about her murdering girls rested heavily in the back of his mind. He needed her to understand that it wasn't right and for her to be punished. Yet, due to his own actions, he hardly felt like he had the right to judge. His hand brushed across his face.

_L._

It always came back to L. That crazy, stupid insomniac. L was the head of the Investigation team and was hunting for Kira, it only made sense for Light to report Misa to him. Again the idea galled him. He had spent a lot of time with Misa, she was his girlfriend and they were partners in crime. To go against her, to betray her, to L, it was pretty appalling to his senses.

But what other choice did he have?

He couldn't just drop hints to help L discover Misa on his own, because while he would be playing his game, more girls would die. And all life was important. Light knew that now. The death of L's father had destroyed a family and affected the lives of others in a domino effect; it had made Melor a revolutionary, leading other youths to fight and rebel, helping turn the tide of a mass of peoples. It had made L an orphan, made a young girl called Galor a surrogate mother and a foreigner hiding in England. It had made L's older brother religious and a soldier, influencing his own followers. So many lives had been wrecked, all through the death of one human being. How many lives had he ruined already?

"Should I tell L about his brothers?" He looked out the window deep in thought. People outside were pulling up their collars and tightening their coats about them. It was getting colder. "How much does he already know? He's pretty messed up," Light recalled L standing alone in a dark room, the depression spreading out like an ink stain on a white paper. And that was before the gross display of an eating disorder. He rubbed his lip with his finger absentmindedly.

"No, L isn't well. But he might not know why, or there might have been other things that messed him up that I don't even know about." Light's eyes lowered and dimmed slightly before he blinked away the sadness and continued gazing resolutely out of the window. "It's best perhaps if I keep it to myself. But if I can use it, it might be a useful bargaining tool in keeping me alive..."

He got off the bus and walked down to L Headquarters. He glowered and rolled his eyes and the massive L situated at its peak. God, that man was as vain as he was.

Light stopped in front of the doors momentarily. He looked around. He had sentenced Misora to death here. Naomi Misora and her innocent unborn baby. He had felt so smug and so superior back then. Now he felt a deep shame and guilt. It weighed heavily against his chest and he knew that the burden would always be there because it was one of the mistakes he could not fix. "I'm sorry," he whispered to the ground. The best he could do was be strong _now_. So, taking in a deep breath he walked inside.

It wasn't until he was in the lift before he heard, "hyuk, hyuk, hiya Light!" He could hear the shark-like smirk before he even saw it. He grimaced. There was Ryuuk grinning like a satyr.

Light looked at him, wondering whether he should just speak to him outright, despite the camera's. What did it matter now? L would know the truth shortly anyway.

He stared for a while, recalling the way Ryuuk had looked at him and laughed when he had been in the future watching Sayu. The present Ryuuk stared back and said nothing, giving nothing away. Finally, "Ryuuk, can you keep Rem occupied away from killing anyone for as long as possible?"

Ryuuk cackled, "why should I?" He complained. "She's boring and I hate her as much as she does me. All she goes on about is her pet human."

Light expected as much. "Just half an hour, Ryuuk, half an hour and you get as many apples as you want. I'll even play a video game with you."

Ryuuk whooped. "But why?" The creature pushed. "What are you hiding from her?"

"It's a trick," Light whispered no making his mouth movements too obvious, but not taking as much care as he did before to hide them, "a trick so that I don't get caught by L. That means more entertainment for you and if my plan works, Rem no longer threatening you." He hoped his ruse worked, he knew Ryuuk did not appreciate Rem threatening to follow him forever should he kill Misa. Ryuuk grinned. "Ok, don't say anything more, I want it to be a surprise. Your half hour starts now."

The Shinigami disappeared through the ceiling. _"Oh, it'll be a surprise alright,"_ thought Light to himself.

* * *

Meanwhile, up in his private quarters L spied on Light, who was apparently whispering to himself, with owlish intensity. "Watari," he called out in his low, soft tone, "Watari, Light's acting like a freak..._again_."

From another room Watari said something like a disinterested '_oh right, golly...'_ He too was used to L's accusations towards Light; unlike the rest of the team, he took them seriously. But still, they were tiresome and there were only so many times you could pretend to be interested.

L tongued a Cadbury Cream Egg in an obscene manner, completely unaware that he was doing so. Light's percentage of being Kira had just risen to 99.99 per cent.

He rubbed his eyes. Last night had been tough. He had been sick, really sick. Luckily most of it he cleaned away himself so Watari didn't see all the damage. He had been meaning to get what he assumed was an eating disorder sorted, but there were always more important things to deal with. Besides, it really wasn't that bad. It wasn't life threatening or anything. But now he probably would never have to get help. There was a good chance he was going to die today.

Because of his job, and how good he was at it, L frequently dodged the Grim Reaper. But he had always found ways to manage this rational fear of the inevitable which enabled him to cope with such pressure. He controlled his food and immediate surroundings like a mini dictator, insisting things go his way. With a childlike attitude he built up walls, physical and emotional, all around him.

But Kira, somehow had stripped these control mechanisms away. Kira, through perhaps a stupid gamble on L's part, had infiltrated into his living space. L's own team supported Kira more than L himself. Kira had even become something of a friend to L, though that sickened him slightly. And now he was gambling with his life again, only, this time, he didn't think he was going to make it.

As he had been pondering these things his head was lowering further and further between his knees. He suddenly sat up, making himself go dizzy. "Watari," he called unintentionally in English, "I'm going outside for a bit."

"OK." There was a pause before Watari's head popped around the corner to where L had been sitting, "wait..._outside_?" He asked, but L was already gone.

Escaping what had become the intolerable heat of the headquarters, L burst open the door to the roof. It was a grey, unimpressive day. It reminded him of England. Of Winchester. Of all the days he gazed out of his bedroom window, drowning out the noises of fellow children and instead straining his ears to hear the birds out in the countryside. He remembered the smell of cut grass, of mud, of on-coming Spring. He remembered the distant hums of cars, the whispered conversations between intellectuals, the turning of pages and the whirring of young, enthusiastic minds. And then there were the bells, the bells of the church rung by Priest with the dark past.

Opening his eyes and walking further onto the roof, L knew that the chill in the air and the grey never ending cloud were the only similarities with home. Here was pure urban life; a great metropolis of efficiency and celebrated conformity.

He was to die in a foreign land. At least he had Watari.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?"

L turned his head slightly to see exactly what he expected; Light, _Kira_, looking all sexy and unruffled, the polar opposite of himself. Kira's lightly red-tinged eyes observed him with the concentration a cat has on a bird. It was disturbing, that level of intensity. L always thought he had been the only one who could wield that power over another human being with a single glance. But then Light came along and destroyed all his misconceptions and delusions of grandeur (namely, that he alone was a genius at such a high level.)

L really hated him at that moment, and decided to bring down Light a little to his level. He cupped his hand to his ear like Peter Pan, making a 'what was that?' face.

Light frowned. L grinned. He knew h was childish but he didn't care.

Light himself restrained a little shudder, L's hand action reminding him of Present just before he had dragged him outside to England. Thank god Present's mess had magically disappeared this morning. Still, he knew what stupid little game L was playing. He would _not_ go into that rain. He had had enough of it and being permanently wet or damp the night before.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE BY YOURSELF!" Light repeated, just short of outright shouting.

It was embarrassing. Two self titled geniuses playing a silly mind game. But still. This was, ultimately, what L and Light were all about. Everything, from the epic life and death deals, down to the silly childish games, was a matter dealt with completely seriously and in the spirit of fierce competition.

Finally, Light, after glancing at his watch, decided to be the bigger man and stepped out into the rain.

"I said," he stood in front of his Nemesis. "What are you doing out here by yourself?"

L looked into the horizon, suddenly becoming very serious. "I thought I heard bells."

There was a moments silence after that. L assumed Light was a little dumb founded and pouring derision on L in his mind. L was wrong. Light instead thought back to the church L was remembering. He was remembering the little graves outside of it. He was thinking of his death.

The two men's thought were in perfect synchrony.

Light sighed quietly. He knew what he had to do. There was no point putting it off anymore. He looked at his watch, he only had twenty minutes. "L, you need to call off today's plan, for the sake of yourself and everyone you love." L spun round and stared at Light, his eyes the widest Light had ever seen. He tried not to let it put him off. "In order to protect Misa, Rem is going to take the Death note and write both your and Watari's names. I know this because Misa is the second Kira. I was the first. I've come to make a deal with you."

"Why should I make a deal with the likes of you?" L's heart was pumping wildly. He could hear thumping in his ears. L had always hoped that Light would crack and confess under pressure, but he hadn't actually expected it to happen! Especially not today. L was ashamed to admit that light's blunt admission of guilt had actually thrown him. Desperately he tried to settle himself back down, he needed to think. Light wanted a deal, which meant he was desperate. That meant, in turn, that he was at his most dangerous.

"You're safety is most important." Said Light so confidently that L almost could have believed his sincerity, someone of a lesser mind definitely would have been seduced. "Let's work out a plan, because as of now, Rem is out of control. The Shinigami's are more dangerous than we human Kira's are." Light knew he had to play his hand carefully. He had half an hour to convince L that the Shinigami and their instruments of death were the real enemy. So far, the emphasis of the task force had been to stop Kira, Kira being a human. Light just had to try and shift what 'Kira' meant in L's mind.

"No, you have to convince me to trust you, and now, or else it all goes ahead, no matter what." The two men circled each other like competing predators. The almost genial atmosphere was gone._ "He's trying to panic me," _thought L. _"That's why he mentioned Watari and my so called 'loved ones'. He wants me to panic and agree to some plan that will ensure his survival. I won't let him tip the axis of power, not now that he's confessed."_

Light felt frustration building; He was trying to save L! He didn't understand. "What's wrong with you?" Light threw his hands up in the air, just short of being melodramatic. "Do you have a death wish?"

Overhead a cloud rumbled. The storm was heating up. Static was in the air.

"No, I don't and that's why I'm telling you to convince me now! Convince me Light, because when I look at you, I don't see a sweet kid with the world at his feet and an aura of goodness about him, I see a mass murdering lunatic who's lost his mind!" L wondered if being so honest made him look afraid. He was afraid of course. Lights turn around and the threat against Watari had stung him deeper than he ever imagined. But more so what scared him was the fact that he could see in Lights eyes that he was sincere. Light was telling the truth. L did not understand it. "How can I trust you or anything you say?" He cried. "I cannot and will not and mostly, I don't **want** to!"

With those last four words Light realised that's what it all came down to. Even if L was telling the truth, or a half truth, about wanting to be Light's friend, or not wanting Light to be Kira, at the end of it all, L still did not want to trust Light,. He probably did not want to trust anyone.

Light flashed back to the boy hiding under the stairs while his mother, abused and abuser, lay dead and mocked. Light felt his frustration dying down. The wind blew, helping lessen the humidity. But the low pressure and heavy clouds persisted.

"Ok, ok L." Light lowered his voice and checked his watch before stepped towards L, his arms up in a peaceful gesture. "I can prove to you that you can trust me. I know you have successors. Their names are Mello, Mihael Kheel and Near, Nate River. I know the list of successors goes down to a girl called Olivia." L was blinking a lot. Light wondered if he was revealing more than what L himself knew. "I know you all lived in Winchester, London, in England. I know that you and the others are from all over the world. I know a nutty guy who loves bugs and Il Divo is in charge. Now, if you go check, you'll see that everyone where you grew up is fine. No one is hurt. I promise, if anything, anything bad happens to your successors, then you can distrust me. But so far, I haven't hurt them, despite me knowing all of this about them."

L was slightly turned away from Light, as if he was going to start running at any moment. Light couldn't blame him, had their situations been reversed, he would have been horrified and terrified. "Why do you keep checking your watch?" L sounded calm again, despite the question.

"We have less than twenty minutes before Rem is back on the prowl. My Shinigami, a being named Ryuuk is keeping her distracted. He only agreed to do it for thirty minutes from the moment I was I the lift. We need to figure out how to stop her from hurting you or Watari now."

L smirked at Light's choice of words. 'Hurt' indeed. "So what do you suggest we do about Rem, make it seem that Misa is completely safe?"

"Yes." Ught tried not to get frustrated with L asking an obvious question; they both knew that keeping Misa safe was the best way to calm this Shinigami down.

"The best way to do that is to let you take the fall for both of you, officially at least." L said simply, knowing Light hated the plan already. It meant that everyone would know that l was right and that he was a killer. "Then we can find a way to dispatch Rem later. Tell me Light, what kills a Shinigami? Can we write their names in a Death Note?"

"Perhaps, but Shinigami have a lot of years and nothing we know of klills them. We would have to find a way of destroying hundreds of years of them. But I don't know of any illness or injury that kills them. I would rather not risk writing down a name and seeing what happens. What will kill them is breaking one of the rules, writing a name in a Death Note in order to save the life of someone destined to die."

L blinked and asked Light to explain. Light used the example of Gelus, and made comparisons of how Rem now felt the same way about Misa. L's face was stoic the entire time.

"Ah so you would have defeated me and Watari, and also rid yourself of Misa's protector." He said at last when Light was done. "Very clever Light. I don't understand the reason for this confession." His voice did not sound admiring, and Light found himself feeling little ashamed.

Still, L was listening, and that meant a lot. It meant that he might survive past this day.

"I've seen the future L, and it did not sit well with me. I do not like what I have become or where I am heading. I do not like the type of people I have chosen to align myself with. While I am not at your style of thinking, I have developed a certain brand of empathy, a kind of respect for the ability of people to change. I understand that Kira robbed people of this chance and that that itself was a crime."

"You saw the future?" L queried, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"In a sense, yes." Light decided to keep his experience vague. He hardly had time to explain it to L now. Besides, it would be another reason for L wanting to keep him alive.

Perhaps sensing he would get no more information out of Light concerning his experience, or being aware of their lack of time, L brushed over the subject and returned to the one at hand. "And so now you no longer wish to be aligned with Misa Misa Chan?"

"No." Light's eye twitched a little at L's use of her nickname. "Misa has been killing innocents without me knowing. She took out pages from a Death Note and made up her own." L perked up a little at this, clearly never thinking about this scenario himself. It did not bode well in the regards of destroying all Death Notes if humans could make their own. It probably made him deeply suspicious of Light once more, and Light instantly regretted mentioning how Misa did it. "Girls, any young girls whom she considered a threat to our...relationship have been executed by her in horrible ways. A lot are my ex-girlfriends."

"Is this a matter of pride?" L sounded a little smug, as if saying _'hah, I knew it wasn't out of the goodness of your heart! You just want to get even!' _Well, Light wasn't' going to let him make him feel bad! Recalling the giant 'L' on the tower, he replied coolly, "a little. Aren't these things always a little to do with pride?"

"I suppose." L smiled slightly, but as quickly as it arrived it disappeared. Light was surprised by his feelings of disappointment at the loss of superficial geniality.

"Then we need to remove Rem and then arrest Misa."

"Will she be punished by the law?"

"She'll have the same chance as you," was the ambiguous reply. It leant nothing to Light's fate.

"There is a chance for us, L. If Misa gives up the death note, she'll loses all her memories of being Kira. She might restore her previous sanity and go on to live a good life."

"You think the Death Note affects your thinking?"

"Yes." He replied quickly, grateful that he had an opportunity to emphasis this theory.

"I concur." (Light blinked in astonishment.) "But punishment still needs to be met out." Light gulped slightly. L still thought of Kira in terms of a human criminal, as something that could be caught and stopped. He needed to understand Kira as an entity.

"But it's not really us L." Light insisted. "It's the Death Note. When I was Kira it was almost like a new personality was rising in me, something crueller and less human. It wasn't me." But even as he spoke those words, he knew he was lying. The red eye thought had been him, if anything, it had been a truer version of himself.

As if knowing his thoughts L replied; "no, the death note merely stripped you of any need to abide by the rules of society. Kira is your Id. You and Misa still had a level of choice, Kira is you and you are Kira. Punishment will still be met out; you did the crimes Yagami Kun."

"Aren't the Shinigami''s more to blame than us? We are only human; the lure of the Notes is surely understandable even to you L. The Shinigami's did this out of their own selfish want for fun. "

"It's not like you or Misa were pawns. Besides, how many wicked things have been done through the encouragement of some higher power? Think of all the terrorists who kill because their holy book or god tell them to do so? According to your argument, their god or religion should be put up for trial and not them. I am not happy with the Shinigami's or their role in this game of theirs, but you still have to pay."

"I understand. Am I to be executed then? Please L, think, I am so much more use alive. It would be foolish to get rid of me." ('_He keeps Aiber and Wedy around,' _Light thought desperately, ' _even though they are ex-criminals, so this request isn't so far out of his understanding. If I can convince him of my use, he can keep me alive and use me in other cases.'_ )"The greater risk are the Shinigami's," Light continued, keeping his voice as strong as possible, "even if I got rid of you and Misa, Rem or the others may just give a death note to someone else. The cycle may never end. But I have a measure of control over them, I understand them and know what they like. I'm sure they like me, on some level."

"If we remove Misa as Kira, then Rem will no longer have to be so protective of her. But there is always the risk that she will kill for Misa."

"But that risk is low, as doing so will mean her own demise."

The rain had stopped. L was shivering. He looked so vulnerable, Light couldn't understand how he hadn't seen it before. It seemed crazy now that he had ever seen L as an evil monster. "I will help you control her L. I want to try and heal what I can. I want to try and make things better."

"They have too much power right now," muttered L. "Even if you can control her now, what about in the future? What about when you die, be it of old age or whatever? What if Ryuuk gets bored? We need to tip the scales in our favour, preferably remove the Shinigami all together."

"I agree. "

"I will need your help, you're the expert."

Light looked at his watch. They had less than ten minutes to think of a way to tip the power in their favour instead of the Death Gods. "There were some rules that went with the Death Note," he said, looking up at L who looked stressed and worn. "I know that there are things the Shinigami cannot do, other than kill a human in order to save another." He thought for a moment, his memory running over the vast list of rules and regulations. "There was another rule, but I don't know what the punishment will be..."

* * *

"Tadaa!" Ryuuk posed, balanced upside down on one hand, before leaping up and guzzling the twenty five apples that had dropped around him in the most obscene and disgusting manner. Rem stared impassively. "I do not understand what you want of me." She repeated.

"Ok, Ok," giggled Ryuuk, apple drool leaking down the sides of his mouth, "now check out dis! Look! Chocolate covered apples!"

"I do not care," she said over loud crunching and humming sounds made by Ryuuk. "Are you trying to annoy me?" An apple core flew past her head, narrowly missing her, but she did not flinch. "You are distracting me from important things that are happening elsewhere." Ryuuk used his serpentine tongue to lick off all the chocolate off the apple in one go. Rem's eyes widened, but not because of that. "You are distracting me! And you would only do so on Light's orders, which means something has changed. Where is Light?" But Ryuuk was too engrossed in his orgasmic joy of apples to pay her any heed, so she flew off without him.

It didn't take her long to locate Light on the roof. The rain had stopped and the detective and boy-god were sitting on some steps towelling themselves off. She hung back and kept herself non corporal. She did not trust like, and the strange pull she felt towards him, a slight attraction, if it could be called that, made her trust him even less.

"So will they be coming here?" Light was asking.

"Perhaps. Near will come in my absence, but I will place Mello elsewhere."

Light sighed in frustration and put his hand through his hair. Rem recognised that he was acting. But that in itself was not unusual. "L, you don't have to do this. Just don't go through with this crazy plan, then there is no risk and your successors can stay at home." Rem jerked at the word 'successors'. L had successors?

"They're only young aren't they?" Light continued. "Your successors are only young. Just let them live their childhoods a little longer. It's not fair for your successors to have to deal with a being as tricky and dangerous as Kira."

"Even if they die in the line of duty, there will be more to follow them. My successors are based all over the world." L stood, his shaggy mane heavy with rain water. "We are trained to be brave in the face of death." He shrugged. "Shall we go?"

"Yes, just let me get dried and dressed properly. I hate looking a mess."

Just as L turned away and began to head back down Light called out, "how long would it take for your successor to get here? Assuming the worst does happen?"

"A few hours," replied L without turning back. He then left quietly and quickly.

Light stood for a few moments, Rem could not tell if he was deep in thought or waiting for someone. Then with a sigh that did seem real, he began to follow in the direction of L. This was when she decided to appear.

"Things have changed." She complained, ghosting to his side.

"How much did you hear?" he hissed unpleasantly.

"Enough," she replied, trying to keep emotion out of her voice. "Even with L out of the way Misa will be in danger. Did you know this beforehand? Was this your way of getting rid of me? I will not allow Misa to be put in danger. With my death from killing L, who will protect her from the successors? You will not!"

"We are in a tight situation. I'm not sure what to do, but I need your co operation Rem!"

Rem turned in front of him, halting his steps. "Think of something now," she threatened, leaning down and putting her face in his, "or I will write your name in the Death Note, because no matter what she will be safer without you."

Light nodded, his eyes were defiant and he held his head up bravely, but Rem noted how he had gulped.

"Alright Rem, there's only one option, get Ryuuk to come to the main office. I will settle this once and for all. I see I have no choice. But you will have to make sure Ryuuk does nothing to me!"

"I can threaten him but I cannot promise that you will always be safe," she answered coldly. "He is a trickster and spiteful. You will have to think of your long term safety yourself. But do you really think L will let you live?"

Light scowled in response. He turned to the side and brushed past her. For the first time in months, Rem felt the stress role off her shoulders. There was only one thing Light could do, and relying on his charms was now all he had left. Misa would be safe, and that's what mattered. Thank god, it was nearly all over...

* * *

In the time Light was plotting with Rem, L had done what every good stereotypical detective does best; everyone was gathered in the main office, the task force, Watari and then Light entered with Rem. The men looked at each other, tense. No one smiled or said anything. The task force looked between them, concerned at the strange turn of events. Soichiro looked dreadful. Light knew of their suspicions. He also knew that Soichiro and Matsuda would be crushed with his confession, but what choice did he have anymore?

"We do no need to do the thirteen day rule test," said L in his inflectionless tone. "We already know that it is fake. The real Kira has finally confessed."

There was a collective intake of breath. Aizawa bowed his head slightly. Matsuda's face flushed. Soichiro looked as if he wanted to die. "Light." He breathed. It wasn't a question.

"It's true dad," Light responded, looking at Rem and Ryuuk and then the rest of the team. He felt sick with guilt and shame and humiliation. This was one of the worst things to happen to him, including the horrors of the previous night. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry dad...please, I'm so sorry."

"I don't believe you." His father returned, anger beginning to colour his accent. He glared at L, as if he had somehow made Light confess to something he was innocent of.

"Ha-ha, Light you're giving up," cackled Ryuuk. "I'm kinda disappointed."

"Quiet you fool," hissed Rem, making Soichiro glare at her, reminding Light that no one could see Ryuuk.

"Ryuuk, please allow everyone to touch your death note. This isn't over yet." He added the last part for Ryuuk's sake. The last thing he needed was Ryuuk killing him out of an assumption that he was now boring.

"Ok," grinned the Shinigami, making Light hate him even more, "if you say so, hyuk, hyuk."

Each member touched Ryuuk's Death Note, gasping or falling away as he appeared in front of them. The one who reacted the least was L. Light took in a deep breath and began, "it all started one afternoon at school, when I saw a little black book fall out of the sky..."

As he told his story he saw the task force slowly slumping more and more as their faith in him dwindled into nothing. Matsuda's jaw and fists tightened, and more than once Light wondered if he was going to attack him. He never would have put Matsuda down as violent.

His father however, seemed to actually age. It wasn't so much that Light had used the Death Note, it was all the lies. The worst part was talking about how he killed Penbar and Naomi. They were fellow police officers, even if not known personally by the task force, not to mention that they were, by the task force's requirements, 'innocents' and the members took it hard.

However, Light did not tell the absolute truth of course. Rem was listening and Misa had to stay safe at all costs. So, Light lied and said that he had controlled her. Poor Misa was just a pawn. He had chosen her due to a childish crush, and when he had grown tired of her, she was still useful and he was unable to get rid of her. She was in love with him, and unable to forget him, even if her memories of the death note and Kira could be wiped.

It was at this that his father argued back, "You had a crush on Misa and so made her the second Kira?" He repeated incredulously. "Don't be absurd! You were never really interested in girls like her! Anmd you never...never..."

"Never what?" Queried Aizawa, a nasty snarl in his voice, "never be so cruel? Your son is a killer!"

Soichiro became quiet.

"Also," muttered L, Light winced, did L have to turn the knife in his father's heart? "Also, you seem out of touch with your son's desires Mr Yagami."

Soichiro looked ashamed as he suddenly remembered his shock at discovering Light read pornographic magazines.

Light continued his story, emphasising the evil of the Death Note, how difficult it was to be away from it, how seductive it was. He didn't believe they were all buying it, especially L and Aizawa. But he needed to push it, at least for his father's sake. He couldn't stand the idea that his father knew he was a monster.

"It was like a game to you," muttered Aizawa when Light was finished. "Just a stupid game because you were bored. Over privileged, spoiled and bored! L was right about you." He suddenly turned to L. "And you needn't look so smug!" Light looked at L, who stared back blankly. "I can see it in your eyes," Aizawa continued his voice rising. "You are as bad as he is! Well I hope you're happy L because it looks like you won!" He looked at them both, a heavy silence soaking into the room. The feeling of being cheated and lied to was absorbed into the heavy, stormy atmosphere. It was too much emotion, too much blame, too much bad feeling, too claustrophobic. "You both make me sick," he muttered before leaving the room. No one attempted to stop him or bring him back.

"I need someone to collect Misa Misa chan," Said L after a few awkward beats. "Light will be put in custody for the night. His trial will be organised for some time later this week. The officials will want to keep it as quiet as possible, lest the Kira followers begin to get even more hysterical than what they already are and attack in a bid to save their god."

No one moved or responded. They hardly seemed able to breathe. Light felt a headache forming.

"I could...I could allow Light to go home for a few days." Light stared at L, unable to believe what he was saying. L saw him watching and continued in a less hesitant manner. "He will still be under surveillance of course. I will have to observe everything. But..." he looked back to Soichiro, who himself looked like a dead man, "but it is possible for him to say goodbye to his loved ones."

Soichiro stood, his eyes on the floor, as they had been for the past half hour. "I have no son." He said quietly and bluntly.

And then he left because there was nothing more to say.

At that moment, it was like the heavy atmosphere whose presence was actually painful now suddenly broke apart and began to bleed. The sound of heavy rain could be heard from where they sat. The storm had finally broken. It was as if time and space had frozen for a little while, just for the time when Light had to destroy his own web of lies and face up to the end of life as he knew it.

Light felt a little dizzy and very ill. He knew his father would take it badly, he had anticipated this very reaction. But anticipation and reality were two very different things. To think he would never see his father again or at least never hold his respect, made Light want to die. The faces of his family swam in his mind's eye. Just as he had learned to love them, they were taken away from him.

The last members of the task force stood and quietly told L they would collect Misa. They did not want not stay in the same room with Light. He made them angry. He made them sad. Watari began to tidy everything away. Light and L sat in the dimly lit room.

"Things are gonna get pretty boring now huh," Ryuuk croaked, looking over at Rem. She however, floated away silently, no doubt to watch over Misa's arrest to make sure she wouldn't be hurt or frightened. Light and L had relied on her doing this. Her disappearance roused L into action.

"Ryuuk," L turned to the Shinigami, "I hear you like apples. Watari will give you as many as you like."

After Ryuuk left crowing and turning cartwheels, L turned to Light. "Snap out of it," he hissed. "You...we can do this."

Light gulped and nodded.

L pulled out of his pocket a thin piece of paper. Light smirked, his mask back in place. "You little pick pocket," he teased in a voice deceptively light and calm, "so you were able to get it."

"It wasn't that difficult, he isn't very self aware." L passed the paper to Light. Light took a pen and began to write.

Immediately there was a great yowl. Simultaneously, lightening flashed and a roar of thunder echoed through the building as if it were made of paper and the storm would soon bring the whole building tumbling down.

Ryuuk came up from the floorboards at amazing speed that was both alarming and disturbing to see. It reminded Light of the eerie, unnatural speed of Presence .

"**What have you done Light?**" The Shinigami screamed.

But before Light or L could even react, the room began to shake. A black hole which looked like it had a silky, obsidian texture, not unlike that which future appeared as, formed on the ceiling. Light had to stop himself from gagging, but L still gave him an odd look meaning he had revealed something of his disgust and fear. The ceiling was engulfed by this dark matter; slowly it began to drip down towards the Shinigami. Several dislocated eyes appeared inside of it, blinking down on them all.

"It wasn't me," cried Ryuuk, "it was a trick! Shinigami King, it was a trick, a human trick, I-" But before he could find any more excuses, he was scooped up in the dark matter and dragged into it, roaring and wriggling and crying for mercy.

The room returned to normal. Light and L sat gasping for breath as if they had been under water for too long.

"I told you," panted Light at length. "_'The God of Death must at least own one Death Note, that Death Note must never be lent to or written on by a human_.'"

"Yeah, well it didn't say anything about that."L gestured to the ceiling. His eyes were wide and he was shivering a little.

"No...no..."

L's mobile phone began to play. They looked at each other meaningfully before he answered it.

"Hello?" Light could hear Matsuda's frantic squeaking down the phone. It was a contrast to L's quiet, calm voice, despite the horror they just witnessed. "Really? Well make sure she is taken care of, that's quite a fright she's had. Matsuda, make sure Mogi looks for a pile of dust and a Death Note. Then bring it back so it can be burned. Goodbye." He hung up without hearing anything else Matsuda had to say. The detective looked at Light. "Misa was attacked, as specified."

They both looked down at the piece of paper L stole from Ryuuk's Death Note.

'_Misa Amane: Whilst on the set of her new film, Misa is attacked by a deranged fan. She is stabbed and killed.'_

"I feel like I am an accessory to murder," muttered L.

"You are," replied Light frankly. "Whoever that fan is, Rem has sacrificed herself to kill them. We didn't have any choice L. We had less than ten minutes to think of something."

L looked at him in a way that asked, "_didn't we?"_ But Light did not respond to it. Truthfully, Light was glad that Lwas also sullied a little. It made him feel less morally inferior. It was also more evidence that the Death Notes really did poison everyone they were involved with.

"Let's get out of here," muttered L, casting another nervous glance at the ceiling. Despite the storm, both men headed back to the rooftop. They needed air. They needed something as raw as the storm to put them back into the realm of the physical and the real.

* * *

"I think this demonstrates how I can be of use L," started Light, hoping he didn't sound like he was begging for his life. He was cold and wet and miserable with thoughts of his father and family and all that he had lost; but he had a duty to make up for all his past mistakes, and death wasn't a way of earning his penance. Or at least that's what he told himself.

L was quiet for some time and Light just knew that he was fighting against his instincts; he knew that Light wasn't like Aiber or Wedy, that not only did L disagree with Lights actions, but he actually disliked Light. L wanted Light to be punished.

"You're a big picture kind of guy," Light said softly, moving closer to L and settling down. Now both men were slumped against a wet brick wall, equally soaked and cold. L made no motions of moving away or not wanting Light near him. However, the detective still refused to look his way as he had done since they found out that the Misa-fan had been killed. "You know as well as I do that we don't know if or when Ryuuk will return or another Shinigami decides to drop a Death Note in the world. I would be the best person to train up your children, to teach and research about the death gods."

Light had been thinking about his future all day; and one thing he had decided was he was going to put others first. He had to make up for his sins somehow, but at the same time, he knew he couldn't cope with going back to his mundane life. The murder of the Whammy children was one of the most distressing things he had witnessed on his journey through Time. The wasted life and wasted intelligence was a huge insult to him; the fact that it was himself who committed the atrocity destroyed him a little inside.

"If you come with us we can keep an eye on you," L muttered, making Light jump a little because it had been silent, save for the storm, for so long. "You would be kept occupied. You would be useful."

Light smiled, sensing another victory. Well, a sort of victory. He was alive at least.

"It will have to be a secret Light." L pushed, sensing Light's smugness. "Everyone will be told you were executed, and the public will be told nothing at all. Kira will fade away. Are you alright with that?" L of course did not really care, but he peered at Light through his heavy fringe, analysing the boy's behaviour and reaction.

"Yes," Light sighed, "god, yes. I don't want to be Kira, L."

Something in Lights voice or face must have resonated within L, because he suddenly looked away again. "Maybe we could tell your immediate family the truth, one day. It would be like a witness protection programme. And I'm sure they can be trusted, with what I've seen of them. It seems unfair that they are punished by not getting to see you anymore because of your faults."

"Thank you, but I'm not sure my father-"

"He'll come around."

The two men looked at each other. Despite the lack of a chain they were physically closer to one another than they had ever been before. Light analysed the detective before him. This scrawny boy, who had so many demons, but yet had worked so hard and done so well...truly L was a worthy adversary. He would be an even worthier friend.

"Misa will kill herself when she finds out I'm dead," Light muttered. L said nothing in response. He didn't need to. On the rooftop beforehand, after some quick fire arguing they had both finally agreed that after losing her memories, it was hardly fair that Misa would go to court and no doubt be executed, while Light secretly got to live in penance. They had settled on destroying all the Death Notes, and possibly destroying Misa's career through letting out rumours of her interaction with the Kira cult, essentially hoping that the loss of her career, reputation and boyfriend- essentially her entire life- were punishment enough for her murderous crimes.

However, that all seemed unnecessary. Misa would not cope with Light being gone, and they both knew that. However, neither would fight to keep her alive. The morality of their decision was another weight, another grey area that Light believed they would never fully work out. They both stood at the edge of the rooftop, looking over a wet and grey Tokyo.

"This changes everything Light," said L with such feeling in his voice that it frightened the young man a little. It was like when L had first worked out about the existence of Shinigami, his reaction was so overwrought with emotion it bordered on the absurd. L was staring at the sky, the rain hitting his pale face. "All this supernatural phenomena, my keeping you alive, making this deal with you, what we will be teaching the Whammy students... everything has changed. The flood gates are open and reality is not so set as it was before. The whole world has changed, and nobody knows about it."

Together, side by side, on the precipice of Change the two men looked at each other in a wild surmise.

**FIN**


	41. Authors Note

**Authors Note/Special Thanks.**

Wow. I finally completed it. Two years folks..._two years_. In the time I've written this I've moved home twice and had a career change. This was meant to be six chapters long and relatively superficial. But somehow it just...grew. (And I tell you what, I never knew how stressful fanfic writing could be!)

I have this authors note on its own because I thought me rambling away at the end of the last chapter would ruin it a little. Yep...I'm gonna have an 'accepting a BAFTA' moment here. So this author's note is to say thank you and to go into my last chapter and I why I chose to end it as I did.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has stuck with me on this amazing journey. I know a lot of authors say that they don't write for reviews, or the readers, or the praise; they write for themselves. Well...I'm totally the opposite, lol. If I wrote for myself, well, I'd never bother publishing online. This whole story was done with you guys in mind. Every time I wrote it's because I wanted you all to read and enjoy it. I wanted to make you laugh or cry or a little scared. I tried to learn from your criticisms and follow your advice, because ***you*** are what it's all about.

Ok, so a few readers deserve a special thank you. A massive thank you to **Sashocirrione**. This author gave me my first reviews back when very few were reading or commenting (sometimes Sashocirrione was my only review for a chapter and consistently gave long, detailed responses). Sashocirrione is a great author and I was so, so proud when you began reviewing my humble little story! You gave me a lot of advice and confidence. You also have gone on to review every single one of my chapters! I cannot thank you enough for your support because without it, my review count wouldn't have been as high and many people would not have bothered reading. Thank you so much.

Another huge thanks goes to **BlueCaterpillarAbsolem** who is going through the mammoth task of translating this story into German. Thank you so much, it was a real honour when you asked permission to translate it!

**Chocolate-Milllk** on deviant art did some comic strips based on DNC, which was awesome and a huge compliment :)

There have been some who have reviewed and been with me for a long time; **Kari Twilight Mist, Rin50, Sashocirrione, lelo, Meany, Megii of Mysteri OusStranger, AmiraAlmighty **and **ifluffRaver**.

There were readers who gave me a lot of advice about the Berlin War during the Past / L's childhood arc. **Lady Laran** and **Rin50**, thank you, research was long and, at times, arduous so I appreciate the help and little insights you gave me.

* * *

I never intended or wanted Light to die at the end. I thought that if he died, it would completely undermine a story which preached (for forty chapters) that killing bad people wasn't a cure to their crimes. The last line was one I had planned from the beginning. I got it from Angela Carter's _The Magic Toyshop,_ and she herself had plagiarised it, lol (I kid, I kid, don't get mad Carter fans.)

Originally I was never going to explain how they would get rid of Misa or the Shinigami's. I also was going to leave it more open ended as to whether L would keep Light alive or not. The last chapter was going to be a discussion and confession on the roof, and little more. However, so many readers asked me to make the ending make sense I decided to try a bit harder and put in more action.

Nonetheless, I know some people aren't that impressed with the ending. I'm sorry folks. I'm looking for beta's now, so hopefully in a few months I can re-do the last chapter and get it up to scratch.

If anyone wants to write a story based on this, or a sequel or a spin off, be my guest. Please credit the original story though. As for me, yep, I might do a sequel. It wouldn't be too hard as Light didn't die. But I don't have a storyline yet, so I can't promise a sequel will come out soon.

Anyway, it's been a heck of an experience.

Later folks.

Moonphase.


End file.
